The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#2.  The Fall of Russell Hantz - Part 2 (page 2 of 3)
Heroes vs Villains - all 14 glorious episodes

Episode nine now.  And with Coach out of the way, Russell now turns his attention to Sandra and Courtney.  

It is at this point that the two of them are going to be the next two gone.  And there aint no ifs, ands, or buts about it.   If you aint with Russell, you against him.  

The two of them troublemakers have gots to go.

"Coach betrayed me by telling Sandra he was going to blindside me tonight."

"I don't trust Sandra and Courtney.  They'll be the next to go."

"I promise you that."

Oh eat me Russell.  Wash your ass.

However, it isn't going to be as easy as Russell thinks it is going to be.  He isn't going to be able to just waltz his way over these All-Stars like he did in Samoa.

Because episode 9 is where things start happening around him that he isn't aware of.  

And when he finds out what people have been doing behind his back, he is going to be furious.

Without telling Russell, Parvati and Danielle find an idol and keep it behind his back

Uh oh.  Don't do that.

Parvati, are you really sure this is a good idea?

"I'm not gonna tell Russell about the idol.  I want Russell to be out of the loop for a little bit."

"I kind of want to see him squirm a little bit.  It's fun."

I'm a kill her

Yet Parvati insists on her little game of let's show Russell who's boss.

"It's not Russell running the show around here, he's not the King of Survivor.  I'm the Queen."

"And usually the King does what the Queen does anyways."


And with that, Parvati not only sets a chain of events into motion that will drive Russell insane, she also pulls a maneuver that probably winds up costing herself the game.  

Sorry to say it Parvati fans, but this is probably what does her in later.

Oh well though.  It was fun.

So anyway this is where we are now.  The Heroes and the Villains are a few days away from merging together.  Parvati and Danielle are hiding idols behind Russell's back.  Sandra is vowing full revenge on anyone named Russell.  

And just to add to the craziness, J.T. has of course just handed Russell a free immunity idol.

JT:  "Hang in there buddy, we'll save you."
Russell:  "I'm Russell Hantz."

Have I mentioned before how awesome I am at this game?

"Look!  J.T. gave me their idol!  I'm Russell Hantz!"

And now, on the eve of the merge, this is where the Villains finally make the decision that eventually dooms them.

Yes, voting out Coach was insane.  Yes, Russell treating his minions like idiots was pretty short sighted and dumb.  And yes, it was a really bad idea for Parvati to start teaching Russell she was able to make moves behind his back.

Yes, all of these moves were bad.

But for a man who is known for making historically bad decisions when it comes down to Survivor crunch time, here is the one that -really- comes back to bite Russell Hantz in the ass.

Again, if he wound up losing the game to Sandra, he has no one to blame but himself.

It is the night before the merge, and one of Sandra or Courtney is going home tonight.  Which one should it be?

Should they keep the one who is fragile and has a bad ankle, and who barely cares?  Or should they keep the former winner who is really sneaky and good once you get to the merge?  Which one of Beans and Rice will be less dangerous to have around once you merge with the Heroes?

Let's get rid of Courtney.  Sound good?

Yes, spoken like a man who has no idea who Sandra is, or that she has actually won before.

Sure.  Why not?

Danielle, of course, tries to but in and point out that Russell is being an idiot.  

But alas, just like before, he isn't going to listen to her.

"You guys, if she gets to the end Sandra will be harder to beat than Courtney."

"I agree.  I think we should get rid of Sandra."

Hmmm.  What would be the most blatantly wrong, shortsighted decision I could make here?  If this were Natalie White versus Liz, which one would I pick?

Yes, it is Liz vs Natalie all over again.  Just like in Samoa.

Same decision.  

Same variables involved.

Same outcome.

Yes, we should get rid of the one who broke her leg when a twig fell on her foot

I'm awesome

What I love about this scene (where Russell chooses to keep Sandra going into the merge) is that it isn't even the only bad decision that he makes that night.   No, Russell makes another bad decision right before the vote, and it is amazing that it never came back to haunt him later.

Check this out.

"Jeff, there's three people who really trust each other on this tribe.  Me, Parvati, and Danielle."

Oh thanks, says the fourth member of the alliance.  Real nice.

