"We can't seem to get fire. The Aborigians did this, why can't we?"
The Funny 115
#109. Yeah, we got amber. Amber!
Vanuatu - Episode 1
John Palyok was one of the all-time best "could-have-been"s in the
world of Survivor. He would have been
such an amazing character, and he was so entertaining to watch, that it
was a damn shame he lasted less than 10
days in Survivor: Vanuatu. I really think he would have been one of the
all-time greats.
(Great characters, that is. I don't care if he
would have been a great player or not, all I care about was
that he would have been a great character to have on the show).
Anyway, J.P.'s greatest moment comes in the opening episode of
Survivor: Vanuatu. Because not only does he butcher
the pronunciation of a simple word... he actually does it more than
once. He first butchers the word "Aboriginals"
and then he butchers the word "ember." And the editors must have
thought this was funny as hell, because
they made sure to focus on both incidents and give them special
attention. In fact, J.P.s struggles with the English
language were the single biggest highlight of the Vanuatu premiere.
"We can't seem to get fire. The Aborigians did this, why can't we?"
The Aborigians line was funny enough, but it was nothing compared to
his later comment. You know, the one where
he was discussing the Lopevi attempts to create fire and how all they
could get was hot embers.
And... oh... I'm sorry...did I say embers? I meant to say "ambers."
Right, John?
"We had a hot amber going, and I was like, guys... we have a hot amber.
Yeah... we've got amber!"
Just for reference sake, we'll now turn to the pages of dictionary.com,
in the hopes of clearing up this linguistic
mystery:
ember
n : a hot glowing or smouldering fragment of wood or coal left from a
fire [syn: coal]
amber
n:
1. A hard translucent yellow, orange, or brownish-yellow fossil resin,
used for making jewelry and other ornamental
objects.
2. A brownish yellow.
3. That shit they extracted the dinosaur DNA from in Jurassic Park.
4. Mrs. Mariano.
So in other words, the Lopevi tribe wasn't able to create fire the
first few days of the game. Yet they were able
to summon the winner of Survivor: All-Stars in much the same way you'd
summon a genie out of a bottle. They rubbed
two sticks together and, according to J.P., the Lopevis were thereby
able to produce Amber.
(above) A hot, glowing coal
I really wish J.P. had stuck around for a few more episodes. He had the
potential to be a Survivor legend.
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