The Funny 115 - The Third One





#60. Stacey's Booping and Blamming Survivor Journey
South Pacific - episodes 1-4



One of my favorite things about the Survivor fan base over the years is the fact that, even though the show tells us who the stars of a season are supposed to be, the fans on the internet don't really always agree with it.  In fact, a lot of the time, we believe WE decide who the stars of a season really are.  Which leads to some hilarious fan moments over the years like Kelly Goldsmith from Africa being voted the all-time most popular player according to a 2003 poll on Survivor Sucks.  Or Kelley "I was in two scenes!" Wentworth being voted in by the fans to be a castmember on Second Chances.  Or, uh, something even sillier like The Almighty BobDawg somehow getting a character entry on the Funny 115.  

While I appreciate that all of these things have happened over the years, at least on a comedic level, the truth is that NONE of them would have happened if the online Survivor fanbase wasn't made up of so many dedicated, passionate weirdos.  Who like nothing more than to fight for what they believe in, and who will spend endless hours rallying around and defending some really odd stuff.





Literally every online Survivor fight, ever




Which leads me nicely into my next entry.  

In which the internet has decided that the woman who was booted in episode four was the star of Survivor: South Pacific.





Blam




If you haven't watched South Pacific in a while (or at all), this entry probably isn't going to make any sense to you.  In fact, you're probably sitting there wondering why the hell Sally is getting a character entry at all.  









Well first off, her name isn't Sally, it's Stacey.  See, you don't even remember what her name was.  Don't be ignorant.  

Secondly, you would totally understand why she is getting an entry if you have spent any time in the online fanbase over the past ten years.  Because if you have seen who the Survivor fanbase has chosen to champion over the years, if you have seen the causes that people are willing to fight for and die up on a hill for over the past two decades, it would make PERFECT sense that the woman who RHAP once called "the queen of onomatopoeia" would somehow be a beloved fan favorite.  Right up there next to Rupert, Boston Rob, Kelly Goldsmith, Parvati, and the lesbian in Pearl Islands who wanted to steal Trish's eyes.  





Is not sleep



In fact, want to hear the feedback I have gotten the most so far when people heard I was going to write an entry about Stacey Powell?  You'd think it would be something like "Stacey who?  Why the hell would you write an entry about someone who was voted out fourth?"  In fact, in most fanbases, that is EXACTLY what people would say.  Stacey was barely in four episodes.  What the hell could you even say about somebody who only lasted twelve days?

But no.  This is the Survivor fan base.  These are my people.  Want to know the three reactions I have gotten so far, more than anything else?



STACEYGODDESS!  STACEYGODDESS IS LIFE!


STACEY IS THE BEST!  BEST PRE-MERGE BOOT EVER!!


THIS SUCKS!  WHY ISN'T STACEY THE TOP ENTRY??









And so here we go.  My tribute to Stacey Powell from South Pacific.  The aforementioned "Queen of onomatopoeia."  Or, "The Shooter McGavin of Survivor", as a reader named Michael Friday once described her.  Either way, get ready for one of the oddest, quirkiest, most quotable minor characters in all of modern Survivor.  Who once claimed she would "hang up on that dude's face" if Coach ever tried to call her on the phone.  

I mean, if hanging up on Coach's face doesn't warrant a Funny 115 entry, I don't know what does.





Stacey is not a fan




Okay, let's take a trip through Stacey's odd little Survivor journey.  

See if you can identify the exact moment the game actually drives her insane.










STACEY POWELL'S BOOPING AND BLAMMING SURVIVOR JOURNEY




It's day one of Survivor: South Pacific.  And here comes one of the quirkiest characters you are ever going to see on your Survivor screen.




No, not Brandon.  I'm talking about the one on the left.





Who, of course, is a mortician.  Because why wouldn't she be?





Sees dead people




So here comes Stacey.  And here comes our introduction to Stacey at the start of the episode.  

Where she drops perhaps the greatest Survivor introductory quote of them all.





"Being the mother that I am, I'm gonna have my eyes and my ears open."




"You think I'm sleep?  I'm not sleep."




"I'mma be nosy as hell."




Stacey arrives on the beach at the start of the game.  Where she is definitely not sleep.  And it's here that she is introduced to the rest of her new Upolu tribe.  Which she quickly learns consists of six other jackasses and then also Christine.





HI, I'M EDNA!  WANT TO KNOW SOME TRIVIA ABOUT SAND FLEAS?




YOU AND ME, WE'RE GOING TO BE BEST FRIENDS!








Oh, I'm sorry.  Did I say six jackasses?  I meant seven.  Because here comes the man who will soon be the King of All Jackasses.





