The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#20.  A Pretty Poo-Poo Day
Exile Island - episode 10

A couple of years ago, I ran a trivia contest called "The World Series of Survivor Trivia."  It was a 64 player tournament where we went through elimination rounds to find the person out there who was the biggest nerd the greatest Survivor fan in all of the land.

Well, at some point during the tournament, a guy named Paul (who is now known as Paul Asleson of The Tribe Podcast) decided to turn the tables on me.  Even though I was the guy running the contest, he came up with a question that he didn't think I would be able to get.  

He asked me, "Hey Mario, remember the sad music they played when Jenna's mom died during All-Stars?  Well name another time in Survivor history that they used that music.  See if you can remember another scene in Survivor history that the producers decided was sad enough to warrant the Jenna music?"

And you know what?  Damned if he got me.  I had no idea.

The correct answer - Bruce's evacuation scene in Exile Island

So anyway, now we come to entry #20 on the Funny 115.  It's one of the more bizarre entries on the countdown.  But you might be surprised to know it was also one of the most requested.  In fact, if you put a gun to my head and asked me out of all 115, which moment was the #1 most requested, I would say there was a good chance it was probably this one.  

If there is one scene in Survivor history that represents unintentional comedy at its absolute apex, it is the sad/awkward/tragic/hilarious evacuation of Bruce in Exile Island.  

This scene really wasn't meant to be funny.  It really wasn't.  As Paul's trivia question indicated, it was supposed to come off as one of the single saddest moments in Survivor history.  

But then again the producers probably didn't expect it would co-star Courtney Marit at her most socially awkward.  Or Shane at his most ridiculous.  Oh, and that it would star Shane without pants.  I mean, who could have seen ahead of time that Bruce's tragic evacuation would be upstaged by the giant blur that was covering Shane's chafed penis?

What a bizarre scene this is.

Let's watch it together, shall we?

Aras, Cirie and Danielle on a helicopter reward

It's the tenth episode of Exile Island, and Aras, Cirie, and Danielle have just won a reward trip.  They are to be whisked away in a helicopter, and given a massage, a spa treatment, and a huge dinner, all before spending the night sleeping in luxurious beds.   It is going to be a fantastic and magical night for the three of them.

Cirie gets her first massage

Unfortunately though, it's not going to be such a great night for the three people who will be left behind back at camp.

Especially because one of them (Bruce) is having stomach pains, and the other two (Shane and Courtney's personality that day) are insane.

Bruce, Courtney, and Shane - the losers

You see, Bruce has been having some pretty severe intestinal cramps lately, and they are starting to wear him down.  Every day the pain seems to be getting worse and worse.

Bruce down for the count

What is causing Bruce to be in so much pain?  Why that's easy.  I'm sorry to say that there isn't a more medically accurate way to phrase this, but it's because his pooper don't work.

Bruce explains it to us in scientific terms, as Courtney looks on.

So anyway, that's why Bruce is going to have a miserable night tonight.  He is stuck back at camp with a pretty severe case of butt plug, and to make matters worse his two campmates pretty much spend 24 hours a day just screaming at each other, like this:

Every conversation between Courtney and Shane

Bruce listens from the fetal position.  The producers have helpfully even labeled him for us.

In fact Danielle and Cirie even comment on Bruce's poor choice of campmates as they are enjoying their reward dinner.

"I can imagine the arguments they're gonna have tonight.  Courtney and Shane.  You know they've been arguing since they got back."

"Poor Bruce."

"Poor Bruce."

And here we go.  Now we set the stage for the infamous evacuation scene.

It is night 25 in Gitanos, and Bruce's stomach pain suddenly starts escalating and escalating.

Bruce winces and writhes in pain on the ground

Courtney, her heart in the right place, hears this and comes over to help

Bruce tells her the pain is now doubling and tripling

"Can I sing you a song?  Will that help?"

Bruce requests that she not

Courtney sings anyway

Bruce asks her to stop

Courtney isn't listening.

"Dude, would you shut the fuck up?  I'm in pain!"

So anyway, there's Courtney's contribution to the scene.  It isn't supposed to be funny, but the idea of Courtney singing when she is specifically asked not to sing is just so Courtney.  I mean, you really can't have a more socially awkward Courtney-like moment like that.  It's just so perfect.  The look on Bruce's face when he realizes she isn't going to shut up just kills me.

Or, as PrettyGoodYear1988 at Survivor Sucks points out, "It was funny because it sounded like his groaning was in response to her singing."

Oh and but wait!  There's more!  

We haven't even gotten to the Shane part!

The pain (and/or Courtney's singing) gets so bad that Bruce has to call for the medics

Poop police to the rescue

The medics assess Bruce's condition

And they decide they are going to yank him out of the game

The medic comes over and tells Shane that they are going to evacuate Bruce out on a stretcher

Oh, and that Shane is going to have to help carry him out

Shane's awesome response?

"Do we need to do this right this second?"

And this is where the scene moves into an A+ unintentional comedy masterpiece.

You see, Shane happens to be pantsless

As the sad Jenna's mom music cues up in the background, and the medics begin the process of saving Bruce Kanegai's life...

Shane gives us an impromptu confessional of why his junk is hanging out

The medics and Pantsless McPantsington load Bruce up on the stretcher

And now we get, in my opinion, one of the most iconic, awkward, and unintentionally hilarious sequences in Survivor history.

Bruce gets evacuated to the sad Jenna's mom music, as the giant blur covering Shane's dick upstages everything else on screen

Good bye, dear friend

Courtney watches sadly as Bruce is ferried away into the night

The boat takes him away - just the second medical evacuation in Survivor history.  Total poopownage.

Shane watches in sadness

So does Amanda

And now we come to what I consider the single best shot of the entire scene.  

The final shot.

It's a very poignant shot of a crushed Shane, looking sadly down at the ground....

With a naked blurred out ass.

Seriously, do scenes get any more awkward or unintentionally funny than this one?  You'd be hard pressed to find one that can top the Bruce evacuation.  In just three or four minutes of TV, we get Courtney being socially unaware and awkward, we get Bruce being evacuated because of poop, we get Shane walking around with no pants, and we get Shane's giant blur that shows up like Stephenie and just upstages everything.  Oh yeah, and it's all set around a scene which is being presented 100% seriously (even throwing in the Jenna music for good measure), and which by all rights should be a tremendously sad and moving piece of television.

I mean, I really can't say much more about this scene than that.  It is just epic.

Honestly, who else besides Shane has ever walked around naked while carrying their friend in a stretcher?

*sigh*   God damnit, Coach.

P.S.   Want more unintentional comedy?   Here's a great cherry on top of this scene that most people don't remember.  It's Courtney's wonderfully ironic quote the next morning.  Miss Marit?   Care to enlighten us?

"Yesterday was a pretty emotional, draining day for me.  Ending the day with Bruce being taken away, it was like the icing and the cherry and the hot fudge on top of my... uh... pretty poo-poo day."

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