The
Funny 115 - The Third One
Ozzy Chapter 10
- Eat 'em and Excrete 'em
#1.
Ozzy Outwits Survivor
South Pacific - All Season Long
So Ozzy has started his new plan out here on
Redemption Island.
His "weaponization" of Redemption Island, if you will.
It's his plan to feed all his rivals...
"Hey Jim, check out this fish. It's even bigger than the chip on your
shoulder!"
Oh man, I love a good fish
And make friends with his rivals...
"Hey Cochran, did you hate when the cool kids dunked your
head in the toilet too?"
"God, wasn't high school the worst?"
And then send them all off to the jury.
By defeating them, one by one, in a duel.
Sorry Brandon. God's will.
And
this plan, despite its simplicity, is actually a pretty ingenious
one. At least... when you look at it from a Survivor strategy point of
view (hence the title of this section - "Ozzy Outwits Survivor.")
Because if Ozzy can actually pull this thing off...
If he can actually run this thing all the way to the end...
While simultaneously making friends with every one of the
jurors...
"Sorry Edna, I know you're the puzzle queen."
"I guess it was just my time today."
If
he can pull this off, successfully, not only will he send
every single one of his competitors to the jury...
Peace out, nards. Time to go be mad at the cult.
He'll do so RIGHT AFTER they just shared a very positive
experience with him.
"You're right Brandon, I will totally start going to church
now. Thanks for convincing me."
"You hear that, God? He's going to CHURCH!"
And again, this is where we go back to why I'm writing
an entire essay on Ozzy.
You
might think that Ozzy isn't much of a strategist. And believe
me, I know that you do. I KNOW that you do. I mean, shit,
read ANY Survivor message
board. Read ANY comment ever written about Ozzy. Read ANYTHING that's
been written
about the guy over the past fifteen years. This sentence will always be
in there somewhere:
"Sure, he's great at challenges, but the problem is
he's terrible at strategy."
That's the consensus fan opinion of Ozzy. To this day.
That he's not an elite player, because he's not good at strategy.
What most fans think Ozzy's strategy is - just
swimming around, and looking at stuff
And unfortunately, this is where I have to be rather blunt about this.
The reason you think that (that Ozzy is bad at strategy), is
because
most Survivor fans aren't very good at defining the word
"strategy" anymore.
What do I mean by that? Well here, let me explain it
this way. Like most
fans tend to do, you probably aren't looking at South Pacific the way
that it
happened - in the fall of 2011. You're probably only looking at South
Pacific
NOW. You're looking at it through the
lens of a modern fan. One who has been conditioned for years- by
podcasts, writers, and other unhelpful, overpowerful sources- to
believe that there is only
ONE way to win Survivor. That there is only ONE Survivor strategy.
You've
been conditioned into thinking there's a tried and true
Survivor
playbook, and it's the one that everyone follows. And
if you don't adhere to "The Bible of Strategy" all the way,
all
the time, that means that
you aren't good at strategy.
In
fact, let me share a comment I got a while back from one of my readers.
This explains what I'm saying better than I ever could.
Hey Mario,
After
all these years, can we finally acknowledge Ozzy isn't that
bad
strategically? He's surprisingly fourth-dimensional in his thinking.
His
problem is alliance management and being a bit of a dick, but he's
actually made
some pretty damn good moves over the years. The fake immunity idol.
Weaponizing
Redemption Island in his favor. Doing that TWICE. Throwing the
challenge in Game Changers to get rid of Sandra. He's not a very good
long-term player, but his short-term tactics are actually pretty great.
Ozzy's reputation as
"a strategic idiot" has never really been all that deserved.
He's
always coming up with something.
In any
case, take those comments that you just read (which I have gotten many
variants of over the years- the number one type of email I got leading
up to this entry was "Why does everyone think Ozzy is a moron?? The guy
came within a hair's breadth of winning Survivor. Twice!") Take those
comments... and then combine them with the fact that
I have been beating you
over the head with all throughout this whole Ozzy essay.
And just what is that fact?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that OZZY HAD ABSOLUTELY NO
CHANCE TO WIN SOUTH PACIFIC. At least, he had no chance to
win South Pacific in a traditional, legitimate manner.
Because
remember. And never forget this. No one in this cast had ANY intention
of ever letting this guy claw his way into power.
We know that, of course, because his allies specifically TOLD
us that!
"If Ozzy makes it three episodes past the merge, that means
we all failed."
