Funny 115 - version 2.0
The Fall of Russell Hantz - Part 2 (page 2 of 3)
Heroes vs Villains - all 14 glorious episodes
Episode nine now. And with Coach out of the way, Russell now
turns his attention to Sandra and Courtney.
is at this point that the two of them are going to be the next two
gone. And there aint no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
you aint with Russell, you against him.
The two of them troublemakers have gots to go.
"Coach betrayed me by telling Sandra he was going to blindside me
"I don't trust Sandra and Courtney. They'll be the next to
"I promise you that."
Oh eat me Russell. Wash your ass.
However, it isn't going to be as easy as Russell thinks it is going to
be. He isn't going to be able to just waltz his way over
All-Stars like he did in Samoa.
Because episode 9 is where things start happening around him that he
isn't aware of.
And when he finds out what people have been doing behind his back, he
is going to be furious.
Without telling Russell, Parvati and Danielle find an idol and keep it
behind his back
Uh oh. Don't do that.
Parvati, are you really sure this is a good idea?
"I'm not gonna tell Russell about the idol. I want Russell to
be out of the loop for a little bit."
"I kind of want to see him squirm a little bit. It's fun."
I'm a kill her
Yet Parvati insists on her little game of let's show Russell
"It's not Russell running the show around here, he's not the King of
Survivor. I'm the Queen."
"And usually the King does what the Queen does anyways."
And with that, Parvati not only sets a chain of events into motion that
will drive Russell insane, she also pulls a maneuver that probably
winds up costing herself the
Sorry to say it Parvati fans, but this is probably what does
her in later.
Oh well though. It was fun.
So anyway this is where we are now. The Heroes and the
are a few days away from merging together. Parvati
Danielle are hiding idols behind Russell's back. Sandra is
full revenge on anyone named Russell.
And just to add to the craziness, J.T. has of course just handed
Russell a free immunity idol.
"Hang in there buddy, we'll save you."
"I'm Russell Hantz."
Have I mentioned before how awesome I am at this game?
"Look! J.T. gave me their idol! I'm Russell Hantz!"
And now, on the eve of the merge, this is where the Villains finally
make the decision that eventually dooms them.
Yes, voting out Coach was insane. Yes, Russell treating his
minions like idiots was pretty short sighted and dumb. And
it was a really bad idea for Parvati to start teaching Russell she was
able to make moves behind his back.
Yes, all of these moves were bad.
for a man who is known for making historically bad decisions when it
comes down to Survivor crunch time, here is the one that -really- comes
back to bite Russell Hantz in the ass.
Again, if he wound up losing the game to Sandra, he has no one
to blame but himself.
It is the night before the merge, and one of Sandra or Courtney is
going home tonight. Which one should it be?
they keep the one who is fragile and has a bad ankle, and who barely
cares? Or should they keep the former winner who is really
and good once you get to the merge? Which one of Beans and
will be less dangerous to have around once you merge with the Heroes?
Let's get rid of Courtney. Sound good?
Yes, spoken like a man who has no idea who Sandra is, or that she has
actually won before.
Sure. Why not?
Danielle, of course, tries to but in and point out that Russell is
being an idiot.
But alas, just like before, he isn't going to listen to her.
"You guys, if she gets to the end Sandra will be harder to
"I agree. I think we should get rid of Sandra."
Hmmm. What would be the most blatantly wrong, shortsighted
could make here? If this were Natalie White versus Liz, which
one would I pick?
Yes, it is Liz vs Natalie all over again. Just like in Samoa.
Same variables involved.
Yes, we should get rid of the one who broke her leg when a twig fell on
What I love about this scene (where Russell chooses to
keep Sandra going into the merge) is that it isn't even the only bad
decision that he makes that night. No, Russell makes another
decision right before the vote, and it is amazing that it never came
back to haunt him later.
Check this out.
"Jeff, there's three people who really trust each other on this tribe.
Parvati, and Danielle."
