28. Final
Justice (1984) - Season 10, episode 1008
"It's dangerous for Joe Don to be in the water. Someone's
bound to harpoon him."
Plot: Joe
Don Baker is fat.
Famous for:
Being the meanest episode Mystery Science Theater ever did.
"His arteries are just lookin' at each other, shakin' their heads."
My favorite riff:
There are two great running gags in this episode.
The first one is a recurring joke where Joe
Don keeps getting arrested by the Malta police, so every morning he
wakes up in the Malta County Jail. Every single morning he wakes up
in
the exact same bed, he rolls over, and he stands up in the exact same
way. And EVERY single time he stands up, Mike makes the exact same
little fart noise. It's
one of
those stupid little jokes that's maybe kinda funny the first time you
see it, but when you see it the eighth time it's a lot funnier. Hell,
nobody ever said comedy had to be sophisticated.
"Oh Kermie, take a look at my good stuff."
The
other great running gag in this episode is the fact that Final Justice
was actually
rated R when it first came out. So on MST3k they have to bleep out or
blur out a lot of the more adult things. Which leads to a great running
gag
that
the bad guy is always calling our hero a "Son of a ____!"
Mike
and
the
Bots have a LOT of fun making fun of that line. Throughout the episode,
they're constantly
calling characters names, but leaving out the last word. It's hard
to really describe it in print, but it's hilarious. You just have
to hear how they do it.
"You son of a!"
"No, you're a son of a!"
Comments:
Oh boy. I have SO much to say about this one.
"Ooh, I wish I was illiterate. So I didn't have to read that."
For
starters, the only way you can appreciate Final Justice is by knowing
the history of Mystery Science Theater, and Joe Don Baker.
You
see, back in season five, MST3k riffed a Joe Don Baker movie called
"Mitchell." And in this episode, they absolutely tore him apart. They made every
fat guy and fat slob and fat drunk asshole joke in the book. At the time, it was one
of the funniest... and by far, meanest... episodes in the history of MST3k.
And of course you're going to see it much higher in
my countdown,
because Mitchell is one of the all-time greatest episodes.
Mitchell - the first time the show ripped the shit out of Joe Don Baker
Anyway, the story I have heard is that one day Joe Don Baker saw what the MST3k guys
did to him with Mitchell, and he was PISSED about it. And he vowed
that if he ever ran into them somewhere in real life, he would kick
their asses.
Which, of course, leads to Mystery Science
Theater doing their SECOND Joe Don Baker movie.
At
the very end of the
show, during their last season, they decided to go after Joe Don Baker
again. And this time (in Final Justice), they not only matched
what
they did with Mitchell, they actually went after him even MEANER and
HARDER. And I mean, I'm serious. If you want to see the most vicious
episode MST3k ever did, just watch Final Justice. Because in this one
they aren't messing around. This time around, they're going right for
the throat.
"When fat kills fat."
"You'll have to grease me and push me through here."
"The last thing a sausage sees."
This
episode is so damn mean. But it's so damn funny at the same time. And because of that, I
have always had a hard time knowing where I should rank it.
I
mean,
on one hand, there are few episodes I have laughed harder at over the
years than Final Justice. When the jokes work in this one,
they REALLY work.
"Oh, you don't want Joe Don throwin' a stool at you."
But
at the same time, it's also a pretty one-note episode. I
mean,
the jokes are great, but nothing in this episode is all that especially
clever. It's really just one Joe Don Baker is fat joke after
another. So if you're talking about episodes that are
particularly intelligent or witty or amazing, I don't think you're talking about Final Justice.
Your reaction to an episode like
this would depend on how much you enjoy Mike and the Bots ripping Joe
Don Baker a new asshole.
Joe Don: The food's good, thank you. Sure
is a lot of it, too.
Mike: Fits right in with my plan.
I
happen to love Final Justice. But I can see why it wouldn't be
everyone's cup of tea. I just happen to think the backstory of Joe Don
saying
he would kick the MST3k guys' asses, and then this was MST3k's response... I
just happen to think that is really funny. But I'd be lying
if I
didn't also feel a little bit bad while I am watching this episode.
I
mean, they go after Joe Don personally, and they go after him HARD. And
this
really isn't even all that bad a movie.
The worst you can say
about Final Justice as a movie is that the copy they use on the show is
faded, and dark, and that sometimes it's hard to see what's happening.
Other than that, I can totally see this movie being in a
theater
in the 80s. It's not that terrible.
Joe Don: Aw, thank you, little lady.
Crow: You're welcome, huge man.
All
things considered, I'm glad that Final Justice exists as a MST3k episode. And it
easily slips into my top thirty, just because it's so damn funny. But BOY is this a mean-spirited episode. It's
hard to
compare it to any other episode in the MST3k catalog,
and yes I would even include Mitchell. If you want to
see how
comedy can sometimes be used for evil, I mean, this is your pick.
Oh, and if Joe Don Baker ever DID track the MST3k guys down and kick
their asses... they'd probably deserve it.
"Our hero. A big stinky cheater."
Other personal favorite things
about this episode:
Oh yeah, I just remembered that there's a THIRD great running joke in this episode.
Joe
Don has a catchphrase in this movie, "Go ahead on." He says it someone
right before he's about to shoot someone. And MAN do they have a lot of
fun making fun of it throughout the episode.
"You think you can take me? Go ahead
on."
My
favorite "go ahead on" riff comes towards the end of the movie, when Joe Don is on a boat,
and the bad guy blows it up. Joe Don is flung into the water
by
the explosion, presumably dead.
And that's when Tom Servo breaks out one of my all-time favorite MST3k riffs.
