The
Funny 115 - The Third One
#64. THIS IS THE TYRONE ENTRY
Nicaragua - episodes 1-5
One of my favorite things about writing the Funny 115 is
that I get a chance to celebrate the fun, quirky, minor characters on
the show that a lot of people might not remember.
Like this guy. Remember him?
Yes,
scattered throughout the archives of my past F115 entries, you will
find tributes to luminaries like the immortal "Danger" Dave Ball.
Who maybe a hundred online fans remember from his time on Samoa.
And you will find a tribute to one of my favorite minor villains
of all time: The guy from China who I like to call The Frenchman.
Todd shut up him
And
then, of course, there's the 2500 word tribute I wrote about the
immortal BobDawg from Survivor: Panama. Who only appeared in five
episodes and who only had maybe six confessionals. And at least
two of those confessionals involved rectal discharge.
Oh
yeah, and one of these days I still plan to do an entry about Crazy
Dave from China, and his FIREPIT OF THE GODS. Who I can guarantee
you don't remember at all unless you are a massive online Survivor nerd
and you have committed every character from every single season to
memory.
A guy I should have written about on Version 2
Why am I mentioning all these minor characters I have written about and tried to celebrate over the years?
Still covets Rob's wife
Well, because it's time for a tribute to maybe the most minor "minor fun character" of them all.
Quick. Name this guy.
Yep, here it is. My tribute to Tyrone Davis from Survivor: Nicaragua.
Who
was only around for five episodes. Who factored so little into
the storyline of Nicaragua that he is less remembered today than a girl
named Kelly who went most of the same season without a single
confessional.
But
here's the deal. Yes, Tyrone wasn't around that much. No,
he had absolutely nothing to do with just about any of the storylines
of Survivor: Nicaragua. But damn, when you watch those first
five episodes of the season again, and you look for him, you will laugh
your ass off when you see him just sitting around in the
background, reacting to stuff. He doesn't ever say that
much, but he is so expressive.
Okay,
so without further ado, here we go. My ten favorite moments (in
only five episodes!) of Tyrone responding to stuff.
Or reacting to stuff. Or just sitting around in the
background randomly giving the stink eye to someone. He's so
funny.
By
the way, I should also point out that, despite the fact that he was a
minor character even more minor than The Almighty BobDawg, I have been
-deluged- with emails over the past five years from readers who have
wanted me to write something about Tyrone. Among the hardcore
internet Survivor nerds, this guy is beloved. He is especially
beloved because, for years, any time he would write something online,
HE WOULD ALWAYS WRITE EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. IN FACT,
A FEW PEOPLE SUGGESTED THAT MAYBE I JUST WRITE THIS ENTIRE ENTRY IN ALL
CAPS AS A TRIBUTE TO TYRONE. SO I THINK I WILL DO THAT.
SO
HERE YOU GO. NEXT TIME YOU WATCH NICARAGUA, PAY
ATTENTION TO THIS GUY ALWAYS LURKING AROUND IN THE BACKGROUND. HE
IS SO AWESOME.
"It's hard to go against Tyrone. Tyrone is a little intimidating."
MY TEN FAVORITE TYRONE REACTING TO STUFF MOMENTS
10.
THAT TIME WHEN COACH JIMMY JOHNSON WAS GIVING A PEP TALK AND EVERYONE
WAS IN AWE OF HIM. BUT I DON'T THINK TYRONE WAS QUITE BUYING
IT.
9. BUT HE STILL APPLAUDED AT THE END ANYWAY, BECAUSE TYRONE IS A GENTLEMAN.
8. THAT TIME WHEN LA FLOR WAS DOING THEIR DUMB LITTLE RETARD DANCE, AND TYRONE HAD NEVER SEEN SUCH A THING.
CAREFUL ESPADA, BENRY'S HERE
OH SHIT GUYS, BENRY'S HERE
7. THAT TIME JIMMY JOHNSON CLAIMED HE WAS NOT OUT HERE FOR THE MONEY, AND TYRONE DISPUTED THIS.
"I'm not here for the money. I'm just here because I love Survivor."
6. THAT TIME TYRONE COMPLIMENTED WENDY ON HER LOOKS.
IT'S EPISODE ONE AT TRIBAL COUNCIL, AND WENDY IS LAMENTING THE FACT THAT NO ONE ON THE TRIBE KNOWS HER YET
"Not one person here has asked me my age."
"You're not supposed to ask a woman her age."
Jill asks, "How old are you?"
"Forty-eight!"
IN THE BACKGROUND, YOU HEAR TYRONE SARCASTICALLY SAY, "YOU LOOK SO YOUNG."
THEN WE CUT TO HIS FACE.
UNIMPRESSED
5. THAT TIME IN EPISODE ONE WHERE TYRONE WAS ALREADY SICK OF WENDY'S SHIT
WAIT'LL THEY GET A LOAD OF ME
"My goal in this game was, I didn't want to talk so much that I drive everyone crazy!"
4. THAT TIME TYRONE USED THE DSM-5 TO DIAGNOSE HOLLY.
"Holly walked up to me and she took my lunch!"
"Then she took my lunch and she threw it in the ocean!"
TYRONE QUICKLY CHECKS WITH THE DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS, 5TH EDITION, AND...
"Throwin' away food."
"That's crazy."
