The
Funny 115 - The Third One
The Monkey's Paw Tale
of Dan Foley - All of the Aftermath
Felt cute, might read up on Vecepia later
"Dan's actually pretty historic, when you think about it. He's the only player who managed to get a negative edit in the
reunion show."
So anyway, Mike Holloway won Worlds Apart.
And the crowd went wild.
You're the one I should have made a sandwich for, Mike
And then, immediately after the finale, we got what was probably the strangest Survivor reunion show of all time.
With apologies to Rosie O'Donnell
The reason the Worlds Apart reunion was so weird was...
It was a thirty minute show, but only about fifteen minutes of it was actually spent on what happened in Worlds Apart.
Yeah I'mma let you guys finish, but the Second Chance cast is the best cast of all time
Yeah, exactly.
Nearly half of the (already truncated) reunion show was spent picking out the cast for the next season.
And breaking poor T-Bird's heart on live TV
That's right, people who all claim to love T-Bird now. You own this.
So that was fifteen minutes of the thirty minute "Worlds Apart Reunion Show."
It had nothing to do with Worlds Apart at all.
Although we did get to see Max and Carolyn not win, yet again
And then what happened in the part of the reunion show that actually WAS about Worlds Apart?
Shit, are you guys still here? We've still got Cambodia to do.
Well, four minutes was spent on Rodney's birthday cake.
Four minutes was spent on how amazing Joe is.
I'm a lot like Vince, but better
And the rest of the reunion was spent on...
You guessed it...
Shitting on Dan Foley
Oh yeah, except for the MOST important part of any modern Survivor season, at the end.
When they brought in all the grief counselors.
To counsel all the fans that can't handle watching a conflict-based season of TV anymore
In any case, let's just say that the Worlds Apart reunion show doesn't have a whole lot to do with Worlds Apart.
It mostly just has to do with the reaction to Worlds Apart.
And also, the fanbase crapping on T-Bird
And with that...
Let's get back to the segment on Dan Foley.
Where Dan basically gets blindsided by the producers on live TV
Now,
if you don't know the history behind this segment on Dan, let me
share a bunch of old reader/message board quotes with you. Because
lord knows, if there's ANYTHING the fanbase tends to remember about Dan
Foley, it's this part of the reunion show.
Here is what fans have had to say about this infamous little segment over the years.
As always, I am including the good here, as well as the bad.
"Dan
thought he was going to be portrayed as this Rupert-type guy. He
quickly realized that wasn't going to happen, so he figured he'd just
roll with the
punches. But he didn't expect the fan base to have such a vitriolic
reaction
to him. So, in typical New Englander fashion, he tried fighting
back in his interviews. And he just kept digging himself deeper and
deeper. It all culminated in the part of the reunion show where the
producers decided to bring down the hammer on him."
"That's
the thing about Dan. He wants people to laugh at him, but only on HIS
terms. And that's how his monkey paw wish came true. People laughed at him,
but it was only because they were mocking him. His lack of nuance
once he was
eliminated and he did the interview circuit was just the icing on the
cake."
"I’m
not a big fan of what happened at the reunion, but
Dan has only himself to blame for what happened there. All he had to do
was
say “I wish the edit was better.” And how on earth did a superfan like him
not get that everything he did was going to be edited for TV, and that
you aren't supposed to get angry about it? I mean, that literally is
what the producers have been doing since season one, episode one. Why
was he so caught off guard by that?"
"Dan thinks the lesson kids at home got from the reunion was that if you are bullied, then you better
keep taking it from the bullies. Because if you fight back, they're just going to bury you some more."
And
then these two last quotes, which I feel really capture the two
opposing viewpoints when it comes to this subject.
