Funny 115 - version 2.0
Wacky Adventures of Jason Siska
Fans vs Favorites - all season
When most people think about Fans vs Favorites,
the very first thing that comes to their mind is usually something
along the lines of "OMG, remember how Erik gave away immunity to the
girls? And remember how they immediately turned around and
him out? And then they all called him an idiot?
do you remember how embarrassing that was?"
when most people think about Fans vs Favorites, that is the image
that comes to their mind. They think about Erik the
Cream Scooper. And they think about him going out like a
Those two images will forever go together in Survivor history.
They will forever be remembered as a team, sort of like chocolate and
Or chocolate, peanut butter, and tits
Okay but here is the thing.
YES, the Erik Reichenbach episode was amazing. YES, it was
hilarious. YES, it was embarrassing.
YES, it was one of the most memorable storylines in Survivor history.
No scoop for you!
But Erik Reichenbach did NOT have the most embarrassing
storyline in Fans vs. Favorites! No way, not even close!
know this will come as a surprise to all the people who have associated
"Fans vs Favorites" and "Erik got bitchslapped" throughout the years,
but if you want to see the single most humiliating storyline in
Survivor history, if you want to see a guy who made way more
embarrassing mistakes (not mistake, mistakes)
than Erik Reichenbach ever made, if you want to see a guy who
bitchslapped harder than anyone has ever been bitchslapped in Survivor
before, well you need look no further than Erik's fellow member of the
Yes, it is time to delve into the amazing storyline of the man they
see, God might have made an embarrassing example out of Erik
Reichenbach. In Fans vs Favorites He might have reached down
from the heavens and pointed at Erik and decided to make a little
But that was nothing compared to what He did to Jason Siska.
With Jason Siska, God reached down and He just flat out bitchslapped
For you, I have... darker... plans
And so here we go.
The story of Jason Siska. Or, as I like to call it, the
biggest bitchslap in Survivor history.
know how Erik Reichenbach got humiliated by the girls? Well
Siska got humiliated too, only he managed to do it to himself.
Oh, and he also managed to do it three separate times.
Get ready. There may never be another Survivor storyline as
awesome as this one.
You ready? Jason's ready.
It is episode one of Fans vs Favorites, and there's a new hired gun in
He's a really big fan of the game. And his name is Siska.
If the Fans were Mount Rushmore, Jason Siska would be Lincoln
Jason actually does have a pretty good start to the game.
people don't remember that, they only remember him later, when he
turned into a retard. But Jason is probably one of the
competitors in the Micronesia over the first few episodes.
Wooooo! I rock!
Wooooo! I'm awesome!
Yeaahhhhhh, I'm a badass!
Jason looks over at the Favorites and taunts them with a big Siska
such a big badass through the first three episodes that he even goes
down to the beach and he kills a snake. And come on, Indiana
Jones wouldn't even kill a snake. Indiana Jones is scared to
death of snakes. So how badass is this guy?
"I am very badass."
People fear me
through the first three episodes of Fans vs Favorites, Jason Siska is
pretty much as big a badass as we have ever seen before on Survivor.
He is good in the challenges. He is deadly to sea
He taunts the other tribe. He has a wonderfully
Through the first three episodes of Fans vs Favorites, Jason Siska is
so good at Survivor that he is practically a god.
that all you have, God? Snakes? Challenges?
The Favorites? Is there nothing more challenging
for me to
Alexis: "Wow, Jason is awesome. Just check out his
Shit, Jason Siska is such a Survivor badass that he even interrupts Jeff Probst
in the middle of his Tribal Council speech!
this scene? Here is a great example of Siska just being
This is from episode four of Fans vs. Favorites, where Jeff
Probst tells the Fans that it is time to vote, and Jason just waves his
finger and says "oh no you din't."
Sorry Jeff Probst, but we don't vote until Jason Siska says we should
It is the end of episode four, and Jeff is about to tell the Fans to go
"Alright, it is time to vote. Jason, you're up."
Jason interrupts him by raising his hand and telling him to stop
"Jeff, I need to emphasize the importance of tonight's vote."
"In determining the future of this tribe."
"We need to really think about who we keep on the island, and who we
"Uh... any other comments from anybody else?"
No more comments. The point has been made.
