Funny 115 - The Third One
Dan! Is! Wrong!
Worlds Apart - episode 8
It's the eighth episode of Survivor: Worlds Apart.
There are eleven players left in the game.
Bonus: None of them have a damn tattoo on their face
And at this point in the game, there's only one goal left for everyone
The name of the game is to beat Joey Amazing
See, the problem the other players face right now is the fact that,
athletically, Joe Anglim is head and shoulders better than everyone
He wins challenge after challenge right now, seemingly effortlessly.
Guys, Joe just won immunity again, better stop him
Because of his challenge dominance, he has also become quite the
I'm not gonna tell you where an idol is hidden, but look in your ag-bay
Oh yeah, and besides the athletic dominance, Joe is also far
smarter than everyone else. And better looking than everyone else. And
more virile and more manly than everyone else. He's also a super nice
guy, and he has the majestic mane of a lion.
Basically, Joe Anglim is everything that Rob Cesternino once hated
about Dave Johnson.
Bangarang, sports fans
And this is why he's been given the nickname, Joey Fantastic.
In any case, Joey Extraordinary has been on a huge run of dominance
lately. One that has rarely been seen since the good old days of
Ozzy Lusth or Papa Smurf.
I sure wish we had a Pontiac Aztek we could drive around in, friend
And unless somebody stops him, he is going to win this thing.
And this is where we come to one of the funniest scenes in Survivor
The Day Joey
Phenomenal Was Stopped
So it's day 22 of Survivor: Worlds Apart.
The season that made you so mad
Joey Terrific is right in the middle of his incredible challenge run. And so far no one has been able to stop him.
Not even the guy who sells coconuts
However, today, on day twenty-two, Joe is going to meet a NEW
He is finally going to face a TRUE obstacle.
Well let's just say that... like King Arthur, who has been handed the
sword Excalibur... this challenger has the heart of a champion.
Because it's time for Joey Astounding to square off...
... with the mail man
So here we go.
Watch as Danny Confounding takes down Joey Formidable.
The chosen one. Foretold in the prophecy.
It's day twenty-two! And today's immunity challenge is called "WE MUST STOP
Also known as the Vince Sly Memorial Challenge
For the challenge today, the players will be required to move a puzzle
piece through three different slide puzzles.
And then after they get through three smaller puzzles, they will then
have to solve a much bigger one.
Such as this
Which, when solved, will spell out
the three different aspects of
Survivor you are now required to give equal weight to when voting for a
winner a slogan they put on a flag once.
It's a pretty simple challenge. Basically the first one who spells out the motto of Survivor stops Joe.
And Shanini, or whatever her name is (tm Dan), is expected to be pretty good at it Shirin is really good at logic puzzles, and she is expected to crush it
And with that, here we go.
So the challenge starts. And guess who immediately pulls away from the rest of the pack?
No, not Dan
Surprisingly, it turns out that Joey Prodigious is also really, really good at slide puzzles.
Maybe it comes from not being adopted
Joe solves the first puzzle.
Then he leaps ahead to work on the second one
And pretty soon he's at the head of the pack
THE REST OF YOU WHO AREN'T JOE WILL JUST HAVE TO DIG!
As usual, Dan is trying his best to keep up with Joey Magnificent.
But it's hard
Because he's not nimble
So anyway, big surprise, Joey Wonderful is the first person to make it to the final slide puzzle.
Even ahead of Shanini
He's eventually joined by five other people as well.
Note that none of them are Dan
But eventually Dan catches up to everyone.
He's not pretty, but he gets the job done
And this is where we get one of the biggest upsets you are ever going to see on Survivor.
See, Dan is one of the last people to get to the final slide puzzle
But he flies through the puzzle faster than everyone else.
"Dan! Flying through this puzzle!"
And in a surprise to pretty much everyone...
Like the Griswolds at Walley World, he's last in, first out
Dan stands back now, and he basks in the adulation.
As he is the hero who finally took down Joey Unstoppable.
You better believe it, baby. Dragon! Slayer!
The rest of the players look over now. In both astonishment and confusion.
What the...? Dan?? Isn't that the guy who broke all the bamboo??
Does not compute. I'm Joey Remarkable.
Jeff comes racing over now. To confirm one of the greatest challenge wins of all time.
"DAN THINKS HE HAS IT!"
Dan just stands back, and he awaits the announcement.
"Good job, Dan-o."
If on my journey, I should encounter God, God will be cut
And here come the words you've been waiting for.
Then, just to drive the point home, they throw in a shot of what Dan's finished puzzle looks like.
That's right. For those of you who are playing alone at home, he thought the motto of Survivor was:
Jeff strolls back to the judges podium now, as Dan can only look on in shock
Turns out he got oblaltayed by a bunch of rules
It turns out Dan has NOT solved the puzzle yet.
Which means that everyone else is free to keep going.
