The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor
#88. But I'm the pawn! I'm the swing
vote!
All-Stars - Episode 14
"Big" Tom Buchanan is one of the funniest people I have ever seen on
Survivor. The big man from Virginia
was always good for a laugh, he would say the most outrageous things on
TV, and he's actually the #1 ranked Survivor
on this list. Tom is going to end up in the Funny 115 more times than
any other player (8 moments in
all), so it's an honor for me to present his first actual appearance on
the list.
Yes, my friends, this is where we pop our Tom Buchanan cherry.
Nearly every Tom moment on this list is going to be something he did on
purpose, so it's kind of weird to say that
this is a moment where he wasn't even trying to joke around. Tom was
being dead serious here, he was trying to
play a harder game than he really should have attempted... and it ended
up being one of my favorite moments of
unintentional humor on the list.
So anyway here we go. Welcome to one of the most ridiculous arguments
I have ever seen on Survivor. And it involves
Tom Buchanan trying a explain a concept he didn't quite fully
understand.
It was the final five in All-Stars, and Tom had set himself up into a
wonderful position in the game. He was best
friends with Rob and Amber, he was the very important "third vote" they
desperately needed, and he was
currently positioned smack dab in the middle of everything. He had Rob
and Amber on one side... he had Jenna and
Rupert on the other side... and then there was ol' Tom, sitting pretty
in the middle. He could choose to go with
either side, he could change the game around if he wanted to, and best
of all, he knew it.
Tom Buchanan was the all-important swing vote.
The best part about Tom's plan was that Rob and Amber completely
underestimated him. Tom had played the "dumb
hillbilly" card so well that he was considered to be little more than a
pawn. Rob and Amber knew that Tom
would do whatever they said, and Tom loved it. He loved being "the
pawn". He loved making people think
he was an idiot. Because all he had to do was walk over to Rob before
the vote, ask him who the target would be,
and... bam... Big Tom was safe for three more days. Just the way he
liked it. It was a role he was born to play.
So anyway Tom coasted by as the pawn all the way to the final five,
when he was suddenly thrust into a position
of power. Because now Tom had the option to go one of two ways. Should
he stick by his friends Rob and Amber, and
do what they said one more time? Or should he jump ship over to Rupert
and Jenna? After all, Tom Buchanan was officially
now the swing vote. He could do anything he wanted to at this point.
So what does Tom do? Which way does he decide to play it?
Why, he does it in the worst way possible, of course. He calls himself
"the swing vote" in a conversation
with Rob. And he does it right before Tribal Council!
It was the day of the vote (day 36), and Rob and Amber saw Tom fishing
down by the beach. They had been a little
wary of Big Tom's motives recently, and Rob wanted to have a pre-vote
discussion about loyalty, so they called
him over. They told Tom to come join them up on the rocks. Basically
this was because Rob wanted to feel Tom out,
to see where the guy stood. Both Rob and Amber thought that Tom had
been acting a little squirrelly lately, and
there had been rumors that Tom had been trying to get Rob voted out. So
Rob called Tom over, he confronted him
over tonight's voting plans... and the conversation that followed ended
up being one of my favorite Survivor arguments
of all time. Enjoy.
Rob: "Let's be honest here. For at least
one time in this game, let's get to the truth. Have you
or have you not tried to mark me to get me kicked out of this game. Yes
or no?"
Tom: "Absolutely not."
Rob: "Have you gone to anybody to try to
get me out?"
Tom: "No, sir."
Rob: "Where does our alliance stand now?
When we take Jenna out tonight, then what happens? Then
we take out Rupert?"
Tom (stammering): "Well, I don't know. You
tell me."
Rob: "Why do I have to tell you??"
Tom: "Because I'm the pawn.
I told you, I'm the swing vote."
Amber (incredulous): "No! You're with us!
There is no swing! We're a group. There
is no swing!"
Tom: "Rupert and Jenna are two. All they
need is one, and then... smash."
Rob and Amber (simultaneously): "No!"
So anyway, yeah. Tom was voted off. No real surprise. But I'll never
forget the time he tried to play the game
like Rob Cesternino. Tom tried to scheme, he tried to manipulate, he
tried to play both sides against one another...
and it's fairly safe to say that he failed on all accounts. In fact,
I'm not entirely sure he even knew what a
pawn was.
Still, it did end being one of my all time favorite Survivor arguments.
Tom: I'm the pawn! I'm the swing vote!
Rob and Amber: NO, YOU'RE NOT!!!
Tom Buchanan, swing vote.
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