And
this is why I wanted to write an entire essay about Ozzy. And
why I wanted to give him some kudos at this
point in the writeup. And why I wanted to point out how creative and
fourth-dimensional and ...
yes... STRATEGIC...
his thinking was in the situation that he found himself in.
How, like
the title of this section says... how in South Pacific, Ozzy somehow
"outwitted Survivor."
Because as everyone else was back at camp, and they were all going
through their own personal drama...
Ozzy was out here experiencing no drama at all.
He was just sending new friends to the jury.
In fact, not only was he sending new friends to the jury...
As
each betrayed Upolu member arrived on Redemption Island-- usually with
a knife from Coach still stuck in their back-- he was effectively now
turning into their champion.
"They embarrassed you, Cochran. They chumped you."
"Well I'll get 'em back for you."
"By Grabthar's Hammer, Cochran... you shall be avenged."
And
again, this is why I say you have to look at this through the
lens
of 2011 to REALLY appreciate the creativity of what Ozzy was doing
here.
You can't look at this through the lens of a
modern fan, you have to look at
it at the way that it happened. They way that it played out in real
time.
I hate to
use the phrase "you had to have been there", because it's both
condescending and douchy, but... uh...
honestly...
In this case... uh...
... you sorta had to have been there.
Because you have to remember that, in 2011...
No one had ever seen a strategy like this on Survivor before
Remember,
Redemption Island was a brand new concept to the players in 2011.
BRAND NEW. Players coming back into the game after winning a bunch of
duels, this was
still an entirely new thing.
Which
meant that the game the players were playing in South Pacific was
essentially a COMPLETELY new game. It wasn't like ANYTHING they had
ever
seen on this show before. Not even the superfans.
The strategy (there's
that word again) of this season, the strategy in South Pacific, it was
entirely new.
Side Note:
I asked Albert about this once, if they'd had a chance to watch
Redemption Island before they went out to play South Pacific. If they
kinda knew what they were in for when it came to Redemption Island. And
he
said that yeah, they had watched it. There was a gap between the
two because RI was the spring season and SP was the fall season,
so they'd been able to watch Redemption Island all the way up to the
end. So from a player point of view, yes they knew what Redemption
Island was probably going to be like. They may not have ever
experienced it before, but at least they weren't walking into it blind.
However...
Redemption
Island didn't feature a player who was actively whoring up jury votes
while he was out of the game, the way that Ozzy was doing. That was
something
NO ONE had ever done before. So to me, that makes a
pretty big
difference here. That was something NO ONE had seen on Survivor before,
not
even the superfans like Cochran and Albert and Sophie. What Ozzy was
doing was something entirely new.
Ozzy was out there inventing an entire new strategy in South Pacific.
Never forget that.
If you're saying he wasn't "strategic" in South Pacific, I'm sorry, but
you're just ignoring the facts.
The precedence slayer
Also, and you know I also had to throw this part in there.
Even
though the rest of the players might have watched Redemption Island, I
can't for the life of me imagine that Ozzy had paid much attention to
it. Unlike the rest of the players in South Pacific, Ozzy just doesn't
strike me
as being all that big a Survivor fan. Or even all that much of a TV
watcher.
I say this because of an
interview I remember reading once, on some random Survivor website.
This is going to be a paraphrase, of course, but I remember the
interview went something like this.
Interviewer: What
were your thoughts on squaring off against Coach?
Ozzy:
I remember my thoughts were, "Who's Coach?"
Interviewer:
So you'd never seen him before, on Tocantins? Or Heroes vs Villains?
Ozzy:
No, I'd never seen either of those seasons before. I had no idea who
that guy was. To me, he was just some guy in a coat.
Side note:
Right before writing this chapter, I found the interview I think I
was referring to. This is from HitFix, it was published right after
the South Pacific finale aired.
HitFix:
I know a lot of “Survivor” veterans get to know each other over the
years through The Circuit. Did you have any sort of relationship with
Coach before this season started?
Ozzy:
No. That’s actually one of the things that I was kinda afraid to admit
in the very beginning, that I had no idea who Coach was. I didn’t watch
his seasons. I didn’t watch “Heroes vs. Villains” and I didn’t watch
“Tocantins,” so I really had no idea who he was or what he was about,
besides very small things like that he was The Dragonslayer.
And
the fact that he has a certain passion for Affliction clothing and
really gaudily garnished, embellished embroidery. But besides that? I
had no idea who he was, or what he was about.