(still amused) "Alright. Um, okay, I guess now it
is time to vote."
So anyway, yeah. For three episodes, Jason Siska is having a
pretty good Survivor experience.
I admire this plucky game, it amuses me
After three episodes, it is time for the bitchslap.
Ow. Survivor hurts
In episode four, Ozzy (of the Favorites tribe) gets sent to Exile
Now, on paper, this might not seem like it would affect Jason's
storyline. On paper, you would just think okay,
fine, some other guy in the game got sent to Exile.
But you see, it does matter to Jason's storyline. It matters
As we will soon see below.
Ozzy gets sent to Exile Island
And the first thing he does on Exile Island?
He finds the hidden immunity idol
With the real idol now in his hand, and a sense of a mischief a mile
wide, Ozzy comes up with a fun little strategic joke he decides he is
going to play on somebody.
"I'm going to make a fake idol and put it in the same spot.
And then maybe some idiot will find it and fall for it."
And just who is that idiot?
Ozzy laughs about his plan to fool somebody with a fake immunity idol
"God I hope somebody finds it and tries to play it."
So Ozzy finds a piece of wood and he makes a little fake idol.
Although "fake idol" might be a little too strong a word for what he
You see, Ozzy doesn't have the craftsmanship or the woodworking skills
of a guy like Bob Crowley. He doesn't have the engineering
degree or the knowledge of science like Yau Man Chan. He
doesn't even have the materials or the familiarity with the word "wood"
like Beavis and Butthead.
All he has is a stick, a knife, and about fifteen minutes.
And this is the piece of shit that he creates. It's a
fucking stick with a face.
Ozzy buries his
fake idol back in the same
hole where the
original idol was hidden
And then he crosses his finger and waits.
"Do your job now, buddy."
Like I said before, on paper this doesn't look like it will affect
Jason's Survivor legacy. But oh, just wait.
It so will.
So anyway, with the fake idol just sitting there waiting for
dingleberry to come along and find it, and Jason quickly losing control
over his alliance on the Fans tribe, we are about to create a perfect
storm of incompetence and dumbassery. All the ingredients
are slowly coming together to make the single most awesome Survivor
Back at camp, the Fans lose the big episode four immunity
challenge. They will be forced to go to Tribal Council
And for the first time all game, the vote doesn't go Jason's way.
His ally Mikey B is voted out
The Fans decided to vote out Mikey B in favor of this guy.
With his buddy Mikey B out of the game, and a useless lump like Chet
just hanging around camp doing pageant things, things are looking down
in the dump for our old hero Jason Siska. All of a sudden
this bed of roses and daffodils that he knows as Survivor is starting
to turn against him. Things are no longer always going his
And that's when he gives us a quote that I'm sure he would later regret.
"The tribe I'm in is not the tribe I want to be in. I would
really like there to be a switch."
And sure enough, in episode five? Here it comes.
Just like Jason was hoping for. The Tribal Switch.
This is where the legend of Jason Siska will officially be born.
"Drop your buffs, we are switching tribes."
Jason is immediately picked to be a member of the Airai tribe.
Although it is probably a very bad sign in hindsight that nobody even
knows his name.
"I'm gonna pick blue. I don't know his name."
"Yeah you. Squirelly boy."
And then of course Jason follows that up by selecting a woman who would
later embarrass him. Yeah, you know how Parvati completely
wreaked havoc in Fans vs Favorites, and how she systematically
destroyed pretty much everybody? You know how she put
together the single most deadly alliance in Survivor history?
Well you can blame it on Jason.
"I'm gonna take Poverty."
Heh, she likes me
Jason smiles the biggest, douchiest, most "I'm awesome" grin as Parvati
walks over and he welcomes her into the tribe
"Hi, I'm Parvati. Don't unpack."
And with that, we now have the tribe that will dominate the game.
And then, just for good measure? A fist pump.
"Isn't he adorable?"
And this is where Jason takes his first step towards immortality.
This is where he finds Ozzy's
hidden immunity idol stick
with a little face on it.
It is episode six. Airai has just won a reward challenge
A JONATHAN PENNER ROAR OF VICTORY!
Okay Airai, you won. Pick somebody from Malakal to go to
We send Chet. Wait, Chet is still alive?
