The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#97.  Shambo's Pouty Face
Samoa - episode 9

Remember how I made fun of the one-sided Shambo-Laura feud back in entry #114 - Shambo's Inappropriate Laugh?  Remember how I pointed out how Shambo is pissed off at Laura and wants revenge for the entire season, but we never really understand why because we never actually see Laura saying or doing anything mean to Shambo in the first place?

Well this is a great followup to that entry, because it involves even more of Shambo's ridiculously obsessive one-sided feud against Laura.  Only this one is special because it also features an encore appearance from one of my very favorite entries in Funny 115 history.  

Know which entry I am talking about?

Well you will in a second, because this one is a personal favorite.

Shambo and Laura - they go together like oil and another liquid that has never actually heard of oil

So anyway, it's the ninth episode of Survivor: Samoa.  And Shambo and Laura are doing their little feud where one of them does nothing wrong, but the other one hates them anyway.  Blah blah blah.  Cracks me up every time I watch it.  

Um yeah, thanks editors.  Forcing us to root for Shambo much?

"I asked Shambo if she wanted any chicken mixed in with her rice."

"Laura walked up to me and she said that she hates America.  She also said that Rupert is a bad person.  I mean, what is her deal?"

"I told Shambo she looked cute in that swimsuit."

"Laura told me I'm a demon and that I have the devil growing inside me in my naughty place."

"Dave won the challenge and we got chickens.  How cool is that?"

"Last night Laura murdered me.  Fuck her."

Shambo has been going on and on for about eight episodes about how much she hates Laura, and how evil she is, and how much she wants to vote her out of the game.  

And now, at the beginning of episode nine, suddenly she sees a light at the end of the tunnel.  

Finally, after eight weeks of one-sided self-induced pointless suffering, Shambo suddenly sees a chance to rid herself of the evil miss Laura Morrett.  She sees it in the form of her wee knight in tiny shining armor.

His name (you might have heard of him) is Russell Hantz.

"I'm Russell Hantz!"

Russell comes up to Shambo, and he explains that the plan tonight is to use the idol to blindside Laura right out of the game.

As you can guess, Shambo hears this news and she orgasms.

Russell explains how they are going to blindside Laura tonight

Happy Shambo

Shambo is so excited about this news that she can hardly contain herself.  

Laura?  Gone??  The wicked witch of the north is going to be blindsided right out of the game tonight???

And it is all going to be because of Shambo?

"No, all because of me!  I'm Russell Hantz!"

Shambo sits there and she tries not to scream with joy over the blindside that is about to go down tonight.   But she also adds a fairly ominous warning.  Because-- as crazy as she is-- Shambo is well aware that there is still one thing that could happen tonight that will sabotage everything.

What is that one thing that would be a worst case scenario for everyone?

"This is gonna be unbelievable."

"The only thing that can derail this... is her winnin' immunity."

Ah yes.  Laura winning immunity would be very very bad for the big blindside tonight.

So what do you think happens?

Well considering this is the Funny 115, it should be fairly obvious what happens.

Laura kicks ass in the immunity challenge

Russell and CGI Brett can only look on in horror

"Laura!  Wins immunity!"

Shambo's worst nightmare

So anyway, yadda yadda.  Shambo's plan failed.  Laura is not going to go home tonight.  There will be no epic Laura Morrett blindside.

Shambo pouts on the hammock as Laura tends bananas in a mocking, disrespectful, evil way in the background

The Aigas go back to camp, and that's when Shambo gives one of the stupidest, most ridiculous confessionals in 22 seasons of Survivor.  Seriously, you could watch this scene a hundred times, and at no point in one hundred viewings would you think that Shambo is actually being serious.  But she is.  That's the beauty of this scene.  Shambo isn't trying to be funny at all, she is being totally serious.

She just stands there and she gives the world's fucking saddest four year old pouty face.  

Check it out for yourself.

Remember... this is an actual confessional from an actual grownup on an actual TV show.  Just keep that in mind.  This is not a four year old pouting because little Sally Shankerman took her juice box.

(moaning, as if dying)  "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh"


(moaning, as if in pain)  "The challenge sucked because Laura won."

(moaning, as if dying)  "And now we can't vote her off and now my heart is broken."

(moaning, whining)

(moaning, speaking slowly)  "So saddddddd."

(moaning, speaking slowly)  "I'm pisssssssssssed."

It's just a quickie little stupid confessional, but it's a scene I look forward to every single time I watch Samoa.  Because honestly, can you believe that face and that sound came out of a grown adult woman?   I must have watched this clip fifty times, and every single time I watch it I look for some clue that she's trying to be funny, or that she is just playing up her sadness to the cameras, or that she is just trying to get more camera time.

But you know what?  I don't think that she is.  

What I think is that Shambo is pissed and depressed that Laura won immunity and stole her juice box, and the only recourse a pissed and depressed Shambo has is to break down and moan and start snivelling like a sad little four year old.

I can't has blindside?

Oh yeah, and as an added bonus, Shambo also manages to do an excellent impression of the world famous Lill Face.

"Laura made fun of my hat!"

So anyway, there you go.   Shambo.  Dreamz with a mullet.  God love her.

She might not be the greatest player in the history of Survivor, but she sure was a memorable one.


* Special thanks to DaveBallsTesticles at Survivor Sucks for the CGI Brett picture.

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