3. THAT TIME WHEN LEGENDARY HALL OF FAME COACH JIMMY JOHNSON WAS THREATENED BY THE FISHING GUY.
IT'S TRIBAL COUNCIL IN EPISODE THREE, AND JIMMY T. WON'T SHUT UP THAT HE NEVER GETS ANY PLAYING TIME
"I just wanna play. Put me in, coach."
"No."
"Jeff, I think Coach Jimmy is threatened by my leadership skills."
REALLY? JIMMY JOHNSON, FORMER HEAD COACH OF THE DALLAS COWBOYS, IS THREATENED BY YOU?
"Yes!"
2.
IN THE 80'S THERE WAS A FAMOUS BASEBALL PLAYER NAMED JEFFREY
LEONARD. HE WAS KNOWN AS "PENITENTIARY FACE" TO HIS TEAMMATES
BECAUSE HE ALWAYS HAD THIS FLAT ANGRY LOOK ON HIS FACE AND HE NEVER
SMILED.
PENITENTIARY FACE
PENITENTIARY
FACE IS THE PERFECT NICKNAME FOR TYRONE WHEN YOU WATCH HIM IN THE
BACKGROUND OF CHALLENGES. HE ALWAYS HAS THIS REALLY ANGRY LOOK ON
HIS FACE, FOR NO REAL REASON. IT'S SORT OF LIKE CAROLYN RIVERA
WITH HER RESTING BITCH FACE. TYRONE, YOU MIGHT SAY, HAS THE MALE
VERSION OF THE RESTING BITCH FACE. HE HAS A RESTING I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU
FACE.
EXAMPLE 1
EXAMPLE 2
EXAMPLE 3
EXAMPLE 4
EXAMPLE 5
EXAMPLE 6
EXAMPLE 7
EXAMPLE 8
EXAMPLE 9
THIS ONE ISN'T QUITE THE SAME, BUT I LIKE IT SO I AM CALLING IT EXAMPLE 10
AND, FINALLY, WE CAN'T HAVE A TYRONE ENTRY WITHOUT INCLUDING HIS FAMOUS CONFESSIONAL ABOUT SHOES.
1. THAT TIME TYRONE WAS GONNA KEEP AN EYE ON HIS SHOES
IT'S EPISODE TWO, AND HOLLY HAS JUST ADMITTED TO STEALING DAN'S SHOES
WELL TYRONE IS NO FOOL. HE KNOWS THAT IF HOLLY CAN STEAL DAN'S SHOES, SHE COULD JUST AS EASILY SNAP AGAIN AND STEAL HIS.
SO TYRONE TAKES TO A CONFESSIONAL TO TELL US HIS PLAN.
TYRONE WHEN HE REALIZES THAT HOLLY IS BONKERS
WHICH, IF YOU KNOW YOUR SNL HISTORY, REMINDS ME OF THIS
"Holly keeps gettin' stranger and stranger."
"And every time she speaks it becomes more evident that she's crazy."
HOLLY
"So I'm gonna keep one eye on her."
"And one eye on my shoes."
AND HERE IT IS, IN ALL ITS TYRONE GIF MAJESTICNESS. I LOVE HOW LEGITIMATELY FRIGHTENED HE IS OF HER HERE.
And
so there you have it. My tribute to the seldom-seen, and even
more seldom-remembered, but beloved among a certain chunk of the
internet fanbase, Mister Tyrone Davis. You might not remember
him, but he was absolutely one of the standout characters of the first
few episodes of Nicaragua.
When you have to listen to Jimmy T.'s bullshit every day
Is
Tyrone ever going to be elected to the Survivor Hall of Fame? Of
course not. Is he ever going to come back and play in a returnee
season? I certainly doubt it.
But
you could do a lot worse than being "that guy who had a funny reaction
to everything, and who has this amazing and inexplicably dedicated
internet fan base."
Even if, sadly, Nicaragua sweetheart NaOnka was not among them.
"Don't think that you a G, which is a gangsta, cause you not."
Is not a G
Tyrone was fun, he was quirky, he had a few good quotes, and he had a couple of great reaction shots.
And, at the end of the day, how cool was it that there was a guy named "TD" on the same tribe as Jimmy Johnson?
"It was very cool."
"I actually didn't think it was all that cool."
"Well I'm Jimmy Johnson, and I say it was."
So
here's to you, Tyrone. You may not have gotten all that much
airtime. But you got more than most Survivor fans ever will.
Thank you for entertaining us.
Look, he's smiling!
P.S.
It's not like Tyrone was pissy and in a bad mood ALL the time.
He seemed to actually be pretty popular among most of the
non-crazy members of Espada. In fact, if you go back and you
watch the early episodes of Nicaragua, it's clear that he is easily one
of the more respected members of the tribe. Especially because I
know you probably don't remember the butt dance.
Tyrone wins immunity for the Espadas at the end of the episode two
So he comes back to camp. And he celebrates.
By doing the butt dance
Doin' the butt
P.P.S. From reader Cory Gage:
The side eye
P.P.P.S. And, of course, WE END ON THIS. HAPPY HOLIDAYS.
I JUST GOT A CHARACTER ENTRY. WHAT DID YOU GET? NOT THAT.
PEACE.
** Thank you to Ethan Kyle
for the Andre the Giant/FUBC picture
**