"Honestly, the best part about Dan is the fact that Probst put him in
his place during the reunion show. So god damn often we see people
bitch
about the game, about how they appeared on TV, who was REALLY the
villain, etc. Dan's post-Worlds Apart interviews were really just exaggerations
of other contestants claiming that the edit was wrong. I mean, Jeff is
a dickhead, but I totally agree with him making a fool out of
Dan after Dan had bashed the producers so much. At a certain point, they pretty much HAD to
do that to protect the integrity of their product."
From one of Max Dawson's postgame interviews:
"I've
noticed that one important point is at risk of
getting lost, when fans talk about producer behavior these days. It's
not a matter of production not treating us as
stars, or even of the production not treating us well. It's a
demonstrated willingness on the part of the production to sacrifice us
- our physical health, our mental health, our reputations, our careers
- in the name of "good television." There seems to be a malicious
disregard for the fact that we are people, and that as such we will be
required to function in the world following our stints on the show.
What they did to Dan on live TV is a perfect example of that."
And this last quote is something that ties into what I said way back at the start of this entry.
When
I first started researching Worlds Apart, and I started asking around
for some of the insider info, the thing that immediately
jumped out at me, WAY back at the beginning, was that the castmembers
were NOT happy with what had happened to Dan at the reunion show. You'd
hear it pop up almost any time one of them talked about the end of
their season. Yeah it was great that Mike won, yeah Mike was a great
winner. And yeah we wish our season had been better received by the
fans. When we were playing, we all thought it was a great season. And
then they'd almost always drop some comment that there was nowhere near
as much conflict out on the island as the episodes had made it
appear.
I
mean, check out this quote from Carolyn's Reddit AMA after
the season ended. The way SHE would have described Survivor: Worlds
Apart? She would have said "The season that had very little drama."
Oh, and as for Dan?
Was he this big, brutish asshole who was a bully to everyone? And who everyone hated?
And
this is where I first noticed the discrepancy between "the way the fans
think about Dan Foley" and "the way the other players think about Dan
Foley." And I noticed the two sides were, perhaps fittingly, worlds
apart.
And this difference DEFINITELY jumped out at me because...
... in over twenty years of writing about and following this show...
I'm not sure I have ever seen that big of a discrepancy before.
Players: "What a dork. Only Dan would wear a post office pun at the reunion show."
Fans: "What a creep. Now he's basically exposing his dick to us."
One
by one, right down the line, I kept hearing that the Worlds Apart
players did not like what the producers had done to Dan at the reunion
show. They all thought it was uncalled for, mean, and unfair.
Although, full disclosure here, I never got around to actually talking to Jenn.
Something tells me she probably didn't mind this segment all that much.
Dan's a tool, who cares. Oh, and where's my bong?
In any case, let's go back and relive that whole segment with Probst and Dan Foley at the reunion show again now.
Because this is what happens if you have the impudence to speak out against the Survivor producers
Or, if you like this term better... the unmitigated gall
"My god", thinks Dan, "The pugnacity."
So anyway, here's the entire segment between Dan and Probst at the reunion show.
Presented
without commentary, and without jokes of any kind. Except for one part
where I have to jump in and I have to say a little something.
Sorry, I can't resist. You'll see why when we get there.
So we're at the fifteen minute "Survivor: Worlds Apart Reunion Show"
And we have just learned that Dan and Mike made up after the season ended, and they are now friends again.
"Yeah, we're buddies now."
"We buried the hatchet."
And then here comes the part of the live reunion show that Dan most definitely did NOT know was about to be sprung on him.
"Well, it's been a long time since we've had one topic kinda dominate a season."
"This season the topic was sexism."
"A lotta comments made to and about the women on the show."
"And it was Rodney, Will, and Dan that took the most heat."
"Let's just get into it. We're gonna start with Dan."
Off to the side, you can hear Dan mutter under his breath, "Ohhhh..."
"Who CERTAINLY lived up to his goal of being remembered."
Now Dan utters a sheepish "yeah", now that he sees what is coming.
And with that, we go right to the montage.
"When you listen like a girl, you just smile and nod."
"Yes dear. I understand"
"Close your mouth. Open your ears."