By the way, if you are an expert at Survivor trivia, you might remember that Jerri once made this -exact same mistake- when she named her friends the night that Mad Dog was voted out.  She accidentally screwed up and revealed that Tina was not in her "best friends" club during an answer at Tribal Council, and it wound up costing her the game.

I just thought it was interesting to point out that Jerri would have known full well what Russell just did, and how it was a terrible social move.  And how it is funny that it happened to her this time.  If this had been written in the summer of 2001 I bet you would be doing a fist pump.

So anyway, Beans is voted out of the game at Tribal Council.  And Sandra tells her she will avenge her in the game now.

Rice without Beans.   I can't believe these motherfuckers actually kept me around.

And with that, the Heroes and the Villains are ready to merge.

Hey, guess who is the first person to pipe up about this?

"When we merge, I have control of the Villains camp.  Complete control."

"I'm a have the Heroes eatin' outta the palms of my hands."

Ah yes.  And now it is time for Russell's never ending quest to lose Survivor by raping all the future jury members.

Russell reunites with JT.  Hey thanks for giving me the idol, man.

Russell starts making promises to all the heroes that he is in with them.

"I am with you guys.  Let's work together."

And now comes the line that will really get him into trouble with the Heroes later.

Yes.  Russell Hantz just went for the old Twila Tanner move of swearing his allegiance on his kids' lives.  Which, as we all know, worked out really well for Twila.  After all, remember?  She won the Vanuatu jury vote 7-0.

Oh wait, never mind.  No she didn't.  The jury ripped her apart.

Perhaps Russell would have known that if he had actually been a Survivor fan.

"Hook, line and sinker.  They're bitin' everything I tell 'em."

"This is gonna be easier than I thought."

Rupert (angrily, off camera);  "Russell you're supposed to ask if anyone else wants an orange before you take one!"

So anyway, there's how Russell is going to lose this game.  He is going to rape all the Heroes and then be surprised when they don't like him at the end.  In other words, he is about to fail Survivor 101.

And of course he is going to get lots of help along the way, because of this little imp.

My precious!

Sandra wastes no time.  The minute the merge hits, she runs right to the Heroes and warns them what kind of a person they are dealing with.  In other words, she undercuts everything Russell is trying to do with the Heroes in about ten minutes.

"You know how some people forgive and forget?"

"Well I don't forgive and I don't forget."

"I hope I get my revenge, 'cause it's gonna be good."

Sandra goes to the King of the Heroes and she spills the beans on everything.

P.S.  Sandra and Rupert were old buddies from Pearl Islands.  Again. not sure that Russell even realized that.

Don't trust a word that motherfucker says.

"You guys are done, starting with the men."

"Whatever Russell says, agree to it.  But he's lying."

Oooooooh, I hates Sandra!

Since Rupert is friends with Sandra, and he knows how she works, he has a pretty good idea that she isn't lying about this.

"Sandra just gave me some good information.  The story that Russell is telling us is not true."

"I don't know if we're getting played or not, but Russell might be running the show."

Fuck you Hantz.  This is for Beans.

But it's not just Russell that is drawing suspicion among the Heroes.  Parvati and Danielle are already creating a fair amount of enemies on their own.

Because this is the Heroes camp, naturally the reason the Heroes are annoyed with the girls is because of bananas.

"Yay!   Let's eat the Heroes' bananas!"

"Okay that's it.  To play us is one thing.  But eating our bananas, that's fucking bullshit, man."

I love this shot.  Don't fuck with Rupert's bananas.  You can practically hear his growl.

With the Heroes realizing that the Villains minus Sandra are all full of shit, they retreat into the woods and they have a little strategy talk.  You will note that since the Heroes are all going to wind up on the jury, and since they are already sick of Parvati and Russell, you can see where this season is headed now.  The ending should not be a surprise.

Rupert warns the Heroes that Russell is playing them all.  And that Parvati is a Grabby Hands McGee.

The one holdout on this idea is JT, who remains skeptical

I can't believe it, but Poopert actually makes a really good argument here.

Rupert pleads with JT to listen to him

"Don't trust Russell.  You guys, he is on the Villains side for a reason."

"You're getting paranoid, Rupert.  Look at you, you're sweating.  You're working yourself up over nothing."


