The Funny 115 - The Third One

Ozzy Chapter 10 - Feed 'em, Defeat 'em, and Excrete 'em

The DM Conversation




--- March 12th, 2024 - A Twitter DM conversation ---



Patrick: Hey Mario, sorry to bother you, but can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure.

Patrick: I really want to like South Pacific. And I really enjoy your work, for the most part. But I'm just not feeling this last one. Why is that?

Me: Why aren't you feeling my writeup?

Patrick: Yeah. Why don't I care about Ozzy?

Patrick: I want to care about his story. I just don't. Please convince me.

Me: Well... have you considered the fact that you're probably just watching Survivor wrong?

Patrick: ?

Patrick: What do you mean?

Me: This is going to be a pretty long answer. Are you going to be around for a while? I have lots to say about this.

Patrick: Sure.

Me: Well first off, why do you watch Survivor? What's the ONE thing you look for when you're watching this show?

Me: If you're like most people, you're probably going to say "gameplay."

Patrick: Yeah. I like watching good gameplay.

Me: And South Pacific doesn't have very good gameplay, does it?

Patrick: No. I personally think it's just boring.

Me: And Ozzy doesn't have any gameplay at all.

Patrick: No, all Ozzy does is he wins challenges. He's not interesting.

Me: And I bet you prefer a season where there's a likeable winner. Where you were rooting for the winner. Right?

Patrick: Of course. What's the point of watching if you don't like the winner?

Me: Well Patrick, can I say something blunt to you?

Me: You're not going to like it, but it has to be said.

Patrick: Sure.

Me: The problem is... you're just watching it wrong.

Patrick: What do you mean?

Me: The problem is, there's this great show out there called "Survivor." And it's wonderfully produced, and masterfully edited. And the storylines are amazing. And the characters are big. And the story arcs are great. But the problem is, YOU'RE NOT WATCHING THAT SHOW. You're watching some other fictional show you've invented in your head called "Survivor is a sport." Which means that you're missing the point.

Patrick: ?

Me: Look at this way, do you think Survivor is a strategy game?

Patrick: Of course it is.

Me: Do you think we're actually WATCHING that strategy game?

Patrick: I like to think we are.

Me: Well, we're not.

Patrick: ?

Me: Look at it this way. Was there a strategy game that was played at some point? Of course. And to the players, I'm sure it was a very big deal. To them, this was probably the ULTIMATE strategy game. To the players, the gameplay and strategy were both an incredibly big deal.

Me: But the problem is, THAT'S NOT THE SHOW THAT WE'RE WATCHING.

Me: You think you're watching a strategy game, but you're not. And that will always be an issue for you until you learn to accept that.

Patrick: What, lol.

Patrick: I'm confused.

Me: Survivor is one thing, and it is one thing at heart. And it will ALWAYS be that one thing at heart. It is A TV SHOW.

Me: It's a TV show made up of footage that they recorded many months ago. And then they cleverly cut up, and edited, and spliced the highlights together into some sort of a storyline. It is a fictional television product, made up of traditional television storytelling. It has nothing to do with a strategy game.

Me: The Survivor that you and I see is more like a soap opera.

Patrick: Tell that to Sophie lol. To her, it was a strategy game.

Me: Well, sure. Of course. To the players it was absolutely a strategy game. But what the players are doing, and what we the viewers are doing, ARE NOT REMOTELY THE SAME THING. In fact, we're not even watching the same game that they played. All we're watching are some of the highlights. The ones the producers handpicked later just to make the TV part better.

Me: All the producers care about... which means all we as viewers should care about... is the TV show. The TV show is ALL that's important to us.

Me: You need to ignore all the "strategy" stuff. If you weren't out there playing the game, then "strategy" on Survivor is not even relevant to you.

Patrick: lol. What?

