The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#30.  Shitty Apartment
Exile Island - episode 10

One of the greatest things that can happen on a show like Survivor is when you get a player in the cast who is... let's just say... a bit of a wild card.

For a good example of this, think Judd from Guatemala.  

Anyone who has read the original Funny 115 will know that Judd is one of my all time favorite Survivor characters.   And I loved him for the specific reason I just listed above.  I loved him because he was a completely unpredictable, completely unstable wild card.  Every single time Judd opened his mouth to speak, you had no idea what was going to come out.  

Well, other than the fact that it was going to be loud, it was going to include the words "damn" and "man", and he was in some way going to contradict himself.

Other than that?  The sky was the limit.  Whenever Judd opened his mouth, all bets were off.

"Pikachu was the best damn Pokemon, man.  Dude can shoot lightning out of his cheeks, that's friggin' awesome.  Dude's like a little yellow Palpatine."

Judd isn't the only wild card in Survivor history, however.  There have been plenty of great comic relief characters like him, who would just have random outbursts for no reason, or would come out with the most random and unpredictable shit, and you would never be ready for it.   If you want another great example of a wild card character, think of Crazy Matt from Amazon.  Or Rudy from Borneo.  Or one of my favorites (duh), the Dragonslayer himself, Coach.

Or me, Jessum Herring

Yes there have been plenty of great unpredictable wild card characters in Survivor history.

"I have an extra hole in my anus!  Guess where it is!"


When you are trying to pick the season with the most unpredictable wild card characters, it would be hard to pick any season other than Exile Island.  

When it comes to people who have to capability to lose their shit at any particular moment, for any particular reason any all, you would be hard pressed to pick any more unstable characters than the entire alliance of Casaya.

Specifically, I am talking about the two craziest members of the most unstable, crazy alliance in Survivor history.

I am talking about the hair-trigger insanity of Shane and Courtney.

Courtney Marit, poser.

Shane Powers, psycho boy

The beauty of this scene (the #30 entry on the Funny 115) is that it is one of the few times in Survivor history where two unpredictable wild card characters actually get into an argument with one another.  It is one of the few moments of serendipity in 22 seasons of Survivor, where one unstable character actually gets in a fight with another unstable character.  

And when something like that happens on Survivor?  When all bets are off, and two wild cards are actually going after each other?  

Watch out.  The results can be beautiful.

By the way, this scene has been a Survivor Sucks favorite for more than five years.  When I first sat down and asked people what entries should be on the Funny 115, the famous "shitty apartment" argument was easily one of the top three nominees.  In fact, I am already dreading the number of emails I am going to get that this entry didn't wind up in the top ten.

"Top ten.  Like ten chakras.  Far out."

So anyway, here we go.  One of the most highly anticipated entries on the Funny 115, and a Survivor Sucks favorite for more than half a decade.  Get ready for the world famous Shane and Courtney "shitty apartment" argument.  Where one unstable character decides to pick a fight with another.

It is time for the magic to happen.

It is the tenth episode of Exile Island, and Bruce just died after his colon exploded.

Bruce, dead (lower left)

With Bruce gone, that means that Shane and Courtney are now the only two players left at camp.

Unstable Shane, and unpredictable Courtney.  


With everybody else away on a reward.

Yeah.  This is going to go well.

Shane and Courtney are sitting around camp, sans chaperones.  And they attempt to small talk

"Courtney, let me ask you a question."

By the way, I should point out that Shane and Courtney attempting to small talk is not unlike a mouse trying to attack a cat.   It might be cute to watch at first, but in the end somebody is going to wind up all bloody.

Shane:   "If I need your vote, in order to get us one person further...."

"Would you trust me and not break my back?"

"I can't have the obsessive-compulsive like, you, overthinking part."

Nice.  Way to open with a compliment, Shane.

Miss Marit?  Any rebuttal?

Courtney:  "It's hard for me to say yes, I'll just agree with everything that you think."

"You know, obviously it's hard to say."

"But you know, I want to be on your backside, and I would like you to be on mine."

Okay, so far so good.  No outbursts.

They probably should have stopped while they were ahead.

Courtney:   "We're on the same page.  Of what we want."

Shane, pre-death threat

Courtney:  "We'll just keep everything between us."

"If we don't, I'll kill you when I get back to Hollywood."

Annnnnnnd there we go.  We segue from small talk to death threat.  Classic Shane.

Oh, and it isn't going to get any prettier from here.

(laughing, not taking him seriously)  "Don't."

(totally serious)  "I will.  I'll drive up and I'll kill you in your shitty little apartment.  And I'll drive over to my club and that'll be it."

Courtney's face falls.  She is stunned.  Why the hell would he say that?  Did he just imply...?

The staredown.  Shane is totally serious.

Courtney (offended):  "That was really nice."

And here is why Courtney is such an awesome character.  Here is why she is such an unpredictable wild card.

Courtney completely ignores the fact THAT HE THREATENED TO MURDER HER, and instead is offended that he made fun of her apartment.

"I don't have a shitty apartment."

And then?


The screaming.



Courtney:  "I know!"


"You're just sooooo obnoxious!"

Shane:  (being obnoxious)  "NO, I'M NOT OBNOXIOUS, MAN!  THINK ABOUT IT!"

"But you're not..."


Ha ha ha.

Like I said, this scene has been a Sucks favorite for more than half a decade, and I am thrilled to finally get to include it on the Funny 115.  

May you never watch Exile Island again and not look forward to it.

"Glenn Close.  Sybil.   Bunny Boiler.  Fatal Attraction.  She's so scary, man."

"I have seven holes too!  And they're all filled with rainbows!"

"She's a lunatic, man."

Clearly not a lunatic

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