Funny 115 - The Third One
Found the Idol, Jill! I Found It!
Nicaragua - episode 2
It's the second episode of Survivor: Nicaragua.
And things have gotten off to a rough start for the older
Tyrone: A mood
We're only three days into the game, and the older tribe has already
lost the first immunity challenge to the much younger tribe, La
Flor. They also don't have a workable shelter yet. Three days
into the game, and everyone is already cranky because they
aren't getting much sleep. And everyone on the tribe is
already dirty and wet.
"Man, Marty looks rough."
And then, on top of that, they've got the problem that popular NFL
a large, huggable teddy bear Jimmy Johnson happens
to be a member of their
Jimmy Johnson (right), with boner pills
When someone like Jimmy Johnson is a member of your tribe, the problem
is that no matter what happens on Espada, or who is
actually going to become relevant later in the game, Jimmy is
going to get every second of the airtime just because he's famous, and
because he ate some rice or he fell down or he farted in the
something. He's SO famous that the other players and the edit are all
just going to rally around him. It's going to look like he's the only
member of the tribe.
Basically the Espada edit
And so these are Espada's problems as we head into episode two.
1. They suck
2. La Flor is younger and better
3. They don't have a shelter yet and everyone is mad
4. Jimmy Johnson is the only actual Espada member
Jimmy Johnson giving a pep talk about how everyone
else needs to become more visible
So we start episode two of Survivor: Nicaragua.
Sure enough, it starts with Jimmy Johnson gathering everyone else
around him in the morning.
And giving everyone a motivational speech.
And if you call now, they'll give you free shipping
As he does most every morning, Jimmy lays down the groundwork for what
the Espadas probably needs to do today. Which chores they need to do.
Which tasks they probably need to tackle. How it would be nice if they
actually constructed a shelter today.
Which corner Jimmy T needs to go cry in until he learns to
The tribe sits there and they all listen to the wisdom he has acquired
over the years, of course.
"And that's why the Native Americans called it maize."
There is ONE guy on the tribe who thinks all this Jimmy Johnson
motivational crap is just kind of silly.
And to be honest, he still does look kinda rough
You see, as a big fan of strategy and strategy games, Marty
has been ACHING to start playing Survivor.
For three days now, he has been dying to just get his hands in there,
and start forming alliances with people. And start looking for hidden
immunity idols. And start cutting side deals just to take down his
enemies. And basically just start strategizing.
For THREE days, Marty has been dying to play Survivor.
But he hasn't been able to because Jimmy Johnson has been the focus of
everything, and there has been nothing to strategize about.
Marty might be Jimmy's second in command, but he longs to be
first in our hearts
However, here we are now at the start of the second episode.
And... luckily for him... Marty is about to get his first really big
moment in the sun.
And also... luckily for US... it's one that nearly everyone remembers.
IF YOU TOUCH MY IDOL, JILL, I WILL CUT YOU
Okay, so here we go.
My favorite Marty Piombo moment.
It's episode two of Nicaragua, and hey, good news for the
They just won their first immunity challenge
Even better, with their first immunity win, they
also won a chest full of goodies.
TO THE RETURNING CONQUERORS!
Espada comes back to camp.
And, with Jimmy Johnson's permission, they start digging through the
items in their treasure chest.
And uh oh. What's this?
It's a clue to a hidden immunity idol
The Espada tribe pulls out the clues to their
idol. And, as a group, they start trying to decipher them. Because,
remember, this was a time when the producers didn't just put idols
directly into your bag yet. In Nicaragua it still took some time to
actually decipher the clues.
They all gather 'round as Jill reads out the instructions
At some point, Marty decides he's going to hang up the list of clues on
a tree so that everyone can read them
Like Martin Luther at Wittenberg Castle
And for the rest of the day, the Espadas basically just hang
around and they all try to figure out what the riddles mean.
You're going to want to figure out what the pictures are,
and they'll lead to an idol.
We should do that next.
Right from the start, it appears that Jill is probably the smartest one
on the tribe when it comes to deciphering clues.
Here Jill explains to Marty how a rebus works
For one day, Jill basically becomes the new leader of Espada.
As she takes charge of the idol hunt and she starts telling
everyone where they should dig.
They all head over to some trees that she pointed to, and they start
I think she said over there
Holly digs very carefully, so as not to reveal Dan's shoes
While everyone else is off digging around the trees...
Jill takes another, closer, look at the idol clue.
And she realizes that she actually misinterpreted something.
That doesn't mean "trees." That actually means
Like the great Sherlock Holmes himself, Jill has figured it out.
"Treemail. It's at our treemail."
Jill doesn't want to appear that she is selfish or sneaky, so her first
move is to go to her pal Marty and she tells him she figured it out.
"It's fifteen feet west of treemail."
And like the kind, gregarious person that she is, she tells Marty (who
is absolutely DYING to start playing this game) to go find it and dig
"Go get it."
And with that, let Marty's first great obsession begin.
I can't believe I just solved the clue by myself
So Marty heads over to the ground around tree mail.
And he digs.
And he digs
And he digs.
And he digs
And because he can't find the idol right away, after a while
he starts to look possessed, like a wild man.
WHERE IS IT I WANT IT
Oh, and also Dan is there too.
Hey look, some dirt
Despite all his best efforts, Marty just can't find the idol on his
He tries, and he tries, and he tries, but he just can't do it.
Dark lord Mephistopheles, I have failed you
So of course you know what happens when that happens.
Sure enough, just like before, Jill has to come over and she has to
Jesus Christ, Marty, did you even look over here?
I mean, call me crazy, but Jill seems especially helpful when it comes
to finding these things.
So anyway, Jill solves the idol clue. And she gives it to Marty.
Then she comes over and she tells him THE EXACT SPOT IN THE DIRT where
he probably should dig.
Then, just to drive the point home, she comes over, and she leans down
DIRECTLY OVER THE IDOL. And she says LOOK DOWN, MARTY, this is where it
We get Survivor comedy history.
Marty pulls up the idol directly where Jill just pointed it
He grabs it.
And he holds it up.
And he instantly gets the most possessive, craziest look on his face.
For a second it looks like he actually just stares her down.
STAY AWAY IT'S MINE
Fun fact: This is the exact same look my dog gives when I go near his
Marty is so excited to have the idol in his hand, that he starts
And quickly looking around to make sure that no one else on the tribe
has seen him.
I GOT IT!
I GOT IT!
Then, once he realizes it's just the two of them who know, he turns
back to his
superior trusty loyal assistant, Jill.
And let the bragging commence.
"I got the idol."
"I got the idol, baby."
"I got the idol!"
"I got the first..."
And then... just like that...
He quickly realizes what he's saying.
And he immediately course corrects.
"We got the idol."
Jill, of course, is happy to remind him of this.
"We," she repeats, nodding
got the idol."
"Do not forget," says Marty, now following her lead, "We got it."
And, anyway, that's the story of how Marty found an idol all by himself.
Fuck yeah I can't believe that was so easy