Me: I'm serious. If you think you know anything about Survivor gameplay at all, if you think you know ANYTHING about Survivor strategy at all, or how it actually works in the game, then I'm sorry, but as a fan, you're delusional. And the minute you realize that, and you accept that, it will make you a happier fan. Because then you can finally watch Survivor for what it is. Which is a soap opera. With a (usually fictional) narrative.

Me: The only way you can watch Survivor is as a TV show. As a fictional TV show.

Me: If you watch it thinking you're watching a strategy game, and you're sitting there looking for gameplay, then I'm sorry, but you're just watching it wrong. I'm sorry, but that's the answer. And it's an answer that most newer and younger fans don't want to hear. You're just watching it wrong.

Me: That's why South Pacific doesn't work for you. It's because you're just watching it wrong. You're expecting it to be something it's not.

Patrick: ?

Patrick: I don't get it.

Me: Look at it this way. South Pacific has five AMAZING story arcs sitting right there in front of you. Five, and maybe even six, depending on how deep you want to get into the storytelling. But you aren't interested in those, because all you're interested in is "gameplay."

Me: You're sitting there looking for people to make chess moves. And meanwhile you're missing this entire big masterpiece the editors have managed to stitch together, made up of stories, and foreshadowing, and downfalls, and arcs, and hubris. And redemption. And really fun characters. It's like you're missing the entire season, because you're too busy sitting there looking for "moves."

Patrick: But I like watching moves.

Me: Well that's great. Then go play Survivor. And don't sit there watching Survivor. Because on the TV show, all you'll see are the moves that were included to make the storyline better. They're the only ones that will be shown. Which means, out of all the moves that happened, you're probably only seeing like five percent of them. They're hardly showing you anything.

Me: Remember, on Survivor, the TV show doesn't exist to support the strategy. The strategy exists to support the TV show. It's the exact opposite of what most fans think it is.

Me: Strategy will only be included if it somehow makes the TV show better.

Patrick:  Isn't the storyline the strategy?

Me: No. The storyline is whatever the producers decide they want it to be that season. It could have nothing to do with the strategy at all. They could make up any old storyline they want, based on whatever they think will be the most interesting to watch. And that's my point. That's what a TV producer DOES. They try to create the best story. They don't give a shit about strategy. They only care about what they can make out of it.

Me: Basically, if you watch this show for "gameplay", you're not even watching the show. To me, that means you're missing the point.

Patrick: Interesting.

Me: Well, I mean, you asked. 

Me: If you don't want me to give a blunt answer, don't ask me a question. :)

Patrick: And this is supposed to make me find Ozzy more interesting? lol.

Patrick: That's all that I asked about.

Me: Well, look at it this way. Why do you find Ozzy boring? Because he doesn't have any strategy, right?

Patrick: Yeah.

Patrick: And also, he's a dick.

Me: Well what if I said it doesn't even MATTER that he doesn't have a good strategy. All that's important, to you, is that has this big sexy story arc. That's literally ALL you should care about, as a viewer. That big awesome story arc.

Patrick: But I don't even like his story arc.

Me: Doesn't matter. You should just appreciate that it's there. And that the editors decided to use it to craft this big epic tale of redemption.

Me: Here, I'm going to drop some info on you that will probably spoil the rest of this entry. But pay attention to it, because this next part is important. This will explain EVERYTHING I'm trying to do in this entry about South Pacific, and why I am doing it.

Patrick: ok

Me: Without Ozzy's big story of redemption-- which makes up the entire second half of the season, by the way-- you won't get that big showdown at the end involving Ozzy and Sophie.

Me: Which, of course, leads to the scene immediately after that, where Sophie finally knocks off the one last variable that is standing in her way. She finally defeats the unbeatable Ozzy.

Me: Which is then followed by Coach literally KNIGHTING SOPHIE and KNEELING DOWN IN FRONT OF HER. Symbolically handing this season over to her. Passing the talking stick over to her, in a sense. She, in effect, takes Coach's title, and she becomes the new narrator.