Oh thanks, says the fourth member of the alliance. Real nice.
the way, if you are an expert at Survivor trivia, you might remember
that Jerri once made this -exact same mistake- when she named her
friends the night that Mad Dog was voted out. She
screwed up and revealed that Tina was not in her "best friends" club
during an answer at Tribal Council, and it wound up costing her the
I just thought it was interesting to point out that Jerri would
have known full well what Russell just did, and how it was a terrible
social move. And how it is funny that it happened to her this
time. If this had been written in the summer of 2001 I bet
would be doing a fist pump.
So anyway, Beans is voted out of the game at Tribal Council.
And Sandra tells her she will avenge her in the game now.
Rice without Beans. I can't believe these motherfuckers
actually kept me around.
And with that, the Heroes and the Villains are ready to merge.
Hey, guess who is the first person to pipe up about this?
"When we merge, I have control of the Villains camp. Complete
"I'm a have the Heroes eatin' outta the palms of my hands."
Ah yes. And now it is time for Russell's never ending quest to
lose Survivor by raping all the future jury members.
Russell reunites with JT. Hey thanks for giving me the idol,
Russell starts making promises to all the heroes that he is in with
"I am with you guys. Let's work together."
And now comes the line that will really get him into trouble with the
Yes. Russell Hantz just went for the old Twila Tanner move of
swearing his allegiance on his kids' lives. Which, as we all
know, worked out really well for Twila. After all, remember?
She won the Vanuatu jury vote 7-0.
Oh wait, never mind. No she didn't. The jury ripped
Perhaps Russell would have known that if he had actually been a
"Hook, line and sinker. They're bitin' everything I tell 'em."
"This is gonna be easier than I thought."
Rupert (angrily, off camera); "Russell you're supposed to ask
if anyone else wants an orange before
you take one!"
So anyway, there's how Russell is going to lose this game. He
is going to rape all the Heroes and then be surprised when they don't
like him at the end. In other words, he is about to fail
And of course he is going to get lots of help along the way, because of
this little imp.
Sandra wastes no time. The minute the merge hits, she runs
right to the Heroes and warns them what kind of a person they are
dealing with. In other words, she undercuts everything
Russell is trying to do with the Heroes in about ten minutes.
"You know how some people forgive and forget?"
"Well I don't forgive and I don't forget."
"I hope I get my revenge, 'cause it's gonna be good."
Sandra goes to the King of the Heroes and she spills the beans on
P.S. Sandra and Rupert were old buddies from Pearl Islands.
Again. not sure that Russell even realized that.
Don't trust a word that motherfucker says.
"You guys are done, starting with the men."
"Whatever Russell says, agree to it. But he's lying."
Oooooooh, I hates Sandra!
Since Rupert is friends with Sandra, and he knows how she works, he has
a pretty good idea that she isn't lying about this.
"Sandra just gave me some good information. The story that
Russell is telling us is not true."
"I don't know if we're getting played or not, but Russell might be
running the show."
Fuck you Hantz. This is for Beans.
But it's not just Russell that is drawing suspicion among the
Heroes. Parvati and Danielle are already creating a
fair amount of enemies on their own.
Because this is the Heroes camp, naturally the reason the Heroes are
annoyed with the girls is because of bananas.
"Yay! Let's eat the Heroes' bananas!"
"Okay that's it. To play us is one thing. But
our bananas, that's fucking bullshit, man."
I love this shot. Don't fuck with Rupert's bananas.
You can practically hear his growl.
With the Heroes realizing that the Villains minus Sandra are all full
of shit, they retreat into the woods and they have a little strategy
talk. You will note that since the Heroes are all going to
wind up on the jury, and since they are already sick of Parvati and
Russell, you can see where this season is headed now. The
ending should not be a surprise.
Rupert warns the Heroes that Russell is playing them all. And
that Parvati is a Grabby Hands McGee.
The one holdout on this idea is JT, who remains skeptical
I can't believe it, but Poopert actually makes a really good argument
Rupert pleads with JT to listen to him
"Don't trust Russell. You guys, he is on the Villains side
"You're getting paranoid, Rupert. Look at you, you're
You're working yourself up over nothing."
