The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor
#45. Tom's jury question
Africa - Finale
This was one of the funniest moments ever during a Survivor finale. We should all give thanks for the fact that Tom Buchanan has always been a big wise-ass.
We were down to the final two in Africa (Ethan vs Kim J) and for most people this was going to be a slam dunk. Ethan was extremely popular and likable, Kim hadn't really done jack other than win the final two challenges, and for all intents and purposes this season was over. There was no way Ethan was ever going to lose this final vote.
Ethan and other. The Africa final two.
The African jury
Even though we were about to get a very popular winner, it also meant we were going to have a very anticlimactic final hour. Nothing interesting was going to happen in the final Tribal Council, and most people figured they could go take a 45 minute pee break and come back when Ethan won the vote.
Or so we thought.
Because that's when Tom Buchanan entered the picture.
Tom ambling up to ask his jury question
Tom (like us) knew that this was going to be a boring vote. He knew he was going to vote for Ethan and he knew that he would be bored just standing there and asking a traditional question. So Tom decided to mix things up a bit. He wanted to break the tension at Tribal Council, and he wanted to throw Ethan and Kim for a loop. Plus he really wanted to see if he could make them laugh.
So he did it... by asking the most ridiculous jury question in the history of Survivor.
"In camp I lost a little bit of weight, and it was because of the mush. Ethan, if a hyena came through camp... and he ate our mush... and then after he ate it if he turned around and licked his hind end... did he do it because that was the animal instinct? Or because to get the taste of the mush out of his mouth?"
Tom asked his question about rectal hygiene, and the reaction that followed was pretty predictable. He couldn't have done a better job of breaking the tension if he had tried.
Ethan starts laughing.
Brandon and Kelly crack up in the jury box.
Jeff Probst smirks in amusement.
Chad reacts all the way from Vanuatu.
Ethan realized right away that this was a joke question. And even though he pretended to think about his answer for a moment, in the end he just decided to play along. He knew he had Tom's vote wrapped up pretty much no matter what he was going to say in reply.
Ethan contemplating the correct answer to Tom's query about ass-licking
"Well, if I was a hyena, and I had eaten that mush... it would probably be... (thinking pause)... To clean his hind end. Because I didn't mind the taste of that mush as much as you did."
At this point, this scene was already funny enough to make the countdown, but I have to say it crossed into a whole new level of funny when Tom moved on to Kim. Because Kim didn't seem to realize that this had been a joke question. She actually tried to answer it as if Tom really wanted to hear a response!
Kim listening to Tom's question
Ethan is still giggling as Kim starts to give a serious answer
Yes, Kim tried to legitimately answer the question about butt-licking hyena rimjobs, and she made herself look ridiculous in the process. See below:
"Kim, you cooked the mush. So it might be a double standard for you. But, um, uh... did you understand it? Did you hear the question?"
"I would have to say... ah... that the hyena, you know, was just cleaning his hind end. I mean, the mush was the only thing we had to eat. And I would think that maybe, you know, he needed it to survive. And when you get hungry enough you eat what you have to eat. And taste is one of the first luxuries that goes out the window."
So anyway that was Tom's jury question in Africa. It was a far cry from his "Don't be stupid, stupid" comment in All-Stars (which I also personally enjoyed), but it was still one of the most memorable jury questions of all time.
And the fact that Kim actually tried to answer it made it even better.
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