By the way, this is why J.T. should forever be referred to as "The Tyson" of the Heroes tribe.  This is where he single-handedly throws the game away for pretty much all of them.

"J.T. believes wholeheartedly that Russell is on our side, and is indebted to us now."

"J.T. is a fucking retard."

The Heroes vow to stick together and all vote as one, no matter what.  Although J.T. and Rupert disagree on whether they should trust Russell or not.


If only Fishbach had been there to advise him this time.

"Rupert, ha ha ha.  There's a reason I've been doing Rupert's strategical play for him thus far.  Someone has to tell him how to vote."

"I even told him, Rupert, do you believe what Sandra told you?  Or do you believe the obvious truth?"

"If Sandra's story turns out to be true, then that means I'm probably goin' home next."

"Do I believe it?  Not a chance in the world."

Somewhere, Stephen Fishbach is rolling in his grave

As the Heroes and the Villains prepare to face their first Tribal Council together, the Heroes do everything they can to screw it and lose the game.  The only holdout, of course, is Rupert, who continues to warn them that they shouldn't trust Russell.

"Russell looked right at me and swore on his kid's life that he's with us."

"Anyone who would do that right away, I don't trust him."

Between JT the anti-Fishbach, and Amanda the single worst poker player in the world, the Heroes do everything they can now to screw up this vote.  In fact they might have actually played this section of Survivor worse than Russell did.

"Amanda, who do you think is going home tonight."

I don't know.  It's so scary.  I'm just confused.  

My head hurts.  

"Just to be safe, you should play your idol tonight.  You should definitely, by far, no doubt about it, play it.  Make sure you play it.  Got that?  I want you to play it."


So anyway, yeah.  Nice job screwing up all of Sandra's intel, Heroes.

Rupert still holds out hope that he can defeat the evil, murdering, villainous infamous Russell tonight.  But you know it will fail.  

It will fail because he's a Hero.  And because the Heroes suck.

"The plan tonight is to see if I can oust Russell.  For the weasel that he is."


And just what is the genius game plan that J.T. has come up with tonight?

"We think we're gonna vote out Sandra or Jerri."

Um.  Really?  Sandra, the one who is giving us our intel?


As the single worst vote in Survivor history since the Tyson vote prepares to go down, Russell and the Villains prepare because they know exactly what the Heroes are going to do tonight.  They know this because the Heroes are, well to put it diplomatically, not smart.

Russell hands the idol over to Parvati - JT's idol.  Yes, JT's very own idol that he handed to Russell.

Meanwhile, Parvati also has her own secret immunity idol

Meanwhile, Danielle is safe tonight because she and her breasts won immunity

So yes.  That's three Villains who will be safe from the vote tonight.  Only two of them will be vulnerable.  And of course you know the Heroes are going to walk right into one of the single biggest pooch screws in Survivor history.

The Heroes, Villains, and tiny Russell head off to Tribal Council

By the way, how does the jury respond when they see Russell at Tribal Council that night?  Do you think they are pleased to see him?  Is this shaping up to be a pro Russell jury so far?

No.  Not so much.

And yes.  Naturally, the Heroes fuck up everything.

What the fuck?  No, you idiots.

Parvati hands her idols to Jerri and Sandra, the Heroes walk into one of the biggest rope a dopes in the book, and just like that, guess what?

Russell has inexplicably survived a second assassination attempt.

There could not be a more deserved boot in Survivor history.

Somewhere Jason Siska is laughing.

And with that, the chain of events for the Heroes has now been set into motion.  They have been screwed by Russell.  They totally ignored Sandra's good advice.  They could not have played that any worse.  And they have no one to blame but themselves.

And yes, Russell the little troll survives to scamper again.


Yeah I'm awesome

As for Sandra?  Well now it looks like the assassination attempts will have to end for a while.  At this point, maybe it would be better just to drag him to the end as a goat.

"I still want Russell out bad.  I hate him.  But now I'm stuck with him."

Although again, even though Russell might have escaped this vote by the skin of his teeth, even though he is now in complete power over every single player in the game, he can't leave well enough alone.  He can't leave well enough alone because he is furious about something.  And also, well, because he is Russell.

Even though Russell won the showdown, he is pissed that Parvati had a hidden idol that she didn't tell him about.  Like, murder pissed.  He glares daggers at her.

