All-Star Hawaii author notes

All-Star Hawaii Author Notes - Episode 9 (A Cold-Blooded Assassin)

Have you ever sat down to write a 70 page thesis paper, but around page 65 realized that your entire thesis had been incorrect and your paper was now complete bullshit? Well welcome to my world for the past two months of my life. Because that's exactly what happened when I sat down to write episode 9 of All-Star Survivor: Hawaii. I had to write it twice because the first attempt just wasn't working.

At this point, let me give you a little backstory here. Because in order to understand why this episode was so hard for me to write (and why it took me two tries), you first have to understand what happened in the original version of episode 9, and why I tried to so hard to recapture it again in the rewrite.

In the original version of the story (written in 2002), this episode was called "The Defiant One" and it was far and away my favorite episode of the entire series. Seriously, whenever I thought back to my original Hawaii story, or pretty much whenever ANYBODY thought back to the original story, that was the episode that always stood out. Episode 9. The Defiant One. The one where Colleen takes out Vecepia, the mastermind of the Ahi tribe.

It was easily one of the best storylines I have ever written.

In the original story, poor Colleen was pissed off because people were pushing her around so much, and that nobody was treating her with any respect, so she decided at that point that she was just giving up on the game of Survivor. Gone would be happy, smiling Colleen. Gone would be everybody's favorite little sweetheart. Once Colleen realized that she hated all these people for what they had done to her, she decided that from this point on, if anybody told her what to do they could go fuck themselves. She had gone from "the pliant one" to "the defiant one", and it led in perfectly to the best ending of any the original episodes.

With Colleen now determined to spite whoever was in power, just to prove a point, here's what happened at the end of the original episode 9.

1. The Kekos lined up on one side of the vote - and targeted Vecepia
2. The Ahis lined up on the other side of the vote - and targeted Kathy

And of course both sides expected Colleen to vote along with them. Why? Well because she was Colleen. She did what she was told. She would vote with them because both John (Ahi leader) and Gretchen (Keko leader) had basically told her to.

So we get to Tribal Council, and both sides go to war. And guess what? Colleen decides "screw this." She doesn't want to vote with the Kekos or the Ahis. So she throws away her vote at some meaningless player, and Vecepia winds up going home because the expected 4-4 tie doesn't quite come down to a tie after all. Vecepia is eliminated because the Ahis hadn't treated Colleen with enough respect.

And then of course, the original episode 9 ended with my favorite sentence of any of my All-Star episodes ever.

That should teach them.

Ha ha. I loved this episode. And so did pretty much everybody. Whenever people talked to me about the original Hawaii story, this was the moment that everyone always remembered. Colleen's defiance taking down Vecepia. It was my personal favorite moment in the entire story. In fact, whenever I talked about my original Hawaii story in interviews or anything, I always described it the exact same way. I described it as "a good idea that was horribly executed, but had one kickass episode in the middle."

That episode was #9: The Defiant One.

And I tried so hard to recapture that magic in the rewrite as well.

THE PROBLEM WITH REWRITING EPISODE NINE

The big problem I ran into in the rewrite, and the one that eventually did me in when I tried to work towards the "Defiant One" ending, was the fact that episode 8 had changed significantly between the two versions of Hawaii. You see, in the original ending of episode 8, Rob got blindsided by the Ahis. And nobody had bothered to warn Colleen. Her allies had simply taken out her best friend without any warning at all. So of course, after this, it was easy to write her response as being pissed off. After all, without Rob, Colleen wouldn't have any real friends or allies. So it was entirely justified that she'd just get mad and decide to take down the entire ship.

But in the rewrite, however, it wasn't quite that simple. Because in the rewrite, Rob HADN'T left at the end of episode 8. He was still running around and calling all the shots. And-- most importantly-- he was still Colleen's friend. So even though I thought I could pull off a "Rob screwed her over and now she wants to take down the entire tribe" storyline, it just didn't work when I started trying to do it. I mean, I tried. Lord knows that anybody who read the working copy of Hawaii knows how hard I tried to force the original "Defiant One" ending. But by the time I got up to Tribal Council, I realized it wasn't working.

Colleen wouldn't just turn on the Ahis! Not in this story. Not with Rob around. He's way too good and way too charming and it would be way too easy for him to get back in her good graces (as you saw in the story with the reward trip). And that's when I realized I was screwed. Because here I was, with 65 pages of an episode called "The Defiant One", where Colleen helps take down Vecepia... and I suddenly realized that there was no way that ending could possibly happen. There was no way Colleen would turn on the Ahis this time around because in THIS version of the story, it wouldn't make sense.