One Airai, since we are pretty sure that Chet is going to perish out on
Island, one of you has to go out there with him too
Which Airai member is brave enough to go out and scoop up Chet's corpse?
You got it
Jason volunteers to go to Exile
So Chet and Jason (but mostly Jason) head out to Exile Island.
Meanwhile, back at camp, everyone debates what will happen if a
challenge god like Jason finds the hidden immunity idol.
"What if Jason found the idol? That wouldn't be good, would
Ozzy, of course, is slightly less worried about it.
After all, he knows exactly who has gone out to Exile Island.
And he knows exactly what is out there, waiting for him.
At this point, all that Ozzy is hoping for is for comedy to ensue.
"I really want Jason to find the fake one."
"Because from what I've heard, he might be naive enough to believe that
it's the real one."
Ozzy sits there and laughs about what is about to happen
Sure enough, Jason Siska gets out to Exile Island.
He gets there and he starts looking for idol clues.
"Dear Jason, I just wanted to warn you about the all-crazy alliance on
the Airais. They look strong.
Use this idol to save yourself tonight, and to vote for
Sleckman. I think she is the ringleader. Stay
strong, and I'll see you at the merge. BFFs
Jason continues looking for clues
And then? After probably about an hour and a half of
Jason finds the
hidden idol twig with a little
fucking face on it, and
Jason sits down and takes a look at the idol he has just discovered
Is Jason suspicious?
Is he concerned?
Is he bothered at all that the hidden immunity idol looks more or less
like a stick version of Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo?
I'll protect ya! Hiiiiiiidey hooooooo!
No. He's not.
Jason really isn't suspicious at all.
"Well, I guess this is the hidden immunity idol."
"Uh... it's not much, but it's a carving of a piece of wood with...
"A little guy on it."
Now this is the part where you expect
that Jason might show a little concern. You know, after the
"And... uh..." part. With 99% of the people in the world,
next thing that would come out of their mouth after "And... uh..."
would be something along the lines of "And you know, I know it looks
cheap. I hope somebody didn't just put it there and is trying
trick me with it."
But are these the words that come out of Jason Siska's mouth?
Does he express any concern or any skepticism here?
Is he suspicious of Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo Idol at all?
Of course he isn't!
(giddily) "This is pretty incredible."
(laughing) "I'm gonna have to hold onto this tight."
So anyway, yes. Jason Siska's storyline is going to be way
more embarrassing than anything that Erik Reichenbach ever did.
Oh yeah, and this is the best part. We are just getting
Seriously. The actual fucking idol. That's not an
idol, that's a dildo.
By the way, Siska isn't done bragging about his shiny new hidden
immunity idol yet. Nope.
He still has a few more choice Siska-isms to go.
"Ozzy doesn't have it. I
"So this is really good for me."
anyway, yeah. Jason has now fallen for Ozzy's fake
immunity idol... hook, line, and sinker. He really hasn't
doubted it for a second.
Anything that happens after this scene is pretty much just a bonus.
Jason proudly carries his idol back to camp
Now I know that you are reading this and you are laughing.
You are laughing at how ridiculous Jason Siska is.
There's a lot more to the Jason Siska experience than just the stick
There is a lot more!
Jason goes back to camp, and he immediately does his best to get in
good with his new tribesmates
Does it work?
Do the other Airais like him and respect him?
Um, yeah. Take a guess.
"I think Jason has been trying to impress the favorites ever since the
"Hey guys, I caught a rat. Let's eat it."
After Jason catches the rat, Parvati reacts to the sight of it.
"Ewww, look at his tail. He's so... yuck."
Jason (proudly) "Oh, the tail is delicious."
Parvati: "Have you ever had a rat before?"
Which leads us to this very diplomatic confessional by Parvati.
"Jason's trying to fit in, but it's not working though."
(laughing) "I think he's a loser."
It is episode eight, and the Jason Siska storyline is slowly starting
to come into focus now.
He is the guy who has fallen for Ozzy's fake stick. He is the
guy who tries to fit in, but who nobody likes. He is the guy
that big smug grin on his face, which cracks me up every single time I
see it at Tribal Council, because it pops up in practically every shot.
You know, this one.
Jason's storyline is slowly starting to come into focus
now. But it doesn't actually explode into awesomeness until
episode nine. Which-- hey-- coincidentally, is exactly where
are right now.
