Funny 115 - The Third One
#60. Stacey's Booping and Blamming Survivor Journey
South Pacific - episodes 1-4
One of my favorite things about the Survivor fan base over
the years is the fact that, even though the show tells us who the
stars of a season are supposed to be, the fans on the
internet don't really always agree with it. In fact, a lot of
the time, we believe WE decide who the stars of a season really
Which leads to some hilarious fan moments over the years like
Kelly Goldsmith from
Africa being voted the all-time most popular player according to a 2003
poll on Survivor
Sucks. Or Kelley "I was in two scenes!" Wentworth being
voted in by the fans to be a castmember on Second Chances. Or,
even sillier like The Almighty BobDawg somehow getting a character
on the Funny 115.
While I appreciate that all of these
things have happened over the years, at least on a comedic level, the truth is that NONE of
them would have happened if the online Survivor fanbase wasn't
made up of so many dedicated, passionate weirdos. Who like
nothing more than to fight for what they believe in, and who will spend
endless hours rallying around and defending some really odd stuff.
Literally every online Survivor fight, ever
Which leads me nicely into my next entry.
which the internet has decided that the woman who was booted
in episode four was the star of Survivor: South Pacific.
you haven't watched South Pacific in a while (or at all), this entry
probably isn't going to make any sense to you. In fact, you're
probably sitting there wondering why the hell Sally is getting a
character entry at all.
first off, her name isn't Sally, it's Stacey. See, you don't even
remember what her name was. Don't be ignorant.
you would totally understand why she is getting an entry if you have
spent any time in the online fanbase over the past ten years.
Because if you have seen who the Survivor fanbase has chosen to
champion over the years, if you have seen the causes that people are
willing to fight for and die up on a hill for over the past two decades, it
would make PERFECT sense that the woman who RHAP once called "the
queen of onomatopoeia" would somehow be a beloved fan favorite. Right
up there next to Rupert, Boston Rob, Kelly Goldsmith, Parvati, and the lesbian in Pearl
Islands who wanted to steal Trish's eyes.
Is not sleep
fact, want to hear the feedback I have gotten the most so
far when people heard I was going to write an
entry about Stacey Powell? You'd think it would be something like
"Stacey who? Why the hell would you write an entry about someone
who was voted out fourth?" In fact, in most fanbases, that is
EXACTLY what people would say. Stacey was barely in four
episodes. What the hell could you even say about somebody who
only lasted twelve days?
no. This is the Survivor fan base. These are my people.
Want to know the three reactions I have gotten so far, more than
STACEYGODDESS! STACEYGODDESS IS LIFE!
STACEY IS THE BEST! BEST PRE-MERGE BOOT EVER!!
THIS SUCKS! WHY ISN'T STACEY THE TOP ENTRY??
And so here we go. My tribute to Stacey Powell from South Pacific. The aforementioned "Queen of onomatopoeia."
Or, "The Shooter McGavin of Survivor", as a reader named Michael
Friday once described her. Either way, get ready for one of the
quirkiest, most quotable minor characters in all of modern Survivor.
Who once claimed she would "hang up on that dude's face" if Coach
ever tried to call her on the phone.
I mean, if hanging up on Coach's face doesn't warrant a Funny 115 entry, I don't know what does.
Stacey is not a fan
Okay, let's take a trip through Stacey's odd little Survivor journey.
See if you can identify the exact moment the game actually drives her insane.
STACEY POWELL'S BOOPING AND BLAMMING SURVIVOR JOURNEY
day one of Survivor: South Pacific. And here comes one of the
quirkiest characters you are ever going to see on your Survivor screen.
No, not Brandon. I'm talking about the one on the left. Who, of course, is a mortician. Because why wouldn't she be? Sees dead people
So here comes Stacey. And here comes our introduction to Stacey at the start of the episode.
Where she drops perhaps the greatest Survivor introductory quote of them all.
"Being the mother that I am, I'm gonna have my eyes and my ears open." "You think I'm sleep? I'm not sleep." "I'mma be nosy as hell."
arrives on the beach at the start of the game. Where she is definitely not
sleep. And it's here that she is introduced to the rest of her
new Upolu tribe. Which she quickly learns consists of six other
jackasses and then also Christine.
HI, I'M EDNA! WANT TO KNOW SOME TRIVIA ABOUT SAND FLEAS? YOU AND ME, WE'RE GOING TO BE BEST FRIENDS!