And at that point, I just threw up my hands in frustration and gave up.

So anyway, if you are wondering why episode 9 of All-Star Hawaii took two full months to write, and why the title changed abruptly from "The Defiant One" to "A Cold-Blooded Assassin", now you know. It's not because I was being lazy. It's because I had 95% of the episode done, and then realized the entire premise of the episode was wrong, so I had to go back and redo the entire thing. And in the process, it changed from an episode about Colleen to an episode about Tina.

Yes, there are still some "Defiant One" scenes in there, but for the most part it is now an entirely new episode.

Oh well.

THE NEW STORYLINE

If you pay really close attention to "A Cold-Blooded Assassin", there is one thing you should be able to pick out right away. It starts out as an episode about Colleen, and it slowly morphs into an episode about Tina. And as much as I wish I could say that was just me developing a theme (or me trying to throw you off), in truth it's mainly because I was cheating a little. I mean, hell, I had already written 65 pages of this sucker when it was still called The Defiant One. And just because the ending sucked didn't mean that all the earlier scenes sucked too. A bad ending doesn't cancel out a good episode. I happened to love the idea of Rob giving his reward to Colleen. And I happened to love the scene with John and Colleen on the reward trip. And I happened to love Tina's whole "we have to protect Colleen from the producers" maternal subplot. Even though these scenes didn't lead into the exact same ending, I thought they were all pretty good scenes from the standpoint of character development. And for me, character development is always key. So even though these scenes weren't technically necessary for the storyline of "A Cold-Blooded Assassin", I kept them all in because I thought they added some interesting depth.

What? Depth in a Survivor episode? Since when? Aren't we supposed to spend 10 pages looking for an idol on Exile Island?? No wonder I don't work for CBS!

In any case, once I had determined this would be an episode about Tina, I realized that the storyline was going to be very simple. Because really, once I determined that Tina (a "defiant one" herself) had had enough of being pushed around by Ahi, there was really only one way this episode could logically go.

1. Tina decides to screw over the Ahis.
2. Tina tells the Kekos she will force a tie with them.
3. Ahi crumbles because they won't take a rock.
4. Rob goes home.

So there's your storyline. That's episode 9. Four plot points. That's "A Cold-Blooded Assassin."

Now... is this a good storyline? Sure.

Is this a logical storyline? Of course.

If this a SATISFYING storyline? Hell yeah it is. Shoot, people have been dying to see Rob get taken down for a long time now, and now they are going to get it. People are going to love this episode.

But here's the problem.

If I were to use that storyline, which is basically broken down into four basic plot points, then this episode would be about 20 pages long. And that's only if I could write some really long challenges and put in about 8 pages of filler to pad out the episode. Because four plot points doesn't equal a hell of a lot of story.

So here was my problem. As much as YOU might like a 20 page episode (and as much as your printer might like a 20 page episode), for me anything less than 40-45 pages is pretty much unacceptable. Because I hate short episodes. I mean, I like writing them. I like getting more sleep. Don't get me wrong. As a writer, a short episode is awesome. But I just happen to know that if I were to give you a 20 page episode of All-Star Hawaii, if I were to give you something that insubstantial, you would be completely unsatisfied. It would just feel like I was being lazy.

Let's face it. I wouldn't be happy with a 20 page episode. And you wouldn't be happy with a 20 page episode. So for purposes of doing this right I had to start planning some padding. I had to think of some way to logically make a four plot point episode into 40-50 pages. And I had to do it in a way that didn't feel like I was just being wordy. So I had to sit down and start brainstorming.

HOW YOU PAD AN EPISODE

So how did I turn a 20 page episode into a 65 page episode, and still manage to keep things interesting?

Well that's easy. I just made Tina delay her decision. Instead of her deciding to flip on page 3, I had her decide to flip on page 40. Even though she technically did decide to flip at the start of the episode, I didn't have her reveal this to us (as the readers) until her conversation with Kathy at the start of day 27.

Why did I delay this conversation? Well because her revelation to Keko was the second of my four original plot points. And it happens to be the big one. Remember?

1. Tina decides to screw over the Ahis.
2. Tina tells the Kekos she will force a tie with them.
3. Ahi crumbles because they won't take a rock.
4. Rob goes home.

The minute Tina makes that revelation, the episode is essentially over. It's done. And I wanted that to happen as late in the episode as I possibly could.