So anyway, here we go. Hold on to your seats. It is time for
episode nine of Fans vs Favorites.
From here on out, Jason just totally destroys Erik Reichenbach
on the embarrassing/hilarious/awesome scale.
Ozzy has just been sent to Exile Island, and he notices that his fake
immunity idol is gone
"Ha ha! Someone's taken the bait!"
"So who's it gonna be? Who is gonna be tricked by Ozzy?"
Jason gets back to camp Airai with his idol.
And he immediately makes friends with the only other outcast
the tribe, Eliza.
Nobody on Airai likes Jason. And nobody
on Airai likes Eliza. On paper, these two are pretty
the perfect alliance for one another.
One night, Eliza laments to Jason that the tribe is going to vote her
out the first chance they get
Jason, who has always been a knight in shining armor, decides that this
is the time he is going to step in and help his little Airai girlfriend
"No, it's cool Eliza. I have the hidden immunity idol."
"Yeah it's cool. I have the idol. I found it on
Whatchoo talkin about, Siska?
Jason swears her to secrecy
When Eliza hears this news, she reacts with delight.
Jason has the idol! Yay! The two of us will be safe!
Well no. Turns out she's actually not safe.
Again. The dildo.
the tribes merge. Eliza and Jason go into the merge
At this point, it is basically just the two of them against
With the tribes merged, Ozzy finally gets to meet Jason for the first
And what does he think?
it takes about thirty seconds, but Ozzy figures out pretty quickly that
this is the numbnuts who fell for his fake immunity idol. All
has to do is talk to Jason for about half a minute, and he is pretty
sure that this retard is the guy who is walking around proudly
carrying a stick with a little face on it.
Hey Jason, what's that?
Ha. Made you look.
Ozzy sits down and he predicts what is going to happen with Jason and
the hidden smiley stick.
He explains it to us in a confessional.
"I think that Jason walking around with my fake hidden immunity idol is
a beautiful thing."
"I think it's poetry in the making."
So anyway, with the tribes merged, and Eliza and
Jason pretty much on the outs with everybody, you can pretty much guess
what is going to happen next.
The players get together and they decide to vote out Eliza.
Let's vote out Eliza. Yay! Then afterwards we can
have a pillow fight!
Eliza knows this is the plan, so she goes to Jason for help
Eliza: "I need the idol, Jason."
Jason: "Don't worry, we've got them right where we want them."
Eliza: "Yeah... but the idol."
Jason: "Wait until we see the look of failure
on Ozzy's face tonight."
"Jason, I really really really need the fucking idol."
Don't worry babe. I got you.
Finally, Jason hands Eliza his hidden immunity idol.
What Eliza sees when she unwraps it
Eliza is skeptical
Now, there is a very famous scene that takes place right here where
Eliza storms down to the beach and she confronts Jason. I am
going to get too much into that scene, since it is going to get its
very own entry a little bit later in the countdown. But
it to say that Eliza knows this isn't a hidden immunity idol, and she
is a little bit pissed.
This isn't an idol! It looks like one of Scout's dildos!
And... well... at Tribal Council, the humiliation is finally complete.
"If anybody would like to play the hidden idol, now would be the time
to do so."
Fuckin A, I'm gonna play it.
Ozzy sees Eliza walk up to the podium with his little smiley stick, and
"The rules say that if this were a real hidden immunity idol, Eliza
would be safe from the votes tonight."
"Yeah, I don't think so."
Jeff tosses the dildo into the fire
Ozzy sees this and he decides he can't hold in his
laughter any more.
"Jeff, come on! That took hours to make!"
James (in the back) just completely loses it
So does Amanda
And well, that's pretty much it for our friend Eliza.
It turns out that Mister Hankey the Christmas Poo wasn't enough to save
her at Tribal Council tonight.
Mr. Hankey is an anti-Semite
Nice rescue, Sir Galahad.
So anyway, there you go. Jason and
the hidden immunity stick. One of the most embarrassing
that has ever happened in the first 22 seasons of Survivor.
