The Funny 115 - The Third One

#42. Dan Lembo and THE CHAIR OF THE GODS
Nicaragua - episode 12

It's day 28 of Survivor: Nicaragua.  And today the players will be competing in a reward challenge.

It's the infamous "New Tribe Member" challenge that we first saw in Thailand

The object of this challenge is to take a MASSIVE STUFFED DUMMY, and transport it over and under a bunch of obstacles.  And the first team to cross the finish line is forced to watch gets to see a new Jack Black movie.

Transporting the giant

Transporting the giant

Trivia:  This is also how the Aparris got Cliff Robinson into the shelter every night

So the tribes have to carry these giant dummies through all these obstacles...

Oh, and they also have to do it in mud.  Which makes things infinitely more challenging.

So anyway, the Libertads arrive at the challenge, and they see the two stuffed dummies that they will be carrying through the mud.

The dummies' names are Gulliver (left) and Gulliver

This one is apparently into S&M shit

By the way, just how big is Gulliver, exactly?  Well I asked an expert to try to wrap my head around this, and according to restaurant owner Clay Jordan, a stuffed tribe member like Gulliver would be "big as your ass."

 Stuffed dummy expert

Okay, so here we go.  The two tribes will be carrying Gulliver over a bunch of obstacles.  And the winner gets hot dogs and they also get to see the shitty new Gulliver's Travels movie.

Which Jeff, of course, fawns over in agonizing detail.

"Guys, Gulliver's Travels is seriously the greatest film ever."

"It's got Jack Black.  Jack Black's like the big move of movie stars."

"Gulliver's Travels was written by Joe Stillman, Nicholas Stoller, and is based on a story by Jonathan Swift.  I believe it was originally a spec script."

"Emily Blunt plays Princess Mary, but the role was originally written for Sarah Michelle Gellar.  I feel a lot of you might not know that."

"The Lilliputian palace in the movie is actually Blenheim Palace, which is where former UK Prime Minister Winston Churchill was born."

"And this is interesting, Taylor Lautner was originally cast as Horatio.  As many of you know, Lautner started his career as Sharkboy."

Jeff explains the greatness of the new Twentieth Century Fox movie Gulliver's Travels for about forty-five excruciating minutes.  And then, at the end, he finally announces the part that they are actually interested in.

"... and that's why my firstborn son will be named Jason Segel Probst."

"Oh yeah, and the winning tribe will also get candy."



And with that, that means it's game on.

"Worth playing for?"

At this point, the players do a little schoolyard pick 'em to select teams.  And as you can guess, since there are nine people... and they will be divided into two teams... that means that one player will not be selected to play.

Okay guys, please pick the weak link you don't want on your team

I don't want to ruin the surprise, but guess which old guy with bad knees and a Kryptonian weakness of mud is not chosen for a team.

Spoiler:  It's this guy

So the players are divided into two different teams of four.

And this is where we get the part that everyone remembers.

It's time for one of the most glorious WTF Survivor images of them all.

You guys ready for this?

"Our teams have been decided.  And Dan was not selected."


"He awaits you at the finish."

And with that, let's just pannnnnnnn over to the left and see what ol' Dan is doing as he waits for the challenge.  Shall we?

Dan, just what are you doing over there?

Oh dear god no

Oops, sorry.  My bad.  I forgot that the phrase "Let's see what Dan's doing right now" might actually be kind of dangerous.  Let's try that again.

Dan, just what are you doing over there?


Okay, one last time.  Just WHAT is Dan doing as everyone else is preparing for the challenge?

Okay sorry, I'll stop.  Here it is for reals.

Just WHAT is Dan Lembo doing as everyone else is preparing for the mud challenge?

Well he's sitting in the biggest fucking chair I have ever seen in my life

And he's kicking his legs

And there's no way you can look at this image and not laugh

If you don't remember this WTF inserted shot that everyone loves, here it is in all its glory.

Hey Dan, whatcha doin' over there buddy?


And really, that's it.  Dan's in a big prop chair that they brought out to promote the movie.  And they cut to it for two seconds as he's sitting there, kicking his legs happily like he's a little kid on a pony.  And meanwhile, I'm sitting here wondering how the hell did a tiny old guy with two bad knees manage to get up there?  Did they have to bring out a forklift?

"The Mitsubishi Nichiyu Forklift!  Digging deep!"


So anyway, that's the entry.  Dan in A GIANT CHAIR is just one of those crazy images that everyone laughed at at the time, and it's one of those pictures that has endured among Survivor fans for years.


And this is maybe the only time in Survivor history you want to ask the question... hey, what's Dan up to over there?



** Thank you to Jordan Beck for the Malcolm FUBC picture **

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