THE REQUEST: Write about a bad decision you once made
When I was in first grade (1980-81), my friend Ryan had
HBO at his house. Which was incredibly rare at that time, because
hardly ANY kids had HBO at their house that early in the game. Most
kids didn't get the big pay movie channels until a couple of years
later. But when I was in first grade, my buddy Ryan had HBO. And that
was awesome. Because that meant that every single time I slept over at
his house (which was often), what we'd do is we'd wait until his
parents went to sleep...
And then we'd sneak downstairs to the TV...
... and we'd watch all the R-rated grownup movies.
And
the highlight of this tradition came in January of 1981. When during
one sleepover, Ryan and I decided that our movie for the night was
going to be Alien.
The perfect movie, I might add, for a six year old
I can't tell you how exciting it was when we
planned it out at school all week. Because I knew I was going to be
sleeping over at his house over the weekend. And, in anticipation of
the big event, Ryan had brought the TV guide to school, so we could see
which movies were going to be offered to us. And there it was, Saturday
at midnight. The scariest movie of all time. This new horror movie
called "Alien." Ryan was absolutely convinced that we were going to
stay up and watch it.
I was a little nervous about Ryan's plan,
of course. Because, I mean, keep in mind, I was only SIX YEARS OLD. And also keep
in mind that the scariest thing I had ever seen at six years old was
probably Pete's Dragon. So even with my limited
knowledge of the world, and what scary movies were like, I could
already see a scenario were "the scariest movie of all time" might actually possibly be a
little too much for me.
The scariest thing I had ever seen at age six - The Gogans
But Ryan was convincing.
He said
we were going to stay up and watch Alien, and that was just all there
was to it. And of course he was the alpha, and I was the sidekick. And
of course it was HIS house and it was HIS cable, so I didn't really
have much of a say in any of this. As usual, I was pretty much just
along for the sleepover.
And, in any case... to make a long
story short... here's how that fateful night back in January of 1981
went at my friend Ryan's house. I will never forget this.
9:00
PM (three hours before Alien) - Ryan: "We're going to watch Alien! This
is going to be awesome!" Me: "Heck yeah, bring it on. I want to see
space killings!"
9:30 PM - Ryan: "ALIEN!!!!! HELL YEAH!" Me: "ALIEN! YES! THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!"
10:00 PM (2 hours before Alien) - Ryan's parents go to bed. Now he and I are the only ones awake in the house.
10:30
PM - Ryan: "Ninety minutes til Alien! Ninety minutes til Alien!" Me:[starting to die a little inside because now this is actually starting
to get real.]
11:00 PM (1 hour before Alien) - Ryan: "Let's
sneak downstairs in front of the TV! ALIEN!!!!!!" Me:[suddenly
pretending to be very tired. desperately wanting to get out of this.]
11:30 PM: Ryan: "HELL YEAH! ALIEN!!!!!!!!!" Me:[pretending to be asleep. hoping Ryan chickens out too]
11:45
PM: Ryan: "ALIEN! Mario, are you excited about this? It's Alien!" Me:
"I dunno. I'm actually thinking maybe we should watch Smokey and the
Bandit instead. At least we might actually see boobs in that one."
Ryan:
"Yeah but who cares about boobs. IT'S ALIEN!!!!!"
11:55 PM: Ryan: "Turn on HBO! It's about to start! It's about to start! ALIEN!!!!!"
Midnight: [Alien begins on HBO. The ominous opening music starts.]
12:01
AM: Ryan: "Yeah screw this, let's not do this. This looks too scary. How
about we watch Smokey and the Bandit instead?" Me:[eternally
grateful]
And anyway, that's why my childhood wasn't ruined back
in January of 1981.
It's because I didn't watch Alien was I was ONLY FUCKING
SIX!
It's the Smokey and the Bandit guarantee. No face-huggers.