So anyway, there's that.
Suffice
it to say, Ozzy probably hadn't thought about "Redemption
Island" or "The strategy behind Redemption Island"
all that much before he went out to play South Pacific. And he most
certainly hadn't done it to the extent that the rest of the
cast had. I mean, Sophie and Albert had probably already come up with
all
of these probability graphs, flowcharts, and spreadsheets. Cochran
probably jerked off nightly to a picture of Redemption Island over his
bed.
Brandon probably thought about Redemption Island from time to time
while he was out strangling prostitutes. You think Ozzy was doing all
that?
For Ozzy (a non-superfan), this whole weird season was basically just
some random new game.
And he was probably just making shit up as he went along.
Same as he always does.
So to see Ozzy instantly figure out how to WEAPONIZE
Redemption Island?
That QUICKLY?
Just totally like that, on the fly? Without ever really
having seen it before?
How he quickly turned this weird-ass twist into a way to
collect JURY VOTES?
I'm sorry, but that's not a strategic moron at all.
That's a pretty fucking good strategy.
Oh yeah, and let me remind you one last time, of course...
... that it was the ONLY way Ozzy could get to the end
There
were ZERO other options available to Ozzy in South Pacific. None. Zero.
Zilch. Never forget that. He had NO chance to succeed in that season,
in a legitimate strategy way.
Because he was Ozzy "Two-Time Fucking Legend" Lusth, no one
was ever going to let him.
Remember, Savaii's ENTIRE strategy, from day
one, was pretty much...
"We can't let Ozzy take over
this game."
And Upolu's whole strategy...
Well, I don't have to tell you about this one.
You already know what their deal was.
So yeah.
If you're Ozzy, find me a way where he has a legitimate path to the end
there.
Find me a way where he could have used a traditional strategy.
Assholes
In fact, better yet, let's ask Kathy from
Marquesas what she thought about Ozzy's chances in South Pacific.
Because remember, she'd already been through this before.
"They're against me. They're all against me."
"They're all lying to me."
Ozzy had ONE path to victory in South Pacific.
HE HAD ONE PATH TO VICTORY.
And that's it.
The only thing he could do was win challenges
And he actually did pretty well at that part. Winning challenges.
He did pretty well at it, of course...
... until, at one point, he finally lost one.
Cause you know, at some point, this motherfucker was gonna win something
Damnit, I just got eliminated by Jack Black
And then Ozzy was immediately voted out of the game.
Exactly as everyone expected he'd be.
Don't feel bad, Ozzy. At least I drew a sad little fish.
And in a normal season, of course, Ozzy's story would have ended
right here.
As the prettiest little juror in pigtails
But... and here's the important part... this wasn't a normal season.
This was South Pacific.
This was a NEW type of season.
This was a Redemption
Island season.
This was a season with quirks
Quirks that Ozzy quickly figured out how to exploit
And... I guess...
Um...
I hate to do it. But this is where I need to insert a fairly long DM
exchange into this writeup.
I
was trying to hold off on this next part for as long as I could,
because I
don't like posting a big wall of text in my writeups. I mean, I'm not
Scout Cloud Lee, I actually like to use paragraphs. But at some point,
I knew I was going to have to bite the bullet, and I was going to have
to finally just do this.
Because
this next thing you are about to read is my response
to easily THE NUMBER ONE PIECE OF FEEDBACK I have
been
getting while writing this Ozzy section. And I guess it's time that I
finally just sit down, and rip off the Band-Aid, and finally
just
respond to everyone.
Okay. Are you ready for this next big long part of the
writeup?
"ABSOLUTELY!"
Thanks, Dan. You're always a helper.
So here we go.
The feedback that I often get
from people who don't like South Pacific (and who don't like
Ozzy, and who don't care about Ozzy's storyline at all) is usually some
variant of this:
"Mario,
I know you like South Pacific and all. And I appreciate your enthusiasm
for wanting to write about it. But how can you get me to root for Ozzy
when his story just isn't
that good? All the guy does is win duels. If I'm
watching Survivor for gameplay, which is what people generally do, why
would I even CARE about Ozzy?
In
fact, furthermore, what's the point of writing about a season
that
doesn't even have any gameplay? Because you know it as well as
I
do, there isn't any gameplay in South
Pacific. No one ever does ANYTHING. Sophie doesn't really even
do anything. For me, as a Survivor fan, there's nothing
interesting to watch.
