The
Funny 115 - The Third One
#42. Dan Lembo and THE CHAIR OF THE GODS
Nicaragua - episode 12
It's day 28 of Survivor:
Nicaragua. And today the players will be
competing in a reward challenge.
It's the infamous "New Tribe Member" challenge that we
first saw in Thailand
The object of this challenge is to take a MASSIVE STUFFED DUMMY, and
transport it over and under a bunch of obstacles. And the first team to cross the finish line is forced to watch gets to see a new Jack Black movie.
Transporting the giant
Transporting the giant
Trivia: This is also how the Aparris got Cliff Robinson into the shelter every night
So the tribes have to carry these giant dummies through all these obstacles...
Oh, and they also have to do it in mud. Which makes things infinitely more challenging.
So anyway, the Libertads arrive at the challenge, and they see the two
stuffed dummies that they will be carrying through the mud.
The dummies' names are Gulliver (left) and Gulliver
This one is apparently into S&M shit
By the way, just how
big is Gulliver, exactly? Well I asked an expert to try to
wrap my head around this, and according to restaurant owner Clay
Jordan, a stuffed tribe member like Gulliver would be "big as your ass."
Stuffed dummy expert
Okay,
so here we go. The two tribes will be carrying Gulliver over a
bunch of obstacles. And the winner gets hot dogs and they also
get to see the shitty new Gulliver's Travels movie.
Which Jeff, of course, fawns over in agonizing detail.
"Guys, Gulliver's Travels is seriously the greatest film ever."
"It's got Jack Black. Jack Black's like the big move of movie stars."
"Gulliver's
Travels was written by Joe Stillman, Nicholas Stoller, and is based on
a story by Jonathan Swift. I believe it was originally a spec
script."
"Emily
Blunt plays Princess Mary, but the role was originally written for
Sarah Michelle Gellar. I feel a lot of you might not know that."
"The
Lilliputian palace in the movie is actually Blenheim Palace, which
is where former UK Prime Minister Winston Churchill was born."
"And
this is interesting, Taylor Lautner was originally cast as
Horatio. As many of you know, Lautner started his career as
Sharkboy."
Jeff explains the
greatness of the new Twentieth Century Fox movie Gulliver's Travels for
about forty-five excruciating minutes. And then, at the end, he
finally announces the part that they are actually interested in.
"... and that's why my firstborn son will be named Jason Segel Probst."
"Oh yeah, and the winning tribe will also get candy."
Candy!
Candy!
And with that, that means it's game on.
"Worth playing for?"
At
this point, the players do a little schoolyard pick 'em to select
teams. And as you can guess, since there are nine people... and
they will be divided into two teams... that means that one player will
not be selected to play.
Okay guys, please pick the weak link you don't want on your team
I
don't want to ruin the surprise, but guess which old guy with bad knees
and a Kryptonian weakness of mud is not chosen for a team.
Spoiler: It's this guy
So the players are divided into two different teams of four.
And this is where we get the part that everyone remembers.
It's time for one of the most glorious WTF Survivor images of them all.
You guys ready for this?
"Our teams have been decided. And Dan was not selected."
Dan
"He awaits you at the finish."
And with that, let's just pannnnnnnn over to the
left and see what ol' Dan is doing as he waits for the challenge.
Shall we?
Dan, just what are you doing over there?
Oh dear god no
Oops, sorry. My bad. I forgot that the phrase "Let's see
what Dan's doing right now" might actually be kind of dangerous.
Let's try that again.
Dan, just what are you doing over there?
*sigh*
Okay, one last time. Just WHAT is Dan doing as everyone else is preparing for the challenge?
Okay sorry, I'll stop. Here it is for reals.
Just WHAT is Dan Lembo doing as everyone else is preparing for the mud challenge?
Well he's sitting in the biggest fucking chair I have ever seen in my life
And he's kicking his legs
And there's no way you can look at this image and not laugh
If you don't remember this WTF inserted shot that everyone loves, here it is in all its glory.
Hey Dan, whatcha doin' over there buddy?
FOR IT IS THE SPRINGTIME AND I AM GAY
And
really, that's it. Dan's in a big prop chair that they brought
out to promote the movie. And they cut to it for two seconds as
he's sitting there, kicking his legs happily like he's a little kid on a pony. And meanwhile, I'm
sitting here wondering how the hell did a tiny old guy with two bad
knees manage to get up there? Did they have to bring out a forklift?
"The Mitsubishi Nichiyu Forklift! Digging deep!"
So
anyway, that's the entry. Dan in A GIANT CHAIR is just one of
those crazy images that everyone laughed at at the time, and it's one
of those pictures that has endured among Survivor fans for years.
FOR I AM THE KING! PLEASE PROVIDE ME A WENCH!
And this is maybe the only time in Survivor history you want to ask the question... hey, what's Dan up to over there?
P.S.
A crater. A crater. DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A SANDY CRATER??
** Thank you
to Jordan Beck for the Malcolm FUBC picture **