By the way, this is why J.T. should forever be referred to as "The
Tyson" of the Heroes tribe. This is where he single-handedly
throws the game away for pretty much all of them.
"J.T. believes wholeheartedly that Russell is on our side, and is
indebted to us now."
"J.T. is a fucking retard."
The Heroes vow to stick together and all vote as one, no matter what.
Although J.T. and Rupert disagree on whether they should
trust Russell or not.
If only Fishbach had been there to advise him this time.
ha ha ha. There's a reason I've been doing Rupert's
play for him thus far. Someone has to tell him how to vote."
"I even told him, Rupert, do you believe what Sandra told you?
Or do you believe the obvious truth?"
"If Sandra's story turns out to be true, then that means I'm probably
goin' home next."
"Do I believe it? Not a chance in the world."
Somewhere, Stephen Fishbach is rolling in his grave
As the Heroes and the Villains prepare to face their first Tribal
Council together, the Heroes do everything they can to screw it and
lose the game. The only holdout, of course, is Rupert, who
continues to warn them that they shouldn't trust Russell.
"Russell looked right at me and swore on his kid's life that he's with
"Anyone who would do that right away, I don't trust him."
Between JT the anti-Fishbach, and Amanda the single worst poker player
in the world, the Heroes do everything they can now to screw up this
vote. In fact they might have actually played this section of
Survivor worse than Russell did.
"Amanda, who do you think is going home tonight."
I don't know. It's so scary. I'm just confused.
My head hurts.
to be safe, you should play your idol tonight. You should
far, no doubt about it, play it. Make sure you play it.
Got that? I want you to play it."
So anyway, yeah. Nice job screwing up all of Sandra's intel,
Rupert still holds out hope that he can defeat the
villainous infamous Russell tonight. But you know
it will fail.
It will fail because he's a Hero. And because the Heroes suck.
"The plan tonight is to see if I can oust Russell. For the
weasel that he is."
And just what is the genius game plan that J.T. has come up with
"We think we're gonna vote out Sandra or Jerri."
Um. Really? Sandra, the one who is giving us our
As the single worst vote in Survivor history since the Tyson vote
prepares to go down, Russell and the Villains prepare because they know
exactly what the Heroes are going to do tonight. They know
because the Heroes are, well to put it diplomatically, not smart.
Russell hands the idol over to Parvati - JT's idol. Yes, JT's
very own idol that he handed to Russell.
Meanwhile, Parvati also has her own secret immunity idol
Meanwhile, Danielle is safe tonight because she and her breasts won
yes. That's three Villains who will be safe from the vote
tonight. Only two of them will be vulnerable. And
you know the Heroes are going to walk right into one of the single
biggest pooch screws in Survivor history.
The Heroes, Villains, and tiny Russell head off to Tribal Council
By the way, how does the jury respond when they see Russell
at Tribal Council that night? Do you think they are pleased
see him? Is this shaping up to be a pro Russell jury so far?
No. Not so much.
And yes. Naturally, the Heroes fuck up everything.
What the fuck? No, you idiots.
Parvati hands her idols to Jerri and Sandra, the Heroes
walk into one of the biggest rope a dopes in the book, and just like
that, guess what?
Russell has inexplicably survived a second assassination attempt.
There could not be a more deserved boot in Survivor history.
Somewhere Jason Siska is laughing.
And with that, the chain of events for the Heroes has now been set into
motion. They have been screwed by Russell. They
ignored Sandra's good advice. They could not have played that
worse. And they have no one to blame but themselves.
And yes, Russell the little troll survives to scamper again.
Yeah I'm awesome
As for Sandra? Well now it looks like the
assassination attempts will have to end for a while. At this
point, maybe it would be better just to drag him to the end as a goat.
"I still want Russell out bad. I hate him. But now
I'm stuck with him."
Although again, even though Russell might have escaped this vote by
the skin of his teeth, even though he is now in complete power over
every single player in the game, he can't leave well enough alone.
He can't leave well enough alone because he is furious about
something. And also, well, because he is Russell.
though Russell won the showdown, he is pissed that Parvati had a hidden
idol that she didn't tell him about. Like, murder pissed.
