The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor

#41. Dancing with C.C.
Thailand - Episodes 9 and 11

In the Survivor loved one Hall of Fame, there is only one name that stands alone at the top. She is far and away the most memorable loved one in the show's history, she was more interesting than at least half of the Thailand cast, and... as an added bonus... there are lots and lots of naked pictures of her on the internet if you know where to look.

The top half of one of C.C. Heidik's movies

Yes, I can only be talking about C.C. Heidik, the fun-loving wife of Thailand winner Brian Heidik.

C.C. Heidik, the B-movie legend and soft-core porn star who was actually a much bigger "name" than her husband.

C.C. in another movie. This time with a shirt on.

C.C. was fun. C.C. was memorable. C.C. was entertaining.

She was also the only person in Survivor history to have nearly cost her loved one the game.

The victim

If you aren't familiar with the C.C. subplot, here is a little backstory. Just keep in mind that all of this is one hundred percent true, and that I guarantee you will enjoy this section immensely. Okay maybe not as much as Clay, but we will talk more about him later...

C.C. Heidik is known to most of the adult entertainment world as "C.C. Costigan." That was her acting name before she got married to Brian. Her real name is Charmaine Heidik, and she was considered to be one of the biggest stars of B-movie T&A action flicks between 1997 and about 2001. Some people like to call her a porn star (like I did a few paragraphs ago) but in truth she really didn't do porn. She mostly stuck to soft core stuff (which of course included nudity) and Cinemax movies. Although she did have a bit part in a few legitimate movies (like Cape Fear in 1991.) So for now we will just call her a B-movie star. A B-movie star who was probably trying to cross over into something bigger.

According to my research, C.C. Costigan was considered to be a fairly big star by B-movie standards. Her name would often appear above the title (like in two of her biggest films, "Chick Street Fighter" and the award-winning "Sexecutioner"), and she was considered to be one of the biggest name actresses around for that particular genre.

C.C. wound up marrying one of her pseudo-porn co-stars a few years later-- a guy who acted under the name "Dave Roth." Of course we know him today as Brian Heidik, the best natural Survivor player in the world. But back at the time he was probably better known as "the guy with the panther tattoo on his shoulder who married C.C. Costigan." So C.C. and Brian got married, C.C. changed her acting name to "C.C. Heidik", and the two of them enjoyed a long and fruitful career together as movie stars. Or, more specifically, in soft-core Cinemax porn.

After they got married, C.C. stayed primarily in the acting world, while Brian ended up taking a more traditional job as used-car salesman. And this is where the Heidiks ended up making a lot of money. Because as we later saw on Survivor, Brian had the ability to sell pretty much anything. In fact he sold so many cars (and made so much money) that I believe he was ranked something like the 2nd or 3rd best car salesman in the entire country! And that's where he was when he was recruited to play Survivor.

The producers loved the idea of having a used car salesman on the show, they went out and found one of the best used car salesmen in the country, and they wound up getting a guy who was also a part-time porn star with a famous porn star wife. In production terms, this is what we refer to as "casting gold." Right off the bat, Brian was one of the potential breakout stars of the Thailand season.

Even if he did have the personality of a serial killer.

So that's where we are when we come to the start of Survivor: Thailand. Brian is a borderline sociopath who happens to be a strategic mastermind, and he also happens to be incredibly rich. He has never really watched Survivor before, but that really isn't -that- big of a deal. After all, he's a used car salesman for crying out loud. Brian could probably sell ice to an eskimo. All he has to do at the start of the game is lay low, make a few fake friendships, cut people off at the knees if they get too dangerous (John R., Ted, Helen), and coast his way to a million dollars.

Oh... and the less the other players know about him, the better. As long as they don't find out he is a rich, cutthroat shark in real life, he should be perfectly fine. As long as he can play "Nice guy, hard-working, big brother Brian", he is never going to be in any danger.

Your favorite drinking buddy

So that's where we stand in the ninth episode of Thailand. Brian has the game completely under control, no one knows a thing about him in real life, and he is well on his way to (another) million dollars. But that's when Jeff Probst throws a bit of a wrench into his plans. Because at the start of the ninth episode, Jeff announces that the players will be competing for "a bit of love from back home." In other words they will be watching videos from their loved ones. And I have to believe that this terrified Brian half to death.

Oh poopy

You see, for most players, the video from home is one of the highlights of the season. It re-energizes their batteries, it brings up their morale, and it gives them that little extra "oomph" they might need to make it all the way to the end. Note that I said "most players." I didn't say "all players." Because Brian is about to become the first player in Survivor history to potentially be harmed by his video from home.

"Guess where my fingers are right now!"