Good god.  Is that...?  Is that Coach Wade's theme music??









Yes, it's the Dragonslayer himself.  Who will soon become the leader of the Upolus.  





Hi, I'm Wade.  Pope Wade.




And guess what?  Stacey already knows who he is.  Because she's smart, she pays attention, and because she isn't sleep.  

She already knows she isn't going to like this douchebag on her tribe very much.





The smile of a woman who already wants to go home





KILL ME




Tough luck, Stacey.  You're stuck with the Dragonslayer now.  You'll just have to learn to get used to it.





Checking out the jacket.  Being nosy as hell.




So anyway, Coach loses the first challenge for his tribe.  As you do.  

Despite receiving some enthusiastic assistance from Stacey up in the stands.










Not sleep




Being helpful as hell




But Upolu loses the first challenge, and that's that.  And they trudge back to camp as the losers she knows they all are.





Seriously, can I embalm this annoying Edna chick?  Please?



Now, this is the part of the writeup where I have to point out that Stacey doesn't hate EVERY minute of her short little journey in South Pacific.  You might think that she does.  It will become pretty obvious later, in fact, that she was absolutely miserable for most of her time out there.  But in the interest of being fair, let me point out that she was pretty happy for ONE brief moment in the game.  It comes at the end of episode one, when Upolu wins the first immunity challenge.  See below.





Stacey exalts as Upolu wins their first challenge





What a happy Stacey actually looks like




Okay, enough about that.  Let's get back to the suffering.









At the end of episode one, Stacey goes out to look for a hidden immunity idol.  And despite the fact that she is nosy as hell, and she's not sleep, she fails to find it.









Which wouldn't be so bad... except for the fact that, at one point, she was LITERALLY TOUCHING IT and she still couldn't find it.





Being frustrating as hell




Oh well.  It's not like she gives a confessional about it that the editors can later use in the episode to make her look foolish.





"I probably could have already stumbled over it and don't even know it."




"It was probably right there."




Oh.  Well never mind.





Blam



So that's Stacey's Survivor experience through the first episode.  

Hunker down, it's only going to go downhill from here.




-- EPISODE 2 --





HI STACEY I MADE YOU BREAKFAST.  WANT TO KNOW THE HISTORY OF BREAKFAST?




Episode two is fairly uneventful.  

At least until the end of the episode, where Stacey kicks ass in the lock and key portion of the immunity challenge.





Being skillful as hell



And then she has to stand there and watch as the guys completely blow it on the puzzle portion of the challenge.




COACH, NO!  ALBERT, NO!!




The women can't do anything about it.  They just stand there and look on as Coach and the guys completely blow it and send the Upolus to Tribal Council.


 


No Brandon, the crate isn't trying to seduce you.  Stop kicking it.





NO!!!!!!!



By the end of the challenge, the look on the women's faces pretty much says it all.













And with that, Upolu is headed to their first Tribal Council.





Being angry as hell




By the way, there's something interesting I caught at the end of this scene when I was grabbing screencaps for this entry.  I don't know how many people have ever noticed this before.





You know that little shooty gun that Stacey does later at Tribal Council, when she is talking to Albert?




Well I think that gun might have actually started with Christine.

Check out what I noticed in my screencaps as the Upolus are leaving the challenge.





Christine is talking about who she and Stacey need to target tonight at Tribal Council





And Christine does that little hand gun.




I'm wondering if that was actually a Christine thing that Stacey just sort of adopted from her.  Maybe they had a thing where the two of them were gunfighters and they were planning to take out all the annoying male douchebags (starting with Coach.)  I have no way of knowing for sure, but I suspect that's what it was.





Being plagiarizing as hell




Okay, so Upolu is headed for their first Tribal Council.  And it should be a pretty easy vote.  Christine and Stacey think it is going to be Coach.  And Coach and everyone else know it is going to be Christine.  









Being nosy as hell



On paper, this should be a pretty simple vote.




Oh.  But that's when the crazy train shows up



You see, Brandon is troubled by the fact that Mikayla is on his tribe.  He is especially bothered by the fact that a) she's hot, b) she's popular, and c) he isn't getting any of that fine honey pot.




The classic conundrum




So Brandon decides that Mikayla needs to pay for her sins against man.





THIS VIXEN IS THE DEVIL!  I'M THE ARTHUR OF MY FATE!




Brandon goes around and starts telling everyone that the vote is going to be for Mikayla tonight.  And he specifically goes to Stacey and Christine, and tries to pull them into his club of the rejected blue balls.  Then, for whatever reason Brandon decides to do Brandon things, he then goes to Coach and he squeals that Stacey and Christine are trying to get Mikayla out.





