Name: Ryan Rebez
Age: 24
Hometown: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Occupation: General Insurance Broker
Luxury Item: Barney Rubble Punching Bag

Biography

Born and raised in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Ryan Rebez is currently living with his girlfriend Brandi and employed as a general insurance broker in an office whose pace he describes as “one degree shy of total chaos.” He spent two years studying graphic design and had entered various fields of study at both the University of Manitoba and University of Winnipeg before leaving his studies and settling into a career in insurance by way of a casual argument with the Student Loans office. His favorite hobbies include organizing online games for his friends, messing with people’s heads, and using cumbersomely large words in proper context to see if he can change the lexicon of his acquaintances for the better. He describes himself as sadistic, easily amused and superficially amiable. He is most proud of a religious retreat he organized with other youth members at his church he describes as “a loose-knit comedy of errors that somehow evolved into a miraculously polished final product.” He has a pet potted fern named “Fern Yip” after Vern from TLC’s Trading Spaces home design program. His favorite sports are squash and hockey. His hero is Grover from Sesame Street because the “Near, Far, Near, Far…” sketch never became stale to him despite having seen it several dozen times. He feels he's up for SURVIVOR: OKINAWA because he considers himself to be duplicitous, intellectual and responsive. His birth date is December 13, 1978.

Application Essay

Over the admittedly short course of my existence, I have noted that everyone who has been in a position of authority over me always seems to eventually repeat that same dreaded assessment of my persona:

“He’s got way more potential then he has will.”

I come to you today with the proposition that the casting directors of Survivor: Okinawa aid me in proving the shallow ramblings of these inerudite cretins wrong. For not only have I the potential for greatness, but also the desire to achieve it, and what greater vehicle is there to serve my purpose than the ultimate competition of mind and body? There is none.

Have you had enough of me yet? Encumbering you with enough twenty-five cent words to sink a ship won’t serve any purpose other than to insult your intelligence or cause you to run for a thesaurus, neither of which will aid my cause. What, then, could I use to ensure my selection as one of the sixteen privileged individuals who will face off in the far southern reaches of Japan?

Well, how about this: Consider that I have read the writings of the Marquis de Sade. In particular, one quote comes to mind: “Cruelty is simply the energy in a man civilization has not yet altogether corrupted; therefore it is a virtue, not a vice."

Remove the civilization from a man, therefore, and expect his cruel nature to come free from its previous restraints. If Survivor has shown us nothing else, it has shown that the shark with the greatest taste for blood swims the furthest. Ergo we fill our pantheon of greats with the likes of Richard Hatch, Brian Heidik, Lex van den Burghe, and even our erstwhile friend Rob Cesternino.

I can promise nothing of the sort of immensity shown by these hallowed few. But I can assure you that I am a learned student of the game of Survivor, a passionate competitor, an insightful analyst of the nature of others, and a backstabbing, duplicitous prick. I’m also as easily amused as I am easily bored and may not be able to hold my cards long enough to win, but by God, someone is going to feel the drama in the meantime.

In short, I play a camera-friendly game. To hell with flying under the radar. Go big or go home.

- Ryan Rebez

P.S. - On a personal note, I am certain I can safely assume this will pass before the eyes of none other than the great Mario Lanza, whom I am also certain enjoys having his ego petted as much as any other brilliant, insightful, talented writer in his league. (Such a league is undoubtedly underpopulated due to the preeminence of its fellows.) As such, I have to commend him on the way he and his fellow writers characterized Greg Buis in All-Star Survivor: Alaska. I have, since first my first exposure to Survivor, fancied the exact “chaos theory” strategy attributed to Greg in that story as my own, and was incredible pleased to see it put to use in a realistic setting. Pity about the whole “eventual comeuppance” thing, though.

P.P.S. – Yes, Mario, I will kiss that much ass in the game if I have to, too.

Finalist Essay

Ryan’s Survivor: Okinawa Application Video:

Fade in, Ryan taking off his fall coat as he is walking into work in a nice black suit, with dark orange coloured shirt & black, brown and orange coloured tie, carrying a briefcase in one hand. He is also wearing an orange buff on his head & carrying a lit torch in the other hand. Three coworkers & boss standing around chatting… all pause as Ryan enters office.

Rhonda: What the…?

Barb (whisper to Pete): He’s finally lost it, Pete.

Pete (loudly): Hey, Ry! (whispering) Yeah. Wow. Poor guy.

Murmuring continues amongst coworkers as the boss exchanges pleading glances with each of them. As they turn and shift to avoid eye contact, Bryan sighs, picks his coffee mug up with his left hand, takes a long draught of coffee and slowly walks over to Ryan, now seated at his desk.

Bryan: Uh, Ryan… do you have a minute?

Ryan (dazedly): Is it time for the vote yet?

Bryan: …well, I, uh… n-no, it’s… (sighs again) Ryan, we need to talk about your performance.

