Funny 115 - The Third One
Shirin and the Art of Seduction
Worlds Apart - episode 8
Of course you do. You can't really think about Worlds Apart
without thinking of Shirin. Her name will be synonymous with
terrible mean-spirited awful
for as long as Survivor chooses to stay on the air. And why not?
After all, she was a weird little character. And you can't
have a weird little season like Worlds Apart without a kooky little
weirdo running around getting all the airtime. And no, you think
I'm talking about Vince, but I'm not. We're not even up to all of
the Vince entries yet.
Vince (left) with Max
Shirin was odd. She was quirky. She was off-putting. And she was sort of hard to relate to.
She especially had no way to relate to Dan, since she had
no tragic backstory that could compare to his life story of being
But through it all, she persevered.
And this odd little weirdo gave us two wonderful moments that I thought I would combine into one entry.
First off, let's focus on the scene where Shirin crosses off one of her
bucket list items when she sees two monkeys banging each other in a
I could have just ended the entry right there with that sentence, but
for purposes of posterity let's go watch Shirin watch monkey sex.
knew this was going to wind up on the Funny 115 the moment you saw it,
didn't you? Thank God that Shirin watches the show the same way
that I do.
I JUST SAW MONKEY PORN!
Okay, so it is episode three of Worlds Apart, and Shirin is walking alone in the woods.
She's walking alone, along a path, and then she sees it.
She sees a monkey up there.
she is a such a big fan of the show, she decides that she is going
to do a tribute to her favorite Survivor from Survivor: Guatemala,
Judd, and she starts hooting up at it.
You didn't realize this was a tribute to Guatemala, did you?
Ancient ruin, man.
So Shirin is standing there, hooting away, and lo and behold, here comes another monkey.
Shirin smiles up at her musical simian friends, and she smiles warmly.
Something unexpected happens.
Holy shit, that monkey's sack hangs lower than Rudy's!
Shirin looks on in wondrous amazement as one of the monkeys starts giving it to the other one
It looks something like this
Shirin stands there like the world's biggest perv as she watches monkey sex all the way up to the money shot.
She even gives a little fist pump after the male finishes by climaxing all over the female's chest.
A pearl necklace! Yes!
And here is the part of this scene that I love.
Shirin is so excited that she has to run back to camp to tell everyone what she just saw
Get ready. Here comes the little weirdo to tell us something.
I JUST SAW MONKEY SEX!
The rest of the tribe can only lay there in horror as
Shirin tries to explain the implicit beauty of two animals fucking each
Oh dear god Oh please, not this I wonder if either of those monkeys ever knew their birth mom
But you can't stop her now. Shirin is in full
Shirin mode. She's gonna tell you this story whether you like it
"And he was totally boning her from behind!"
"And then he rode the pony!"
"And then he totally jizzed like four feet!"
Now, you'd think that would have been a Funny 115 entry just on its
own. After all, how can you not love Shirin watching monkey sex?
And no, I didn't ask you Tyler. We know you don't like
I wasn't 100% sure the monkey sex scene was big enough to warrant an
entry on its own. But it's okay, because it actually ties in with
the next part. Because the next scene is the REAL reason I
decided to make this an entry.
Yes, I can only be talking
about the scene in episode eight, where Probst and Shirin have a weird
little mating dance over the extent of her superfandom.
The ancient art of seduction
Without question, this was one of the most highly requested entries out
of any the suggestions I got for version three of the Funny 115.
Okay, so let's get to Probst and Shirin doing their little dance.
Which has nothing to do with the earlier monkey sex scene, until
you realize that we are sort of watching a bizarre little mating ritual
in both scenes. So it actually kind of fits.
He is Probst. I will have him.
By the way, I know I take a lot of digs at Probst on the Funny 115,
but this is one of those scenes where he is just hilarious. So I
will totally give credit where credit is due this instance. No one
else could have pulled off this scene as awesomely as Jeff Probst does.
Okay, so here it is. Shirin and Probst doing their awesome little superfan dance.
Presented from start to finish, without any commentary.
It's episode eight, and the remaining players left in the game are competing in an individual immunity challenge
Jeff points out that this is going to be a puzzle challenge
"Shirin, how you feeling? A puzzle."
"No balance beam. No obstacles."
"This is what I've been waiting for this whole time."
"I'm a computer scientist so this should be my arena."
"I mean, it really comes down to how big of a fan I am."
"I'm still just so stoked to be here."
"And I wanna be here so badly."
"That I just..."
"So you gotta..."
Bring it in?
"I got so much energy, Jeff!"
"I just gotta contain it!"
"Like the opposite of a bomb, I've gotta...
"Yes. What you just did."
"You know what I'm talking about?"
Seriously, what the fuck?
"Okay. So it's time for immunity!"
And so there you have it. Shirin sees one mating ritual, and she
gets off to it, and then she participates in another mating ritual, and
it both cases it is awkward, bizarre, slightly creepy, and
And so I say it again. How can you not love Worlds Apart?
God damnit. Shut up, Tyler.
P.S. Oh yeah, here is their little mating dance in its
entirety. Thank you to Daniel Rona for creating this for me.
"Shirin, I'm going to ask for a favor. If I ever have sex with a monkey, don't watch."
** thanks to Joe Jennings
and Ryan Gomez for the ASCII/Ryan Shoulders picture. **