The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor

#14. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Sister
All-Stars - Episode 14

Will bang anything

This moment kills me. It's one of my favorite Survivor quotes of all time and, honestly, I can't believe I actually heard it come out of somebody's mouth.

Actually, strike that. Since it came out of Big Tom's mouth I can believe it. But anybody else? No way. No way anybody else says something like this on national TV. Big Tom is the only one I would make an exception for.

Big Tom

It's the fourteenth episode of Survivor: All-Stars and it's time for the now-famous All-Stars loved one visit. And this is by far my favorite loved one challenge in Survivor history. Mainly because it's freaking hilarious. From Rupert dry-humping his wife, to Boston Rob's brother having to eat the fafaru, to Jenna's brother trying to cheat by drinking water, this is one of the funniest Survivor challenges of all time. Plus it's one of the few light-hearted scenes in the second half of All-Stars, so that makes it all the more welcome when you actually get to watch it.

Another great part of this challenge is the fact that we finally get to meet the seldom-seen (but often talked about) Bucky Bo Buchanan. Bucky Bo has always been one of my favorite loved ones, if for no reason than he has a cool name. Bucky Bo. That's awesome. In fact I can still remember the very first time I read Big Tom Buchanan's bio (back in 2001) and how fascinated I was that he actually had a son named Bucky Bo. What a name!

So you can understand how excited I was when Bucky Bo actually made a live-in-the-flesh appearance during Survivor: All-Stars.

The legend

Anyway, the funny quote I am referring to in this scene comes in a quick little confessional from Tom Buchanan after Bo wins reward and gets to spend a day at camp with his dad. Because in an interview afterwards, Tom talks about how excited he was to be able see his son. At least, he was excited. Up until the point that he saw how romantic the visitor cottage was set up to be. Because once Tom realized he could have had a quickie with somebody in that cabin, that was the point that he regretted he hadn't had a visit from somebody else.

So here it is, one of my all-time favorite Survivor confessionals. This one never fails to crack me up. Especially because Big Tom is the only man alive who could have actually gotten away with it.

By the way, just imagine this quote spoken in a really slow, syrupy Virginian drawl. It's much funnier that way.

"It's good to drink beer with the ol' boy."

"Although I wish it had been his mother. Or... uh... mah neighbor's sister."

*embarrassed laugh*

I love the fact that Tom gets a big old grin on his face at the end of this quote, like he realizes he just said something that he probably shouldn't have. Tom just gave us a little T.M.I. (too much information), and this moment never fails to freaking kill me. In fact I'm laughing right now when I'm writing this up. This is one of Tom Buchanan's proudest moments not just on Survivor, but as an actual human being. And for a guy with outrageous quotes coming out of his butt, the fact that this one stands out so much really proves it to be something special. This is really one of his all-time best.

Adultery is awesome

I love Big Tom.

I love the fact that he named his son Bucky Bo.

I love the fact that he's married, yet he openly has the hots for his neighbor's sister.

I love the fact that he picked said sister as his unofficial "backup" conjugal visit.

And I'm proud to say that Tom is the single most-represented Survivor on The Funny 115.

The Quote Machine

P.S. There are three moments in the top 15 that I thought no one would ever, ever predict in a million years. These were my three "babies." They were the moments I cherished because I didn't think a lot of people would remember them beforehand, thus they'd probably get a better reaction when they finally showed up on the Funny 115. And I'm proud to say that Tom's quote about his neighbor's sister was the first of these three "hidden gems." It's one of the moments I was most excited to write about on the final list. Hope you enjoyed it.

P.P.S. The other two hidden gems that nobody in a million years would ever guess are the moments coming up at #11 and #4. And you're nuts if you think I'm going to give you a hint about either of them.

P.P.P.S. I really think this quote could have made the top 10. The only reason I dropped it down a bit was because I wanted to see how people would react to one of my three hidden gems being ranked this high up. If you guys scream bloody murder, I will understand. But I stand by this quote as a legitimate Top 10 Survivor Funniest Moment.

Bucky Bo does too.

<------ #15

Back to The Funny 115

#13 ------>