Ryan (suddenly alert): Whoa, just a second. My performance? Me? You went and lost the immunity challenge for the tribe just today! (increasingly agitated) I’ve been the provider for this tribe since day 1… When’s the last time you saw Pete out… uh, fishing for the tribe? Or Rhonda gathering firewood? Or…

Bryan: Ryan, Ryan… (rubs his forehead with his right hand) …I, we, this… this isn’t a tribe, Ryan. It’s an insurance office. There’s no fishing, or fire… (gestures at still-burning torch) Especially no fire. That thing is going to set off the sprinklers, and…

Ryan (oblivious): …Barb! Jesus, man… when has Barb ever lifted a finger around this camp? You can’t possible be thinking of voting for me when Barb is still here! (calming down) C’mon man, we have a solid alliance going into the merge if we can just hold it together for a few more days. (pleadingly) You can get rid of me at the final four if you still think I’m not performing…

Bryan: (sadly): Ryan, I... I’m sorry. I can see this isn’t going to work. Give me the torch.

Ryan: Hmm?

Bryan: You need to bring me that torch.

Ryan: … (tears welling up in his eyes, hands over the torch)

Bryan (quaffs the last of his coffee & slowly extinguishes the torch with the inverted mug): It’s time for you to go. We can’t have you working here anymore… not like this.

Barb: Hey Ryan! The tribe has spoken! (laughter from other coworkers)

Pete (puts hand on Ryan’s shoulder and walks him to the door): I’m sorry...

Fade out with Ryan shuffling away from office. Subtitle: Thirty minutes later…

Fade in to apartment building hallway, Ryan standing in front of a doorway, fumbling with keys. Door opens suddenly. Brandi, shaking and furious, is standing in the entryway.

Brandi: What the hell did you do? I just got a call from Pete telling me you (bleeped) got fired! Do you wanna tell me exactly what the (long bleep) is going on here?

Ryan: Bryan voted for me… I’ll get him back at the next tribal council though. He doesn’t know I’ve got Pete and Janice…

Brandi (rips the buff off of his head): Ryan! It’s just a damn TV show! (throws buff to the floor) You’re not on it! This is life! Remember? L-I-F-E?

Ryan: Or maybe it doesn’t matter, ‘cause I’m thinking of voting for you anyway.

Brandi: What?

Ryan: Hey, you want to throw that last vote in my face, I’m gonna make sure you go down in flames. You are gonna make the merge over my dead body.

Brandi (under her breath): Tempting. (out loud): Listen. I’ve been patient. I’ve let you go around pretending to be a Survivor for almost seven months now. You’re not. Look at me. I’m going to vote myself out of here if you don’t snap out of it. There is no more Survivor. Got it?

Ryan: You better hope there’s a switch, or you’re in deep trouble. (walks past her into apartment)

Brandi: I what? You, you… Oooooooohhh! (grabs replica torch snuffer from the ledge in the front hallway and storms over to Ryan) Vote this.

Brandi “snuffs” Ryan right in the groin and throws his coat on top of him as he writhes on the floor. As she continues to pummel him with various possessions from around the apartment, Ryan slowly makes it to his knees and crawls out of the apartment. Fade out. Subtitle: Later that night…

Fade in to deserted park. Ryan is curled up on a park bench, shivering, with a newspaper spread over the upper half of his body. He is clutching a buff in both hands and mumbling.

Ryan: I will be the sole survivor… I will be the sole survivor… I will be the sole survivor… I will…

Zoom out & slowly fade. Ryan continues to repeat the mantra well after the scene has faded out completely. The sound slowly fades away to silence.

Random Ryan Facts

1) Rich Hatch = same number of letters as Ryan Rebez (same first initial as well)

2) Jeff Probst reportedly signed on for 12 Survivor seasons. Ryan was born in the 12th month of the year.

3) After 3 people have been voted out of Survivor: Pearl Islands, there are 13 people remaining. This is the 3rd item on this list, and Ryan was born on the 13th.

4) The average age of the Survivor winners from seasons one through six is 33 years old. Ryan will turn 33 in 2011.

5) Rob Cesternino, when rearranged, spells “Stir Boner Once”

6) Ryan Rebez, when rearranged, spells “Zen by Rear”

7) If you thought 5) and 6) were directly connected, you’re a sick puppy.

8) Ryan turned 13 on Friday the 13th. Superstitious mothers wouldn’t let their children go to his birthday party. This is likely to occur again when Ryan turns 35 in 2013.

9) The name Ryan is an Irish name meaning “little king.”

10) Ryan’s favorite fast food restaurant is Burger King.

11) If you thought 9) and 10) were directly connected, you’re a sick puppy absolutely correct.

12) Ryan can usually only find a total of 11 witty things to say at any given time.

Post-Game Links (spoilers)

Back to Okinawa Transcript Page