Oopsies.  BFFs?

I'm a strangle you

From here on out, even though Russell should have complete dominance over everyone, even though the game should be in the palm of his hand for the next fifteen days, it isn't.   The game isn't in the palm of his hand because he is determined to show Parvati who's the boss.  

His jealously and anger are so visible and so prevalent over what she did to him at Tribal Council tonight that he is about to go on a one man path of destruction where he just destroys himself and everyone else around him.  Kind of like he always does on Survivor.

In other words, yes.  Survivor is broken.  When Russell doesn't win, there is a flaw in the game.

Russell goes back to camp and he stews over what Parvati did to him tonight.  How dare that little bitch not report every little thing she does.  How dare she show him up like that in front of everyone.

Russell goes to Sandra and he tries to find out what she knows.

Russell:  "I didn't know either."

Sandra:  "Oh you didn't?"

Sandra:  "Daaaaaaamn."

Russell turns over in his bed and he starts muttering to himself like Milton in Office Space.

Paranoia and jealousy are slowly starting to destroy him.  Just like they always do.

He is going to take his red Swingline stapler and he is going to burn this place to the ground.

"Secrets?  Who's keeping secrets from me?  I'll burn this whole place down."

Unable to sleep over how much anger he is feeling, Russell stomps down to the beach and he decides to have it out with Parvati.

This is a really good way to make your allies hate you, by the way.

Russell confronts Parvati on the beach

"It pisses me off that y'all didn't tell me."

"You liiiiiiiied to me."

Parvati just rolls her eyes.  How did I lie to you?  This isn't even close to the definition of a lie.

It looks like it is time for "Operation Russell and Parvati tear their own alliance apart" to go into effect.

Especially since Parvati just thinks it is funny that her Samoan boyfriend is so jealous now.

"Russell not knowing about my idol made him scared a little bit.  But that's kind of what I wanted anyways."

Meanwhile the Heroes try to regroup, and they try to decide how they are going to handle this now.

Rupert, of course, starts warning everybody again that Russell is a giant douche nozzle.  And that maybe Sandra will give them a second chance and they can try an assassination a second time.

"You were right Rupert.  Russell is a villain.  What now?"

"When they first came over, I had a chance with Sandra."

"I tried, I went to the Heroes.  I tried.   To tell them."

Sandra opened the door once.

"My only hope is to get Sandra to open the door again."

The sad reflections of a bearded guy

With the first Heroes assassination attempt on his life being unsuccessful, and his allies going around doing things he didn't approve of behind his back, Russell comes up with a new plan of action and of course it is a Russell one.  Just to show that he can, he is going to go do things behind Parvati and Danielle's back without telling them.  At this point, now we are going to play Spite Survivor.

Oh yeah, he is also going to do a wonderful job of burning yet -another- Hero juror just before he puts her on the jury.

There's a flaw in the game I tell you!

In classic Russell short term Scorched Earth style, he goes to Candice and he offers her a spot in his harem

"Hi you don't know me, but I promise I will protect you.  You can depend on me, I will take you very far."

"If you're the last hero standing you won't go at number six, I can guarantee that."

"I don't want to go so far as say final three, but it's a strong possibility."

Then of course, well, we'll get to this later, but....


I love this next shot.  Russell goes to his girls and he announces that Candice is now a member of their inner circle.  

Note that he's not asking them if they should do this.  He is telling them.  "Okay here's how it's gonna be.  Candice is now with us, and you either with me or you against me."

I love the "oh shit" look that the girls exchange when he tells them this


Russell, of course, sees this only in short term terms and doesn't seem to realize how it might hurt him in the end.

"I got an idol, and we're goin' to the final three."

"I'm Russell Hantz."

"We're going to the final three!"

As Russell works on burning yet another jury member who will wind up hating him down the road, the Heroes are over on the other side trying to put together assassination attempt number two on the Wee Leprechaun.  Sandra has accepted their apologies, and accepted their pleas for help, and now she is working on a plan to cut Russell's ding-a-ling off and get revenge a second time.

"Now that they got rid of J.T., it's the perfect time to make my move."

Sandra again explains to Colby how Russell is the spawn of Satan.  And how he needs to wash his ass.

Colby finally agrees that they are going to vote with Sandra tonight.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it.  They are in this for the long haul now.

