The
Funny 115 - The Third One
#50. Pants Always Beats No Pants
Worlds Apart - episode 2
It's the second episode of Survivor: Worlds Apart.
And today is "Look At My Bare Naked Ass Day", according to our hero, the Honorable Professor Reverend Max Dawson.
Drink it in, folks
Drink it allllllll in
The best of Max Dawson
Max's pantsless antics might be amusing to some.
But they are disturbing to others.
Shirin: "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"
Tyler: "Not look at that."
And this is where get one of the single funniest visual moments in Worlds Apart.
You see, Tyler might be bothered that Max is walking around with his bait and his tackle all hanging out
I mean, what's next, we run the freight train on each other?
Am I gonna have to be the caboose?
But there's one person here who is actually encouraged by Max.
There's one person in this camp who is not only NOT grossed out by Max's weirdly bearded genitalia, she is actually inspired by them.
Sure enough, it's that odd little weirdo, Shirin.
Yes God, I now know what I must do
And so here we go.
The day Tyler had to deal with a pantsless Shirin.
Shirin confesses that it's actually super convenient to be naked around camp a lot of the time
And since Max does it, why doesn't she just do it too?
And that's why she heads down to the water to do some nude dishwashing
It's really the only way to get the utensils clean
By
the way, did I just slip up and say she was NUDE dishwashing?
Well that's actually not quite accurate. What she really
does is go yes shirt/no pants. Which is an odd look you may
have only seen before on famed sex predator Winnie the Pooh.
So anyway, Shirin goes down to the beach to do dishes in full Winnie the Pooh cosplay.
And since Tyler is the resident expert on appropriate utensil care.
Tyler knows the hard ocean water will buff out that surface
He has to follow her down to the beach to make sure she's doing it right.
And this is where we get...
Well...
Why don't you explain this to us, Joaquin?
"Tyler is married. So he can't even look at her."
And this is where we get one of the funniest, most awkward moments on this entire countdown.
Where Tyler has an entire conversation about Shirin about appropriate dishwashing technique
If you get too much sand on there, it'll ruin the shine
While not ethically being allowed to look at her.
Joaquin, please kill me
And thus... a scene that was destined to be a Funny 115 entry the moment I saw it.
It's
hard to capture just how amazing this scene is in pictures. And
I'm guessing you don't even remember it, because for some reason nobody
ever seems to give a shit about Worlds Apart. But as you're
looking at these screenshots, just keep in mind that THE TWO OF THEM
ARE HAVING A MUNDANE CONVERSATION ABOUT DISHWASHING THEORY THE ENTIRE
TIME. They are literally debating the pros and cons of doing your
dishes in the ocean. And meanwhile one has pants on and the
other doesn't. In fact, Shirin doesn't even seem to realize she isn't wearing pants. That's what makes the whole scene so awesome.
So you think I should scrub them separately then?
Yeah, that might be ideal
And
I'm sorry, but in the world of comedy and comedy theory, pants
negotiating with no pants is always funny. I learned that from Jerry Seinfeld.
So
anyway, we have this gloriously awkward scene where Tyler and Shirin
debate modern dish theory. While one of them is full-on Winnie
the Poohing it. And then at the end we get one of the most
glorious screencaps in the history of Survivor. Which you may now
view below.
No, not that one, Max. Knock it off.
No, this one.
If there were ever a picture that captured the awkwardness of watching Worlds Apart, there it is.
P.S.
Two of my readers, Cory Gage and Tom Dube, pointed out that this scene
might be the best untapped screencap nobody in the Survivor
community has ever really parodied before.
So there you go, there's your new mission. If people email me a bunch of funny ones
maybe I'll create a whole separate page for them. Have at it,
Survivor nerds. Find some other things that Tyler won't look at.
P.P.S.
I had a theory that you could take a shot of any two people
talking about dishes, and you could add a strategically placed blur
over their genitals, and it would turn it into something awesome.
And I think I was right. Check out this real vintage ad
from the 1960s.
Granny no panties
Turns out it works for the 70s too.
Aren't these gas shortages terrible, Irene? Do you play pong?
I could keep going with this all day, these are fun to make.
J-E-L-L-Nooooo
Only one more, I promise.
My, here's a sassy looking one.
P.P.P.S. And finally, here's my favorite thing about writing this entry.
A few years ago, I found out that Shirin is a reader of mine. Apparently she is a big fan of the Funny 115. In fact, she once told me that her favorite entries are all the Version 2 ones about naked Shane.
Shane (left)
And... well... I'm sure you can probably figure out where I'm going with this.
Shirin
That's
right, Shirin's favorite Funny 115 entries are the ones about pantsless
Shane, and all the other players trying to react to him.
And now, in a wonderful bit of serendipity, Shirin's top entry on the Funny 115 is now also about her being pantsless. And about the other players trying to react to her.
And here you were, thinking Max was the only White Collar who was throwing around tributes to former players out there.
Also, do you think it looks all red down there?
** Thank you to Will Holston for creating the Eliza/Siska FUBC **
