"Penny thinks she's cute, but she ain't gettin' shit from this one."
The Funny 115
#95. Clay Jordan
Thailand - Multiple Episodes
I think that Clay Jordan is one of the most underappreciated characters
in Survivor history.
"Penny thinks she's cute, but she ain't gettin' shit
from this one."
No one ever seemed to like the guy during Thailand, and I bet you can
count the number of people who rooted for
him on one hand. In fact it's entirely possible that Clay Jordan could
be the single most unpopular player in the
history of Survivor. And if you're wondering why Survivor: Thailand is
the least popular season ever... you just
may be looking in the right place I think you can blame almost
everything on widespread hatred of Clay.
I ran across this "anti-Clay bias" a few years back when I was writing
one of my stories. You see, I
cast Clay Jordan as one of the characters in All-Star
Survivor: Alaska and, right from the start, people were upset
about it. Nobody wanted to see Clay portrayed
in print. Nobody wanted to read about Clay. Nobody gave a rat's ass
about Clay. And I have to say that the most
common feedback I got throughout the first six episodes of Alaska was
some variant of the following:
"VOTE CLAY OUT!!!!!"
The funniest thing about my Alaska story was that Silas "Chip" Gaither
was one of the other characters,
yet the general populace still wanted me to get rid of Clay first. And
that should tell you something. Because
when people root for Silas over you, you know you're not the
most popular character around. But alas, that
apparently was just Clay Jordan's destiny in the Survivor world. He was
always meant to rank one step ahead of
navel lint.
But here's the thing... I thought Clay was hilarious in Thailand. He
was one of the few players in Survivor history
who could consistently crack me up, and that's not an easy thing to do.
But here was Clay, week in and week out,
delivering some bombshell of a confessional that was alternately mean
and hilarious at the same time. Because that's
what Clay did. Or, as Ghandia would say, "That's how Clay do." Clay
Jordan was mean-spirited, he was
unlikable, he was more than a little bit sexist, and he was
unbelievably blunt in his personal attacks towards
other people. But you know what? That just made him funnier to listen
to. Clay was one of my favorite confessional-givers
of all time.
Clay comparing Ghandia to a two-year old
Clay Jordan becomes the first person on the Funny 115 to make the
list just for being himself. That's
right, he makes the list just for being Clay. He makes the list because
he made me laugh, and he makes the list
because that's how Clay do.
So here's to a guy who didn't have much of a fan base, who never won
over the hearts and minds of the populace,
and who is barely tall enough to go on the scary rides at Disneyland.
Because despite all that, Clay was a wonderful
character. He gave great interviews, he had some really funny quotes...
and I think Helen Glover summed it up best
when she talked about Clay in episode two:
"I can't believe a guy who stands five foot five can have that much
noise coming out of him."
Well done, Clay. I wish I could shake your hand.
---------CLAY JORDAN'S TOP THREE MEAN-SPIRITED CONFESSIONALS FROM SURVIVOR: THAILAND:-----------
Clay comparing Helen to an encyclopedia
1. "With Helen, everything is serious. Serious. I mean,
there's no play to her. She's supposed to be some
kind of Marine expert, but she's kind of got the personality of an
encyclopedia. You open it up, there aint nothin'
in there fun to read. You only open it when you need the information."
(from episode two)
2. "Penny is a cute, sweet little girl. She thinks her looks
and her little talent can get whatever she
wants out of men. Well I'm forty-six. She aint gettin' shit
from this one." (from episode eight)
3. "That was the most childish act she done so far here.
Ghandia gonna go down to the beach and cry and
holler and carry on. My two year old did that one time. I whooped its
ass and put it back in bed." (from
episode three).
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