The minute C.C. pops up on that TV screen, Brian is now at the mercy of whatever comes out of her mouth. And he knows this too. Brian knows she is a little spontaneous, he knows that she is a lot less guarded than he is, and for a micro-managing control freak like Brian Heidik this must be absolutely terrifying. It is the one isolated moment in the game when he actually doesn't have any control.

Let me repeat: Brian literally has no control over what C.C. is going to say about him.

Ooooh, this might not be a good idea

So here comes episode nine, and this is where the fun begins. First, Jeff announces that the players are competing for videos from home. We can tell that Brian probably isn't thrilled about this idea, because he's got this tight little grin on his face like "Uh oh..." He knows that his video from home might give away some important details that the other players don't yet know (like the fact that he's rich, or that he makes soft-core porn movies).

C.C.'s intro clip

The players get little snippets of their loved one videos (C.C.'s is surprisingly restrained), and then they have to compete to see who wins a full viewing. And, surprise, surprise, Brian ends up winning. That means that Brian (and the others) now get to watch the C.C. Heidik director's cut.

The last time I saw a C.C. Heidik video was at my bachelor party!

(Note: Why on earth did Brian win this challenge? Was it just because he was competing against a bunch of nobodies? Wouldn't you think he would have had the wherewithal to try and throw it, at least this one time? I've always wondered about that.)

So the players sit down in anticipation of a C.C. Heidik home video. Clay is probably hoping for one of the X-rated ones. And Brian knows that C.C. is going to say or do something a little embarrassing. He just knows her a little too well. He knows exactly what kind of things she is probably going to do on camera. And that's why Brian becomes the first (and still only) Survivor to apologize for his loved one ahead of time. He actually apologizes to the other players for whatever they are about to see!

"If my wife does anything embarrassing, I apologize. She's a little crazy."

So what do we get in the C.C. Heidik video from home? Well, we get dancing. A lot of it. C.C. does a sexy little Hawaiian dance. She does a wild, hair-flinging dance with her son Dylan. And then... much to the delight of Clay and Ken... she shakes her ass right into the camera for an extended close-up booty shot. From start to finish, the whole video is just plain magical.

C.C. flexes

Wild dancing

More dancing

I think I need to change my pants

We like C.C. Heidik videos!

By the way, check out Ken and that little pervert Clay's reactions below when they get their first view of the C.C. Heidik ass closeup. I believe Clay thinks he has actually died and gone to heaven.

C.C. Heidik does anal

Brian winces in agony. No! Not the butt! No!!

Hell yeah. I'd tap that.

Clay pays very... rapt... attention. Then he pops a short one.

Clay sports such obvious wood in this scene that he actually takes time to gush about C.C. later in a confessional. It is obvious that he is still shaken over his first introduction to a Hawaiian soft-core porn star. This actually may have been a life-changing experience for him.

"Well she's a fox. I'm gonna tell you. She's a fine lookin' woman, and... uh... she's fit for the bikini, I'm gonna tell you."

So C.C. stands up and she shakes her bacon (on film) for everybody to see. Brian isn't all that thrilled about it, but he has always been a glass-is-half-full kind of optimist. So at least he tries to look on the bright side. His only comment to us is, "Well at least she kept her clothes on, which I was happy about."

But guess what. C.C. isn't finished! Nope, she may have been a little wild, and she may have ruined Clay's marriage in one fell swoop, but she hasn't caused any actual damage yet. Not to Brian anyway.

C.C. next decides to take us on a tour of the Heidik Mansion. She shows us the spacious entryway. She shows us the baby grand piano. And then (just to drive the point home) she shows us Brian's two brand new cars. The Beamer and the Caddy. And Brian suddenly doesn't appear as simple and as humble as he likes to let on. C.C. just ruined it for him.


Brian's new Cadillac

Clay and Helen react in horror. TWO NEW CARS??

Awww, crap.

I have to say that if anything could have ended Brian's game in Thailand, it was this moment. It was the only time all season that he was remotely in danger, and the editors knew it. This was literally the only time they could have a scene like "Uh oh, will Brian survive? Is his game over?" So I'm guessing the editors over-exaggerated how much damage he actually took. I'm guessing Brian wasn't in danger at all, I think they just made it look that way. But it still always amuses me when I think that Brian's biggest enemy in Thailand was his own wife. C.C. Heidik was the closest anybody came to defeating Brian Heidik, and she did it in the normally sentimental "loved one video from home."

To this day, C.C. remains the only loved one in Survivor history to actually be a deterrent to her husband winning the game. Instead of being a power boost, she ended up being more of an obstacle. Plus at the end of her video, C.C. prays that Brian will win the game just so the family can to go to Fiji.