Here's a great scene on the beach where Russell confronts Sandra and demands to know if she is flipping the vote against him.  Note that she doesn't cower when he goes into bully mode like everyone else does.  Sandra doesn't cower in front of Russell because she's not scared of him.  And also, well, because she doesn't cower in front of anyone.  Why would she be intimidated?  Why would she be scared of the guy?  She's Sandra.

Russell:  "Did Colby talk to you at all?"

(sweetly) "No, not at all.  Why?"

"And wash your ass."

Okay she didn't really say that last line.  But  the spirit is there.

Especially if I captioned it under this picture.   Dude, wash your ass.

Now Russell starts threatening her.  As he will do.

"You better not flip.  Cause we don't have five votes, we have six votes."

And her response?  Typical Sandra sass.

"No.  Hold up.  You're doin' math wrong."

Russell:  "No, I'm tellin' you, we got one person from their tribe."

"But anyway, I trust you."

Sandra just laughs at this.

And let the games begin.

"I need to flip.  Russell needs to go home."

"He needs to go home right now."

By the way, I should really point out that in Sandra's defense, I'm not even sure she's trying to win Survivor at this point.  In fact I don't think she even plays for the endgame at all.  I don't think she ever plays for the endgame, other than trying not to make enemies along the way.  At this point I believe her storyline is just a revenge tale.  It is sort of like Chris Daugherty's "Kill Bill" revenge storyline in Vanuatu, only more straightforward.  This is just like an angry housewife trying to step on the last cockroach.

"Fuck Russell.  He's done."

And just like that, it appears that Sandra and the Heroes have it all set up.  As long as Candice stays with the Heroes as she is supposed to, the Russell Hantz era of Survivor will be done forever tonight.  As it should have been last episode.  And the episode before that.  And the episode with the Tyson vote.

"This is it.  We can get Russell out of this game."

"The guy is a piece of garbage."

Sandra readies herself as she prepares for Russell's last stand.  Again.

"I'm voting for Russell, because I've been waiting to take him down for thirty days."

"Thirty days too long."

"It's time for revenge.   And this is for Courtney.  Boston Rob.  Tyson..."

"And even Coach, who I don't care about."

"But I'll stick him in there too."

But alas.  Same as before.


The Heroes somehow find a way to fuck it up yet again.

The Heroes are seriously turning into Charlie Brown trying to kick a football at this point.


"Before the vote, I tried to think.  What is the stupidest possible thing I could do tonight?"

What is the stupidest possible thing Candice can do tonight?

Yep, you guessed it.

Tattle on Sandra and force her to jump back to the Villains.

Russell asks who the Heroes are going to vote for tonight

Then Candice admits that Sandra has switched sides and is voting with the Heroes tonight.

Sandra switched?  I'm a kill her.

Sandra just looks on in dismay.  *sigh*  You fucking morons.  What the hell?

Here's another great scene in the Sandra/Russell war of 2010.  

Russell gets pissed and decides to have a showdown with Sandra on the beach.

Which, of course, doesn't really work all that well since Sandra isn't scared of him.

*growling*  *stomping*  *fuming*

"Okay, we need to have a little talk Sandra."

"I'm hearing that you're gonna vote for me."


"Listen Sandra.  An idol's gettin' played tonight."

"I'm not scared, motherfucker."

"Why you tryin' to threaten me?"


And just like that, yet another assassination goes awry because a Hero went rogue and decided to do something dumb tonight.

"Candice went and told Russell every single thing that was said."

"And now we're screwed and now they won't trust us anymore after this."

Yet another incredible sigh of Rupert pain.  Either that or he is passing a stone.

With her back against the wall, and her hand now caught in the cookie jar, Sandra just starts openly disrespecting Russell and talking back whenever he talks to her now.  At this point now she has really stopped giving a shit.  All she wants to do is get rid of Russell.  

And she doesn't care who he is.  Russell Hantz?  Russell Hantz who?  He could be Jesus of Nazareth for all that she cares.  Right now all she wants is that Russell Hantz get that shit out of her face.

Sandra goes to Candice and she tells her how this decision will screw both of them tonight.

Hey what you all talkin' about?

"Russell can we have just a minute please?"

"It's like every time I try to do somethin', somebody is in my face."

