The Funny 115 - The Third One

#69. Cookies
Philippines - episode 2

It's the second episode of Survivor: Philippines, and so far things aren't going very well for the hapless Matsing tribe.  

Through six days, they have failed at just about everything they have tried to accomplish in the game of Survivor.

Up to this point, they have lost every single challenge they have participated in.  They have no leader.   They have no morale.  As a tribe, they have no direction.  And it doesn't look like any of this will be changing any time soon.  Basically, the Matsings are destined to be the loser tribe of Survivor: Philippines.  Even though it's only six days in, they are already aware of this.


We got no food, we got no job, our pets' heads are fallin' off!

Things are so bad already, morale-wise, and Russell is so pissed off at the direction his tribe is taking, that he throws an especially impressive big boy tantrum after they lose their second immunity challenge.

Jeff suggests that a big move for Russell would be switching to decaf

So anyway, the Matsings are headed to their second consecutive Tribal Council tonight.  

And since they all seem to hate each other already, this one isn't going to be pretty.

So we go to Tribal Council, and right off the bat Probst starts probing them to figure out what is wrong with this dysfunctional little family.

"Matsing, tell me why you guys don't want to dig."

And now we get the moment that everyone loves about this episode.

"Roxy, finish this sentence for me."

"If there's one thing I could change about this tribe, it would be..."

"That they won't invest seventy five perfect of their energy into being workhorses around camp."

"So you're saying they put in TOO much energy around camp."

"Absolutely.  I feel like we came back from the second challenge we lost, and it was just..."

"Back to work!"

"Like, that's awkward."

"Denise, you're nodding your head like, that makes sense."


"If we wanna be strong for challenges we NEED to get wood.  We NEED to get that fire going."

"We HAVE to work. That's really what's going on."

Roxy disagrees

So they go around and around.  And they argue about what Matsing really needs to be doing to get out of this rut.  

And that's when Jeff turns to Miss Utah Teen 2010 to perhaps provide a little insight.

From a television host point of view, this is probably a mistake.

"Angie, finish that same sentence."

"If I could change one thing about this tribe..."


"We coullllllld...."

"... have cookies?"

This is one of those great WTF Survivor moments that comes completely out of the blue, without any setup, and it's just awesome.  The minute I saw it back in 2012, I just knew it was going to become a Funny 115 entry one day.  And you should see how many emails I have gotten about it from people over the years, requesting that I do a writeup of it.

It's especially funny when you throw in Probst's speechless little reaction shot at the end.

Nailed it

Jeff isn't the only one who reacts to it, by the way.  Nearly everyone on Matsing has some funny little reaction shot right after Angie's "we could have cookies" comment.

We can has cookie?

But, of course, it's the iconic "stunned speechless" face from Probst that you should always remember about this scene.  He literally has no idea what to say about Angie's little cookie answer.

Probst eventually recovers from his shock and he moves on with Tribal Council.  

And then (this is the most underrated part of the scene), he actually tries to follow up on what she said.  As if it wasn't just something silly she came up with just to fuck with him.  He actually treats "cookies" like it was a real answer and he tries to get other people to comment on it.


"Angie... fair answer..."

"...says cookies would be good."

Oh shit, you mean I actually have to comment on this?

Any thoughts?

And, you know, bless Malcolm's heart.  He actually does try to delve into the theory of cookie envy here.

"Uh, you know."

"Stomach rumbling, something we're all getting used to."

"So I can understand the cookie response."

And I'm sorry, but no.  Like Probst is going to let him get away with THAT.  You don't just come into his Tribal Council at this point, and try to dance your way around important things like the cookie issue.  Especially after Gabon, and after what happened between Randy and Sugar.

So Probst calls Malcolm out for trying to dance around the cookie issue.  

And this is where things start to get weird.

"Wait.  Wait a sec."


Malcolm starts laughing at the weirdness of this whole conversation


"Jeff, I'm trying to be nice..."

"In a game for a million dollars."

"One of your tribemates says..."

"Cookies would be good."

"And you say yeah, you know, they actually would be."

"I don't buy that."

And again, bless Malcolm's heart.  He does his best to try to answer the dumb question.

"It's not MY answer.  But it's been hard on the girls."

"Uh, emotionally.  And, uh, physically."

"I'm not saying it's a phenomenal answer."

He starts laughing again

Now, at this point, the scene should be over.  Angie clearly didn't want to give Probst a serious answer, so she deflected his question by throwing out a joke.  In fact, it isn't all that dissimilar to what Big Tom did way back in Africa, when Jeff asked him what he missed the most about home, and Tom trolled him by answering...


But, of course, this isn't Africa anymore.  This is NEW Survivor.  This is IMPORTANT Survivor.  This is the era when everything on the show is super serious all the time, and you always have to be "building a resume", or "talking strategy", or "making a big move."  And there was a great post by a user named SeveC on Survivor Sucks the day after this cookie scene aired on TV.  SeveC claimed that, after two episodes, Angie had the potential to be one of his favorite players of all time.