I'm sorry. Did I say six jackasses? I meant seven.
Because here comes the man who will soon be the King of All
Good god. Is that...? Is that Coach Wade's theme music??
Yes, it's the Dragonslayer himself. Who will soon become the leader of the Upolus.
Hi, I'm Wade. Pope Wade.
guess what? Stacey already knows who he is. Because she's
smart, she pays attention, and because she isn't sleep.
She already knows she isn't going
to like this douchebag on her tribe very much.
The smile of a woman who already wants to go home
Tough luck, Stacey. You're stuck with the Dragonslayer now. You'll just have to learn to get used to it.
Checking out the jacket. Being nosy as hell.
anyway, Coach loses the first challenge for his tribe. As you do.
receiving some enthusiastic assistance from Stacey up in the stands.
Not sleep Being helpful as hell
But Upolu loses the first challenge, and that's that. And they trudge
back to camp as the losers she knows they all are.
Seriously, can I embalm this annoying Edna chick? Please?
this is the part of the writeup where I have to point out that
Stacey doesn't hate EVERY minute of her short little journey in South Pacific.
You might think that she does. It will become pretty
obvious later, in fact, that she was absolutely miserable for most
of her time out there. But in the interest of being fair, let me
point out that she was pretty happy for ONE brief moment in the game.
It comes at the end of episode one, when Upolu wins the first
immunity challenge. See below.
Stacey exalts as Upolu wins their first challenge
What a happy Stacey actually looks like
Okay, enough about that. Let's get back to the suffering.
the end of episode one, Stacey goes out to look for a hidden immunity
idol. And despite the fact that she is nosy as hell, and
she's not sleep, she fails to find it.
wouldn't be so bad... except for the fact that, at one point, she was
LITERALLY TOUCHING IT and she still couldn't find it.
Being frustrating as hell
well. It's not like she gives a confessional about it that
the editors can later use in the episode to make her look foolish.
"I probably could have already stumbled over it and don't even know it." "It was probably right there."
Oh. Well never mind.
So that's Stacey's Survivor experience through the first episode.
Hunker down, it's only going to go downhill from here.
-- EPISODE 2 --
HI STACEY I MADE YOU BREAKFAST. WANT TO KNOW THE HISTORY OF BREAKFAST?
Episode two is fairly uneventful.
At least until the end of the episode, where Stacey kicks ass in the lock and key portion of the immunity challenge.
Being skillful as hell
And then she has to stand there and watch as the guys completely blow it on the puzzle portion of the challenge.
COACH, NO! ALBERT, NO!!
women can't do anything about it. They just stand there and look
on as Coach and the guys completely blow it and send the Upolus to
No Brandon, the crate isn't trying to seduce you. Stop kicking it. NO!!!!!!!
By the end of the challenge, the look on the women's faces pretty much says it all.
And with that, Upolu is headed to their first Tribal Council.
Being angry as hell
the way, there's something interesting I caught at the end of this
scene when I was grabbing screencaps for this entry. I don't
know how many people have ever noticed this before.
You know that little shooty gun that Stacey does later at Tribal Council, when she is talking to Albert?
Well I think that gun might have actually started with Christine.
Check out what I noticed in my screencaps as the Upolus are leaving the challenge.
Christine is talking about who she and Stacey need to target tonight at Tribal Council And Christine does that little hand gun.
wondering if that was actually a Christine thing that Stacey just sort
of adopted from her. Maybe they had a thing where the two of
them were gunfighters and they were planning to take out all the
annoying male douchebags (starting with Coach.) I have no way of
knowing for sure, but I suspect that's what it was.
Being plagiarizing as hell
so Upolu is headed for their first Tribal Council. And it should
be a pretty easy vote. Christine and Stacey think it is going to
be Coach. And Coach and everyone else know it is going to be
Being nosy as hell
On paper, this should be a pretty simple vote.
Oh. But that's when the crazy train shows up
see, Brandon is troubled by the fact that Mikayla is on his
tribe. He is especially bothered by the fact that a) she's
hot, b) she's popular, and c) he isn't getting any of that fine honey
The classic conundrum
So Brandon decides that Mikayla needs to pay for her sins against man.
THIS VIXEN IS THE DEVIL! I'M THE ARTHUR OF MY FATE!
around and starts telling everyone that the vote is going to be for
Mikayla tonight. And he specifically goes to Stacey and
Christine, and tries to pull them into his club of the rejected blue
balls. Then, for whatever reason Brandon decides to
do Brandon things, he then goes to Coach and he squeals that
Stacey and Christine are trying to get Mikayla out.
