The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor

#36. Bobby Jon versus Jamie
Guatemala - Multiple Episodes

This was one of my favorite Survivor feuds of all time. Bobby Jon against Jamie. Southern gentleman against Southern gentleman. The pride of Georgia against the pride of Alabama. In a no-holds-barred fight to the very end.

Bobby Jon Drinkard (L) and Jamie Newton (R)

The funniest thing about the Bobby Jon/Jamie feud was the fact that you had two normally calm and reserved people going absolutely apeshit and getting in each other's face every single chance they could. They hated one another with a passion, they went out of their way to antagonize and show up one another on the battlefield, and personally I thought the whole thing was just hilarious. I mean, these guys were so similar and so quiet for the most part, but when it came to challenges they turned into absolute pit bulls. And they did it week after week after week! I loved it!

Overall, I would have to say that the most satisfying aspect of "Bobby Jon versus Jamie" was that the feud actually lasted more than half a season. Unlike other Survivor feuds, this one was actually a part of the storyline, and it actually factored into a majority of the episodes. It wasn't over in one episode or one tiny little scene. Like Colby Donaldson, this one actually had some teeth to it.

Less filling! Tastes great!

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed the inevitable Bobby Jon/Jamie showdown every week. For me, it literally was the highlight of the Guatemala season. In fact I don't think I have -ever- enjoyed a Survivor moment as much as their face-off/shout-off/spit-off during the giant rock challenge. That was absolutely a thing of beauty. Because here you have two guys who normally mumble every other word when they talk (and even say "yes ma'am" or "yes sir" when answering questions). Yet during the rock challenge they are shouting spit-filled epithets at one another from half a centimeter away. It was awesome.

So anyway, here's the summary of my favorite Survivor feud of all time, the epic struggle between (mean and insane) Jamie Newton and (intense and insane) Bobby Jon Drinkard. Here is the recap from start to finish, including my scorecard for each round.