So Tina hems, and she haws, and she acts coy for the first two days of the episode. I wasn't doing this to make her look wishy washy (which you might have interpreted it as). No, I was doing it because I needed some extra drama in the middle of the episode. Remember, Tina made up her mind very early on in the episode. She wasn't being indecisive at all. I just needed her to sit on this info for as long as she could, for purposes of the pacing. After all, the closer to Tribal Council that she reveals her decision, the more tension I can ramp up in the final 20 pages. And as anyone who has ever written an episode will be able to tell you, if you can make an episode progressively more and more tense as it goes along, you will wind up with interested readers.

So anyway, just remember that. I just want you to understand that Tina was NOT being impulsive and that she was NOT just flying by the seat of her pants here. She made up her mind a long time ago. The only reason I delayed her decision was for purposes of the story.

Rob was dead meat from the very first time he mentioned a 4-4 tie. Which was about four episodes ago.

If you do the math, I don't think he ever could have gotten past this particular showdown.

Tina was just sitting there waiting for him.

TINA'S BIG PLAN

So what is Tina's plan? What is her big revelation to Vecepia? What is she planning to do the rest of the game?.

Well I intentionally left it sort of vague on purpose.

Why?

Well not because I'm a dick. Or because I'm a great writer or anything. It's because I haven't really decided what it is yet.

Once I do decide what it is, I will tell you. :)

ROB GIVING AWAY HIS REWARD

The whole "Rob giving away his reward" scene never happened in the original episode. In fact, it wasn't really even supposed to happen in this episode. I certainly never planned it out that way. It was just one of those on-the-spot decisions I made when I was writing it. I was looking for some way for Rob to get his friendship back with Colleen. Because remember, even though Rob was a bit of a shlub in the original Hawaii, in the rewrite I've significantly amped up his awareness and his gameplay. In the rewrite he became much more of a force to be reckoned with.

And how does a super savvy Survivor player win someone's friendship when they really need it?

Easy, they just give them a reward.

Like I said, this whole storyline was certainly nowhere in my episode 9 notes, and it was certainly nowhere in the original story. I was just looking for some random way to get Colleen's head back into the game, as well as some random way for Rob to show that he's a lot sharper player than the other people have been giving him credit for. And voila, my Rob goal ended up coinciding perfectly with my Colleen goal. It ended up being the perfect storm of Survivor storylines. Robs win reward, and then he gives it to Colleen, and then everyone's happy. Problem solved.

By the way, at least one person on the Survivor Sucks board has commented that it is eerie that my Hawaii storyline came so close to the real All-Star Survivor storyline here (with Rob giving away his reward). But let me point out right now that that was a total coincidence. I had no intention of copying the real All-Stars. Hell, I barely even remember the real All-Stars. I hated that season so much that I have basically wiped it out of my mind. So if any events in Hawaii come close to the real All-Stars from this point on, it's either because I subconsciously filed away some little detail and it is floating around in my mind, or it's just a total coincidence. I would never copy the real All-Stars because I hated it. I didn't even remember that Rob did give away his All-Stars reward until somebody mentioned it.

Side note: One of my quirks as an author has always been that I cannot possibly read any Survivor stories other than mine, because this is what happens. I tend to remember EVERYTHING. Even if I don't remember the actual story, I will probably file away some little detail that I liked and I will probably inadvertently end up stealing it 2 or 3 years down the road. I don't do this sort of thing intentionally, it's just the way that my mind works. For some reason I just have a habit of filing away the tiniest little bits of trivia. So if I've ever accidentally stolen something from someone else's writing, I apologize. I don't mean to do it. It just happens. It's why I try to never read anyone's Survivor writing other than my own. Because I know what will happen if I do.

JOHN AND ROB WINNING REWARD

In the original story, it was John and Vecepia winning reward. And then they got to take the fun little shark diving trip together. But in the rewrite, I switched it to John and Rob..

Why?

Well not because I hate Vecepia. It was because this time around I wanted to:

A) See John sweat it out over the fact that he might have to spend the night with Rob

B) Show that Rob is actually pretty dominant in the challenges

and C) Set up Rob's new storyline of giving the reward to Colleen and gaining her forgiveness.

And then, of course, once THAT happened, I got the added bonus of:

D) Writing another fun scene with John and Colleen drunk and just trashing everybody.

By the way, those drunk scenes are always the most fun to write, because I get to sit there and just crack jokes about everybody. Like Kathy and Sue farting. Tell me, in how many other stories do you get to hear an anecdote about Kathy trying to hide her farts? Not very many, I would imagine. Although you have to guess that she probably does that in real life. Come on, this isn't Tina. We're talking about Kathy!

