#39. Laserblast

39. Laserblast (1978) - Season 7, episode 706

 "You know, every time I come close to not hating him, I see those feet on the side of his van."

Plot: Aliens accidentally leave a powerful laser gun on Earth during one of their visits. A teenage kid finds it and he starts laserblasting everyone. Based on the Maya Angelou book.  
Famous for: All the "Are you ready for some FOOTBALL??" riffs.

 "I just keep getting the feeling that you're not ready for some football."

My favorite riff:  Respected film critic Leonard Maltin famously gave Laserblast two and a half stars (out of four) when it originally came out back in 1978. 
My favorite riff is when Mike sarcastically alludes to this during one of the dumber scenes of the movie.

"I wonder what the flaw was that kept Leonard Maltin from giving this a full three stars."

Comments: I read a review once that said Laserblast was "the perfect movie for Mystery Science Theater." And I would agree with that, a hundred percent.

I don't know how you can have a movie starring Eddie Deezen, badly stop-motioned aliens, and a guy who says "Pa-Pa-Pow!" while mock-shooting an alien ray gun... I mean, how can you have a movie like that and possibly take it seriously? The answer is, you can't. It's like the filmmakers served this one up to MST3k right on a silver platter.

"Won't he be surprised when he finds out it doesn't go 'pow,' but 'FWEESH!'"

The riffing in this episode isn't the funniest I've ever seen. And you'll probably get tired of them screaming "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL??" every god damn time the Hank Williams-looking guy appears on screen. But you know what? This is just a fun, goofy episode. I mean, it's as simple as that. It's just fun. It's also one of the rare episodes that gets better and better the more times that you watch it, which is pretty much the hallmark of ALL the best Mystery Science Theater episodes.

Laserblast isn't a masterpiece, but it's definitely one of those episodes that demands repeat viewings. It will almost always get you into the giggle zone at one point or another.

"I know what you're thinking.  Did I fire six gorlocks or only five?"

And of course, never forget.

This is the movie where Eddie Deezen actually got to play one of the bullies.

"The inverted world where the spazzes make fun of the cool guys."

Other personal favorite things about this episode: Did you know the producers actually expected this movie to be a hit? Hundred percent true story.

When Laserblast came out in 1978, it was expected to not only compete with Star Wars, some insiders thought it would actually TOP Star Wars. And that's why the director put a scene in the movie where Billy blows up a Star Wars billboard with his laser gun. That was the director's big middle finger to George Lucas, showing how Laserblast was going to kick the shit out of Star Wars at the box office.  

Um, here's a quick spoiler for you: It didn't quite do that.

Final ticket sales:
Star Wars (1977 run): Over $500 million dollars
Laserblast: $322,291

And the box office champ is... Not Laserblast.

Hey, there's a Star Wars billboard. Let's blow that shit up.

Take that, you hack, Lucas! The gauntlet has been thrown!

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