You always think about "What are you gonna say in your final words?" Like "What Do You Want On Your Tombstone?" Some sort of parody? A lengthy speech summarizing the entire game from day one to -- well, of course you don't picture being voted out on Day 9. But when you take that long, cold walk you have goosebumps. You can't breathe (as though you were afraid Jason Voorhees might hear you at any moment and slash your head off.) You don't feel very funny. There's just this dissapointment that you won't get to finish the rest of the game and this hope against hope that maybe, somehow, you can apply again next year.

I found it ironic that questions of honor and trustworthyness followed me throughout this whole game. Every minute Amy seemed to be expecting me to turn on her. And the truth is I never did. I never lied to her and I never voted against Old Sato. It was Amy who tried to cannibalize her own alliance on day three and Amy again who turned on her old tribe on Day 9. And I'd wonder - what if it's brilliant strategy? Except... Both times I think she really hurt herself in the process. There's a very good reason I didn't vote against my old tribe - and I won't pretend it's loyalty. Next week with Joni and Amy at the helm New Sato's going to get crushed in the challenge and Amy's going to face a tie with the very people she just saved. Or they're going to vote out the odd man out, Hoag, who might be a mental child but he's the strongest athlete on our tribe. Then they're going to lose week after week. She screwed me, the original Sato, the new Sato and herself just to save one girl. Who may ultimately be screwed because she didn't have the numbers to make it after the merge. Amy's loyalty may be sweet. But that was a catastrophic strategic move. She dug her claws into the table cloth and pulled the whole banquet onto the floor.

All I can say is that I brought over three people I wanted to see succeed and it looks like they will. I feel happy for them. Go Joni!

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