And so they do
Probst, of course, is free to rub salt in the wound of poor Dan.
"Everybody still in it!"
"You have to be both fast AND right!"
Who once again, has failed to knock off the golden boy.
Come on, Joe
Dan hears Probst mocking him, and he's like, well fuck it. You want to see both fast AND right?
I'll be so fast and right it's going to make your head spin.
So he flies through the puzzle again
And this time he has it
FOR I AM THE SUPREME NEW COCONUT VENDOR
Everyone else in the game looks over, and they're like... what the fuck? Is Dan, like, actually really good at slide puzzles?
No way, bro
I don't buy it
And here comes Probst to deliver the final proclamation again.
"Dan now thinks he has it!"
Probst takes one look at Dan-o's completed masterpiece
And guess what?
It's the exact same motto he spelled out before.
He oblaltayed the hell out of this puzzle
And here comes Probst to gleefully deliver the news again.
And here's what I love the most about this scene.
Jeff is SO gleeful to deliver the fact that Dan has failed at Survivor again...
That he adds a couple of cute little finger guns
In any case, you can probably guess how the rest of this challenge goes.
Sierra is shocked that Dan wrote "Owituit, Oblaltay, Outlast" again
And Dan does the first thing any great villain would do.
He tries to cheat
Hmm, maybe Tyler has it
And Jeff rubs salt in the wound yet AGAIN.
"Dan has thought TWICE that he's had it!"
"He's been wrong BOTH times!"
And hey, guess who winds up winning immunity again?
It's the great British player Joey Brilliant
Probst sees this, and he pops the world's biggest producer boner.
"Joe thinks he has it!"
He could not run over there any faster
And sure enough...
Booyah. Dragon stays.
"Joe! Is! RIGHT!"
"Joe wins immunity! Three straight individual wins!"
And, of course, it ends with...
Dan punching the table
And that's one of my favorite scenes in Survivor: Worlds Apart.
Why do the Survivor gods hate me so?
P.S. Of course, I have to
point out this isn't the ONLY time Dan comes up with a new
creative word during a logic puzzle. He does the exact same thing again
a couple of episodes later.
P.P.S. Here's a great observation from Reddit user KorgDTR2000:
is the only person I've ever seen who can slump his shoulders
while holding his arms up in triumph. I didn't think it was possible
but he found a way."
A true game changer
P.P.P.S. Annnnnd finally... here's the part
of this entry where I either ruin this scene for you forever, or I make
it ten times better than you even realized it was. Because did you
realize that "Owituit, Oblaltay, Outlast" was basically an editor's joke?
Seriously, as much as I love this visual...
... a few people who are puzzle experts have
pointed out to me that there's no way Dan could have gotten a slide
puzzle into that state. Mainly because, the way the puzzle is displayed
in that picture, it's mathematically unsolvable. There's no way that ANYONE
could solve it.
Also, there was clearly no camera over Dan's shoulder when they were filming the challenge.
As you can see in this picture
what happened in this challenge was that the producers likely had to
guess what Dan's wrong puzzle must have looked like. And they
happened to choose a picture that was completely unsolvable.
It also made Dan look completely dysxelic
have no idea what Dan's incorrect puzzle actually looked like. And
neither do you, probably. Nobody does. But it does sort of lend credence to Dan's
claim that the editors were making him look bad.
Which you can see in this other, unaired version they had of his puzzle. In case he screwed it up a third time.
In any case, I just wanted to point that out to you. That the famous "Owituit, Oblaltay, Outlast" shot was actually an intentional or, more likely, an unintentional editor's joke.
It's still one of the funniest shots they have ever included on Survivor. But it was one hundred percent staged.
This shot was real though
P.P.P.P.S. Bonus Postscript #1!
A handful of my smarter
readers were already able to write in, and explain what the editors did
and how it differed from Dan's actual puzzle. Thanks to Ben Sharron and
Brian Gold and Moe Goldberg for pointing this out.
"You can actually see the way Dan has screwed it up for real in one
of your closeups, and it's the same error the editors use, but the two
pieces in the bottom middle are also swapped which then makes it a
solvable state. So that actually makes it even worse."
Dan's actual puzzle
Further clarification: "It looks like he mixed up every single one in the middle
two columns, so the only correct ones are on the edges. The version he
1 3 2 4
5 7 6 8
9 11 10 12
13 15 14 X
Which is a solveable puzzle.
What's worse than a super fan who can't do basic math? A super fan who doesn't know the show's tagline."
P.P.P.P.P.S. And here's my final update about all this, Again, from my readers:
"In the picture below, you can see 6 and 7 swapped and 14 and 15 swapped.
So I guess he initially had the entire middle columns messed up and then only half fixed it somehow.
other words, the first time Dan was really, really off... and the
second time, he was still off, just marginally so. Regardless, the
point is, Dan Foley doesn't know how to spell."
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