All
South Pacific is... is a Pagonging. It's just
a simple Pagonging. Featuring a guy who wins duels, and a cult that
everyone hates. And then, at the end, some brat who wasn't even a major
character winds up winning the game. The whole season is just pointless.
Basically,
what I'm saying is, I don't get the point of this writeup. South
Pacific isn't an interesting season at all. Why are you even writing
about it? It's just boring."
Just boring
And...
*sigh*
Like I said, I hate to do this...
But
I had a biiiiiigggg long DM exchange with a reader of mine
(who I'm going to call Patrick)
a couple of months ago. About this EXACT topic. How South Pacific is
boring. And how there isn't any interesting gameplay or strategy going
on. And how Ozzy's just some unlikable dick. And why
would I bother spending so much time writing about it,
when it's a season that nobody likes. When nobody cares.
When nobody cares
This
is the FIRST time I am ever going to do
this in one of my writeups (which is fitting in a way, because this is
my final
Funny 115 entry), but because my conversation with Patrick
touched on so many of these topics, I figured I'd just repost our
entire conversation for you verbatim. Just so you can see what my (very
detailed) answer would be to the question, "Um,
how can you say that South Pacific is interesting?"
Quick
warning ahead of time, by the way: You're not going
to like a
lot of
my answers. In fact, if you're a newer fan (and you've never heard me
talk about this stuff before), some of my answers are probably
going to piss you the hell off. But hey, one way or
another,
at
least now you'll be able to know where I'm coming from. At
least
now you'll understand my whole thought process behind doing this
writeup. At least now you'll understand why "South Pacific"
is,
and always was going to be, my #1
entry.
And who knows. Maybe one way or another, this will get you to
appreciate this season a bit more.
I don't know.
I guess it's time to find out. :)
Like Coach's lie detector test, this is the moment where I either win
you or lose you
Okay, you ready for this?
ABSOLUTELY!
Thanks, Dan.
Here goes.
And
now that we've officially answered the question of "How can
Ozzy's
story be interesting when all he does is win duels??"
Let's get back to Ozzy's story being interesting.
Because... um...
... all he does is win duels.
Great segue, jackass.
Okay, I'm not going to linger too much on the rest of this chapter.
Just because... well... because it's kinda just the same thing over and
over.
It's just Ozzy feeding 'em.
"Hey, check it out. This fish is even bigger than Rick's
edit."
And defeating 'em.
And then excreting 'em.
Ozzy just crapped me out like I was a bran muffin
And most importantly, sending them off to the jury.
Where they're now a one hundred percent guaranteed Ozzy vote.
"You know, Ozzy, if I cheated with anyone else this season,
it would have been you."
"Good luck beating Coach."
So let's run through his rein of terror on Redemption Island now.
Let's count all these guaranteed Ozzy votes.
First, Ozzy has to get rid of these two assholes
Who, I should remind you, are the two who have been
sabotaging him behind his back all game
Which means that... for this first one... it's personal
"Hey Jim, check out this fish. It's even bigger than Tina!"
I love you, Ozzy Lusth
"Hey Keith, check out this fish. It's approximately as heavy
as Semhar."
I love you, Ozzy Lusth
"Meat's back on the menu, boys!"
And then immediately cut to...
Oh look, a duel. Let's see what's going to happen here.
Have fun over in the jury. Assholes.
Although there's a great moment here during this first duel.
That sort of drives home the fact that this whole season, it has
basically always been everyone against Ozzy.
Never forget that.
Since day one, it
has always been seventeen people against Ozzy.
During the duel, some of the Te Tunas start cheering for Jim
Meanwhile, Whitney starts leading a cheer for her boyfriend
And who's up there rooting for Ozzy?
No one
It's so obvious that no one wants Ozzy to win, that Probst even
comments on it.
"Is anyone rooting for Ozzy anymore?"
"Anyone?"
*crickets*
"Ozzy is completely on his own from here on out."
"Ozzy... is on his own."
I've always been on my own, Jeff. That was the problem.
And of course, you can probably guess how the rest of the challenge
goes.
Not surprisingly, Ozzy is the best at keeping it up
First, Jim drops his poles.
Muhahaha
Then Keith drops his poles.
Muhahahaha
And then I love this next little badass moment.
The minute Jim and Keith are both eliminated from the challenge...