Again, she doesn't want Brian to win because they need the money. She doesn't want him to win because she knows how much it means to him. And she certainly doesn't want him to win to help pay for their son's education.

No, C.C. wants Brian to win just so the Heidiks can take a trip to Fiji.

Way to go again, super wife.

We can go to Fiji!

Thanks honey. Love you too. Now just please turn off the camera. Pretty please?

Postscript: You would think that C.C.'s storyline would have ended there, as the only Survivor loved one to actually damage a player's chances of winning the game. But noooooo. C.C. actually showed up on the island in episode eleven, to compete in the gross food challenge against the other loved ones. And even though C.C. ended up being the first loved one eliminated, this scene provided plenty of good comedy of its own. In fact this is one of my absolute favorite moments of the entire season. Watch and see why. I guarantee that you'll laugh.

Here comes C.C., walking out to compete in the gross food challenge!

Brian cringes. Oh shit! She found me! Well, at least she didn't come walking out in a big mink coat. I guess I can give thanks for that.

C.C. is expected to eat a spoonful of ants, and she does... eventually. It takes her a while to get them down though.

That's right, who's the deep throating ant queen?

Of course C.C.'s sexy dance inspires Clay and immediately gives him a boner. And I always laugh when I watch this moment. Because when Clay sees C.C.'s dance for the first time, he very excitedly (and very inappropriately) shouts out...

"Uh oh, she got it goin' now!" *jizz*

I love the fact that Clay shouts this out loud. In particular, I love that it's about three decibels louder than it should have been, and I love the fact that he says it right in front of his wife! Gee, thanks Clay. Don't forget about me over here, trying to eat the ants too. Sorry I'm not a Hawaiian porn star like bikini girl over there. Love you too.

Anyway this scene always cracks me up. God bless Clay and his transparent (and overactive) libido. He always made for some embarrassing (yet creepy) moments during Survivor: Thailand.

I bet she tastes like ponzu

So anyway, that's the story of C.C. Heidik. She comes back once again at the end of episode eleven to compete in the immunity challenge, but sadly nothing noteworthy happens. I kept expecting her to whip her top off and do a pole dance... or maybe drive off in the Heidik private boat at the end of the challenge... but, alas, no. The only memorable part of C.C.'s final appearance is Clay's over-excited yelp when he sees her (and the other loved ones) traipsing their way out of the jungle. It's meant to look like Clay is excited to see his wife again, but you and I both know who he is -really- excited to see. Yeah, whatever Clay. Just make it look good for the cameras, buddy.

C.C.! C.C.! C.C.! I mean... my wife! My wife!

Thanks for the memories, C.C. True, Brian may not have wanted you out there, but I strongly feel like you brought more to the Thailand season than half the actual players in the cast. Sorry you had to leave the game when you did.

Walking off into the Thailand sunset

I love you, honey. Please don't come back again!

Wow!  Look at that ass!!

P.S. I bet Clay owns a lot of C.C. Heidik videos now. *wink wink*

P.P.S. Of course the C.C. Heidik saga didn't end with the season. Pretty much everybody knows that C.C. and Brian had a domestic dispute during the airing of the episodes. Most reports say that Brian was asleep on the couch, drunk, when he was supposed to be babysitting. And when C.C. came home and saw this, she punched him in the nose. I believe the couple is still together to this day but they did have to go through counseling because of it. It also marks Brian Heidik as the only Survivor winner ever to have been beaten up by his wife. See, that's -twice- that she nearly managed to defeat the guy! C.C. is the best Survivor player ever!

P.P.P.S. I was fortunate enough to attend the Survivor: Thailand finale in December of 2002. This took place the same week of the Brian-C.C. fight and I will flat out admit that the most exciting part of the evening was trying to figure out if C.C. was going to attend the live event. Nearly everybody knew that Brian was going to win the game, so it's not like there was any suspense. But was C.C. going to be there to root him on?? A week after she punched him in the nose? That was the question that was on everyone's mind. In fact most of the evening for me turned into a game of "Where's C.C.?" All I did all night was try to find her in the audience. Was she sitting with his parents? Did they sneak her in past all the fans? Was she going to show up and ruin the live taping? I was on the edge of my seat.

Well, I'm proud to say that I was the first person in our group to spot C.C., and it became the single most electrifying moment of the evening. All at once I saw her walking through the audience, and I literally pointed her out in excitement to all the people sitting around me. THERE SHE IS!!! PORN STAR AT TEN O'CLOCK!! LOOK!!!! LOOK!!!!! Yes, C.C. was there at the live taping. And she passed within about three feet of me when she walked by. And guess what? She was wearing a gigantic white mink coat. The kind that cost about 5,000 dollars. I guess some things never change.

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