And you know what?  This is STILL a better strategy than Russell's.




So this is the mess that Stacey and Christine find themselves in as they head to their first Tribal Council.  Christine is about to get blindsided, and she doesn't even know it yet.  And Brandon has now sullied their names among just about everyone else in the tribe, simply because he's unpredictable and because the Lord won't allow him to get any.





And, uh, this isn't gonna go real well



Okay, Tribal Council. Time for a heaping plate of Stacey awesomeness.

I love this first question that Probst asks to Brandon.




"Brandon, do you think you made a good first impression on the group?"




Stacey, do you have any opinion on that?  Does Brandon Hantz make a good first impression on people?










'Nuff said




And here comes all the drama that Brandon stirred up around Christine and Stacey.   Naturally, the first person to bring it up in front of the group is Coach.





I heard that Christine and Stacey were trying to target Mikayla tonight





WHAT?





WHAT?




WHAT?




Also, do you guys know how much I can bench?




Coach goes on a big, long lecture about how Stacey and Christine are pulling underhanded shit when they don't need to pull any.  And if Stacey ever needed a reason to hate Coach more than she already does, here's where it happens.





You two need to play with strength and honor.  Like Brandon.




Get ready for some great dumbfounded Stacey reactions.









I love this one.  This is when Coach is Coachsplaining to Stacey what ethics are.










Being funny as hell




In the middle of his lecture, Stacey interrupts him to say she didn't actually do anything wrong.









And that leads to this fun little exchange.





Coach:  May I finish?
Stacey:  Go right ahead.





I'mma be flippant as hell




And this is where Stacey and Christine realize they have been set up by someone.  Somebody's hard-on for Mikayla has managed to get them targeted tonight.








Stacey protests the best that she can.




"I never even talked to Coach, about no Mikayla."





"So his honesty and his loyalty just fell."




Luckily, Albert is there to pipe in and to Albertsplain everything.





First off, Stacey, you have an amazing energy about you.  I bet you would ask a great jury question.




"For the record, you guys never told me who you're voting for."




And here's where we get Stacey's famous little shooty gun.





"Thank you."





BOOP!




Things continue to devolve for a while, and Stacey continues to get yelled at and flash attitude, until Brandon's Zoloft kicks in and he realizes it's time to start telling the truth.










"I told Stacey and Christine to vote for Mikayla."




Oh good.   I'm sure that helped.  Thanks Brandon.





Also, Rick is trying to seduce me.









*sigh*  Why couldn't I have just had Tyson back?




So anyway, things go from bad to worse, and Stacey and Christine are just absolutely furious about the whole thing.





"I never said I was voting for Mikayla.  EVER."




BOOM!








And in the end it doesn't even matter.  Because Christine was supposed to be voted out anyway.





See ya later, Long Island




And at the end of the day, what we have left is a dysfunctional little tribe of eight.  





Led by Coach





Featuring Brandon




And at the bottom there is one supremely pissed off booping mortician.





And her name is Stacey




-- EPISODE 3 --





HI STACEY IT'S A NICE DAY OUT!  WANT ME TO TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT PANDAS?




So anyway, Stacey is kind of pissed of today.  Stuff like that will happen when you get accused of something you didn't do, and then your best friend is voted out right in front of you.  And then you have to fucking deal with Edna.  Things like that tend to wear on your psyche a little.









But hey, here's some good news!  It turns out there's going to be a duel over on Redemption Island today.  Christine against Semhar.





"It says that two of us are invited to go and watch it."



Well Coach wants to go watch it.  If only because it would be awesome to watch his enemy Christine go down in flames right there in front of him.





Plus I don't think she has actually heard me say Dragonslayer yet



And look who else wants to go!




Bing



Awesome!  It's gonna be a fun little double date with Coach!





When the romance isn't happening



So anyway, Stacey goes with Coach to watch the first duel.   And in maybe her one last bright spot in the game, Stacey is heartened by the fact that her friend wins the duel and avoids elimination.





Stay strong, my mortician friend.  Boopsies.





Blamsies



It sucked that she had to sit here and watch it with Coach.  But at this point I guess something is better than nothing.





So, Stacey, there was no Love Connection.  Would you like to try with a different contestant?




Okay.  So here we go.  Here's where the crazy on Upolu is about to kick it up a notch.  









You thought life at Upolu was awkward last night after Tribal Council?  

Well HERE is where things will get even weirder.  

This is where shit starts to get real if you are Stacey the mortician.





It's day seven.  And God has just made a big move.  He just chastised Brandon for lying to everyone at Tribal Council last night.