The first thing Ozzy does is he turns to stare at the Te
Tunas
This is going to happen to every last one of you
Cause you guys don't know who you're dealing with
Sorry, but even if you don't like Ozzy, that's pretty badass.
I'm gonna feed, defeat, and excrete every one of you
Just wait
And with that, Ozzy wins his first duel truel.
"Ozzy! Stays alive!"
Ta da
And like I said before, he now begins his new, and much more important,
big story arc.
He now becomes the champion of the jury.
He's the guy who's going to single-handedly take down
the Upolu Cult.
There's one guaranteed jury vote
And there's the second one
And with that, the final stretch of the season has officially begun.
Send me fresh victims
The monster is hungry. It needs to eat.
For I am the Dragon
"Think you can keep doing it, Ozzy?"
"You've seen my videos. I can go all night if I want to."
"It was very telling. You were the one guy with no support."
"Don't need it."
And then Ozzy lays out his plan to the rest of the cast.
Just so they all know what they're in for now. How the rest of the game
is going to go for them.
"Right now, I'm sitting in the best place that I could."
"I don't need to rely on other peoples' trust anymore."
"I'm sitting there at Redemption, eating my heart out."
"Getting ready for the next person to come in."
"I'll be nice. I'll make you fish. Make you fruit."
"And then I'll come and I'll beat you."
"Please tell me those aren't two separate things."
"I just meant that I'll beat them."
Oh yeah, and I love the reactions to Ozzy saying he's gonna beat every
one of them.
If you're looking for some subtle little storytelling going on
by the editors, here's where you'll find it.
Coach looks respectful when Ozzy says he's going to beat
every one of them
Because Ozzy is a warrior
And I respect warriors
And what is Sophie's reaction to Ozzy saying he's gonna beat every one
of them?
She basically just laughs at him
Um, who the fuck IS this guy?
Anyway...
"I'll be sitting at the end just like they will. And we'll
see who backstabbed who."
"Who has taken the higher road. If you will."
"And that's your mission?"
"That's my storyline."
"Basically."
So Jim and Keith head off to the jury.
See ya. Let me know if you need any weed.
Ten years from now, no one will remember I was on this
season. But I totally was.
And I love this next little montage that the editors decided to throw
in.
Because
if you look at the players that are headed to Redemption Island next
(Dawn, Whitney, Cochran, Edna), it's pretty obvious that NONE of them
have as good a chance at beating Ozzy as Keith and Jim
had. Keith
and Jim were the ones who everyone was rooting for.
Just like Ozzy is now the champion of the jurors, Keith and Jim were,
in effect, the two champions of Upolu.
For I am Sir Jim, and I shall slay this dragon for you
And I am the Earl of Keith. And I shall also defeat him.
But unfortunately, now that their two champions are
gone...
Awwwww, shit
Now that their champions are gone, the Upolus really have nobody left.
They don't really have any more challenge beasts.
And that's why we get this fun little montage of them all looking sad.
I can't believe God let us all down today
I'm not really sure what we can do
We
even get a rare shot of Sophie looking dejected. Which is something the
editors hardly EVER do at any point during South Pacific.
But they definitely do it here.
Because this is Ozzy's story right now.
It's not her story yet.
Even Sophie is saying, we don't have anyone left to beat
him. This sucks.
Really
important side
note:
A
lot of people call this stretch of the season boring. Because all it is
is Ozzy winning a bunch of duels, and then back in the game it's just a
simple Pagonging. So there's not really much of a story going on. But I
would counter that by saying there's actually a LOT of story going on,
but most people are just missing it.
Here's
the best way I can describe this to you. Have you ever seen the Quentin
Tarantino movie "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood"? Well if you have,
you'll know there's a scene at the beginning of the movie where Al
Pacino explains the concept of how action movies work. To make a long
story short, he says the best way to introduce a new action star to the
audience is by having the new guy beat up an old action star. Have the
new tough guy beat up the old tough guy. Because that's the only way
you can establish his "bona fides" to the audience. You have to show
him kicking the ass of someone who is known to be tough.
And, well, not to make South Pacific into too much of a art product,
but...
The old action star
Who has PLENTY of bona fides
And, of course, the whole point of this season...
The new action star
Who just established her bona fides
In
other words, this little stretch of the season (where Ozzy just
steamrolls everyone, and he completely takes over the narrative) might
seem "boring" to you, but in the overall picture of things it's
actually quite important. Because if Ozzy isn't built up to look like a
god, then Sophie's win at the end won't seem nearly as impressive.