"She looooooves to play the victim."
"My scenario isn't really much different from hers." I'm an adopted child."
"So you had domestic violence in your upbringing?"
"I'm an adopted child."
"Maybe she's an idiot savant. I'm leaning more towards the idiot side."
"Somebody slap this woman. For the love of god, just slap her and shut her up."
"I'm actually just trying to be nice."
"I truly am."
And with that, the montage ends.
We cut back to the studio, and the live crowd is now mostly booing him.
Dan just sits there and takes it all in
Although
if you listen close, at the start of the booing, you can hear one
female voice (maybe his wife) scream out in support, "Yeah, Dan!"
Other than that, it's mostly all booing.
Dan knows the booing is coming, of course, so he takes it all in good spirits for now.
"Go ahead. Boo me. It's alright."
And now we move on to the follow-up.
"So Dan... you know... since you were voted out... you guys always do press..."
"And you've been very vocal in the press that you did feel you were misrepresented."
"And that some of your comments were taken out of context, and things like that."
"And I want you to feel heard."
"Do you still have that frustration overall?"
And this is the point where I feel I have to step in and make a little commentary.
No, he doesn't want Dan "to be heard." What he wants is to catch Dan in a live reality TV "gotcha" moment.
This isn't about Dan being heard at all. This is about setting a trap.
Anyway, let's get back to the rest of it now.
"Do you still have that frustration overall?"
"I certainly do have that frustration."
"A lot of the things that I said..."
"That comment I made to..."
Jeff immediately cuts him off here. He isn't going to let Dan explain.
"Alright. Let's go through 'em."
But Dan, as you know he is going to go, just keeps explaining anyway.
"The comments that you showed in the river? About Sierra? That was NOT
directed at her."
"That was NOT. That was a hundred percent out of context."
"However..."
It appears that Dan is going to apologize to Shirin here, for the comment about slapping.
But Probst won't let him. Probst just cuts him off again.
"Okay Dan, just hold on. We'll get to 'em."
Off to the side, you can hear Dan laughing. He says "Alright. Alright."
This
is just a hunch here, but my guess is that he and Probst had
little moments like this all the time at Tribal Council. It feels like
this is a very familiar dynamic to them. Dan keeps talking past his
alotted time, and Jeff has to reign him back in, in the interests of it
simply not being "The Dan Foley Show."
And now Jeff pulls out the first quote he wants to talk about.
"Let's start with the one you took the most heat on."
"'Cause we don't have a lot of time."
Off camera, you can hear Dan say, "Okay."
"The Shirin comment."
"Where you said, "Somebody slap this woman, for the
love of God, somebody slap her and shut her up already.""
"What's your frustration with that?"
"My frustration is that, number one, I had no idea about Shirin's past."
"I would have never made that comment had I did."
"That comment..."
And this is where he's going to explain that what he said was
an idiom. It was simply a comedy trope. He was just trying to be funny,
based on the old stereotype that when someone is hysterical, you have
to slap them to get them to come back to reality.
That's probably what he would have said if Probst had let him continue here.
But, of course, Probst doesn't let him continue.
"Okay stop there."
"Because number two doesn't exist."
Off camera, you can hear Dan kind of laugh. Because, well, of course number two exists. He was just about to get to it.
But Probst has already spun it off what he wants the theme of this reunion to be.
Dan has already fallen into the trap.
"Are you saying by that, Dan, that there's a situation which it WOULD be
okay?"
And this is where the crowd really starts to turn on Dan. They start to cheer and applaud. Even though that wasn't what Dan was trying to say at all. Like usual, the show is simply putting words in his mouth.
And
now that the crowd is cheering Jeff and jeering him... just like Jerri
back in All-Stars... this is where Dan starts to get a little bit pissy
about the whole thing.
"Okay. Again. If you'd let me finish, I'll tell you."
"Okay."
"How many times has anybody said, "God, I could just KILL this
person.""
