The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor
#84. Redneck Fight!
All-Stars - Multiple Episodes
This is one of my favorite feuds of all time. Mainly because both of
the participants hated each other so very
much.
In one corner you had Tom Buchanan, the borderline-lewd sexist goat
farmer:
And in the other corner you had Susan Hawk, the borderline-abrasive
man-hating truck driver:
And the two of them together on the same tribe? Comedy gold.
It's funny, though, because when I wrote my pre-season "All Stars"
strategy column back in 2004, I was
convinced that Sue and Tom were going to get along. Lots of people said
I was nuts, they said that Tom and Sue
would hate each other with a passion, but I always stuck to my guns. I
said, "No, Tom and Sue are both very
conservative, very old school, and both of them have a solid work
ethic. They will get along like peas in a pod." And I firmly believed
that too. That is... up until Tom called her a "hag from hell" and Sue
called
him a "stupid klutzy drunk." Once those words started being thrown
around, I knew that perhaps I had
been wrong. Perhaps I had been a tad off. Maybe they weren't going to
get along as well as I had hoped.
So anyway, here are some highlights from the Great Redneck Fight of
2004. And I have to say that I really enjoyed
this subplot:
* Episode 3 - Tom claims that Susan's elevator
"don't go all the way to the top floor." He
also states that she is "the bossiest women I've ever seen." And just
for good measure, he sits down
for an interview and gives us one of the better quotes of the season:
"How I made it to forty-eight, without Sue Hawk leading me by the
hand... is a mystery."
* Episode 3 - Susan and Tom fight over the proper
way to construct a house. A lot of unintelligible language
is casually thrown around. The people who do the closed captioning at
CBS throw up their hands in defeat.
Sue yelling at Tom for being an idiot
* Episode 4 - At Tribal Council, Susan admits that
she can be "sort a bitch sometimes." And
Tom, sitting right behind her, doesn't seem to disagree.
Tom reacts to Sue's statement.
* Episode 5 - Now the fur really starts to fly.
First, Sue calls Tom "a stupid drunk" in an interview. Then Tom refers
to her as "a hag from hell."
* Episode 5 - Sue tells us that "Tom is a stupid,
klutzy drunk. I don't care for the man whatsoever." But Tom tops this
by having a conversation with Sue, then muttering under his breath
towards the camera, "Kiss
my ass. What a hag."
* Episode 5 - In perhaps the lowest moment of the
feud, Chapera is out fishing and Sue decides to take
a leak all over the raft. And when Tom finds this out, he is horrified.
He comments that Sue's urine "will
make a hole in the driftwood. That'll rot any wood I know."
* Episode 5 - Sue eventually quits the game due to
earlier events with Richard, but that doesn't mean the
feud is over. No, Tom is more than happy to celebrate Sue's demise. In
fact, he actually does a dance over the
fact that she is gone.
Tom mocking Sue during a moment of silence in her honor
Ding dong, the witch is dead!
So anyway that was the big Redneck Feud of '04. It was one of my
favorite running feuds in Survivor history (possibly
topped only by Bobby Jon and Jamie's "War to Settle the Score" in
Guatemala in 2005.) And I can only
imagine what would have happened if Tom had been the one to grind Sue,
instead of Richard. That sure would have
been something to see. Right, Chad?
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