Mario Stories

The Truck Stop Girl

THE REQUEST: Write about a memorable interaction with a girl

This isn't the type of story people would expect out of me, but hey I wanted to give you guys some variety. So let me tell you about the first time a girl ever flat out propositioned me for sex. I was thirteen years old at the time, and it went approximately about as well as you think it would have, ha ha.

Let me think back a bit for this story. I would say it was maybe the summer of 1987? Or maybe early 1988? It's harder to remember stories that didn't happen in school, because you don't have any frame of reference of who was there with you at the time, or who the teacher was, or what was going on around you in class. But I would say this was either 1987 or 1988. If only because... well... because that's the only time a girl I didn't know would have walked up to me and actually done this. 1987 and 1988 were probably my peak two years as, I guess we'll say, "a hot guy."

Side note: I say this, of course, because I was tall. For no explicable reason whatsoever, I grew ten inches in about three months in the middle of seventh grade (I suddenly jumped from 5'2" to 6'0"). Which meant that, before I had even turned thirteen, I was already six feet tall. For about four months of my life, I was actually one of the tallest kids in middle school, and I looked much older than I actually was. And I think that's the lesson to be learned from this story. I guess girls are often interested in tall guys.

Me at thirteen, when I absolutely towered over my already-tall brother

Also, fun side note, 1987 was the last time you were legally allowed to wear a Buckwheat SNL shirt.

So anyway, it's probably the summer of 1987 here. And I am probably a six foot tall, thirteen year old, actually pretty good baseball and basketball player. Which meant that, to girls who didn't know me, to girls who hadn't grown up with me, and known what a strange Dungeons and Dragons dork I was, I might have actually appeared pretty interesting. I mean, you don't see a six foot tall thirteen year old athlete every day.

And so here we go with this story. This is one of those stories that still makes me laugh now, nearly forty years later.

So it's the summer of 1987, and my dad is driving my brother and me from Seattle to Spokane. I don't remember WHY we were driving to Spokane, I just remember that we were. And at some point along our drive, we stop at a travel plaza somewhere in central Washington. So my dad can fill up on gas, and the three of us can get some lunch. I have no idea where this place was, but I'm guessing it was somewhere around Ellensburg.

I'm from Bellevue, so hell if I know. Ellensburg is around here? Maybe?

So we're at this travel plaza somewhere in the middle of Washington state. And my brother and dad are way inside the building, in some sort of a cafe. Sitting down at a table, waiting for our lunch. And as they're waiting for our lunch, I decide to wander out to the front of the travel plaza, where I had seen they had a bunch of video games. And I pop in a quarter into one of the machines. If I remember correctly, I believe it was Xevious.

So I'm standing there, playing Xevious. Completely oblivious to anything going on around me in the world. Just totally engrossed in the game. And that's when some girl I had never even noticed comes wandering over to talk to me. She's a little bit older than me, maybe fifteen or so? Maybe even sixteen? I have no idea. But she has something important she needs to tell me.

"Hey," she says. "Hey," I say back. Sort of caught off guard that an older girl is even there. Let alone actually talking to me.

"See my friend out there?" the girl says. She points to another girl her age, who is standing out in the parking lot, along with two older guys. I take a quick glance out to the parking lot so I can see who she's pointing at. "Yeah," I say. "I see her."

"Well she wants your body."

And... uh... this was new.

Truck stops. Where the romance happens.

I just sort of stand there, still playing my video game, and I don't say anything. Not even sure how I'm supposed to respond to that.

"Did you hear me?" The girl repeats. "She's horny for you and she wants you."

By the way, keep in mind that I had barely even TALKED to a girl at this point in my life. I mean, dude, I had barely turned thirteen. And now I'm supposed to go from not even talking to a girl at all, to being straight up propositioned for sex? By a strange probably fifteen year old (aka, two years older than me) girl in a parking lot?? Let's just say this was not my typical Saturday.

As I'm standing there, playing my video game, I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out how to respond to this.

The best I manage to come up with is...

"That's nice."

Yes, I'm glad I make you horny. Thank you ma'am, that's nice.

So I say that. And this girl next to me doesn't really know how to respond. She just sort of stares at me. And then she retreats out to the parking lot to go repeat this to her friend. And it's too bad I hadn't been there to hear THIS part of the conversation. I'm sure it would have been incredible. Um, he didn't really respond at all, he just said that it's nice.

Truck stops. Also where the negotiations happen.

So anyway, in comes the friend again. Because she has to start this whole process all over again. Because apparently her friend in the parking lot isn't going to take "that's nice" for an answer. The closer has been sent in once again to be A.B.C. - Always Be Closing.

"My friend wants to fuck you."

Oh good. So I guess we're just going to come right out and say it.

"She thinks you're really hot and she wants your body."

And you know, I would have. I really WOULD have. But... I mean... I was on like the eighth screen in Xevious. I was having a really good game.

Xevious. Slightly better than sex.

Actually, no. I love to joke about it now, but no I wouldn't have been up for it.

I mean, MAYBE if I hadn't been here with my dad and my brother. And MAYBE if I'd been a little bit older than thirteen. And MAYBE if I didn't think those two guys out there were instantly going to jump me. MAYBE... if all those things were true... I might have wandered out there, and I might actually talked to that girl. If I recall, from what I saw of her, she was actually pretty cute.

But I mean, come on. My dad and brother were sitting back in the cafe, and they were waiting for our food. THEY WEREN'T MORE THAN A HUNDRED FEET AWAY FROM ME! And yeah I'm sure it would been awesome if my family had come out to find me, and they would have found me in the backseat of a car with some random fifteen year old truck stop girl. Getting... well... whatever was being offered to me here.

Yeah, I'm sure that wouldn't have been awkward at ALL.

Truck stops. Basically an employment agency.
You want a job? We'll getcha a job.

Because I was only thirteen, I wasn't interested in either sex, a truck stop date, being mugged, or getting my ass kicked and THEN being mugged.

So of course, I just repeated the most polite turn down I could come up with.

"Thank you," I said once again. "That's nice."

And then I turned and I waved at her.

And then I went back to my game.

And this is how I became the first guy in recorded history to actually choose a video game over sex.


Oh yeah, and even though I had been as polite as possible, the girl's friend still left me with these parting words:

"By the way, you're an asshole."

Is no longer welcome in Ellensburg

Postscript:  People always ask me about this story, and the answer is no. I didn't think it was a real offer. What I thought was going down was they were using a pretty girl to get me out into the parking lot, and that's where those two guys out there were going to beat the crap out of me. That's what I THOUGHT was going to happen. Mainly because, even at thirteen, I already knew not to trust a pretty girl who bats her eyelashes at you. I thought they were using their cute friend as the bait.

However... if we're going to play Devil's Advocate...

I suppose I also have to bring up the fact that maybe it actually WAS a real offer. And maybe some cute fifteen year old really DID think I was hot, and she really DID want my body. And maybe what I DID was I absolutely shattered her pride and her sense of self confidence, because she just got turned down for sex by a D&D playing thirteen year old. So yeah, THAT scenario is entirely possible too. And that's why if she's reading this, and if THAT'S what happened, I just want her to know that I apologize. Sorry if I ruined your life when you were fifteen. Sorry you got "no thanks'd" by a child playing video games. Although, I mean, technically, I DID say you were nice. I never actually insulted you. :)

But yeah, this was in Ellensburg at a truck stop back in 1987. The eighties were fun.

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