He glares daggers at her.
I'm a strangle you
From here on out, even though Russell should have complete
dominance over everyone, even though the game should be in the palm of
his hand for the next fifteen days, it isn't. The game isn't
the palm of his hand because he is determined to show Parvati who's
His jealously and anger are so visible and so
prevalent over what she did to him at Tribal Council tonight
that he is about to go on a one man path of destruction where
just destroys himself and everyone else around him.
like he always does on Survivor.
In other words, yes. Survivor is broken. When
Russell doesn't win, there is a flaw in the game.
goes back to camp and he stews over what Parvati did to him tonight.
How dare that little bitch not report every little thing she
does. How dare she show him up like that in front of everyone.
Russell goes to Sandra and he tries to find out what she knows.
Russell: "I didn't know either."
Sandra: "Oh you didn't?"
Russell turns over in his bed and he starts muttering to
himself like Milton in
Paranoia and jealousy are slowly starting to destroy him.
Just like they always do.
He is going to take his red Swingline stapler and he is going to burn
this place to the ground.
"Secrets? Who's keeping secrets from me? I'll burn
this whole place down."
Unable to sleep over how much anger he is feeling, Russell stomps down
to the beach and he decides to have it out with Parvati.
This is a really good way to make your allies hate you, by the way.
Russell confronts Parvati on the beach
"It pisses me off that y'all didn't tell me."
"You liiiiiiiied to me."
Parvati just rolls her eyes. How did I lie to you?
This isn't even close to the definition of a lie.
It looks like it is time for "Operation Russell and Parvati tear their
own alliance apart" to go into effect.
Especially since Parvati just thinks it is funny that her Samoan
boyfriend is so jealous now.
"Russell not knowing about my idol made him scared a little
bit. But that's kind of what I wanted anyways."
Meanwhile the Heroes try to regroup, and they try to decide how they
are going to handle this now.
Rupert, of course, starts warning everybody again that Russell is a
giant douche nozzle. And that maybe Sandra will give them a
second chance and they can try an assassination a second time.
"You were right Rupert. Russell is a villain. What
"When they first came over, I had a chance with Sandra."
"I tried, I went to the Heroes. I tried.
To tell them."
Sandra opened the door once.
"My only hope is to get Sandra to open the door again."
The sad reflections of a bearded guy
With the first Heroes assassination attempt on his life being
unsuccessful, and his allies going around doing things he didn't
approve of behind his back, Russell comes up with a new plan of action
and of course it is a Russell one. Just to show that he can,
is going to go do things behind Parvati and Danielle's back without
telling them. At this point, now we are going to play Spite
Oh yeah, he is also going to do a wonderful job of burning yet
-another- Hero juror just before he puts her on the jury.
There's a flaw in the game I tell you!
In classic Russell short term Scorched Earth style, he goes to Candice
and he offers her a spot in his harem
"Hi you don't know me, but I promise I will protect you.
You can depend on me, I will take you very far."
"If you're the last hero standing you won't go at number six, I can
"I don't want to go so far as say final three, but it's a strong
Then of course, well, we'll get to this later, but....
I love this next shot. Russell goes to his girls and he
announces that Candice is now a member of their inner circle.
that he's not asking them if they should do this. He
is telling them. "Okay here's how it's gonna be.
Candice is now with us, and you either with me or you against
I love the "oh shit" look that the girls exchange when he tells them
Russell, of course, sees this only in short term terms and doesn't seem
to realize how it might hurt him in the end.
"I got an idol, and we're goin' to the final three."
"I'm Russell Hantz."
"We're going to the final three!"
As Russell works on burning yet another jury member who will wind up
hating him down the road, the Heroes are over on the other side trying
to put together assassination attempt number two on the Wee Leprechaun.
Sandra has accepted their apologies, and accepted their pleas
help, and now she is working on a plan to cut Russell's ding-a-ling off
get revenge a second time.
"Now that they got rid of J.T., it's the perfect time to make my move."
Sandra again explains to Colby how Russell is the spawn of
And how he needs to wash his ass.
Colby finally agrees that they are going to vote with Sandra tonight.