Well, because Angie made a cookie joke.  And because Probst wouldn't let it go.  And because Probst continued to come down on her well after the scene should have ended.  And because he seemed to be legitimately mad about it.  And... well... here is SeveC's post:

She has the potential to be my favorite Survivor of ALL-TIME. Her existence making Probst borderline suicidal <3

Yep.  If you don't remember the rest of this scene, Probst just continues to harp on Angie about the cookie line, and it seems like he is legitimately PISSED about it.  It really comes off like HOW DARE YOU CHALLENGE THE SANCTITY OF SURVIVOR BY WANTING TO TALK ABOUT COOKIES.  I MEAN, HOW DARE YOU.



Crazy eyes

"This is a GAME, Angie.  WAKE UP!"

At this point Russell is like, damn man, maybe you're the guy that could be using some decaf

So anyway, there's Angie's famous "cookie" scene.  It was clearly meant to be a joke, which she explained in endless interviews after it aired on TV.

Q:  Last week, you took some heat for saying your tribe needed cookies. Was that fair?
A:  I was trying to lighten the mood; it was a joke. Roxanne said we worked too much, which was a worse answer.

Reality TV World: Speaking of jokes, I need to ask you about that "cookie" comment.
Angie Layton: (Laughs)
Reality TV World: From your standpoint, was that a joke?  I'm guessing it was a joke? 
Angie Layton: Okay, this is the cookie comment. I knew I was 100% percent safe. There was no doubt I was going home. We all agreed Roxy was going home. So when we got to Tribal, I just wanted to get it over with.   She was just so -- she was blowing everything up and I held my composure. There was just so much tension, and then when [Jeff Probst] asked, "Roxy, what's one thing you'd change about the tribe?" She said, "Do less work."   Okay, that's no better than my answer. (Laughs) So then he asked me, and I wanted to lighten the mood. So I was like, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or call anybody out. That's not who I am. So why not throw out a cookie joke, whatever. So I said, "Cookies." Plus, who doesn't like cookies?!  Anyways, it threw Jeff off. It threw everybody off. It was a joke to lighten the mood. And then he really got on me about that. He started clapping at me. He really wanted to get more out of me, but I wasn't having it. I just knew Roxy was going home and I was safe, and it was fine -- fine with me. I kept my composure and I didn't lose control.

Q: What about the "cookies" comment? Jeff Probst gave you a pretty hard time about that. Do you regret it?
A: No, absolutely not. Going into tribal, I knew 110 percent that I was safe. Everyone really wanted Roxy [Morris] gone, and she just blew up [at tribal council]. I was staying composed and trying to say as little as I could. She was attacking me, pretty much, and when Jeff asked Roxy what she would change and said that everyone should do less work -- what kind of answer is that? I don't think "cookies" is any worse than that. There was all this tension, and I was trying to lighten the mood a little, so I cracked a joke, but it threw Jeff off and made him a little upset and he wanted to get [more] out of me, but I didn't give it to him.

But for some reason a lot of people don't seem to remember that.  Most people think it was just something inane some dumb blonde said on TV.  

In the end, I don't really care how you remember it.  I only care that you remember that "cookies"...

Was followed by this:

Which was followed by this:

Which was followed by this:


And then Roxy made a comment that a question like that was "a booby trap."  And then she apologized to Angie for using that phrase.

Sorry Angie, I didn't mean to say "booby trap."  That was insensitive.

And then Angie made this face, which will always make me laugh.

And then somewhere, a few months later on the internet, Angie posted this selfie of her finally getting her cookie.

And Jeff Probst probably hated it.

Seriously, fuck cookies

P.S.  This was totally unintentional, but it turns out that Angie's "cookies" entry and Big Tom's "cheeseburger" entry both wound up being #69 on their respective Funny 115's.  And it's weird because I didn't even realize they were the same thing until a reader named Cameron Andrea Johnson pointed out the similarity to me.  And wow, that's a strange coincidence.  Thanks Cameron!  Oh, and you should all be proud of me because I didn't even make a joke about how the #69 entry on version 2 should have been about Ozzy or Parvati.  See, I'm maturing.  :)

P.P.S.  Here are some other fun posts I found on the internet from right around the time that the cookie episode aired.  Survivor fans can be hilarious about this stuff.

"Angie MUST win cookies at some point during the game. Or omg maybe she will win the temptation challenge by not stepping down for cookies and her storyline will come ~full circle~!"
-FWPFan (Survivor Sucks)

"The funniest thing to me is that someone actually asked her on Twitter about a week ago what she missed the most on Survivor and her answer was "stay tuned for next episode :-)" alol.  foreshadowing goddess <3"
-Eames (Survivor Sucks)

And, of course, this one, from Twitter:

** Thanks to Adi Heller for the Queen Elizabeth FUBC picture **

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