It's up to you to decide who actually won the fight.

~~~ DRINKARD v. NEWTON, Fight Recap ~~~

Round 1: One of Bobby Jon Drinkard's most endearing traits is the fact that he tends to be an absolute maniac in challenges. He screams, he spits, he loses all semblance of rational behavior. It's like he turns into an entirely different person.

But the thing that -really- stands out about Bobby Jon is the way he celebrates when his tribe wins. Because when Bobby Jon is celebrating, he doesn't just celebrate like a normal person. No, when Bobby Jon celebrates... he CELEBRATES. And we see this when Nakum wins the "tent build" challenge in episode three. Nakum wins the challenge, Nakum wins reward, and Bobby Jon is so excited that he starts jumping up and down like a maniac. He literally gets about four feet of air because he is jumping so high, and this over-exuberant celebration is fairly typical of a Bobby Jon victory reaction. It's the sort of thing that makes for great TV, but it's also the sort of thing that -really- gets under the skin of the opposing tribe. Especially if they are already upset over the fact that they lost...

Round 1 scorecard: Drinkard 10, Newton 9

One minute before Bobby Jon goes into psycho jumping mode

Round 2: Bobby Jon already annoys the other tribe with his excited victory dances, but he officially crossing the line into pissing them off with his behavior in episode five. This is the "rope cut" challenge, and this is the one where Jamie blows the challenge for Nakum.

Jamie is unable to cut through a piece of rope. Jamie's Nakum tribe is decimated in a humiliating loss. And it's frustrating all around because Nakum just lost the single best reward of the season (the caged-in swimming pool). So Jamie is pissed off, the Nakums are pissed off... and that's when they get a glimpse of Bobby Jon's latest victory celebration:

Hey Nakums, kiss my ass!

Bobby Jon hurtles down past them with his legs spread in the air, and this is really too much for Jamie and the Nakums to take. Stephenie later describes Bobby Jon as "cheering like a freaking girl" and says "he gets so gay I can't stand it." And Jamie agrees. Jamie says that he is going to imitate Bobby Jon the next time that Nakum wins a challenge...

The stage is now set for the actual fighting to begin.

Round 2 scorecard: Drinkard 10, Newton 9

Round 3: This is where it all begins. It's still episode five and Jamie's Nakum tribe has just won a critical immunity challenge. They defeat Yaxha (and Bobby Jon) in the giant slingshot challenge, so Jamie decides to do a little "Bobby Jon" impression just to see how much the guy likes it.

Jamie makes sure he is within earshot of Bobby Jon, then he starts yelling "Who's smiling now? WHO'S SMILING NOW???" Jamie pumps his fists, he screams his head off in ecstasy, and Bobby Jon actually gets annoyed. He does a little "Whoooooo!" impression of Jamie right back and it's evident that things are really starting to heat up now.

This is further emphasized by a later comment from Bobby Jon, when he tells his tribe, "Gosh, that burns me. There's a way to win, and there's a way to lose." And he doesn't think that Jamie showed a lot of class. Bobby Jon also explains that Alabama (Bobby Jon) and Georgia (Jamie) are natural rivals and that's why he thinks this is going to turn kind of personal.

Round 3 scorecard: Newton 10, Drinkard 9

Round 4: Alright, now the feud is really intensifying. We have officially reached a Bloods-and-Crips level of retribution and now the two combatants are just trying to outdo one another. And in episode six we finally cross the line of no return.

It's the "giant ball" reward challenge and Yaxha and Nakum are facing off in an attempt to roll the ball over the opposing tribe. And when Jamie defeats Bobby Jon in round two, this is where the shit starts to hit the fan. Jamie wins, Jamie cheers loudly and obnoxiously in an exaggerated impression of Bobby Jon, and... well... that's when the fun begins. See below:

Jamie cheers wildly and loudly, and Bobby Jon decides he is not going to take it anymore.

So he confronts him.

And a screaming match ensues.

Bobby Jon and Jamie start screaming at one another from point-blank range like alley cats. They bump chests, saliva flies everywhere, and it's very hard to pick out an intelligible word during the entire exchange (although Bobby Jon appears to say "That's what I like!" at some point.) But it's just a wonderful moment of insane testosterone that leaves the rest of the players stunned into silence. No one knows what to say once Bobby Jon and Jamie finally peel themselves apart. The look on Brian Corridan's face is especially priceless. He has no idea what he is supposed to think about all of this.

Brian's first glimpse into red-state testosterone

By the way, I can't say enough about this scene. It's an A+ comedic scene all around, from start to finish, and it is one of my favorite scenes of Survivor: Guatemala. The whole screaming fit/chest-bumping scene is so beautiful it almost brings a tear to my eye, even to this day. *sniff*

Round 4 scorecard: Drinkard 10, Newton 10 (a draw)

Round 5: This is the round-between-the-rounds, and it consists of Bobby Jon and Jamie discussing what just happened with their tribesmates. This round consists solely of a war of words. In other words, it is more like a Cold War.

~~Nakum Post-fight Comments:~~

JAMIE: "Bobby Jon hit a new nut level. It's like he hit a flip switch."

STEPHENIE: "But he's always like that!"
RAFE: "It was almost like...(long thoughtful pause) Is Bobby Jon crazy?"

JAMIE: "I thought it was about to go to blows, you know? Just Southern people. We're crazy and we know it."

~~Yaxha Post-fight Comments:~~