No ifs, ands, or buts about it. They are in this
long haul now.
Here's a great scene on the beach where Russell confronts
Sandra and demands to know if she is flipping the vote against him.
Note that she doesn't cower when he goes into bully mode like
everyone else does. Sandra doesn't cower in front of Russell
because she's not scared of him. And also, well, because she
doesn't cower in front of anyone. Why would she be
Why would she be scared of the guy? She's Sandra.
Russell: "Did Colby talk to you at all?"
(sweetly) "No, not at all. Why?"
"And wash your ass."
Okay she didn't really say that last line. But the
spirit is there.
Especially if I captioned it under this picture. Dude, wash
Now Russell starts threatening her. As he will do.
"You better not flip. Cause we don't have five votes, we have
And her response? Typical Sandra sass.
"No. Hold up. You're doin' math wrong."
Russell: "No, I'm tellin' you, we got one person from their
"But anyway, I trust you."
Sandra just laughs at this.
And let the games begin.
"I need to flip. Russell needs to go home."
"He needs to go home right now."
By the way, I should really point out that in Sandra's
defense, I'm not even sure she's trying to win Survivor at this point.
In fact I don't think she even plays for the endgame at all.
I don't think she ever plays for the endgame, other
than trying not to make enemies along the way. At
I believe her storyline is just a revenge tale. It is sort of
like Chris Daugherty's "Kill Bill" revenge storyline in Vanuatu, only
more straightforward. This is just like an angry housewife
to step on the last cockroach.
"Fuck Russell. He's done."
And just like that, it appears that Sandra and the
Heroes have it all set up. As long as Candice stays with the
Heroes as she is supposed to, the Russell Hantz era of Survivor will be
done forever tonight. As it should have been last episode.
And the episode before that. And the episode with
"This is it. We can get Russell out of this game."
"The guy is a piece of garbage."
Sandra readies herself as she prepares for Russell's last stand.
"I'm voting for Russell, because I've been waiting to take him down for
"Thirty days too long."
"It's time for revenge. And this is for Courtney.
"And even Coach, who I don't care about."
"But I'll stick him in there too."
But alas. Same as before.
The Heroes somehow find a way to fuck it up yet again.
The Heroes are seriously turning into Charlie Brown trying
to kick a football at this point.
"Before the vote, I tried to think. What is the stupidest
possible thing I
could do tonight?"
What is the stupidest possible thing Candice can do tonight?
Yep, you guessed it.
Tattle on Sandra and force her to jump back to the Villains.
Russell asks who the Heroes are going to vote for tonight
Then Candice admits that Sandra has switched sides and is voting with
the Heroes tonight.
Sandra switched? I'm a kill her.
Sandra just looks on in dismay. *sigh* You fucking
morons. What the hell?
Here's another great scene in the Sandra/Russell war of 2010.
Russell gets pissed and decides to have
a showdown with Sandra on the beach.
Which, of course, doesn't really work all that well since Sandra isn't
scared of him.
*growling* *stomping* *fuming*
"Okay, we need to have a little talk Sandra."
"I'm hearing that you're gonna vote for me."
"Listen Sandra. An idol's gettin' played tonight."
"I'm not scared, motherfucker."
"Why you tryin' to threaten me?"
And just like that, yet another assassination goes awry because a Hero
went rogue and decided to do something dumb tonight.
"Candice went and told Russell every single thing that was said."
"And now we're screwed and now they won't trust us anymore after this."
Yet another incredible sigh of Rupert pain. Either that or he
is passing a stone.
With her back against the wall, and her hand now caught
in the cookie jar, Sandra just starts openly disrespecting Russell and
talking back whenever he talks to her now. At this point now
has really stopped giving a shit. All she wants to do is get
And she doesn't care who he is. Russell
Hantz? Russell Hantz who? He could be Jesus of
all that she cares. Right now all she wants is that Russell
get that shit out of her face.
Sandra goes to Candice and she tells her how this decision will screw
both of them tonight.
Hey what you all talkin' about?
"Russell can we have just a minute please?"