THE LONG LOST COLLEEN-JOHN SUBPLOT

Oh man. There's a storyline that I started to set up in this episode, but it doesn't actually go anywhere and I'm sort of bummed that I never got to use it. Want to know what it is?

Well on the yacht reward, there's a big deal made about how John is Colleen's "safe place," since he is so stable and never paranoid and will never force her into playing the game. This scene is almost the sole reason why Colleen decides to stay in the game, and is one of my favorite particular scenes in this episode. I think it turned out really well and I am particularly proud of it.

But here's the catch.

In the first draft of episode nine (The one where Vecepia was supposed to leave), that scene was much more important because it led to a much later payoff. And it happened to be a particular nasty payoff. In my ORIGINAL idea for episode 9, Colleen was going to get caught in the nasty crossfire of the Ahis battling for her loyalty against the Kekos. It was going to be everybody fighting for Colleen's vote. And poor Colleen was just going to get beaten over the head with this until she couldn't take it anymore.

So she was going to go to her good friend John. Her safe place. Where she wanted to escape.

But of course, John wasn't going to have any of this. After all, this wasn't a reward trip anymore. This wasn't "We're just drunk and goofing around" bullshit. This was real. This was for control of the game. So John was going to be jumpy and paranoid, and he was indeed going to start pressuring her into playing the game. He was going to just completely ignore his earlier promise to her, and he was going to start guilt-tripping her into sticking with the Ahis. And of course, as you can imagine, Colleen's little world was going to have been destroyed. WHAT? My safe place is gone?! All this time, it turns out that John was just fucking with me?!

This was going to be the sole impetus for Colleen to just give up on the Ahis altogether and let Vecepia get sent up the river. It was going to all be because of John, and because he lost his cool with her when she needed him the most. And it was going to all be traced back to that scene on the yacht.

This, of course, would have been a great storyline and it would have worked really well. The only problem was... Vecepia wasn't going to go home in this episode. Nope. Not anymore. Once I realized that ROB was going home in episode 9, and that this episode wasn't really about Colleen anymore, I decided to scrap the entire storyline. I thought it would be too much drama for one episode, and-- even worse-- it would really take away from the whole "Tina is a cold blooded assassin" story that the episode had turned into. It would be too much Colleen for a Tina storyline. So I kept that first scene on the yacht, and that was it. I scrapped the rest. And that's how we ended up with a setup, but not a payoff. Pity.

Now will I ever come back and use this storyline again in the future? I could. I mean, it is a subplot that is just sitting there if I ever feel like using it. John very well COULD start pressuring Colleen into doing things that she isn't comfortable with. He very well COULD break his "safe place" promise to her. But I don't know. It sort of depends where the storyline goes from here. If I can use the Colleen-John storyline later, and it makes sense, then maybe I will. But if it's not necessary, or it doesn't fit the story, then maybe I won't. It's too soon to tell.

All I can say is to watch John for the next episode of two, and see where his character is going. If you think I'm trying to push him into being paranoid and a little unstable, you can probably figure out where I'm trying to go with it.

ALICIA AND JOHN - ALLIES?

Now this is an interesting development. This was a partnership that I had never intended to happen, but for some reason it just seemed perfect when I was writing this episode. Why not have the lowest Ahi suddenly start hanging out with the lowest Keko? Why don't we see if anything actually comes of it?

Like I said, this was not planned in the slightest. I was just looking for something new for John's character to do. Every episode, it seemed like he was either plotting with Vecepia, or he was giggling with Colleen. But other than that, all he did was just stand there and cook the food. He did nothing. He really was the least developed of all the characters, and it was bothering me. Because I don't like forgotten characters, and that's what John was turning into. The only problem was, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how I could give this guy a little more character.

But then it suddenly hit me when I was writing this episode. Since John's character is stagnating so badly in his current situation, the only logical way to give him some dialogue is to find him a new friend. So let's do that. Who do we have? Who could be his new campfire friend?

Could his new friend be an Ahi? Nah. That doesn't work. None of them have much interest in him. The only Ahi who cares about John is Vecepia, and that's only because he's the only one she can really strategize with. But we've seen her talking with John before. In fact we've seen it lots of times. So let's pick someone new.

Are there any other Ahis who like John? Well of course, Colleen likes him. But she would never go hang out with him and chat all day by the firepit. No way. Because the minute she did, Rob would become all super paranoid and it wouldn't be worth it.

So I thought over to Keko. Are there any new friends there? Are there any Kekos who would be a good fit to hang out with John? Are there any Kekos who would have the low key humor, the sarcasm, and the invisibility necessary to want to stand there and hang out with him?