BOBBY JON: "Jamie's kind of cocky and arrogant. And there's a line you cross with me. And, um, he crossed it today. And I just went over and I put him in his place."

BOBBY JON (to Brandon): "You want to buck up, that's fine. But... um... there's another bear out in the woods too."

Round 5 scorecard: Drinkard 10, Newton 10

Round 6: This is where things start to change a bit. Because this is where Jamie stops trying to get a reaction out of Bobby Jon, and he just starts trying to be a dick.

It's episode eight and the two tribes have just merged. The merge takes place in the middle of the night, right after Tribal Council. Bobby Jon and his fellow Yaxhas just show up at the enemy camp one night and inform the Nakums that they are now all part of the same tribe.

Jamie's reaction to this shocking bit of news? He tells Bobby Jon that there is no room in the shelter and he will have to go sleep outside in the cold. Sorry Jesus, no room at the Inn.

Bobby Jon's reaction to this comment is somewhat predictable:

"Dude, you gonna say -one- more thing to me, I'm gonna knock every one of your teeth slam out of ya head."

Score this one for Jamie.

Round 6 scorecard: Newton 10, Drinkard 9

Round 7: This is the moment in the game where Jamie really starts to cross the line of good taste. And he just flat out crosses over into the asshole zone.

It's the episode eight immunity challenge and Jamie's Nakums have chosen to sit this one out. Since they hold a six-four advantage in the game, the Nakums are able to sit and enjoy a feast while the Yaxhas struggle to balance a pot on their heads for immunity. Jamie just sits there, eating, while obviously enjoying the sight of Bobby Jon battling for his Survivor life right in front of him. And Jamie just can't resist taunting the guy a little bit during the process.

JAMIE: "How you doin' Bobby Jon? Good?"

Jamie teases Bobby Jon all throughout the immunity challenge, and this draws a fair bit of ire from Jamie's own teammates on Nakum. They can't believe he is actually doing this. And while Jamie technically wins this round (via knockdown), this scene also leads to a fair amount of backlash against him later in the game. People just don't like Jamie very much after the way he treats Bobby Jon during this immunity challenge.

Later in the episode, Bobby Jon gives a great quote in response to the way that Jamie was taunting him: "What if I stepped off this platform with this bucket on my head and just smashed it over his head?"

Round 7 scorecard: Newton 10, Drinkard 8

Round 8: Final Round. It's the Tribal Council right after the "taunting Bobby Jon" immunity challenge (episode 8) and the two men are now squaring off for one last time in the game.

Jeff asks the players what happened at the immunity challenge today and Bobby Jon responds by saying that Jamie showed "no class" and that he is pretty much a classless individual all around. And for some reason Jamie is incredibly offended by this ("That's like calling me white trash.")

Jamie angrily responds, "I do so have class," and this sets off a back-and-forth argument that culminates in one of my favorite unintentional comedy moments in Survivor history.

Because as he argues, Jamie keeps talking...

And talking...

And talking...

And finally Bobby Jon just can't take it anymore. He is so sick of the sound of Jamie's voice that he just doesn't want to hear it anymore. So Bobby Jon turns his head to the side and he does a perfect Napoleon Dynamite impersonation. And I mean perfect. He doesn't mean to do it, but that's exactly the way it comes off on TV. And if you are a fan of Napoleon Dynamite, I'm 100% sure that you thought the exact same thing, too. This moment never fails to make me laugh.

BOBBY JON: Just shut up, man. I mean... (he turns his head to the side in exasperation)... GOD!

(Note: Ha ha ha. That's awesome. I sure wish I had a picture of this moment, or a clip on YouTube or something. Because you just have to see it to really appreciate it. He looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite when he does this. God!)

So anyway, the whole Bobby Jon/Jamie feud ends with a Napoleon Dynamite reference. And that's really the only way it could have ended. Because once you invoke the Dynamite, there's really nowhere else you can go but down. Especially when Jeff Probst reacts with a slow, exasperated shaking of his head in response. A perfect ending to a perfect feud. Just an A+ effort by everybody involved.

Round 8 scorecard: Drinkard 10, Newton 8 (Not only did BJ do a Napoleon Dynamite, he also completely turned the momentum against Jamie in one fell swoop. Jamie was never again in control of this game after the way he treated Bobby Jon in episode eight).

And the overall winner of the fight...?

Overall Winner: The Viewer

POSTSCRIPT: This was one of the best (and most heated) feuds in Survivor history, mainly because the two combatants honestly and truly didn't like one another. But the most amazing thing about the whole storyline (and it truly was amazing) was the fact that Bobby Jon and Jamie were able to put aside their differences and actually become friends later in the jury. They were actually friends by the end of the game!

Why did they end up being friends?

Simple. Because Jamie was voted off right after Bobby Jon, and the two of them had plenty of time to sit there on the jury and bond while stewing about the players (Stephenie) left in the game. They were able to unite behind the spirit of hating Stephenie, they laughed whenever Stephenie said something cocky or stupid during Tribal Council, and this common bond led to arguably the most unlikely unification in Survivor history.

And to think it all came about because Stephenie sucked.


Bobby Jon and Jamie. Friends to the end. Thanks Steph.

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