You have to dedicate these episodes to Ozzy to build up the
legend
of Sophie.
I know this isn't how most people watch Survivor, by
try watching South Pacific again, only watch it from this perspective.
I think you'll like it much more.
Motherfucker. I can't believe that I'm not the star.
Also, and I gotta say one last thing here. Just because I feel it's
important.
A
lot of people hate on South Pacific because it's a Pagonging, and
because there isn't any interesting gameplay going on. Because it's
just two armies marching into war with one another, and then they
continue that war all the way to end. Without any interesting
deviations or swaps or plot twists along the way. It's just one army
marching right over the other one.
This is one of those
subjects I could write HUNDREDS of pages about, if I thought anyone
would read it. But in the interim of time, let me just give you the
short version.
You can have either one of two things when you produce a Survivor
season. You can either have gameplay
fluidity. Or you can
have storylines. And that's it. You can have either one or the
other. You can have a season where people change alliances all
the
time, and every episode is crazy, and the gameplay is interesting. Or
you can have a season where people stick to their story arcs and
alliances all the way to the end, and then they all come together in
the finale in one big majestic crash. Which, obviously, is what happens
here in South Pacific. Just like it happened back in Palau. Fun fact:
they are two of the only seasons that never had any sort of a swap.
I'm
sure this won't surprise you at all, but as a storyteller, I
would
MUCH rather have the second type of a Survivor season. I would MUCH
rather have a season with storylines. And obviously, this is why South
Pacific and Palau are two of my favorites.
When you see a
season like Palau or South Pacific, you probably see a
Pagonging.
But I see a season with storylines. I see a season with arcs. Big, fun
epic story arcs, that generally wind up just being a big
tragedy
for everyone. To me, seasons like that are the most memorable. Those
are the ones you remember.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that one last time, before I finish up the
story of Ozzy.
The
minute I hear Probst say a season has "fluid gameplay" and "moves fast"
and "is very chaotic", you can almost guarantee I'm not going to be all
that interested in it. Because to me, "fluid gameplay"... I mean, to
me, that phrase is like kryptonite. That's basically my least favorite
phrase in Survivor. Because to me, all "fluid gameplay" means is "this
is a season that won't produce any good storylines."
Um, can we get back to me, please? We're not done worshiping me.
Oops, sorry.
Yes, let's get back to the Big Ozzy Show.
So the entire plot of South Pacific now is everyone against our big
action star
Which
means that, naturally, Ozzy is going to get maybe the biggest Winner's
Edit we've ever seen in the history of the show over the next couple of
episodes.
Just because, again, we need to re-establish his bona fides.
He's going to fish like a champion
Heroic music will play as he crosses the ocean
He'll explore places even James Cameron couldn't get to
He'll nurse a sick child back to health
He'll beat up Dan Spilo
I mean, you might as well call this section of the season "Survivor:
Ozzy Island" because of how much airtime he'll get.
"I gotta say, being alone on Redemption is a beautiful
thing."
"I really scored out here, it's sorta like my little mini
paradise."
"I've got all that I could ever want in food."
"I've got one of the most beautiful reefs. Interesting reefs
full of caves."
Note: The cinematography during this section is amazing. This
is easily one of the most beautiful segments Survivor has ever put
together, this whole Ozzy segment.
"I'm really glad the Te Tuna tribe is missing my
skills."
"As far as I can tell, nobody is able to get out there and
go
fishing."
Hey, here's Te Tuna struggling with their fishing right now
Ozzy's not wrong
Anyway, yada yada yada.
Let's just say Ozzy's doing pretty well out here on Redemption Island.
He's come up with a pretty good plan.
"The rest of them have to spend a lot of their
energy watching
out, who's doing what."
"And where people are going. And who people are talking to."
"I don't have to do any of that."
"If you have the skills and the abilities like I do, you can
come out
here."
"And you can really refresh, rejuvenate, and get everything
set to go."
"And play the endgame with a passion and a ferocity."
"That you can't get when you're having to deal with a tribe."
"If anything, I've just gotten stronger since being out
here on Redemption."
And what's the moral of the story here?
"The next people coming through Redemption are gonna have a
BIG challenge in front of them."
"And that's me."
And of course, we can't finish his big winner montage without the
famous Survivor helicopter shot.
Look out Survivor competitors. Palm tree climbing boy is
back.
