The
Funny 115 - The Third One
#56. A Tribute to Angie
Philippines - finale
In the annals of one-dimensional characters on Survivor over the years, few
people have ever fit the definition better than Angie
from Philippines.
Angie
I
know, I know. It's awful to take a living, breathing human being,
and reduce them down to just one thing that stands out about them.
It's terrible. I mean, if I were to do that, I would
basically just be the producers of... let's say... every Survivor
season from about Nicaragua on. I think that sort of thing is
horrible. And insensitive. And lazy. And I would
never want to be a part of it.
But let's be real here. Angie had one storyline on Survivor: Philippines. That's it.
The producers didn't even TRY to give you anything else about her.
"Angie, it looks like she's got some boob thing goin' on."
"I mean, they're poppin' up all over the place."
Because
Angie was such an insignificant player, and because she only lasted
three episodes, the editors clearly didn't put all that much work into
giving her much of a character. She was just "that girl with
big boobs who cuddled with Malcolm and who once made a joke about
cookies. And then she got voted out for being useless." Ask
any Survivor fan to name ANYTHING else about her as a player, and they
would be hard pressed to do it. That was literally all we ever
learned about her.
Hello phallic symbol. Paging Doctor Freud.
And meanwhile, the rest of the tribe was like...
"Damn girl, It's like Miss America all day long!"
And my favorite. From the exasperated Russell.
"Come on, Malcolm. Get your bang on somewhere else."
So anyway, that's it. That was Angie's entire storyline.
She
had big boobs. And, uh, she had big boobs. And when she was
voted out, Malcolm was sad because she had those glorious really big
boobs.
But I'm not here to talk about Angie's boobs.
No, I'm here to let the editors talk about Angie's boobs.
Because it's time for one of my favorite (not subtle) little editor jokes of the modern era.
This is one you probably caught. I got so many emails about it.
Okay, it's
day 38 of Survivor: Philippines. And by this point Angie is long
gone from the game. She was voted out by Matsing nearly thirty
days ago.
At this point in the season she has no more relevance to the story at all. Not that she ever really had any.
So it's day 38. And the Dangrayne tribe is ready to do the famous Rites of Passage.
This is where they go on their final walk together, and they pay tribute to their opponents who are no longer left in the game.
Note: If you ever call this "Fallen Comrades", I'm going to cut you.
Malcolm announces to the final four that it's time for Rites of Passage
And so they're off.
Malcolm. Denise. Blair from Facts of Life. And famed internet researcher Bob Johnson.
The final four Dangraynes.
Excited to pay tribute.
As always, what happens during Rites of Passage is that the players say something about their defeated opponent...
Zane, that guy was a tool.
And then the player chips in with some important life lesson they learned from the experience.
"As you can see, my whole tribe folded after I left."
And then the players left in the game stand around and laugh and reminisce about what an amazing person this was.
Zane, lol
So the Dangraynes pay tribute to Zane. And then they pay tribute to ALL their defeated opponents.
"Wait. There was a Dana?"
From Roxy all the way down to Abi, who was voted out two days ago at the final five.
We hear comments about everyone.
"I keep it real. And that could have been my downfall."
"FUCK THIS SHIT I'M NEVER PLAYING THIS FUCKING GAME AGAIN!"
"You know what sucks? I heard Obama took all of Jeff's money."
Oh Abi. What a bright ray of Brazilian sunshine.
"Holy christ, did you ever hear RC's laugh? I'd go to prison before I'd ever listen to that again."
"If I kill him, it's only because I love him very much."
But the highlight of this sequence is when they arrive at the third torch.
It's Angie's.
So the Dangraynes stand around.
And they all say nice things about the girl that everyone forgot about nearly a month ago.
Well, um, I mean she could probably float pretty well...
Malcolm,
of course, speaks from the heart. After all, he was the guy who
got to cuddle with her every night. He was the only one who ever
got to squeeze 'em.
"You know, she turned out to be a lot tougher than we all judged her to be."
"Poor girl. All she wanted was some cookies."
And then, we get to Angie's thoughts.
What did she learn about herself from this game?
And this is where we get one of the least subtle editor's jokes I have ever seen on Survivor.
Quoth the editors, well
it's not like we gave her much of a character before. Why don't
we just double down and go all the way with it during her Rites of
Passage tribute too?
Did I say one-dimensional earlier? I'm sorry. I meant three-dimensional.
And... behold and enjoy.
This is word for word from her Rites of Passage tribute.
"Being ditzy and bubbly, whatever, that's just a part of who I am."
"I'm not a dumb blonde."
"But you know, I'm not serious all the time. And I'm not hardcore."
And the piece de resistance...
"I'm kind of well rounded, I feel like."
LOL.
Like
I said, SO many people emailed me about this joke when I first started
putting together this countdown. It seems like most people caught
it and appreciated it when it first showed up in the episode.
Because, you know, sometimes the editors don't even try to be
subtle about it. Sometimes they throw all their eggs in one
basket and just hit you over the head with it, like they do here.
And I will always love them for it. Usually the editor's
jokes are a lot more subtle than this.
So
anyway, there's the famous "well rounded" joke about Angie from
Philippines. If you caught it before, I hope you enjoyed it
again. If you didn't catch it before? Well I hope I just
gave you a reason to appreciate Angie. I mean, it's not like they
ever bothered giving her anything else for a storyline.
I'm sure Malcolm appreciated it
** Thank you to Nicholas Allan Tate for the Charlie Brown FUBC. **
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