"Do you go home and plot murder? No."
"It was an expression. That's ALL it was."
And this is the part of
the scene that I think a lot of fans tend to forget. A section of the
crowd quickly switches to being on Dan's side because of that answer.
Now an even LOUDER section of the crowd starts cheering and applauding
his response.
Dan, for his part, just appears to be incredibly angry that he is being put on the spot like this.
Why is he so angry about this, so fast?
Well,
I'm guessing it's because you know he has already responded to this
question at least a dozen different times in all of his postgame
interviews.
In his mind, I'm sure he is tired of how many times he is going to have to explain this to people.
"I did not mean it LITERALLY."
And this is where Dan quickly turns this into the best, most genuine apology anyone this season is ever going to give to Shirin.*
* which is fitting, because the second best apology Shirin ever got this season ALSO came from Dan Foley.
"I did not mean it LITERALLY."
Off camera, you hear Probst say, "Okay."
"And... more importantly..."
And here comes the big Shirin apology.
"I'm sorry. I don't care about you"(meaning the audience)
"Or the people at home."
"Or even you."(meaning Probst)
You don't care about me? The audacity*.
*Okay, one little joke in this section. Please forgive me.
"I care about YOU."
And again, everyone always says, "Nobody that season ever apologized to Shirin."
You're god damn right someone apologized to Shirin.
You're looking right at him
"Right now I am TELLING you. From my HEART. I'm sorry."
"I am genuinely, truly sorry."
"I've said it before and I will say it again."
"I own up to my faults, and I own up to my successes."
"THAT was a fault."
"And I'm sorry."
"I was wrong."
Naturally, the audience bursts into applause at this point. Because
this is the storyline that everyone has wanted to see. Someone, other
than Mike, actually being nice to Shirin.
You can even see Dan and Shirin sharing a laugh over the moment with the rest of the cast
Which,
I would assume, is because someone made a comment like, "Oh my god, Dan
finally admitted he was actually wrong about something."
And in THEORY, you'd think that this portion of the reunion show would have been over at this point.
I
mean, Dan apologized to Shirin. Then they both shared a little laugh
over the whole thing. Why not just go out on a nice little applause
break like that?
Yeah, I don't think so
But Probst isn't done here.
Dan THINKS he is done here. He THINKS that now it's time to go back to the fun stuff.
But once again...
Dan Foley...
Is...
Wrong.
"However, Dan. Hold on. Hold on. Dan, you can't..."
"What?"
"We can't do an hour."
"I don't wanna do one."
"Your comments."
"This is not a season about the negativity. I want the season to be about positivity."
Again, echoing Carolyn's comments in her AMA that I included above.
They really didn't have all that much conflict out there.
"You always told us this was OUR season."
And this is where Probst decides he's going to drop the hammer onto him.
Again, was this part of the reunion show justified or was it not justified?
You decide.
"Okay listen. I didn't know how this was going to go."
"But..."
"You said a LOT in the press. That
was not positive about the show."
"And one of your big comments was when you called Rodney's mom... you
said yeah your mother's a whore."
"Right?"
Note: I know this is supposed to be this big, terrible moment in Survivor history.
But the editors immediately undercut the point that Probst is trying to make by cutting to Rodney....
Who is laughing about it
Oh great, now Probst just called my mother a whore too. On live TV.
Anyway, back to the Dan blindside.
"Right? You did say that?"
"Yes."
"Your frustration with that is...?"
"Again, it was out of context."
"We were talkin' about... when you know your friends... you make "your
momma" jokes."
"I had passed out after that water bucket challenge. I was lyin' in the
shelter..."
"We had JUST been talkin' about those jokes."
"ALL that was left out."
Again, keep in mind that Dan didn't know this question was
going to come up in the reunion show. So his answer isn't as prepared
as it had been for the "someone should slap Shirin" comment. That's why
he sort of stumbles over his response here.