Well, except for Jason tripping and falling in his Fans vs Favorites
But wait! We aren't done with the Wacky Adventures of Jason
Siska just yet!
how I said that Jason was basically the story of Erik Reichenbach,
times three? Remember how I said that his storyline was way
embarrassing, and way more hilarious, than our friend Erik the Ice
Cream Scooper? Remember how I said that it wasn't even close?
Well get this.
is the very next episode (seriously, like, five seconds after Jason got
fooled by a dildo with a smiley face), and this is where Jason gives us
this quote. This is a quote I already talked about in an earlier entry.
knows his ass is on the line. With Eliza (the only
universally hated player) out of the game, he knows that every other
player in Micronesia is going to come after him now.
But that really isn't all that big a deal, because Jason knows he is an
all-star in the immunity challenges
And what is the now infamous Jason Siska quote that we get at the start
of episode ten?
"Ozzy's not the only godlike competitor who can play this game."
Yes that's right. Five minutes after the stick with a smiley
face debacle, Jason compares himself to a god.
"Eat shit, Jason Siska!"
Ah. I love writing these summaries. :)
so Jason now has a new mission in the game. Starting
episode ten, he only has one goal left now in Survivor: Fans vs.
Favorites. His only goal left at this point is to go on some
of an immunity run.
Yes. Jason Siska might not be
the sharpest cheese in the dairy section, but he is smart enough to
know that immunity is the only way he is ever going to get to the end
Excuse me, could I borrow a cup of immunity?
And now we come to the Amazing Moments of Jason Siska highlight number
It is the episode ten immunity challenge, and this is one that Jason
desperately needs to win
needs immunity to stay in this game, and he knows it. Hell,
Amanda knows it, and she is back there behind him in the dead zone.
Meanwhile, Natalie and the other women know their assignment tonight.
Beat him for Mother Africa.
So the challenge starts
Hey, remember how I said that Siska was a badass in the challenges?
Well he is here in this challenge too.
He just stands there like a rock. He isn't going to drop his
arm for anybody.
One after another, all the other players fall in battle before him
stands there in the rain for six hours. And at the end of six
hours, the challenge is now down to just two people.
At the end of six hours, the only two people that remain in the
challenge are Jason and Poverty
Oops, Parvati. I'm sorry.
So anyway, the challenge is now down to just Jason and Parvati.
is all going to come down to the girl who controls the game, and who
wants nothing more than to vote Jason out of the game and humiliate
him... and the guy who is perfectly aware of this. It is all
going to come down to the girl who will never be voted out of the game,
and the guy who will be instantaneously voted out of the game.
And what strategic tactic does Jason decide to employ in this
After six hours of being a total badass? What does Einstein
Kill him, Parvati! Stop him! We need this!
I'm trying! I'm trying!
Finally, after six hours, Jeff has had enough. He comes out
from behind his podium with a big tray of food.
guys, here's how it's gonna work. If one of you steps down,
get all this food, and all the other players get to share it too.
You have thirty seconds to decide who wants to be the hero."
And... well... as we all know, there is nothing that Jason Siska likes
more than being the hero to everyone.
I think you can see where we are headed with this.
Hey I saved Eliza. Now I can save everyone else too.
Yeah, about that...
Parvati even decides to help him with his decision.
"Jason! Yay! You can make friends!"
Natalie decides to helpfully pipe in as well.
"If he took one for the team, we could all very likely say, you know,
we're gonna spare him tonight."
Wait. You would
Well we could
Shit, who knows?
Cirie wants to pipe in, but she can't keep a straight face
Luckily, Jeff Probst is there, waiting to pounce. He jumps
right in to help facilitate this ridiculous deal.
"Are you saying the group is prepared to tell Jason that they won't
vote him out tonight? If he'll step down?"
But it won't be that easy.
You see, Jason Siska happens to be a skilled negotiator.
Probably from all those years he spent in law school.
"I'd need a guarantee."
Holy shit. This is going to work?
apparently all it will take is a fake promise to get numbnuts
to give up immunity, it doesn't take long before everyone
their hand and promises they won't vote him out tonight.
Even Cirie promises
And now here is the most underrated part of the scene.
James knows what is about to happen, and he facepalms
One by one, every other player promises not to vote Jason out at Tribal
A promise not a single one of them has any intention to keep
And how does the godlike Jason Siska finally respond to all this?
Yeah, I think I'm good.