Because Brandon was just chewed out by God, he decides it's time that he fesses up and he explains who he is to everyone.  

Oh, I'm sure this will go well.




I'm Brandon Hantz!  I'm the famous nephew of one other person!



And here we go.





Brandon takes off his shirt for the first time.  He reveals his tattoos.








Oh shit




And here's where we get my all-time favorite Stacey reaction.















BLAM!



I could watch that gif a thousand times, and it will never not be funny.




Well I guess okay then.  Time for everyone to die.




Not only does Stacey have NO friends left in this game, now she's stuck with Coach the Dragon Warrior, Edna the whatever the fuck annoying thing she is, Albert the Douche, and Brandon Hantz the wee little spawn of the devil.  Oh I'm sure THIS is going to be a fun last three days in the game.





Also, I think the Virgin Mary is trying to deflower me









Oh, and then Upolu wins immunity, so Stacey survives.










-- EPISODE 4 --






HI STACEY, GOOD MORNING!  LIFE IS BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE AND THEN WE DIE!  HOW HOT IS YOUR MORTICIAN'S OVEN??




Well crap.  Here we go with one last day on this tribe.










And to make matters worse, now I've got shit on my drawers









Episode four is where I feel Stacey just flat out loses it.  It's at this point in the game where you can barely even understand what she's saying half the time in her confessionals.  She's so angry, and she cares so little about what is happening in the game, that any little annoyance at this point is liable to just set her off.





And hey, here comes a little annoyance now!




This is the episode where Edna starts yapping incessantly around camp.  And Stacey just absolutely can't stand it.





*laughing about something*









*still laughing about something*










Giving Coach a massage by walking on his back





*while laughing about something*





Man, I wish I was sleep




Stacey finds Edna and her laugh so annoying that she sits down and gives one of the best confessionals of this season.  

This is where she compares Edna to beloved cartoon character Ricochet Rabbit.  Who I'm sure you have never heard of either.  But hey, it's Stacey, and she's funny, so let's go with it.





"Edna's like Ricochet Rabbit.  The girl go on and on and on and on."




"Does she have an off switch?  I don't believe she has an off switch."




"She needs to be disconnected, that's what she needs to be."




"Disconnected."




Oh, and regarding that laugh?










Stacey imitates Edna's laugh.  It sounds like a horse whinnying.




*more Edna/horse imitations*










"Shut up.  Oh my god."




By the way, I had to look this up, but for trivia sake, let's say that Ricochet Rabbit was a real cartoon character from the late 60's.  And let's say he looked something like this:





Edna




And let's pretend there is a video clip here where you can see how he acted and what his famous catchphrase was.





Once you hear his catchphrase, you'll see where Stacey might have gotten some of her bings and bleeps and booms from.




Okay, let's finish this entry with a bang.  Because Stacey the mortician is just about out of here.





Thank you, god




So anyway, Stacey has one last chance for glory.  And she does pretty well in the weight bearing immunity challenge.





Being strong as hell




But at the end of day, she fails.  

And with that, Coach now has a chance to vote her out just like he took out Christine.





You think she's sleep?  I'll make her sleep.




Oh yeah, and what's the LAST humiliation Stacey faces right before she is voted out of the game?





This is the person she lost immunity to




So Stacey is on her way out now.  









But she does manage to get in one last good scene before she is eliminated, at least.  You can always count on her for that.





Coach comes and sits with her right before Tribal Council





I wonder if she knows that Martin Luther King quote about needing to overcome adversity




And here's maybe the most underrated Stacey scene of them all.





"Everything I done out here, I pulled my weight."









Coach laughs.

And then, in one last moment of wisdom and gravitas and dragonslaying, he tells her that even though they may have been enemies in this game, he respects her.





"You know, Stacey, I really like you."



And he leaves.

And then Stacey turns to the camera.

And she mocks him.








Ha ha ha.  That's my favorite Stacey picture ever.  Watch this scene again sometime.  It's so funny.










Being vulgar as hell




Thank you, Stacey.  Anything you'd like to say about any of your other tribemates on your way out?





"Edna is scramblin' like scrambled eggs in a hot skillet right now."




"They should vote out Edna over me."




"Look how much I lifted today."




"Could Edna lift twenty?  I doubt it."




"You know, bones on bones can't lift too much.  If it's all skeleton with the bones."




And with that, let's say goodbye to our favorite quirky mortician.










FUCKERS




Oh, and of course we mustn't forget about this one last little Stacey gem.