"I had passed out after that water bucket challenge. I was lyin' in the
shelter..."
"We had JUST been talkin' about those jokes."
And WHY didn't Dan expect this question to come up in the reunion show?
Well
because, quite frankly, I don't think anyone ever really cared about
that comment other than Dan and Rodney. And maybe, uh, also Rodney's mom.
Dan was probably shocked that Probst decided to make a big deal out of a episode three throwaway "your momma" joke.
Seriously, THIS is the line you're going to hang me on?
Anyway, cut back to Probst making a very big deal over it.
"Okay."
"And I don't want you to feel Sixty Minutes
here."
"No, I don't wanna."
"But I pulled that scene."
Dan (off-camera, not understanding what pulling a scene means): "I'm sorry?"
"I pulled the raw footage of that
scene."
Dan (off camera): "Okay."
"Because at a certain point, I have to defend the show that I work on
and love."
"And I'm gonna show this scene."
"This is very unusual. We've never shown this. This is raw footage."
"This is one camera."
Off-camera, you can hear Dan mutter, "Gonna throw me under the bus."
Shut up, Dan. I'm talking.
After an awkward pause for a second, Probst goes right back to his speech.
"This is one camera. It's very boring."
"What you will see is... there are no yo momma jokes."
"There are no jokes
at all."
"You guys are talking about which reward you hope the next one
will be."
"Will it be fishing? Or will it be a comfort?"
"And Rodney's response to your comment illustrates that there was no
momma jokes going on."
"Take a look."
And this is indeed, like Dan said, where the show throws him right under the bus.
I'm not going to recap all the raw footage that they show. Because like Jeff said, it's actually kind of tedious.
All
you have to know is that Probst is correct. The footage does indeed
show that Dan's line about Rodney's mom comes completely out of
nowhere. Like he said, there is almost no leadup to it at all.
Here is exactly how it goes down in the footage:
"I don't sleep all night, every night. You guys are liars."
"Just 'cause you don't like the facts, Rodney, that doesn't change the facts."
"Awww, go to bed, Dan."
Everyone laughs at that line
And then Rodney decides to escalate the joking around with this line:
"Go fuckin' puke in a tree."
To which Dan now escalates it even further, with this line.
"Yeah, and you're momma's a whore too."
And with that, we cut back to the live reunion show.
See?
And the look that Dan gives him in response is pretty telling.
Seriously? This is what we're spending time on during our reunion show?
"And I've watched all this footage. There was no thirty minutes of
joking."
"Here's what I'm wondering. Watching that now... is it possibly you're
just not remembering it correctly?"
Now, first off, I know a lot of people still really love this little "gotcha" moment during the reunion snow. They
absolutely love the fact that Probst made an ass out of a guy who they
don't believe ever should have been cast on the show in the first
place.
Because fuck you, Dan
The
love for this moment makes sense, of course, because a lot of fans out
there still really hate Dan Foley. Like, on a personal level.
They hate him, and they WANT a player like Dan to be embarrassed on live TV.
These are the kinds of moments that the modern day Survivor crowd basically roots for.
What the Survivor fanbase essentially turned into at some point
But here's the thing I wanted to bring up when it comes to this scene.
When you think about it a little, you realize the footage doesn't show that Dan Foley was actually lying about anything.
You only think it shows that, because Probst TOLD you it shows that.
Here, let's watch it again.
"It was out of context."
"We were talkin' about... when you know your friends... you make "your
momma" jokes."
"I had passed out after that water bucket challenge. I was lyin' in the
shelter..."
"We had JUST been talkin' about those jokes."
"ALL that was left out."
The key here is the word "just."
We
have no idea what Dan means when he says they were "just" talking about
your momma jokes. Did he mean it had been one minute ago? Or did he
mean they had been talking about your momma jokes thirty minutes
ago? Or maybe it was an hour ago. Which one was it? Dan never
elaborates. And Probst never gives him a chance to elaborate, either.
