The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#20. A
Pretty Poo-Poo Day
Exile Island - episode 10
A couple of years ago, I ran a trivia contest called "The World Series
of
Survivor Trivia." It was a 64 player
tournament where we
went through elimination rounds to find the person
out
there who was the biggest nerd the greatest
Survivor fan in all of the
land.
Well, at some point during the tournament, a guy named Paul (who is
now known as Paul Asleson of The
Tribe Podcast) decided to turn the
tables on me. Even though I was the guy running the contest,
he
came up with a question that he didn't think I would be able to get.
He asked me, "Hey Mario, remember the sad music they
played when Jenna's mom died during All-Stars? Well name
another time in Survivor history that they used that music.
See if you can remember another scene in Survivor history
that the producers
decided was sad enough to warrant the Jenna music?"
And you know what? Damned if he got me. I had no
idea.
The correct answer - Bruce's evacuation scene in Exile Island
So anyway, now we come to entry #20 on the Funny 115. It's
one of the more bizarre entries on the countdown. But you
might
be surprised to know it was also one of the most requested.
In
fact, if you put a gun to my head and asked me out of all 115, which
moment was the #1 most requested, I would say there was a good
chance it was probably this one.
If there is one scene in Survivor
history that represents unintentional comedy at its absolute apex, it
is the sad/awkward/tragic/hilarious evacuation of Bruce in Exile
Island.
This scene really wasn't meant to be funny.
It really wasn't. As Paul's trivia question
indicated, it
was supposed to come off as one of the single saddest moments in
Survivor history.
But then again the producers probably
didn't expect it would co-star Courtney Marit at her most socially
awkward. Or Shane at his most ridiculous. Oh, and
that it
would star Shane without pants. I mean, who could have seen
ahead
of time that Bruce's tragic evacuation would be upstaged by the giant
blur that was covering Shane's chafed penis?
What a bizarre scene this is.
Let's watch it together, shall we?
Aras, Cirie and Danielle on a helicopter reward
It's
the tenth episode of Exile Island, and Aras, Cirie, and Danielle have
just won a reward trip. They are to be whisked away in a
helicopter, and given a massage, a spa treatment, and a huge dinner,
all before spending the night sleeping in luxurious beds. It
is
going to be a fantastic and magical night for the three of them.
Cirie gets her first massage
Unfortunately though, it's not going to be such a great night for the
three people who will be left behind back at camp.
Especially
because one of them (Bruce) is having stomach pains, and the other two
(Shane and Courtney's personality that day) are insane.
Bruce, Courtney, and Shane - the losers
You
see, Bruce has been having some pretty severe intestinal cramps lately,
and they are starting to wear him down. Every day the pain
seems
to be getting worse and worse.
Bruce down for the count
What
is causing Bruce to be in so much pain? Why that's easy.
I'm sorry to say that there isn't a more medically
accurate way to phrase this, but it's because his pooper don't
work.
Bruce explains it to us in scientific terms, as Courtney looks on.
So
anyway, that's why Bruce is going to have a miserable night tonight.
He is stuck back at camp with a pretty severe case of butt
plug,
and to make matters worse his two campmates pretty much spend 24 hours
a day just screaming at each other, like this:
Every conversation between Courtney and Shane
Bruce listens from the fetal position. The producers have
helpfully even labeled him for us.
In fact Danielle and Cirie even comment on Bruce's poor choice of
campmates as they are enjoying their reward dinner.
"I
can imagine the arguments they're gonna have tonight.
Courtney
and Shane. You know they've been arguing since they got back."
"Poor Bruce."
"Poor Bruce."
And here we go. Now we set the stage for the infamous
evacuation scene.
It is night 25 in Gitanos, and Bruce's stomach pain suddenly starts
escalating and escalating.
Bruce winces and writhes in pain on the ground
Courtney, her heart in the right place, hears this and comes over to
help
Bruce tells her the pain is now doubling and tripling
"Can I sing you a song? Will that help?"
Bruce requests that she not
Courtney sings anyway
Bruce asks her to stop
Courtney isn't listening.
"Dude, would you shut the fuck up? I'm in pain!"
So
anyway, there's Courtney's contribution to the scene. It
isn't
supposed to be funny, but the idea of Courtney singing when she is
specifically asked not to sing is just so Courtney. I
mean, you really can't have a more socially awkward
Courtney-like
moment like that. It's just so perfect. The look on
Bruce's
face when he realizes she isn't going to shut up just kills me.
Or,
as PrettyGoodYear1988 at Survivor Sucks points out, "It was
funny because it sounded like his groaning was in response to
her
singing."
Oh and but wait! There's more!
We haven't even gotten to the Shane part!
The pain (and/or Courtney's singing) gets so bad that Bruce has to call
for the medics
Poop police to the rescue
The medics assess Bruce's condition
And they decide they are going to yank him out of the game
The medic comes over and tells Shane that they are going to evacuate
Bruce out on a stretcher
Oh, and that Shane is going to have to help carry him out
Shane's awesome response?
"Do we need to do this right this second?"
And this is where the scene moves into an A+ unintentional comedy
masterpiece.
You see, Shane happens to be pantsless
As the sad Jenna's mom music cues up in the background, and the medics
begin the process of saving Bruce Kanegai's life...
Shane gives us an impromptu confessional of why his junk is hanging out
The medics and Pantsless McPantsington load Bruce up on the stretcher
And now we get, in my opinion, one of the most iconic,
awkward, and unintentionally hilarious sequences in Survivor
history.
Bruce
gets evacuated to the sad Jenna's mom music, as the giant blur covering
Shane's dick upstages everything else on screen
Good bye, dear friend
Courtney watches sadly as Bruce is ferried away into the night
The boat takes him away - just the second medical evacuation in
Survivor history. Total poopownage.
Shane watches in sadness
So does Amanda
And now we come to what I consider the single best shot of the entire
scene.
The final shot.
It's a very poignant shot of a crushed Shane, looking sadly
down at the ground....
With a naked blurred out ass.
Seriously,
do scenes get any more awkward or unintentionally funny than this one?
You'd be hard pressed to find one that can top the Bruce
evacuation. In just three or four minutes of TV, we
get
Courtney being socially unaware and awkward, we get Bruce being
evacuated because of poop, we get Shane walking around with no pants,
and we get Shane's giant blur that shows up like Stephenie and just
upstages everything. Oh yeah, and it's all set around a scene
which is being presented 100% seriously (even throwing in the Jenna
music for good measure), and which by all rights should be a
tremendously sad and moving piece of television.
I mean, I really can't say much more about this scene than that.
It is just epic.
Honestly, who else besides Shane has ever walked around naked while
carrying their friend in a stretcher?
*sigh* God damnit, Coach.
P.S.
Want more unintentional comedy? Here's a great
cherry on
top of this scene that most people don't remember. It's
Courtney's wonderfully ironic quote the next morning. Miss
Marit?
Care to enlighten us?
"Yesterday
was a pretty emotional, draining day for me. Ending the day
with
Bruce being taken away, it was like the icing and the cherry and the
hot fudge on top of my... uh...
pretty poo-poo day."