So anyway, yeah. Jason Siska received 8000 votes and was
voted out at Tribal Council that night.
What? No I wasn't!
Oh wait, you're right. He wasn't. Sorry, I forgot
would have been voted out at Tribal Council that night, but it turned
out that Ozzy was a much bigger threat to win, and they all wanted to
get rid of him.
So by some small miracle of fate
(one that had absolutely nothing to do with the promise they
to him), Jason was spared to live and to be a dumbass another day.
Ozzy was blindsided at Tribal Council instead.
The plan worked
now we have two completely embarrassing Jason Siska scenes.
is one more than Erik Reichenbach ever had, mind you. And
them were just as humiliating as Erik's was.
Still think that Erik was the biggest doofus in Micronesia?
Okay, at this point it is still probably a tie
But wait! We still have one more Wacky Adventure of the
Godlike Jason Siska!
He still has one more try to out-Erik Erik Reichenbach.
Think he can do it?
Yes. I think I can.
So anyway, here we go.
is the absolute apex of the Jason Siska Survivor experience, and a
scene that I think is even way more cringeworthy than anything that
ever happened to Erik the ice cream scooper.
If your kids are reading the countdown, you might want to put
them to bed at this point. Because this is the scene where
Siska gets bitchslapped so hard that it practically turns his head
And now... the fitting conclusion to the Jason Siska Survivor Experience
Sorry, broccoli fart.
It is episode eleven of Fans vs Favorites. Or, as I like to
call it, the "Jason gets bitchslapped" episode.
like last episode, Jason is well aware that the only thing that can
save him at this point in the game is some sort of an immunity run
And, well, luckily, he gets the next best thing
"Jason, I'm sending you to Exile Island"
Going to Exile Island might seem shitty at first. At least to
Jason it does.
But that's when Probst reminds him that there might be something very
valuable out there for him.
"Remember, there is a new hidden immunity idol hidden out there now."
"This time maybe you'll get a real one."
So anyway, here goes Jason Siska out to Exile Island. Again.
And here he goes looking for that stupid little hidden immunity idol.
And what do you know?
This time he actually finds it
is probably the only heroic moment that Jason ever experienced
entire second half of Fans vs Favorites. In eleven
this is the probably the one and only time in the game that he was
actually on top of the world.
And how does he celebrate his newfound status as the king of the world?
Why he gives us one of the most embarrassing confessionals in Survivor
history, of course.
"Since stepping down from the last immunity challenge, I think things
have definitely changed for me out here."
Um, no they haven't.
"I was bummed I had to come out here at first. But hopefully
Natalie sent me out to Exile Island so that I could find it."
"In the event that Natalie and I might work together in using the
"I believe I can trust Natalie."
Oh, and Natalie's rebuttal to this little piece of 100% completely
"Jason is out on Exile. We all want him gone."
"The little bitch now has two days of sunshine, along with the immunity
"Guaranteed, hands down, bitch'll find it."
"And that bitch being Jason."
Meanwhile, here we go. Back to Exile. Back to where
Jason is still putting his entire foot in his mouth.
"The decision of Natalie to send me to Exile Island was a strategic
move on her part."
"I feel that for the first time in the game, I am now part of a
"Right now, I am the most comfortable I have ever felt in this game."
"Yeah, Natalie's awesome."
Anything else you would like to add to the discussion, Natalie?
One last time, before we leave?
Did you really send Jason Siska out there to Exile just to align with
"I hope it rains on his ass tonight."
Jason gets back to camp and... oh hell.. .I can't do it anymore.
This is ridiculous. This storyline is
stupid as it is.
Let's just say that Jason comes back to camp and that it doesn't go
well for him.
"Hey Natalie, thanks for sending me to Exile. I
only sent me there so I could find the immunity idol."
Natalie: "Yeah, that's pretty much why I did it.
Jason: "I think it's awesome that now we are going to be able
to work together with it."
"Yeah, that's gonna be awesome. So anyway, how do
your name again? Do you have a Y in the middle? Or
Ah yes. Finally.
It is time for the bitchslap.
"I told Jason that we would work together with his idol, and that the
target was going to be James tonight."
"Oh, and that he didn't have to worry about winning immunity today
because he wasn't in danger anymore."
"Yeah I don't think Jason is going to be here tomorrow."