And you know what? This is STILL a better strategy than Russell's.
this is the mess that Stacey and Christine find themselves in as they
head to their first Tribal Council. Christine is about to get
blindsided, and she doesn't even know it yet. And Brandon has now
sullied their names among just about everyone else in the
tribe, simply because he's unpredictable and because the Lord won't
allow him to get any.
And, uh, this isn't gonna go real well
Okay, Tribal Council. Time for a heaping plate of Stacey awesomeness.
I love this first question that Probst asks to Brandon.
"Brandon, do you think you made a good first impression on the group?"
Stacey, do you have any opinion on that? Does Brandon Hantz make a good first impression on people?
here comes all the drama that Brandon stirred up around Christine and
Stacey. Naturally, the first person to bring it up in front of
the group is Coach.
I heard that Christine and Stacey were trying to target Mikayla tonight WHAT? WHAT?
Also, do you guys know how much I can bench?
goes on a big, long lecture about how Stacey and Christine are pulling
underhanded shit when they don't need to pull any. And if Stacey
ever needed a reason to hate Coach more than she already does, here's
where it happens.
You two need to play with strength and honor. Like Brandon.
Get ready for some great dumbfounded Stacey reactions.
I love this one. This is when Coach is Coachsplaining to Stacey what ethics are.
Being funny as hell
In the middle of his lecture, Stacey interrupts him to say she didn't actually do anything wrong.
And that leads to this fun little exchange.
Coach: May I finish?Stacey: Go right ahead.
I'mma be flippant as hell
this is where Stacey and Christine realize they have been set up by
someone. Somebody's hard-on for Mikayla has managed to get them
Stacey protests the best that she can.
"I never even talked to Coach, about no Mikayla." "So his honesty and his loyalty just fell."
Luckily, Albert is there to pipe in and to Albertsplain everything.
First off, Stacey, you have an amazing energy about you. I bet you would ask a great jury question. "For the record, you guys never told me who you're voting for."
And here's where we get Stacey's famous little shooty gun.
"Thank you." BOOP!
continue to devolve for a while, and Stacey continues to get yelled at
and flash attitude, until Brandon's Zoloft kicks in and he
realizes it's time to start telling the truth.
"I told Stacey and Christine to vote for Mikayla."
Oh good. I'm sure that helped. Thanks Brandon.
Also, Rick is trying to seduce me. *sigh* Why couldn't I have just had Tyson back?
So anyway, things go from bad to worse, and Stacey and Christine are just absolutely furious about the whole thing.
"I never said I was voting for Mikayla. EVER." BOOM!
And in the end it doesn't even matter. Because Christine was supposed to be voted out anyway.
See ya later, Long Island
And at the end of the day, what we have left is a dysfunctional little tribe of eight.
Led by Coach Featuring Brandon
And at the bottom there is one supremely pissed off booping mortician.
And her name is Stacey
-- EPISODE 3 --
HI STACEY IT'S A NICE DAY OUT! WANT ME TO TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT PANDAS?
anyway, Stacey is kind of pissed of today. Stuff like that will
happen when you get accused of something you didn't do, and then your
best friend is voted out right in front of you. And then you have
to fucking deal with Edna. Things like that tend to wear on your
psyche a little.
hey, here's some good news! It turns out there's going to be
a duel over on Redemption Island today. Christine against Semhar.
"It says that two of us are invited to go and watch it."
Coach wants to go watch it. If only because it would be awesome
to watch his enemy Christine go down in flames right there in front of
Plus I don't think she has actually heard me say Dragonslayer yet
And look who else wants to go!
Awesome! It's gonna be a fun little double date with Coach!
When the romance isn't happening
anyway, Stacey goes with Coach to watch the first duel. And in
maybe her one last bright spot in the game, Stacey is heartened by the
fact that her friend wins the duel and avoids elimination.
Stay strong, my mortician friend. Boopsies. Blamsies
It sucked that she had to sit here and watch it with Coach. But at this point I guess something is better than nothing.
So, Stacey, there was no Love Connection. Would you like to try with a different contestant?
Okay. So here we go. Here's where the crazy on Upolu is about to kick it up a notch.
You thought life at Upolu was awkward last night after Tribal Council?
Well HERE is where things will get even weirder.
