The
Funny 115 - The Third One
#19. Jenn Just Roasts Everyone
Worlds Apart - Episode Ten
Did you know that Jenn was voted out the exact same date as Alicia in All Stars?
Hey dickhead, did you know that nobody cares?
So anyway, Jenn Brown. We've talked about her before. Especially in one of my favorite early entries on the countdown, entry #85. Why Doesn't Jenn Care?
In that one, I went into great detail about how Jenn... well... didn't really seem to care all that much.
Here she tells Jeff Probst what exactly he can go do to himself
Jenn is one of my favorite characters in Worlds Apart, for a variety of reasons.
First
off, I think it's hilarious how quickly the show broke her. And how
quickly she went from the excited young idealist seen here....
To the PTSD old war veteran seen here.
My soul, it is now dark
To
put Jenn into proper historical perspective, in the span of ten
episodes, she basically went from Colleen Haskell and she turned into
Rudy.
Jenn before
Jenn after
There once was joy in this home
So that's the first reason I love Jenn.
Because it's fun to see a player openly come to the conclusion that Survivor is ridiculous.
I mean, fire tokens now? Are we serious?
But there's also a SECOND reason I really love Jenn.
Any idea what that might be?
Is it because she was voted out on the same day as Parvati's double idol play?
Well, no. But good try, Max.
Is it because she was voted out on Earth Day?
No, and shut up.
Dur, did you know I'm a big nerd?
The
second reason I love Jenn, which is really the most important one, is
because she's my go-to argument why every Survivor fan out there
should love Worlds Apart. Seriously, she's my trump card whenever I
argue that Worlds Apart is awesome.
Don't believe me?
Well
let's just assume you're one of the people out there who doesn't love
Worlds Apart. I know, it's true. There actually still are a few of you.
People who think that the season was nasty. And mean spirited. And that
most of the players left at the end were assholes.
Like Dreamz, I'm not going to point fingers at anyone, but Dan
The
consensus out there seems to be that Worlds Apart was wholly
unpleasant, and that it was impossible to root for anyone. And that no
one really cared who won or who lost after the no collars all went home.
And also, after I went home
Yes, and also after Tyler went home.
So
anyway, there are allllllllll these fans out there who hate Worlds
Apart, and who hate all the players left at the end in Worlds Apart.
But hey, guess what? Guess who ELSE also hated all the players left at the end in Worlds Apart?
Jenn hoped every single one of them got rectal warts
That's
right. If you hated most of the players in Worlds Apart, you
happened to have an ally in the cast who was right there with you. A
fun surrogate/narrator who was speaking directly for the audience
every time she spoke to the cameras. And believe me, she spoke to the
cameras a lot.
And that's why I will forever love Jenn. For being the people's narrator.
Jenn reacting to anyone who wasn't Hali or Joe
And this is where we come to entry #19 on the countdown. Jenn's final words right after she is voted out.
Where she decides to roast just about every single player left in the game.
And Jesus, Mike, pick a voice and fucking stick with it
Jenn's
final words are some of my favorite final words in Survivor history.
They're just so damn salty. In fact, I'd put them right up there next
to Rudy calling for a Jihad in All Stars, Hunter telling everyone
they are going to die in Marquesas, and Jeff Kent blaming Obama for all
of his woes.
And also, Shambo suggesting that Laura Morett killed Tupac
So anyway, let's go back and relive Jenn's salty final words, shall we? Where she basically just napalms everyone?
Pay
special attention to the way the editors went right along with the
joke, and they included a clip of everyone she was roasting.
I know I keep saying this over and over, but the editors are the ones who made this into a Funny 115 entry.
So it's Jenn's final episode - episode ten
She knows that she's probably going home.
Eh, whatever. At least I'll be drunk soon.
The
whole Tribal Council, she basically just sits there with the biggest I
Don't Give a Fuck look on her face. Because she knows it's inevitable.
In fact, I especially love this shot.
Where everyone else is listening to Rodney yell, and she's just simply looking over at the jury.
Wondering what they're all going to be drinking tonight.
Vodka, maybe?
I don't know, what about schnapps?
So Jenn has to sit there, and get voted out, and not care.
Hey Hali, want to play the Mama C drinking game?
And she does indeed get voted out.
Little hearts for our sweetheart
Awwwwwwww
And then comes the glory of her final moments.
First, she says goodbye to Shirin. And only Shirin.
Then she proudly presents her torch to be smuffed.
SMUFF ME, BABY
Then she happily gets smuffed.
I'm metaphorically on a jet ski, yay!
Then, remember how I earlier said she started the game as a Colleen?
Well check out her little homage to Colleen Haskell.
"Bye guys. Good luck."
"And play nice, alright?"
It turns out Max wasn't the only one doing homages to former Survivor players.
I was once a sitting duck too
Oh, and then we come to the second part of my comparison, where I compared Jenn's endgame experience to that of Rudy in All Stars.
I'm going to gut all you pussies with my knife
This is where Jenn sits down for her final words.
And she roasts everyone even worse than Boston Rob did back when he roasted the Rotus.
Still mad about that whole little sausage thing
Here are Jenn's final words. In all their glory.
Including the shot that the editors included with each one.
Take it away, Jenn and the editors.
"A lot of people suck super hard."
"Will seemed to be a nice person, but he's kinda shattered now."
"Sierra, I don't know. She just sucks."
"I hated Rodney."
"But I reeeeeally hate Mama C."
"The same way I hate Dan."
"They're just fake, and it kills me."
"But, I can't really wait to watch the rest of this tribe destroy each other."
"I just hope they're not on the jury anytime soon."
"So I don't have to see their faces."
And so there you go. The reason I love Jenn.
I
mean, yeah, she's hilarious and awesome and she makes every scene she's
in better, of course. But there's also that other thing.
I
happen to think Worlds Apart is one of the best seasons of
all time. In fact, I'd argue it will one day be considered the last truly
great Survivor season. But, of course, not everyone is going to agree with
me. And that's fine. Because if you don't agree with me, there's Jenn,
who happens to (tm Sarah Jones) be in one hundred percent
agreeance with you. Jenn also thought that Worlds Apart sucked balls.
It sucked manties, actually
So
you can either agree that Worlds Apart is awesome, or you can agree
that Jenn was the PERFECT narrator for it, because she called bullshit
on it every step of the way. And there's no way you can hate Jenn,
because Jenn's awesome.
God DAMNIT, Survivor gods, why me?
Either way, it's a season with a little something for everyone. And then everyone wins. :)
Technically, I didn't win. I only came in seventh.
Oh shut up, Tyler.
P.S.
I always thought it was interesting who Jenn singled out the most in
her roast. If you ask 99.99% of the Survivor fans who hate Worlds
Apart, they will say the players they hated at the end were generally
Will, Rodney, and Dan. But in Jenn's final words, the two she singles
out the most are Sierra and Carolyn. I just thought that was
interesting.
I've known whirlpools that sucked less than Sierra
P.P.S. This is my last Jenn entry on the Funny 115. I'm going to miss her.
Doesn't care. Is drunk.