So anyway, here is where we stand headed into Tribal Council.
has the real hidden idol in his pocket. Everyone knows this.
It is the worst kept secret in the game. Jason
idol (the real one, not the dildo), and he is probably going to be safe
tonight at Tribal Council.
Only... there's this rumor going
around. There's this rumor going around that Natalie might
convinced him that he doesn't have to play his idol tonight.
There's this rumor going around that Natalie might have
Captain Facepalm that he isn't in any danger anymore,
and that he doesn't have any reason to feel like he is in
Suddenly this rumor starts to spread around camp, and we get an awesome
scene like this one.
Amanda tries to convince James that he isn't going home tonight
"I think Jason is."
Jason? Why the hell would Jason be going home?
Isn't Jason holding the hidden immunity idol?
Hasn't Jason been the target pretty much every single minute since the
day the tribes merged?
"Yeah but I don't think he's gonna play it tonight."
I loves James' response to this.
And, well, tragic? You got it!
Here are the final embarrassing minutes of Jason "bitchslap" Siska.
"Okay there are about fifteen votes for Jason Siska in this urn.
Anybody want to play the hidden immunity idol?"
No thanks, I'm good.
"Seriously, anybody want to play anything at all? Like a
stick? Or a twig? Or a dildo?"
Whaaaaaat the fuuuuuuuu?
Jason, I'm talking to you. There might be votes in
you. You want to do anything with that hidden immunity idol
your pocket? Like maybe play it or something?"
Just when they thought they knew all the answers... Jason
would change the questions!
This is where the Wacky Adventures of Jason Siska finally come to an
To wrap up the legacy of Jason Siska, yes. Here is what we
If you want to play the worst game of Survivor in recorded history,
here is how you do it.
Ow, my puzzler hurts
First, find a stick. Pretend it is an idol. Use it
at Tribal Council to try and save your girlfriend.
Next, compare yourself to a god. Do lots of ungodlike things.
Generally arouse the anger of any player or any deity around you.
Maybe the least godlike player ever
that, make sure you set it up so that you need an immunity run to make
it to the end of the game. Make sure that you have no options
left to get to the end in Survivor. You absolutely 100% need
win immunity every single challenge left in the game.
Oh, and the minute that happens, voluntarily take yourself out of the
very next immunity challenge.
wait, if I take myself out of this challenge, you guys will give me a
handful of magic beans? Is that the deal we have on the table
And then, finally, when you -do- get back to Exile Island, and you -do-
find a hidden immunity idol?
Make sure you don't play it.
Make sure you carry that fucker with you all the way
back to America.
Make sure you take it home so that you can sell it on Ebay.
Because we all know that that's where the real victory is.
If I take this back to America, I bet I can get reserve price +
shipping for it.
And so anyway, there you go. The Wacky Adventures of the man
they call Siska.
Jason Siska's storyline more embarrassing than the one of Erik
Reichenbach? Was it more hilarious? Does it
slightly higher spot on the Funny 115?
I don't know. I can't answer that. Only you can
answer that. All I can do is present it to you.
only thing I can do is leave you with this quote, which was
by a reader a few months ago over at Survivor Sucks This is
I got when I asked people to rank the falls of Jaime Dugan, Erik
Reichenbach, and Jason Siska. I asked a bunch of Survivor
which "fall" they thought was the most humiliating.
I think it is safe to say that I agree with this:
Mario, here is the deal. The thing with Jaime is,
James leave a hidden immunity idol just laying on the ground like that?
And how are you supposed to know 100% that it is an idol
with no instructions or anything indicating that it was an idol?
With Jaime I think you can say, yes, she made a mistake.
But it was a mistake that a lot of people would have made,
lot of it was probably created in editing anyway. I doubt the
fall of Jaime Dugan really went down exactly like we saw on TV.
Erik, it was a little bit different. With Erik, I
made a calculated risk, and it just happened to fail. I mean,
yeah, it wasn't the smartest risk in the world, but it is one he
decided to take, and I don't think you can give him too much crap about
it. On paper, his decision to give immunity to the girls
made a little bit of sense. Not a lot of sense, mind you, but
if you look you can actually see the strategy there.
But Jason? Jason was just fucking retarded.
We will miss you, fist pumper