This is where shit starts to get real if you are Stacey the mortician.
day seven. And God has just made a big move. He just
chastised Brandon for lying to everyone at Tribal Council last night.
Brandon was just chewed out by God, he decides it's time that he
fesses up and he explains who he is to everyone.
Oh, I'm sure this will go well.
I'm Brandon Hantz! I'm the famous nephew of one other person!
And here we go.
Brandon takes off his shirt for the first time. He reveals his tattoos. Oh shit
And here's where we get my all-time favorite Stacey reaction.
I could watch that gif a thousand times, and it will never not be funny.
Well I guess okay then. Time for everyone to die.
only does Stacey have NO friends left in this game, now she's stuck
with Coach the Dragon Warrior, Edna the whatever the fuck annoying
thing she is, Albert the Douche, and Brandon Hantz the wee little spawn
of the devil. Oh I'm sure THIS is going to be a fun last three
days in the game.
Also, I think the Virgin Mary is trying to deflower me
Oh, and then Upolu wins immunity, so Stacey survives.
-- EPISODE 4 --
STACEY, GOOD MORNING! LIFE IS BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE
AND THEN WE DIE! HOW HOT IS YOUR MORTICIAN'S OVEN??
Well crap. Here we go with one last day on this tribe.
And to make matters worse, now I've got shit on my drawers
four is where I feel Stacey just flat out loses it. It's at this
point in the game where you can barely even understand what she's
saying half the time in her confessionals. She's so angry, and
she cares so little about what is happening in the game, that any
little annoyance at this point is liable to just set her off.
And hey, here comes a little annoyance now!
This is the episode where Edna starts yapping incessantly around camp. And Stacey just absolutely can't stand it.
*laughing about something*
*still laughing about something* Giving Coach a massage by walking on his back *while laughing about something
Man, I wish I was sleep
Stacey finds Edna and her laugh so annoying that she sits down and gives one of the best confessionals of this season.
is where she compares Edna to beloved cartoon character Ricochet
Rabbit. Who I'm sure you have never heard of either. But
hey, it's Stacey, and she's funny, so let's go with it.
"Edna's like Ricochet Rabbit. The girl go on and on and on and on." "Does she have an off switch? I don't believe she has an off switch." "She needs to be disconnected, that's what she needs to be." "Disconnected."
Oh, and regarding that laugh?
Stacey imitates Edna's laugh. It sounds like a horse whinnying. *more Edna/horse imitations* "Shut up. Oh my god."
By the way, I had to look this up, but for trivia sake, let's say that Ricochet Rabbit was a real cartoon character from the late 60's. And let's say he looked something like this:
And let's pretend there is a video clip here where you can see how he acted and what his famous catchphrase was.
Once you hear his catchphrase, you'll see where Stacey might have gotten some of her bings and bleeps and booms from.
Okay, let's finish this entry with a bang. Because Stacey the mortician is just about out of here.
Thank you, god
So anyway, Stacey has one last chance for glory. And she does pretty well in the weight bearing immunity challenge.
Being strong as hell
But at the end of day, she fails.
And with that, Coach now has a chance to vote her out just like he took out Christine.
You think she's sleep? I'll make her sleep.
Oh yeah, and what's the LAST humiliation Stacey faces right before she is voted out of the game?
This is the person she lost immunity to
So Stacey is on her way out now.
she does manage to get in one last good scene before she is
eliminated, at least. You can always count on her for that.
Coach comes and sits with her right before Tribal Council I wonder if she knows that Martin Luther King quote about needing to overcome adversity
And here's maybe the most underrated Stacey scene of them all.
"Everything I done out here, I pulled my weight."
then, in one last moment of wisdom and gravitas and dragonslaying, he
tells her that even though they may have been enemies in this game, he
"You know, Stacey, I really like you."
And he leaves.
And then Stacey turns to the camera.
And she mocks him.
Ha ha ha. That's my favorite Stacey picture ever. Watch this scene again sometime. It's so funny.
Being vulgar as hell
Thank you, Stacey. Anything you'd like to say about any of your other tribemates on your way out?
"Edna is scramblin' like scrambled eggs in a hot skillet right now." "They should vote out Edna over me." "Look how much I lifted today." "Could Edna lift twenty? I doubt it." "You know, bones on bones can't lift too much. If it's all skeleton with the bones."
And with that, let's say goodbye to our favorite quirky mortician.
Oh, and of course we mustn't forget about this one last little Stacey gem.