Coach feels bad about voting her out, so he decides they should all stand up and give her a hug





So they all rise to their feet





Coach goes in for the hug





And Stacey just walks riiiiiiiiight around him.  Because fuck you and your fucking hugging shit, Dragon Master.





Nuh uh.  Nope.





This is my favorite.  She denies him the hug, but he still tries to hug her on the side anyway.  Never change, Coach.






Here is the full hug denial



And with that, we lose the greatest mortician in the history of the show.  

Sorry Darrah.





Being eliminated as hell




Although in the next episode, during her duel, she...





Likes Chucky the Cheese stories




You know what?  

Let's save her revenge against Benjamin for its very own entry.





To be continued
























P.S.  Oh man, there are so many fun Stacey postscripts I can include down here.  She really is one of the quirkiest characters of modern Survivor.  For starters, check out these quotes from readers of mine when they heard I was doing a Stacey entry.


She's one of my all-time favorite contestants. I wish she had made it further if only to watch her slowly lose her mind because of who she was playing with.
-Andrew Nelms


Don't know the exact quote, but when she gets to Redemption Island, she says something to Christine like "They can all go to Hades wearing gasoline draws."
-Scott Pyle


I know this isn't on the show, but her exit interview with Rob Cesternino was pretty amazing. She was making the most random noises during her interview.
-Ryan Chan


Check out this extended scene where she says everyone acts like it's hunk-a-dory.  Also, I had to replay it several times when she said "He's suckin' all of 'em, suckin' 'em dry" because it sounds exactly like "fuckin'."
-Hunter Reedy


She talks super fast sometimes and you don't know what she is saying half the time, but that is a big part of Stacey greatness!!
-Celestina Hendrickson


I love after she loses the duel, Jeff goes, "Stacey?" and she adorably replies, "Yes...?"  LOL
-Adam Kolodny
















P.P.S.  Check out these notes from a reader of mine named Cory Gage, who went and found the best quotes from all of Stacey's postgame interviews.  You're doing the lord's work, Cory.

"I'm listening to her RHAP interviews for some off-show gold. I remember some good stuff in them and even if it wasn't in the season, you can't go wrong with more Stacey quotes.  Here are her best ones:

About Edna: "That girl talk talk talk talk talk talk talked. Disconnect her, shut her up! She like one of them little toys, all she did was talk. To me, her talking, I don't want to hear that. Shut up. Hehehe! Hehehe!"  Her Edna impression at the end sounds like a cross between a horse and a squeaky door and it was fantastic.

Stacey said people could call her and she would always be there to comfort them. Rob then asked what would happen if Coach called her.  "Man, I'd hang up on that dude's face."

On Colton from One World: "Aw no, you know what, all due respect, I'm not racist whatsoever, I love the gays. I love gay men cause they love to act like women, want the same thing we want, I just don't care for the women trying to want me."

On Leif from One World:  "You know who I like? I like the little midget guy. Leif, that's his name! Leif! But I like him because you know what, don't let the (something I can't understand) fool ya, not too small not too big, this is like opening up a box and a big old surprise come out."

On Coach's movie 180: "Coach told us about that movie when we was on the island. You think I'm gonna look at something and support him on something that he made? No. No. He told us about that movie when we was on the island like 'Oh, I made a movie, I made a movie and I want y'all to watch!' And in my head I'm just like 'Is he crazy?' When I'm done with this dude does he think I'd look at anything he made unless it was on bootleg? Cause I ain't paying for it."

Rob asks her who has the blam power in One World:  "Uh, what's the little man's name? Larry? The little midget guy? Leif! Leif Leif Leif Leif got the blam power this season, Leif do. Cause remember, we just said he's a little surprise in a big ol box. Boom."

It's a damn shame Stacey's only had two short podcasts on RHAP. Everything she said was entertaining."
















P.P.P.S.  I found this photochop somebody made a few years ago on Survivor Sucks.  I don't remember who made it, but it's hilarious.  If you are the person who created this, please email me and I'll give you credit for it.
















P.P.P.P.S.  And finally, Albert has gotten off awfully easy in this entry to this point.  Let's wrap it up with her opinion on Albert.  Stacey?


Reality News Online: While you were talking about Benjamin before the duel, Albert muttered that it was “sour grapes.”  What would you call it?

Stacey: That little bitch! Why would I be sour grapes because you voted me off? He’s a little bitch – that’s a bitch move. He was all into Benjamin’s stories. That’s what he did – why wouldn’t I? If I would have won [the duel], I was going to the red tribe. How can I be sour? His little punk ass shoulda went first because he fell first in the challenge.






Stacey Powell.  Never forget.
** Special thanks to Cory Gage for the Star Wars FUBC picture **

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