Me: Coach tells us this right in the episode, too. That this is her story now. Sophie has become the new Dragon Slayer.

Me: And with that, the narrative finally passes over to her, which is exactly where it should have been all along. The story of South Pacific is... and most people don't get this... it is "Sophie's Dragon Slayer Journey."

Me: That ending (which is one of the most epic in Survivor history, especially from a storytelling point of view) is only possible because you had Ozzy's story arc carrying the second half of the season. And giving us this big unstoppable momentum leading up to the finale. Ozzy had to become the dragon for Sophie.

Me: If Ozzy's arc isn't there, carrying the load, then Sophie's storyline completely disintegrates. Because Sophie beating the unbeatable in the final challenge just doesn't happen anymore. And now Coach doesn't knight her. Coach never hands the narrative over to her. Now Sophie is no longer "The New and Improved Dragon Slayer." Now it's just a way less interesting ending.

Me: And THAT'S why you need Ozzy's big sexy story arc.

Me: You need it there because it makes Sophie's story much better.

Me: Think of it this way. Ozzy is a boss-level villain. He's the final James Bond henchman. And he needs to be defeated at the end to make Sophie's storyline epic. In fact, even more so, Ozzy has to be defeated in a very specific way. She has to beat him in a CHALLENGE. She has to beat him at his own game. He has to lose in the one and only thing he can't be defeated in. She has to absolutely castrate this guy.

Me: And this is why I always tell people, um, no South Pacific isn't boring. The problem is, you're just watching it wrong.

Patrick: You know, sometimes I think you're watching an entirely different show than the rest of us, lol.

Me: I can't help it! At heart, I'm just a natural storyteller. I see everything in the world (people, places, things, events) in terms of a story. And when I see a story that is particularly interesting (like South Pacific), naturally I want to tell everyone in the world about it. I want to point out why this story's structure is especially good.

Me: And on the flip side, you know, maybe help people not just watch this show as some boring old strategy game. The best seasons are usually SO much more interesting than that.

Me: I want to help people see Survivor for what it actually is, and what it always has been. I want people to open their eyes.

Patrick: You're basically LSD, lol

Me: No, my street value is much lower.

Patrick: So you think if I watch South Pacific again, and I watch it in terms of a story, and not so much about strategy and moves, you think I'll like it much more?

Me: I GUARANTEE you'll like it much more. It's so god damn interesting.

Me: Also, why have you only watched it one time?

Me: Don't you know my theory of second viewing?

Patrick: Nope.

Me: Okay, I say this a lot, so forgive me if you've heard it before.

Me: If you've only watched a season once, then you haven't actually watched that season yet. It's only on the SECOND viewing, when you know what happens, where you will catch all the little tricks that the editors are doing.

Me: You have to take all the emotion and uncertainty out of the experience to really "watch" a Survivor season for the first time. That's what I tell people. The second viewing is where the story will finally reveal itself to you. The second viewing is the one that's important.

Me: The first viewing, all you care about is the winner and how they got there. You're far too invested in it. And because of that, you're likely to miss all the bigger stuff.

Patrick: Did you like South Pacific the first time you watched it?

Me: Of course not. I hated it!

Patrick: lol

Me: Redemption Island? Coach suddenly becoming good at Survivor, but getting screwed at the end? An entire season about duels? Fuck that. That's not what I wanted to see.

Me: And why the hell do I care about Ozzy still being good at challenges? We already KNEW that.

Patrick: Exactly!

Me: But again, give me a SECOND viewing of it... and man. This season is actually incredible. I couldn't believe it.

Me: Go watch it a second time. It will change your opinion on things.

Patrick: Well, I want to thank you for your time. You've given me a lot to think about here.

Me: You're welcome. Any time.

Patrick: I still can't say I like Ozzy though, lol.

Me: It doesn't matter. You don't have to. Just admire his story arc.

