Will bang anything
The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor
#14. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Sister
All-Stars - Episode 14
Will bang anything
This moment kills me. It's one of my favorite Survivor quotes of all
time and, honestly, I can't believe I actually
heard it come out of somebody's mouth.
Actually, strike that. Since it came out of Big Tom's mouth I can
believe it. But anybody else? No way. No
way anybody else says something like this on national TV. Big Tom is
the only one I would make an exception for.
Big Tom
It's the fourteenth episode of Survivor: All-Stars
and it's time for the now-famous All-Stars loved one
visit. And this is by far my favorite loved one challenge in Survivor
history. Mainly because it's freaking
hilarious. From Rupert dry-humping his wife, to Boston Rob's brother
having to eat the fafaru, to Jenna's brother
trying to cheat by drinking water, this is one of the funniest Survivor
challenges of all time. Plus it's one
of the few light-hearted scenes in the second half of All-Stars, so
that makes it all the more
welcome when you actually get to watch it.
Another great part of this challenge is the fact that we finally get to
meet the seldom-seen (but often talked
about) Bucky Bo Buchanan. Bucky Bo has always been one of my favorite
loved ones, if for no reason than he has
a cool name. Bucky Bo. That's awesome. In fact I can still remember the
very first time I read Big Tom Buchanan's
bio (back in 2001) and how fascinated I was that he actually had a son
named Bucky Bo. What a name!
So you can understand how excited I was when Bucky Bo actually made a
live-in-the-flesh appearance during Survivor:
All-Stars.
The legend
Anyway, the funny quote I am referring to in this scene comes in a
quick little confessional from Tom Buchanan
after Bo wins reward and gets to spend a day at camp with his dad.
Because in an interview afterwards, Tom talks
about how excited he was to be able see his son. At least, he was
excited. Up until the point that he
saw how romantic the visitor cottage was set up to be. Because once Tom
realized he could have had a quickie with
somebody in that cabin, that was the point that he regretted he hadn't
had a visit from somebody else.
So here it is, one of my all-time favorite Survivor confessionals. This
one never fails to crack me up. Especially
because Big Tom is the only man alive who could have actually gotten
away with it.
By the way, just imagine this quote spoken in a really slow, syrupy
Virginian drawl. It's much funnier that way.
"It's good to drink beer with the ol' boy."
"Although I wish it had been his mother. Or... uh... mah neighbor's
sister."
*embarrassed laugh*
I love the fact that Tom gets a big old grin on his face at the end of
this quote, like he realizes he just said
something that he probably shouldn't have. Tom just gave us a little
T.M.I. (too much information), and this moment
never fails to freaking kill me. In fact I'm laughing right now when
I'm writing this up. This is one of Tom
Buchanan's proudest moments not just on Survivor, but as an actual
human being. And for a guy with outrageous
quotes coming out of his butt, the fact that this one stands out so
much really proves it to be something special. This is really one of
his all-time best.
Adultery is awesome
I love Big Tom.
I love the fact that he named his son Bucky Bo.
I love the fact that he's married, yet he openly has the hots for his
neighbor's sister.
I love the fact that he picked said sister as his unofficial "backup"
conjugal visit.
And I'm proud to say that Tom is the single most-represented Survivor
on The Funny 115.
The Quote Machine
P.S. There are three moments in the top 15 that I thought no one would
ever, ever predict in a million
years. These were my three "babies." They were the moments I cherished
because I didn't think a lot
of people would remember them beforehand, thus they'd probably get a
better reaction when they finally showed up
on the Funny 115. And I'm proud to say that Tom's quote about his
neighbor's sister was the first of these three
"hidden gems." It's one of the moments I was most excited to write
about on the final list. Hope you
enjoyed it.
P.P.S. The other two hidden gems that nobody in a million years would
ever guess are the moments coming up at
#11 and #4. And you're nuts if you think I'm going to give you a hint
about either of them.
P.P.P.S. I really think this quote could have made the top 10. The only
reason I dropped it down a bit was because
I wanted to see how people would react to one of my three hidden gems
being ranked this high up. If you guys
scream bloody murder, I will understand. But I stand by this quote as a
legitimate Top 10 Survivor Funniest Moment.
Bucky Bo does too.
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