Helicopter shot
Heroic music. Another helicopter shot.
After his big helicopter shot up in the tree, we switch back to the
action at camp for a while.
Where all the non-Ozzy cannon fodder is apparently still playing.
None of this is really important for Ozzy's story, except
for these two
Because first Dawn has to get Pagonged
And then, because it's a double boot
episode, Whitney also has to get smuffed
And hey, look at that.
Ozzy now has two more people to feed, defeat, and excrete.
Also, for all intents and purposes,
that means the Savaii tribe is officially dead now
Thanks a lot, Cochran
Although, you know, hope is not ALL lost for the Savaiis.
Because out on Redemption Island...
They still have their champion
So here comes Ozzy's next big Redemption Island duel
truel.
This time... as he often does...
He'll take care of the ladies
So let's wash, rinse, and repeat this cycle all over again.
"Hey Dawn, check out this fish. It's even bigger than
Papa Bear's speedo!"
Dawn's so happy she starts a new crying spell in the middle
of her existing crying spell
"Hey Whitney! Look, I caught us a second one!"
"Oh wow. What's it for?"
"It's for dinner!"
"Basically!"
"We love you, Ozzy Lusth!"
And then of course, after he feeds them, he quickly dispatches
them both in a duel
truel.
"Come on in, guys!"
"Today you'll be battling like the ancient gladiators did."
Hope you two enjoy a classic gladiator battle
"You'll be stacking up dishes."
Okay, so maybe it's not the ancient gladiator fights of Rome.
But still...
You know how Ozzy is good at pretty much everything?
Well... he's pretty good at this, too
So, as you can guess...
Dawn struggles
And Dawn is eliminated
Muhahaha
And then Whitney struggles
And Whitney is eliminated
And just like that, guess who just wrapped up two more guaranteed jury
votes?
All hail the dish master
It's a win that is met with the world's quietest,
most polite golf clap
"Ozzy! Stays alive! And continues his quest to get back in
this game!"
um..... yay?
So anyway, Ozzy now has two more one hundred percent Ozzy votes headed
over to the jury.
"Take them down for all of us, Ozzy. Beat the Upolus."
"I got this one for you, Dawn. I've got this."
And as you can guess, the Upolus are NOT liking this.
Why does this cockroach continue to not die?
How much more can we do?
And again, even Sophie looks a little bit frazzled here.
For one of the rare times all game, she is shown as being a little bit
worried.
Well this sucks. Ozzy's a beast.
And that's how we leave the players at the end of the big double boot
episode.
Ozzy's currently kicking ass, and taking names
He also has four jurors already waiting to crown him
And the Upolus are all sitting up there, stunned.
All wondering...
Dang. Is this gonna be the storyline of Survivor: South
Pacific?
That we're all just random side characters for Ozzy?
When you see a hero storyline looming on the horizon
And that hero is not you
"Ozzy, you are one step closer to getting back in this game."
Yyyyyyyyep
"Head on back to Redemption. And we'll see you tomorrow."
Oh, and I love how Ozzy exits the arena after this particular duel
truel.
He just turns to the Upolus.
And he gives them a sassy little...
"See you guys!"
God, I really hate that guy
Why can't the hero be ME?
So the ball is definitely rolling for Ozzy now.
The momentum (and the edit, of course) are leading him right
to a win.
"From this point on, I'm even more excited to go into the
duels."
"And beat people that are my enemies in this game."
"I have to rely on myself winning... but that's what I do
best."
"That's how I want to win this game."
And you know, I could have kept going with this
chapter.
I could have written an entire chapter of Ozzy winning all these duels truels.
But the minute I got to this part of the writeup, I realized that I
should probably it end right here, and I should start a new chapter.
No! Don't give Ozzy as many chapters as me!
Please! Make it stop!
And just WHY should I start a new chapter here?
Well... because Ozzy's next opponent is a pretty significant one
It's the guy Ozzy wants to send straight to hell
So as we end this chapter...
Cochran has just been voted out of the game
Very harshly
By the people he thought were his friends
And also Sophie
You assholes
And you know how Ozzy once told everyone his goal in this game was revenge?
Well we're here now.
We've officially reached that point.
Because with Cochran out here on Redemption Island, that means it's finally time to get some revenge.
You know, basically
In the next chapter... Ozzy finishes off his run at Redemption Island,
and he fights his way all the way up to the finale (coming soon).