Coach feels bad about voting her out, so he decides they should all stand up and give her a hug So they all rise to their feet Coach goes in for the hug
And Stacey just walks riiiiiiiiight around him. Because fuck you and your fucking hugging shit, Dragon Master.
Nuh uh. Nope. This is my favorite. She denies him the hug, but he still tries to hug her on the side anyway. Never change, Coach. Here is the full hug denial
And with that, we lose the greatest mortician in the history of the show.
Being eliminated as hell
Although in the next episode, during her duel, she...
Likes Chucky the Cheese stories
You know what?
Let's save her revenge against Benjamin for its very own entry.
To be continued
Oh man, there are so many fun Stacey postscripts I can include
down here. She really is one of the quirkiest characters of
modern Survivor. For starters, check out these quotes from
readers of mine when they heard I was doing a Stacey entry.
She's one of my
all-time favorite contestants. I wish she had made it further if only
to watch her slowly lose her mind because of who she was playing with.
Don't know the exact quote, but when she gets to Redemption
Island, she says something to Christine like "They can all go to Hades
wearing gasoline draws."
I know this isn't on the
show, but her exit interview with Rob Cesternino was pretty amazing. She was
making the most random noises during her interview.
Check out this extended scene where she says everyone acts like it's hunk-a-dory. Also, I had to replay it several times when she said "He's suckin'
all of 'em, suckin' 'em dry" because it sounds exactly like "fuckin'."-Hunter Reedy
She talks super fast sometimes and you don't know what
she is saying half the time, but that is a big part of Stacey
I love after she loses the duel, Jeff goes, "Stacey?" and she adorably replies, "Yes...?" LOL
Check out these notes from a reader of mine named Cory Gage, who
went and found the best quotes from all of Stacey's postgame
interviews. You're doing the lord's work, Cory.
"I'm listening to her RHAP interviews for some off-show gold. I
remember some good stuff in them and even if it wasn't in the season,
you can't go wrong with more Stacey quotes. Here are her best ones:
"That girl talk talk talk talk talk talk talked. Disconnect her, shut
her up! She like one of them little toys, all she did was talk. To me,
her talking, I don't want to hear that. Shut up. Hehehe! Hehehe!" Her Edna impression at the end sounds like a cross between a horse and a squeaky door and it was fantastic.
said people could call her and she would always be there to comfort them.
Rob then asked what would happen if Coach called her. "Man, I'd hang up on that dude's face."
Colton from One World: "Aw no, you know what, all due respect, I'm not racist
whatsoever, I love the gays. I love gay men cause they love to act like
women, want the same thing we want, I just don't care for the women
trying to want me."
On Leif from One World: "You know who I like? I like the little
midget guy. Leif, that's his name! Leif! But I like him because you
know what, don't let the (something I can't understand) fool ya, not
too small not too big, this is like opening up a box and a big old
surprise come out."
On Coach's movie 180: "Coach told us
about that movie when we was on the island. You think I'm gonna look at
something and support him on something that he made? No. No. He told us
about that movie when we was on the island like 'Oh, I made a movie, I
made a movie and I want y'all to watch!' And in my head I'm just like
'Is he crazy?' When I'm done with this dude does he think I'd look at
anything he made unless it was on bootleg? Cause I ain't paying for it."
Rob asks her who has the blam power in One World: "Uh,
what's the little man's name? Larry? The little midget guy? Leif! Leif
Leif Leif Leif got the blam power this season, Leif do. Cause remember,
we just said he's a little surprise in a big ol box. Boom."
It's a damn shame Stacey's only had two short podcasts on RHAP. Everything she said was entertaining."
I found this photochop somebody made a few years ago on Survivor
Sucks. I don't remember who made it, but it's hilarious. If
you are the person who created this, please email me and I'll give you credit for it.
And finally, Albert has gotten off awfully easy in this entry to
this point. Let's wrap it up with her opinion on Albert.
Reality News Online: While you were talking about Benjamin before the duel, Albert muttered that it was “sour grapes.” What would you call it?
That little bitch! Why would I be sour grapes because you voted me off?
He’s a little bitch – that’s a bitch move. He was all into Benjamin’s
stories. That’s what he did – why wouldn’t I? If I would have won [the
duel], I was going to the red tribe. How can I be sour? His little punk
ass shoulda went first because he fell first in the challenge.
Stacey Powell. Never forget.
** Special thanks to Cory Gage for the Star Wars FUBC picture **