Well, duh. Of course there is. There is one Keko would be a perfect match for John. And guess what? It happens to be the same person who was just recently pushed aside by Kathy and Gretchen and is now looking for a new ally! I mean, my God. From a writing standpoint, John and Alicia's interests (as characters) match up perfectly! This couldn't have been a better fit if I had planned it through a computer dating service! Of course they are going to meet up! After all, Alicia is already looking for some type of a new arrangement. And John is just standing there, doing nothing. And they happen to have very similar personality types and wicked senses of humor. So-- from a writing standpoint-- why not just throw them together for a scene or two and see what develops? After all, they are essentially the exact same character in the exact same position. Let's see what happens when they figure that out!

The interesting thing here is that Alicia and John were quite a powerful alliance back in the original Hawaii story. And they hooked up for essentially the exact same reasons they hooked up here (Alicia needs a new friend, and John sees a lot of his old sidekick, Tammy, in Alicia.) By the way, do you remember earlier in the story when Rob compared Alicia to Tammy? Well guess what? John sees that comparison too. The only difference is that John had an excellent working relationship with Alicia, and Rob didn't. So John, much more than Rob, knows exactly how he can probably exploit this. He may have just found a new Tammy.

In any case, keep an eye on the Alicia-John pairing in the next episode. I might decide to run with it, or I might decide to just scrap it and keep the Ahis and the Kekos completely separate. I haven't decided yet.

All I do know is that John is suddenly turning into one of the most interesting dark horse characters in the entire story. All of a sudden, the "guy with no storyline" suddenly has a bunch of new options. And all because -- as a writer -- I was just trying to give him something to do.

JOHN WINS THE SURFING CHALLENGE

The immunity challenge happened the exact same way as it happened in the original story. John won immunity the first time around too. In fact, I liked the whole "John wins the surfing challenge" so much that I decided to not even pick a number out of a hat for random immunity this time in the rewrite. John won immunity fair and square back in 2002, and I decided that was good enough for me. I didn't feel like rewriting a perfectly good challenge just because someone like Tina or Vecepia might come up as the winner instead. Since I was already redoing like 90% of this episode, I figured I had earned the right to save some time by just recycling the details of the original immunity challenge.

In other words, no, Rob never had a shot to win immunity in this episode. His fate was pretty much predetermined the minute that Tina flipped on the Ahis.

In future episodes, I will probably redo all the random immunity winners. But not this one. This one was John's from the start.

ROB'S FINAL MOMENTS

Say what you want about Rob, the guy knows what it's like to be the star. He knew that his exit from the game would be an important moment. He knew that people would be talking about his reaction for weeks to come. And that's exactly why he decided that he didn't want to give it to them. As much as the other players were going to want some sort of an emotional outburst out of him, he surprised everybody by just saying a respectful "goodbye" and going home. I thought it was a very fitting way for him to leave the game. Just one final scene-stealing moment (in an unexpected, subtle way), and then he was gone. The Robfather was the star of the show until the very end.

He was easily one of my favorite characters to write in the entire story.

Now is Rob REALLY out of the story? Is his storyline REALLY done? Or is he going to come back and savage Tina (or whoever) in the final jury, like he has been promising and theatening?

I have no idea.

All I do know is that I wanted to give myself that option in case it presented itself down the road.

I also wanted at least one reader to shake their head at the end of this episode and say, "Rob is a dick!"

Come on. Even though he is out of the story, he's still the star. I love the guy, but you had to remember him. :)

So that's it for episode 9. Hope you liked it. It wasn't fun to write, and it was even LESS fun to scrap so many of my original ideas, but in the end I love how it eventually turned out. After two months of shaping and rewriting, and scrapping and editing, I somehow stumbled in to a pretty solid episode. I still wish I could have kept my whole "The Defiant One" episode, but oh well. That's just what happens. Perhaps this one is even better. After all, I've always said that when you can write a Tina episode, you're in pretty good shape. She's always been one of the most interesting characters to write for because she's got so many different facets to her personality.

In any case, episode 10 is next, and it is called "The Spoiler." And there is zero chance that title will change, so you can start to get used to it.

What is "The Spoiler"? Well it is the name of a twist that shows up in the next episode. You'll like it. I stole it from The Mole. And don't worry. It isn't a massive reshuffling or anything major like that. It's not a super drastic twist. It just happens to be more of a... diplomatic... twist.

It will also start to make things a little more complicated. :)

Talk to you next episode.

-Mario

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