"I can't even do nothin'.  It's crazy."

I love this next shot.  Russell slinks away in either anger or surprise because nobody has ever talked to him like that before.  Meanwhile Danielle just stares there and glares at Sandra with her arms folder.  As if she wants to challenge Sandra to a fist fight.

Well look at you.

What the hell you lookin' at, fake tits?

So the Heroes and the Villains head off to Tribal Council.  And now that Russell has identified Sandra as the enemy, he wastes no time in taking pot shots at her in front of the jury.  

Although as you can see, it kind of backfires on him.  All it really does is it will wind up making him stupid when these episodes air on TV.

These are the kind of scenes the editors will use later to completely bury him.

"Sandra's weak in challenges."

"She's easy to beat for the vote."

"Sounds like somebody I want to take with me to the end."

Uh, you sure about that, big guy?

Meanwhile, Russell continues to set the editors up to bury him later.

"We're the Villains, Jeff.   Danielle is aggressive.  I'm aggressive.  Jerri is the calm one.  Parvati is the charming one of the whole bunch."

Yay, he likes me!

Sandra:  "Yeah but what about me?  You didn't include me."

"Sandra, she's just kind of there with us."




Uh Russell, you sure you want to treat her like that?

Okay.  That's cool.  So that's the way it's gonna be.

I eat steaks bigger than you

And of course, as you know, Candice goes up to vote and she screws everything up for the Heroes again.

Hi, this is my homage to Tyson and J.T.

Which, of course, leads to the death of another of the Heroes.

Kill it with a head shot!


Yet again.  Another Sandra/Heroes plan has been foiled by stupidity.

Hey, but not before this.  It wouldn't be a Russell victory if he didn't do something foolish along the way.

Russell goes up and plays an idol because he knows he will get votes tonight

I'm awesome

Only, oops.  He doesn't get votes.  Turns out he wasted his hidden immunity idol tonight.

Courtney openly laughs at him about it

Even Parvati chimes in to point out that was stupid

Ooooooooh, I hates Survivor sometimes.

At this point now, the Heroes are screwed.  J.T. and Candice have now combined to completely sabotage any chance they have to get back in the game, and at this point Russell can just run the game all the way to the end.  Where he will be crushed in a jury vote.  Which, if you know anything about nature, is the Survivor Circle of Life.

"I'm a get second place against someone."

And of course at this point now, all Rupert and Colby can do on the Heroes tribe is await their inevitable fate.

"Colby and I are standing out on a sinking ship now.  There are no other heroes."

Hang on Rupert.  She's trying.

At this point, Rupert's disgust for Russell has reached an all time high.  He still can't get over the fact that Russell would lie on his kids like that.  It just totally disgusts him.

"I'm a just get new kids."

And now Rupert has joined in with Sandra on the Get Revenge against Russell game.

"I think that Russell is a deceitful person.  Anything he says is a lie."

And again, we get more Russell = Jonny Fairplay = the scumbag who will be taken down Sandra parallels.

"He could be worse than Jonny Fairplay!"

"He is."

In his own attempt to get revenge against Russell, now Rupert comes up with a plan which is very, well, un-Rupert.  Which means to say it is kind of brilliant.

Rupert doesn't often come up with maneuvers like this.

"My only hope is to show the villains that disgusting side."

"And ask them, truly, do they want to be involved in that?"

And so here we go.  

One of the most memorable scenes of Heroes vs Villains, and a scene that shows everything you need to know about why Russell is a terrible Survivor player.  If you ever want to see an example of how -not- to act towards a future Survivor juror, here you go.  This is Russell 101.

And I still can't get over the fact that he gets outwitted by Poopert of all people.

Rupert sits down at the campfire in front of everyone, and he starts criticizing Russell.

"You've already proven yourself to be a disgusting, terrible human being.  To swear on your kid's life?"

"Well it is the game.  And you really fucked it up for yourself, Rupert."

Note:  This is what Russell means when he wants players who "respect the game."

"If you want to swear on your kid's life and call it the game, that's fine.  I'm not that liar."

"Do you think I care about how the fuck you are as a man, Rupert?"

"I don't give a fuck about you or your family."

"I don't think you give a damn about anything.  I don't think you give a damn about anybody but yourself."

"And your team should know that."