"It's like every time I try to do somethin', somebody is in my
"I can't even do nothin'. It's crazy."
I love this next shot. Russell slinks away in either
anger or surprise because nobody has ever talked to him like that
before. Meanwhile Danielle just stares there and glares at
with her arms folder. As if she wants to challenge Sandra to
Well look at you.
What the hell you lookin' at, fake tits?
So the Heroes and the Villains head off to Tribal Council.
now that Russell has identified Sandra as the enemy, he wastes
time in taking pot shots at her in front of the jury.
as you can see, it kind of backfires on him. All it really
is it will wind up making him stupid when these episodes air on TV.
These are the kind of scenes the editors will use later to
completely bury him.
"Sandra's weak in challenges."
"She's easy to beat for the vote."
"Sounds like somebody I want to take with me to the end."
Uh, you sure about that, big guy?
Meanwhile, Russell continues to set the editors up to bury him later.
"We're the Villains, Jeff. Danielle is aggressive.
I'm aggressive. Jerri is
the calm one. Parvati is the charming one of the whole bunch."
Yay, he likes me!
Sandra: "Yeah but what about me? You didn't include
"Sandra, she's just kind of there with us."
Uh Russell, you sure you want to treat her like that?
Okay. That's cool. So that's the way it's gonna be.
I eat steaks bigger than you
And of course, as you know, Candice goes up to vote and she screws
everything up for the Heroes again.
Hi, this is my homage to Tyson and J.T.
Which, of course, leads to the death of another of the Heroes.
Kill it with a head shot!
Yet again. Another Sandra/Heroes plan has been foiled by
Hey, but not before this. It wouldn't be a Russell victory if
he didn't do something foolish along the way.
Russell goes up and plays an idol because he knows he will get votes
Only, oops. He doesn't get votes. Turns out he
wasted his hidden immunity idol tonight.
Courtney openly laughs at him about it
Even Parvati chimes in to point out that was stupid
Ooooooooh, I hates Survivor sometimes.
At this point now, the Heroes are screwed.
J.T. and Candice have now combined to completely sabotage any
chance they have to get back in the game, and at this point Russell can
just run the game all the way to the end. Where he will be
crushed in a jury vote. Which, if you know anything about
is the Survivor Circle of Life.
"I'm a get second place against someone."
And of course at this point now, all Rupert and Colby can do on the
Heroes tribe is await their inevitable fate.
"Colby and I are standing out on a sinking ship now. There
no other heroes."
Hang on Rupert. She's trying.
this point, Rupert's disgust for Russell has reached an all time high.
He still can't get over the fact that Russell would lie on
kids like that. It just totally disgusts him.
"I'm a just get new kids."
And now Rupert has joined in with Sandra on the Get Revenge against
"I think that Russell is a deceitful person. Anything he says
is a lie."
And again, we get more Russell = Jonny Fairplay = the scumbag who will
be taken down Sandra parallels.
"He could be worse than Jonny Fairplay!"
In his own attempt to get revenge against Russell, now
Rupert comes up with a plan which is very, well, un-Rupert.
Which means to say it is kind of brilliant.
Rupert doesn't often come up with maneuvers like this.
"My only hope is to show the villains that disgusting side."
"And ask them, truly, do they want to be involved in that?"
And so here we go.
One of the most memorable
scenes of Heroes vs Villains, and a scene that shows everything you
need to know about why Russell is a terrible Survivor player.
you ever want to see an example of how -not- to act towards a
future Survivor juror, here you go. This is Russell 101.
And I still can't get over the fact that he gets outwitted by Poopert
of all people.
Rupert sits down at the campfire in front of everyone, and he starts
"You've already proven yourself to be a disgusting, terrible human
being. To swear on your kid's life?"
"Well it is the game. And you really fucked it up for
Note: This is what Russell means when he wants players who
"respect the game."
"If you want to swear on your kid's life and call it the game, that's
fine. I'm not that liar."
"Do you think I care about how the fuck you are as a man, Rupert?"
"I don't give a fuck about you or your family."
"I don't think you give a damn about anything. I don't think
you give a damn about anybody but yourself."
