The
Funny 115 - The Third One
#39.
Marty's Walk Sucks
Nicaragua - episode 9
Okay, now this is one of my favorite types of entries. This is one of
those quick little visual things that happened in the background of a
scene, and I don't think most fans watching probably noticed it at the
time. And even if they DID notice it, there's almost no chance they
remember it unless they have watched this particular season recently
and it is fresh in their minds. It's just one of those wonderful little minor Survivor sight gags.
Like this one. FOR THE QUEEN!
Oh, and it also involves grown adults being super childish
and acting super passive-aggressively towards one another.
Which, for purposes of writing comedy, is always hilarious.
Sweet little angel child, would you like a lullaby?
lol Rupert's Pooper
COURTNEY I WILL CUT YOU WITH A KNIFE
Ready for the Nicaragua equivalent of all these?
Well, here you go.
It's Tribal Council at the end of episode nine
And things aren't going especially well for anyone tonight
Episode nine is around the point in the game where everyone
seems to hate everyone else.
They're four weeks into the game, and they're all just getting on
each other's
nerves. And the reason they're getting on each
other's nerves is because they've been crammed together in this little
ant farm for nearly a month now, and the weather sucks, and they're
starving. And by now,
they know everyone else's quirks and mannerisms, and they
know everyone else's little idiosyncrasies. And after a month of being
stuck together, none of these little character quirks are all that cute
anymore.
Which brings us, of course, to Marty,
Marty
By this point in the game, Marty knows that one of the little quirks
about America's sweetheart Na Onka is that she steals the food.
Basically the Hamburglar
At the end of episode nine, at Tribal, Marty decides to helpfully point out that maybe stealing the
food from people who are hungry and burying it in the sand so they will
starve to death isn't always good team behavior. In fact, maybe
"stealing the food" might fall into that mythical gray area of
things that "could be good or bad" depending on your ethics and your
personal point of view.
"Also, I'm pretty sure Nay beat Kelly to death with her own
leg."
So Marty brings up the food thing.
And maybe a few other
things too.
And how, sometimes, maybe Na Onka might not be the
greatest of tribesmates.
And so here we go.
It's time for Na Onka's reaction to that.
P.S. This is why you don't summon Beetlejuice.
"THIS FOOL IS BRINGIN' UP NONSENSE!"
Yes, the demure woman in the front. You have
something to say about that?
Nay points out that she isn't the only one who is doing bad things
in this game
And that other people have flaws too. It isn't
just her.
And that if you label someone, you deign to negate them.
Nay's outburst lasts approximately six episodes. It goes on so long that it somehow carries
over into Survivor: Redemption Island.
"And don't get me started on that fuckin' David Murphy either, Probst."
And then she ends her rant with this great quote, which is one of my personal favorites.
"Jeff, I'm a humanitarian. I'm a human. I screw up."
So you're a humanitarian just like everyone else?
Yep. Just like Mother Teresa.
And now, at the end of her rant, she finally drops the fact that she
doesn't like Marty.
On a personal level.
At all.
"You know, Marty screws up too."
No I don't
"But I don't like him, he don't like me."
"So... it is what it is."
She then, of course, clarifies this last point.
Just in case the viewers at home didn't miss it.
"Marty is the one I hate the most."
Jeff Probst hears this, of course, and he is intrigued.
Now why do you hate him? Is it because of the smell?
I hate him because he's always running around and stirring up trouble
Who? Me?
And this is where Probst finally reaches the crux of the matter.
"So you're mad at Marty because he strategizes?"
And ohhh nooooooo.
Probst, don't say it like that.
"Is strategy the real reason you don't like him?"
And so here we go.
Again.
Na Onka?
Would you care to elaborate on this?
Why exactly don't you like Marty?
America's Sweetheart winds up
She steadies herself. And...
"I DON'T LIIIIKE HIMMM!!!"
"I just donnnnnn't."
Now what, specifically, do you hate about him, wonders Probst.
Any particular quirks that you hate?
"His hair.."
"His walk..."
"SUCK!!!!"
Well, alright then.
No I don't suck, u suck
And so there you have it.
Marty trolled Na Onka
into a response by pointing out some of her faults, and she took the
bait and she went off on him. Just like she always does.
From here on out I'm sure they are both going to be mature, sane, and responsible adults.
And then everyone will get along.
And then after this maybe we can all...
"Jeff, I don't think Na Onka's dad is going to be proud of her."
And oh goddamnit Marty, here we go again.
That fool's about to get punched
So Marty decides to get the last word in.
Just because, I don't know, why not.
And this is where we get to the fun part.
"That's enough of this shit. It's time to vote. Dan, you're up."
So Dan Lembo stands up, and the Sicilian Frankenstein creaks over to the voting urn to cast his vote.
Then the others walk over to vote.
Then, finally, we get to Na Onka.
Oh, this should be fun
Na Onka stands up.
And in a manner befitting someone of such royal lineage, she flings off her robe with a sassy Nay flourish.
Just to prove to Mister Marty Piombo that she's still the queen.
I don't even need my shawl to vote you out, little punk ass
Yay! A slap fight!
And here comes the sight gag that I don't know that everyone caught.
Marty stands up.
And he goes over to vote.
JANE I DON'T LIKE YOU 'CAUSE YOU EAT POO
And on the way back to his seat...
Well...
Do you remember this little line?
"His hair..."
"His walk..."
"SUCK!!!!"
Well, let's just say that Marty decides to give Na Onka one last encore performance of that little walk that she hates so much.
Just because he's Marty.
And because he's a troll.
And because FUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUU.
He does his slow little exaggerated walk one last time. Right up to her. Just to annoy her.
And that, my friends, is how trolling is done successfully in the game of Survivor.
Marty's walk sucks
** Thank you
to samoyedboi at Reddit for the Chrissy FUBC picture **
