The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#105.  damn.
Fans vs. Favorites - all season long

It's episode six of Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites, and Erik and Tracy are having a conversation in the woods about how screwed the two of them are at the moment.  

"We're in the minority, we have no power, and we're about to be voted out.  Also, a lot of people keep confusing me with Mary, and it is pissing me off."

Mary Tracy is going over all the handicaps that the Fans have in the game at that moment, and that's when she drops the hammer on poor Erik.  She informs the hapless ice cream scooper that because he's so likable, and because he's such a good athlete, and because he has such adorable tiny green shorts, that he is a very big threat to the Favorites.  People like Ozzy and Amanda and Cirie simply don't want anything to do with him.

"Erik, you are a threat.  They are going to vote you out."

So anyway, Mary Tracy lowers the hammer on poor Erik, and as you can guess, the news kind of annoys him.  

The Favorites are going to vote him out?  Him?  The Favorites are going to vote out sweet young uber Survivor junkie Erik?  After all that he did to get here?  

These bastards are going to crush his dreams this early on in the game??  How dare they!!

As you can imagine, he hears this news, and it quickly pisses him off.

Erik quickly morphs from calm to furious

It might look like Erik is unemotional about this news, since he face doesn't really change or anything.  But don't be fooled by the CGI Brett special effects the editors are trying to use here.  This kid is hot.  This kid is furious.  This kid is about unleash the rage.

And he does so, about 10 seconds later.

The minute the fury has built up inside him to Judd Sergeant and Shane Powers level of white-hot magma, the minute there is no place for the anger to go but out, the kid finally erupts.  He unleashes the most spectacular rage we have seen in the first twenty-two seasons of Survivor.


And witness the fury!

"..... damn."

Ha ha.  Seriously, there is no way I can do the wimpiness of Erik's "damn" justice in print.  You just have to hear it for yourself.  It is easily one of the tiniest, little wimpiest curse epithets I have ever heard in my life.  

Just imagine if a mouse was angry at you, and if he walked up to you and shook his fist at you and told you he was going to kick your ass in a fight.  Take that level of authority and rage and anger, and divide it by three, and that's about how angry and scary Erik sounds when he squeaks out his little "damn."   He sounds like Hannah Montana if she dropped her pencil.


I have to say, the first time I heard Erik's wimpy little "damn", I cracked up.  I couldn't believe that sound could come out a grown adult human male.  But my reaction was nothing compared to my wife's reaction.  When she heard Erik's "damn" she practically rolled off of the couch and fell onto the floor.  She made me rewind the scene so she could hear it over and over and over.  

In fact, at this point, this could be her #1 all time favorite Survivor unintentional comedy moment.


But wait, you say that Erik's wimpy little "damn." isn't funny enough to make the Funny 115?   You think it wasn't that funny because it only happened in one meaningless little scene during Micronesia?

Well let me just dispel that notion right out of your head, mister Doubty McGee.

Because Erik's wimpy little "damn." -does- show up again.  It shows up again two episodes later.

In fact, let's just jump to that magical little second scene right now.

It is the first two minutes of episode eight, and the Malakals are returning to their camp after Tribal Council

And who is the first person to discover that their fire has gone out when they were away?  Why it's the guy with the wimpiest little "damn" in the world, of course.

Erik (offscreen) unleashes the fury

Okay, okay, so the second "damn." wasn't as great as the first (which you will see when you watch the Youtube clips.)  

But the third "damn"...?

Oh yes.  There was a third one. Gifts like this don't come around only twice.

And what is so awesome about the third one is where it showed up.

It is the thirteenth episode and Erik has just been voted out

It is one of the most humiliating exits in Survivor history

"Nice move, tard."


And what does Erik say in his final words?  What is the very first word he uses to sum up his Survivor experience, and his humiliating exit from the game that he loves so much?

You guessed it.


In any case, Erik and the wimpiest little "damn" in the history of the English language were a lock for the Funny 115 from the very first minute I sat down to create the countdown.  If for no other reason than my wife can't take him seriously because every time we watch Fans vs Favorites she just sits there and waits for him to get angry at something.  And then she gets into a giggle fit.

And then we try to imitate his rage in the squeakiest, wimpiest little voice possible.

Try it yourself.  It's a fun new game you can play when you are watching Micronesia with your friends.  See how wimpy you can sound when you see Erik get mad at something.  Try to make your rage sound even weenier and more impotent than his.  It is a fun party game.

Erik Reichenbach goes apeshit

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