Tee hee.  Tee hee.

"Rupert, I'm a villain.  I'm here just so I can make your life hell."

"The great, powerful Rupert."

"The good guy."

"The second coming of Christ.  Rupert."

Please be sure you make note of the crazy eyes.

"You can say whatever you want.  Because it doesn't really matter anymore."

Russell laughs.  "You're such a dumbass Rupert."

Yeah.  So I don't think Rupert is going to be a particularly friendly jury vote.  Just a hunch.

"Rupert's trying to stir up stuff and make me mad."

"I'm just tellin' him, pack your stuff partner.  Pack your stuff."

"Get your tie dye ready, cause you goin' home."

At this point it is all but decided that Rupert will be the next Hero to be joining the jury.  Which is a great move for Russell, of course, because the point that you want each jury member to leave the game is when they are at their most angry with you.  I mean, that's just common sense.  You want to have as much anger towards you on the jury as is humanly possible.  These are the Survivor lessons we learned from players like Dreamz.

It doesn't even matter that Russell doesn't win immunity that night, because they all know that Rupert is going home.

I just blue myself.

With a few short hours left until Tribal Council, Rupert knows he is now facing his last stand.   These are the very last Survivor moments left for the Hero in the tie-dye.

Rupert's Last Stand

With his back against the wall, and nothing else he can do, at this point he decides to pull off the most retarded and simple Hail Mary that is humanly possible.

This is a plan that 99.999% of the time would not work on Survivor.  It wouldn't work in most cases because it is too obvious and stupid.

Yet for some reason, in the case of Rupert versus Russell in Heroes vs Villains, it does.

"Even though I don't have an idol, maybe I can play like I do."

Oh please.   There's no way that is going to work, Rupert.   Get real.  

You aren't playing against idiots here.  You are playing against All-Stars.

Rupert grabs a big fat rock

And he just puts it in his pocket

And yes.  This is the face of the man who outwitted Russell.

"I stuck me a rock in my pocket!"

So Rupert goes back to camp with a fucking rock in his pocket.  And needless to say, Russell's paranoia immediately takes over.

I'm a... hey what the hell is that?

Work it, girl


I love this next shot.  Russell just sits there and he stares at Rupert's ass.  He pulls a total Burton.

Ironically enough, this is not the first time that Rupert's ass has become a focal episode point in an episode of Survivor

And as for Russell?  Well, as usual, he is about to do something that will totally sabotage himself.

I bet the editors loved this scene, by the way.

"I have a lot of experience with idols."

"Rupert has a big bulky thing in his pocket."

"It's the idol wrapped up in the paper."

Yes, Circle of Life, my friends.   Those who live by the idol, die by the idol.

Russell goes to Sandra (who actually does have an idol in her pocket) and he voices his suspicions.

"Rupert's got the idol.  Look.  It's in his pocket."

"I know exactly how they look."

"And I know exactly how they look in a pocket."

By the way, why does Russell have his junk hanging out in this scene?  Just curious.

Sandra, of course, finds this whole subplot quite amusing.

"Russell sweeaaaaars that Rupert found the idol."

"Of course I know that's a lie because I have the freaking immunity idol."

And yes.  That means it is time for Russell to sabotage himself and turn on another future angry juror.

Way to go Russell.

"I guess we'll just split the votes and get Candice out instead."

And that's exactly what happens.  Russell blindsides an ally who he had promised a spot in the final three.

All because of Rupert.

Russell got outwitted by Rupert.


Uh, thanks Russell.  So I guess we aren't going to the final three anymore?


Thanks Russell.  Talk to you later.

I'm a badass.

Now that is a shit eating grin if I have ever seen one.

So anyway, yeah.  Russell is quickly amassing what could be the single angriest jury in the history of Survivor.  At this point, he is on his way to out Boston Robbing Boston Rob.  At this rate, if Russell keeps this up, the final Tribal Council of Heroes versus Villains could be one for the ages.  It is going to be spectacular.  It is going to be like the finale of Lost.

And the good news is, for us as viewers, Russell hasn't even gotten to the angriest juror yet!

Nope.  The angriest juror is about to come next.  Because for no logical reason whatsoever, Russell is about to turn on his very own harem.

But wait.  There's more The Fall of Russell coming.   Continue on to the final page.