"And your team should know that."
Tee hee. Tee hee.
"Rupert, I'm a villain. I'm here just so I can make your life
"The great, powerful Rupert."
"The good guy."
"The second coming of Christ. Rupert."
Please be sure you make note of the crazy eyes.
"You can say whatever you want. Because it doesn't really
Russell laughs. "You're such a dumbass Rupert."
Yeah. So I don't think Rupert is going to be a particularly
friendly jury vote. Just a hunch.
"Rupert's trying to stir up stuff and make me mad."
"I'm just tellin' him, pack your stuff partner. Pack your
"Get your tie dye ready, cause you goin' home."
At this point it is all but decided that Rupert will be the
Hero to be joining the jury. Which is a great move for
of course, because the point that you want each jury member to leave
the game is when they are at their most angry with you. I
that's just common sense. You want to have as much anger
you on the jury as is humanly possible. These are the
lessons we learned from players like Dreamz.
It doesn't even matter that Russell doesn't win immunity that night,
because they all know that Rupert is going home.
I just blue myself.
With a few short hours left until Tribal Council, Rupert
knows he is now facing his last stand. These are the very
Survivor moments left for the Hero in the tie-dye.
Rupert's Last Stand
his back against the wall, and nothing else he can do, at this point he
decides to pull off the most retarded and simple Hail Mary that is
is a plan that 99.999% of the time would not work on Survivor.
wouldn't work in most cases because it is too obvious and stupid.
Yet for some reason, in the case of Rupert versus Russell in
Heroes vs Villains, it does.
"Even though I don't have an idol, maybe I can play like I do."
Oh please. There's no way that is going to work, Rupert.
You aren't playing against idiots here. You are playing
Rupert grabs a big fat rock
And he just puts it in his pocket
And yes. This is the face of the man who outwitted Russell.
"I stuck me a rock in my pocket!"
So Rupert goes back to camp with a fucking rock in his pocket.
And needless to say, Russell's paranoia immediately takes
I'm a... hey what the hell is that?
Work it, girl
I love this next shot. Russell just sits there and he stares
at Rupert's ass. He pulls a total Burton.
Ironically enough, this is not the first time that Rupert's ass has
become a focal episode point in an episode of Survivor
And as for Russell? Well, as usual, he is about to
do something that will totally sabotage himself.
I bet the editors loved this scene, by the way.
"I have a lot of experience with idols."
"Rupert has a big bulky thing in his pocket."
"It's the idol wrapped up in the paper."
Yes, Circle of Life, my friends. Those who live by
the idol, die by the idol.
Russell goes to Sandra (who actually does have an idol in her pocket)
and he voices his suspicions.
"Rupert's got the idol. Look. It's in his pocket."
"I know exactly how they look."
"And I know exactly how they look in a pocket."
By the way, why does Russell have his junk hanging out in this scene?
Sandra, of course, finds this whole subplot quite amusing.
"Russell sweeaaaaars that Rupert found the idol."
"Of course I know that's a lie because I have the freaking immunity
And yes. That means it is time for Russell to sabotage
himself and turn on another future angry juror.
Way to go Russell.
"I guess we'll just split the votes and get Candice out instead."
And that's exactly what happens. Russell blindsides
an ally who he had promised a spot in the final three.
All because of Rupert.
Russell got outwitted by Rupert.
Uh, thanks Russell. So I guess we aren't going to the final
Thanks Russell. Talk to you later.
I'm a badass.
Now that is a shit eating grin if I have ever seen one.
So anyway, yeah. Russell is quickly amassing what could be
single angriest jury in the history of Survivor. At this
he is on his way to out Boston Robbing Boston Rob. At this
if Russell keeps this up, the final Tribal Council of Heroes versus
Villains could be one for the ages. It is going to be
spectacular. It is going to be like the finale of Lost.
And the good news is, for us as viewers, Russell hasn't even gotten to
the angriest juror yet!
The angriest juror is about to come next. Because
logical reason whatsoever, Russell is about to turn on his very own
But wait. There's more The Fall of Russell coming. Continue on to the final page.