Me: I don't especially like Ozzy either, if you want me to be perfectly honest.

Me: But he's awesome to write about.

Patrick: And I still don't think it's impressive that he got to the end by winning duels. That's just not all that impressive to me.

Patrick: Sorry, I'll always prefer gameplay.

Me: Well can I say one other thing that you're probably going to disagree with?

Patrick: lol, sure.

Me: There is no "gameplay" on Survivor. It's all just a crapshoot.

Me: By season twenty-three, the gameplay on Survivor had devolved into little more than "how can I react to the producers and their latest big twist(s)?"

Me: Any "gameplay" on Survivor lost all validity the minute the producers started throwing in hidden immunity idols.

Patrick: You're right ha ha. I do disagree with that.

Me: Really? Well what kind of a "game" is it when you don't even know if the person you are voting for is eligible to be voted for? What kind of a game is that?

Me: That's not gameplay anymore. That's just luck. That's just guessing and hoping.

Me: Anyone who thinks this show was still about "gameplay" by season twenty-three is living in a fantasy world. Sorry to be blunt about that, but it's true. They might as well go try to play an immunity stick.

Patrick: Ha ha, Eliza would love that.

Me: By the time South Pacific rolled around, Survivor was mostly about luck, and reacting to twists, and giving good soundbytes, and winning the right challenges.

Me: And being the player the producers liked most, so you would get all the airtime.

Me: And having idols that may or may not have been handed to you personally by the producers.

Me: And about being voted out of the game three different times, and then coming back into the game three different times. Because this abomination called Redemption Island was apparently a thing now.

Patrick: So you don't like Redemption Island then?

Patrick: I mean, as a concept. In your writeup, it seems that you like it.

Me: As a game device, I HATE it. As a game device, it is completely unfair.

Me: But as a TV device, I LOVE it.

Me: From the perspective of a TV show, it makes the structure of the story SO much more interesting now. Because now it gives you all these interesting new arcs (like Ozzy's). And this is something I think Probst realized the first time he came up with it. That, from the point of view of story arcs, Redemption Island is actually incredibly cool.

Me: And again, as fans, I think we should really only care about the TV show part of things. I don't think we should give a shit about "the game" part of Survivor. Only the TV show is really important to any of us.

Me: So yes, from that point of view, I think Redemption Island is awesome.

Me: And I think Probst was right to believe in it. It was a really interesting concept.

Patrick: But the fans all hated it.

Me: Yeah, what else is new.

Me: I should probably not say what I think of what fans generally think about stuff.

Me: So no comment.

Patrick:  lol

Me: If only fans were more interested in storytelling. The trajectory of this show would have been SO much different over the years.

Me: But what can you do. It's reality TV. Oh well.

Me: Anyway, go watch South Pacific a second time. And watch it from a storytelling point of view this time around. I think you'll enjoy it.

Patrick: Thanks, I will.

Patrick: I can't promise I will like Ozzy any better though.

Me: Well, as long as you like my writeup better. That's really all that I care about.
 
Patrick: lol

Me: And remember, Ozzy didn't CHOOSE to play the season like that. The others forced him into that strategy.

Me: You can't hold it against the guy for just playing the hand he was dealt. 

Me: If the producers hand me a weird-ass season with these weird-ass new rules, the only thing I can do is adapt to it.

Me: That's all that he did.

Patrick: Thanks man. This was all very helpful.

Patrick: Thanks for your time.

Me: Any time.

Me: Hey cool, flying fish.

Me: (walks away, is distracted now)



--- End ---



Whew.

Okay, we're done with that.

I know that was long, but hopefully you found it a little bit insightful, at least.

And again, I do apologize for the big wall of text. That isn't generally how I do things around here.




I usually just put random pictures up, that may or may not have a reference to Star Wars




And then I write something clever under them



But you made it past the long, wordy part.

Let's get back to the writeup now (or just click back on your browser.).