The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#30.
Shitty Apartment
Exile Island - episode 10
One of the greatest things that can happen on a show like Survivor
is when you get a player in the cast who is... let's just say... a bit
of a wild card.
For a good example of this, think Judd from Guatemala.
Anyone
who has read the original Funny 115 will know that Judd is one of my
all time favorite Survivor characters. And I loved him for
the
specific reason I just listed above. I loved him because he
was a completely unpredictable, completely unstable wild card.
Every single time Judd opened his mouth to speak, you had no
idea
what was going to come out.
Well, other than the fact
that it was going to be loud, it was going to include the words "damn"
and "man", and he was in some way going to contradict himself.
Other than that? The sky was the limit. Whenever
Judd opened his mouth, all bets were off.
"Pikachu
was the best damn Pokemon, man. Dude can shoot
lightning out
of his cheeks, that's friggin' awesome. Dude's like
a little
yellow Palpatine."
Judd isn't the
only wild card in Survivor history, however. There
have been
plenty of great comic relief characters like him, who would just have
random outbursts for no reason, or would come out with the most random
and unpredictable shit, and you would never be ready for it.
If you want another great example of a wild card character,
think
of Crazy Matt from Amazon. Or Rudy from Borneo. Or
one of
my favorites (duh), the Dragonslayer himself, Coach.
Or me, Jessum Herring
Yes there have been plenty of great unpredictable wild card characters
in Survivor history.
"I have an extra hole in my anus! Guess where it is!"
However...
When you are trying to pick the season with the most
unpredictable wild card characters, it would be hard to pick any season
other than Exile Island.
When
it comes to people who have to capability to lose their shit at any
particular moment, for any particular reason any all, you would be hard
pressed to pick any more unstable characters than the entire alliance
of Casaya.
Specifically, I am talking about the two craziest members of the most
unstable, crazy alliance in Survivor history.
I am talking about the hair-trigger insanity of Shane and Courtney.
Courtney Marit, poser.
Shane Powers, psycho boy
The
beauty of this scene (the #30 entry on the Funny 115) is that it is one
of the few times in Survivor history where two unpredictable wild card
characters actually get into an argument with one another. It
is
one of the few moments of serendipity in 22 seasons of Survivor, where
one unstable character actually gets in a fight with another unstable
character.
And when something like that happens on
Survivor? When all bets are off, and two wild cards are
actually
going after each other?
Watch out. The results can be beautiful.
By
the way, this scene has been a Survivor Sucks favorite for
more
than five years. When I first sat down and asked people what
entries
should be on the Funny 115, the famous "shitty apartment"
argument
was
easily one of the top three nominees. In fact, I am already
dreading the number of emails I am going to get that this entry didn't
wind up in the top ten.
"Top ten. Like ten chakras. Far out."
So
anyway, here we go. One of the most highly anticipated
entries on
the Funny 115, and a Survivor Sucks favorite for more than half a
decade.
Get ready for the world famous Shane and Courtney "shitty
apartment" argument. Where one unstable character decides to
pick
a fight with another.
It is time for the magic to happen.
It is the tenth episode of Exile Island, and Bruce just died after his
colon exploded.
Bruce, dead (lower left)
With Bruce gone, that means that Shane and Courtney are now the only
two players left at camp.
Unstable Shane, and unpredictable Courtney.
Alone.
With everybody else away on a reward.
Yeah. This is going to go well.
Shane and Courtney are sitting around camp, sans chaperones.
And they attempt to small talk
"Courtney, let me ask you a question."
By
the way, I should point out that Shane and Courtney attempting to small
talk is not unlike a mouse trying to attack a cat. It might
be
cute to watch at first, but in the end somebody is going to wind up all
bloody.
Shane: "If I need your vote, in order to get us one person
further...."
"Would you trust me and not break my back?"
"I can't have the obsessive-compulsive like, you, overthinking part."
Nice. Way to open with a compliment, Shane.
Miss Marit? Any rebuttal?
Courtney: "It's hard for me to say yes, I'll just agree with
everything that you think."
"You know, obviously it's hard to say."
"But you know, I want to be on your backside, and I would like you to
be on mine."
Okay, so far so good. No outbursts.
They probably should have stopped while they were ahead.
Courtney: "We're on the same page. Of what we
want."
Shane, pre-death threat
Courtney: "We'll just keep everything between us."
"If we don't, I'll kill you when I get back to Hollywood."
Annnnnnnd there we go. We segue from small talk to death
threat. Classic Shane.
Oh, and it isn't going to get any prettier from here.
(laughing, not taking him seriously) "Don't."
(totally serious) "I
will. I'll drive up and I'll kill you in your shitty little
apartment. And I'll drive over to my club and that'll be it."
Courtney's face falls. She is stunned. Why the hell
would he say that? Did he just imply...?
The staredown. Shane is totally serious.
Courtney (offended): "That was really nice."
And here is why Courtney is such an awesome character. Here
is why she is such an unpredictable wild card.
Courtney
completely ignores the fact THAT HE THREATENED TO MURDER HER,
and
instead is offended that he made fun of her apartment.
"I don't have a shitty apartment."
And then?
Yes.
The screaming.
"WELL OBVIOUSLY, DUDE! I'VE NEVER BEEN IN YOUR
APARTMENT!"
"I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S SHITTY OR NOT!!
IT WAS AN ADJECTIVE!!"
Courtney: "I know!"
"DON'T TAKE EVERYTHING SO PERSONAL!!!"
"You're just sooooo obnoxious!"
Shane: (being obnoxious)
"NO,
I'M NOT OBNOXIOUS, MAN! THINK ABOUT IT!"
"But you're not..."
"WHY ARE YOU SOOOOOO SENSITIVE?!?!"
Ha ha ha.
Like
I said, this scene has been a Sucks favorite for more than half a
decade, and I
am thrilled to finally get to include it on the Funny 115.
May you never watch Exile Island again and not look forward to it.
"Glenn Close. Sybil. Bunny Boiler. Fatal
Attraction. She's so scary, man."
"I have seven holes too! And they're all filled with
rainbows!"
"She's a lunatic, man."
Clearly not a lunatic
