The Funny 115 - The Third One

#19. Jenn Just Roasts Everyone
Worlds Apart - Episode Ten

Did you know that Jenn was voted out the exact same date as Alicia in All Stars?

Hey dickhead, did you know that nobody cares?

So anyway, Jenn Brown. We've talked about her before. Especially in one of my favorite early entries on the countdown, entry #85. Why Doesn't Jenn Care?

In that one, I went into great detail about how Jenn... well... didn't really seem to care all that much.

Here she tells Jeff Probst what exactly he can go do to himself

Jenn is one of my favorite characters in Worlds Apart, for a variety of reasons.

First off, I think it's hilarious how quickly the show broke her. And how quickly she went from the excited young idealist seen here....

To the PTSD old war veteran seen here.

My soul, it is now dark

To put Jenn into proper historical perspective, in the span of ten episodes, she basically went from Colleen Haskell and she turned into Rudy.

Jenn before

Jenn after

There once was joy in this home

So that's the first reason I love Jenn.

Because it's fun to see a player openly come to the conclusion that Survivor is ridiculous.

I mean, fire tokens now? Are we serious?

But there's also a SECOND reason I really love Jenn.

Any idea what that might be?

Is it because she was voted out on the same day as Parvati's double idol play?

Well, no. But good try, Max.

Is it because she was voted out on Earth Day?

No, and shut up.

Dur, did you know I'm a big nerd?

The second reason I love Jenn, which is really the most important one, is because she's my go-to argument why every Survivor fan out there should love Worlds Apart. Seriously, she's my trump card whenever I argue that Worlds Apart is awesome.

Don't believe me?

Well let's just assume you're one of the people out there who doesn't love Worlds Apart. I know, it's true. There actually still are a few of you. People who think that the season was nasty. And mean spirited. And that most of the players left at the end were assholes.

Like Dreamz, I'm not going to point fingers at anyone, but Dan

The consensus out there seems to be that Worlds Apart was wholly unpleasant, and that it was impossible to root for anyone. And that no one really cared who won or who lost after the no collars all went home.

And also, after I went home

Yes, and also after Tyler went home.

So anyway, there are allllllllll these fans out there who hate Worlds Apart, and who hate all the players left at the end in Worlds Apart.

But hey, guess what? Guess who ELSE also hated all the players left at the end in Worlds Apart?

Jenn hoped every single one of them got rectal warts

That's right. If you hated most of the players in Worlds Apart, you happened to have an ally in the cast who was right there with you. A fun surrogate/narrator who was speaking directly for the audience every time she spoke to the cameras. And believe me, she spoke to the cameras a lot.

And that's why I will forever love Jenn. For being the people's narrator.

Jenn reacting to anyone who wasn't Hali or Joe

And this is where we come to entry #19 on the countdown. Jenn's final words right after she is voted out.

Where she decides to roast just about every single player left in the game.

And Jesus, Mike, pick a voice and fucking stick with it

Jenn's final words are some of my favorite final words in Survivor history. They're just so damn salty. In fact, I'd put them right up there next to Rudy calling for a Jihad in All Stars, Hunter telling everyone they are going to die in Marquesas, and Jeff Kent blaming Obama for all of his woes.

And also, Shambo suggesting that Laura Morett killed Tupac

So anyway, let's go back and relive Jenn's salty final words, shall we? Where she basically just napalms everyone?

Pay special attention to the way the editors went right along with the joke, and they included a clip of everyone she was roasting.

I know I keep saying this over and over, but the editors are the ones who made this into a Funny 115 entry.

So it's Jenn's final episode - episode ten

She knows that she's probably going home.

Eh, whatever. At least I'll be drunk soon.

The whole Tribal Council, she basically just sits there with the biggest I Don't Give a Fuck look on her face. Because she knows it's inevitable.

In fact, I especially love this shot.

Where everyone else is listening to Rodney yell, and she's just simply looking over at the jury.

Wondering what they're all going to be drinking tonight.

Vodka, maybe?

I don't know, what about schnapps?

So Jenn has to sit there, and get voted out, and not care.

Hey Hali, want to play the Mama C drinking game?

And she does indeed get voted out.

Little hearts for our sweetheart


And then comes the glory of her final moments.

First, she says goodbye to Shirin. And only Shirin.

Then she proudly presents her torch to be smuffed.


Then she happily gets smuffed.

I'm metaphorically on a jet ski, yay!

Then, remember how I earlier said she started the game as a Colleen?

Well check out her little homage to Colleen Haskell.

"Bye guys. Good luck."

"And play nice, alright?"

It turns out Max wasn't the only one doing homages to former Survivor players.

I was once a sitting duck too

Oh, and then we come to the second part of my comparison, where I compared Jenn's endgame experience to that of Rudy in All Stars.

I'm going to gut all you pussies with my knife

This is where Jenn sits down for her final words.

And she roasts everyone even worse than Boston Rob did back when he roasted the Rotus.

Still mad about that whole little sausage thing

Here are Jenn's final words. In all their glory.

Including the shot that the editors included with each one.

Take it away, Jenn and the editors.

"A lot of people suck super hard."

"Will seemed to be a nice person, but he's kinda shattered now."

"Sierra, I don't know. She just sucks."

"I hated Rodney."

"But I reeeeeally hate Mama C."

"The same way I hate Dan."

"They're just fake, and it kills me."

"But, I can't really wait to watch the rest of this tribe destroy each other."

"I just hope they're not on the jury anytime soon."

"So I don't have to see their faces."

And so there you go. The reason I love Jenn.

I mean, yeah, she's hilarious and awesome and she makes every scene she's in better, of course. But there's also that other thing.

I happen to think Worlds Apart is one of the best seasons of all time. In fact, I'd argue it will one day be considered the last truly great Survivor season. But, of course, not everyone is going to agree with me. And that's fine. Because if you don't agree with me, there's Jenn, who happens to (tm Sarah Jones) be in one hundred percent agreeance with you. Jenn also thought that Worlds Apart sucked balls.

It sucked manties, actually

So you can either agree that Worlds Apart is awesome, or you can agree that Jenn was the PERFECT narrator for it, because she called bullshit on it every step of the way. And there's no way you can hate Jenn, because Jenn's awesome.

God DAMNIT, Survivor gods, why me?

Either way, it's a season with a little something for everyone. And then everyone wins.  :)

Technically, I didn't win. I only came in seventh.

Oh shut up, Tyler.

P.S. I always thought it was interesting who Jenn singled out the most in her roast. If you ask 99.99% of the Survivor fans who hate Worlds Apart, they will say the players they hated at the end were generally Will, Rodney, and Dan. But in Jenn's final words, the two she singles out the most are Sierra and Carolyn. I just thought that was interesting.

I've known whirlpools that sucked less than Sierra

P.P.S. This is my last Jenn entry on the Funny 115. I'm going to miss her.

Doesn't care. Is drunk.

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