"Russell Hantz is the final boss in every video game ever."

"Russell Hantz doesn't participate in immunity challenges. The viewers participate in a Russell challenge."

"Tom and Ian balanced on the buoys for 18 hours.   Russell Hantz balanced on Tom and Ian for 18 hours."

"President McKinley wasn't assassinated in 1901.   Russell Hantz just blindsided him."

"Jeff Probst doesn't ask Russell Hantz questions at Tribal Council.  Russell Hantz asks Jeff Probst questions."

"Mark Burnett didn't invent Survivor.   He just decided to bring video cameras to film Russell Hantz on his weekends."

"Russell Hantz isn't short.   He is extremely tall, but gravity is bitter."

"Russell Hantz had his first wet dream at the age of thirteen.  What came out of him was Survivor."

"Brian Heidik didn't win Survivor: Thailand.   Russell Hantz just decided not to focus on Survivor: Thailand."

"The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Russell."

"Big Ted would have been 201% satisfied with Russell Hantz."

"Gary Hogeboom only became Gary Hawkins to hide from Russell."

"The only reason life on Earth exists is because the Sun wants to keep a respectful distance from Russell Hantz."

"Greg Buis was giving the best confessional ever when Russell Hantz invented flying fish."

"Russell Hantz was the only one without a partner in Noah's Ark.  He didn't need one, because he is asexual.  Russell Hantz breeds with contempt."

"Shii Ann may try to make alliances with bushes, but bushes try to make alliances with Russell Hantz."

"When Russell Hantz wants to put out a fire, he just uses Michael Skupin."

"Russell Hantz had a street named after him but it caused a traffic jam, because you can't cross Russell."

"Tom Westman once killed and ate a shark.  Russell Hantz once killed and ate Tom."

"Russell Hantz has counted to infinity twice."

"Russell Hantz CAN believe it's not butter."

"CBS does not actually exist.   Russell Hantz created it to impress Melanie on their first date."

"Russell Hantz took seasons 1-18 off just to give the other Survivors a head start."

"Russell Hantz can win a game of Connect Four in three moves."

"When Russell Hantz flips a house, he literally picks it up and puts it on its roof."

"Russell Hantz coined the term "playing the game."  Before Russell Hantz, there was no game. It was just a picnic with cameras. Russell Hantz also invented cameras."

"If you have five dollars, and Russell Hantz has five dollars, Russell Hantz has more money than you."

"Behind Russell Hantz's beard, there is a hidden immunity idol."

"I'm Russell Hantz!"