The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor

#79. Boston Rob slams the Rotus
Marquesas - Episode 4

On day ten in Marquesas, Rob Mariano was switched over to the "love tribe" of Rotu. And it's safe to say he wasn't very happy about it. Why do I say this? Well because his first move was to sit down for one of the most mean-spirited (yet funny) interviews in Survivor history. Rob basically shredded everybody on his new tribe, and he didn't try to spare anybody's feelings in the process.

Boston Rob being switched over to Rotu

Rob's confessional about Rotu was quite infamous back in 2002 because everybody on the internet was talking about it (and usually not in a good way). And even though it offended a lot of people, I'm still putting it on the list just on principle alone. Rob's confessional about the Rotus was a notable and funny moment in one of the funniest overall seasons (Marquesas), and there are several reasons why it deserves to be included on this list:

* For one, it was one of the harshest and most blunt confessionals we've ever seen on Survivor. It was mean, it was offensive, it was personal, and it really only could have come from Boston Rob. Rob Mariano was always the king of the personal attack.

* Secondly, this confessional came directly after the Marquesas twist, and right before the Rotus ganged up and took out Gabriel. So even though Rob made some direct and mean personal attacks, it sort of felt justified at the time because the Rotus were about to pull off one of the biggest asshole moves of all time (taking out Gabe). So the timing of it all really couldn't have worked out better. Rob would have taken a lot more heat if the Rotus hadn't ended up turning on one another in the same episode.

* And finally, the third reason this moment was significant was because it was the first truly "mean" confessional in Survivor history. Oh sure, there had been a few bitchy interview comments made in earlier seasons:

Borneo: Colleen: "Go get your liposuction, Rich"
Australia: Varner: "That's classic Mike, he's an idiot."
Africa: Kelly: "Frank is antisocial and weird. But I feel like they have prescription medications to counter all that."

All of these comments had been snippy (and funny) little one-liners, but Rob's confessional took the cake as the first flat-out mean personal attack in Survivor history. Plus it was the first time that a player actually insulted every single person on his new tribe! When I first heard these words coming out of Rob's mouth, my first impression was "Damn, he's gonna be hating life at the reunion show." It was the first time ever that I thought a player had said something he was really going to regret. In fact, all throughout this confessional, I remember sitting there thinking just one word:


Boston Rob gleefully tearing into the new Rotus

So anyway, here is Boston Rob's infamous confessional about the Rotus. This came at the start of the fourth episode, right after Rob was switched over to the "love tribe." I think it's safe to say he wasn't all that pleased with his new tribesmates...

"Gabe is definitely a brainiac. Probably thinks he's a lot smarter than he really is."

"When I first saw John, I knew he was a big time queer. He seems rough and tough over here, but he does all the cookin', so I won't be sleepin' next to him. *grin* Not the first night, anyway."

"The General is big and tough, and wants everybody to know that. He's probably got a little sausage. *grin*"

"Tammy's engaged. There's not too much hope there."

"And Zoe. *laughs* C'mon. Without a doubt, Zoe is the toughest guy on this tribe."

So I'm sitting there watching this confessional, and I'm thinking "Did Rob really just say that on national TV?" Because remember that while mean confessionals might seem perfectly acceptable now, back in 2002 there had never been anything like this before on Survivor. Players didn't just routinely blast one another just to be mean. Usually they did it for a reason. I mean, my gosh, Rudy Boesch set off a flurry of angry message board posts in 2000 just by saying "I like the queer. He's good." And that was Rudy trying to give a compliment! So you can imagine the reaction from angry viewers when Rob insulted the sexuality of both John and Zoe in the same interview, and then he accused the General of having a little dick. Good lord. I honestly thought that Rob was going to wind up dead at the Marquesas reunion show. I thought he would end up being the first Survivor postgame casualty.

Rob Mariano, mudslinger.

So here's to Rob's famous confessional about the Rotus. It either made you laugh because you thought it was funny, or it made you laugh because you couldn't believe what you were hearing. But in either case, it makes the list just for historical value alone.

Oh, and also for the fact that I could always picture Rob's mom sitting at home watching this episode for the first time, and saying to herself, "Oh honey, no."

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