Instead, Probst just goes right to the footage.
"Awww, go to bed, Dan."
Everyone laughs
"Go fuckin' puke in a tree."
"Yeah, and you're momma's a whore too."
And then we immediately cut back to the studio, where Probst gets to quickly insert...
See, you weren't "just" talking about your momma jokes, you fucking liar
And this is why Dan is so incredibly upset.
Because dude, you didn't even give me a chance to explain
And now you're just doing it to me AGAIN!
Well we're right, and you're wrong
I can't believe you've ever actually been honest about anything
And that's really what I see when I see this exchange.
The
only thing this incident shows... is that when it comes to reality
TV... the producers are ALWAYS going to get the last word in.
So don't even try.
And to be fair, Dan realizes this, too
Instead of trying to fight the producers yet again, Dan simply sighs and gives up.
"Just 'cause you don't like the facts, that doesn't change the facts."
"Clearly I'm remembering it wrong. Clearly."
Oh, and if you ever wanted to see one of the all-time great Jeff Probst producer dick moments, here you go.
Here is the really nasty part.
"Words do matter, Dan. But so does the intention behind it."
"Do you have a prejudice against women?"
You
have to think about that for a second to realize what Probst just did.
But when you do, you'll realize he just walked Dan into yet another
trap. Because he assumes he caught Dan in a lie about there not being
any "your momma" jokes. And now he is moving on to the natural second
part of his accusation. "Well, you were lying about the first thing. So
is it true you might also be lying about this second thing?" Right off
the bat, he is assuming Dan lied about there not being any your momma
joke history.
Which, again, we don't actually KNOW Dan lied
about there not being any your momma joke history. Probst is just
telling us he lied. All WE know is we don't know what Dan meant when he
used the word "just."
I hate to lapse into legalese here, but Probst is totally lawyering him.
So Dan, you called Rodney's mom a whore without any reason or context behind it
Does this mean that you indeed have a problem with all women?
And fuck you, Probst. That isn't what Dan is saying at all.
Again, he is being absolutely railroaded up here
I'm not gonna get too much into the rest of the scene.
Which is mostly just Dan apologizing for everything that he's ever said that has ever offended someone.
"I do NOT have a prejudice against women."
"I don't have a prejudice against ANYbody."
"If I dislike you, you've earned that from me."
"People that know me know that I will stand up. I'm with Rodney, man.
We're from New England."
"I will stand up and die for you if you are my friend."
And this is where I wanted to share a quote that was sent
in by Dan's castmember from Worlds Apart, Tyler Fredrickson. I already
used part of it before, in one of the earlier chapters. But here is the
entire quote, that I was specifically saving for just this part in
the entry. Here it is, verbatim, posted with Tyler's blessing. He backs
up exactly what Dan is trying to say here.
"For Dan, respect, forgiveness, love... it all has to be EARNED.
Especially forgiveness. You have to do something to show him you care,
to admit, and grovel. But the wild thing is he is also incredibly loyal
and loves hard. He is always looking for acceptance; a way in to your
heart and to settle in there for the long haul like a little snuggly
puppy curled on the couch - which is probably due to him being adopted
and never having felt wanted or fought for by those who should have
loved and fought for him in the beginning.
I think Dan always feels one
step away from being abandoned. So when Mike pulled what he did with
the letters at the auction it was a done-deal for Dan. Mike was
removing, taking, stealing love away from Dan... so now Mike was dead
to him. Mike once said to me my greatest move in the game was winning
Dan away from the Blue Collars and over to my side but, honestly, I
didn't do much. I just wanted Dan to feel like he was a part of
something with me. I played up the big brother-little brother aspect
with Dan and Mike constantly, and would jump head first into learning
all they would teach me about outdoorsing, fishing, shelter building,
etc. I wanted them to feel like they had authority, while I came across
as slightly naïve and harmless. I always wanted Dan to feel like he had a say.
Dan
is a mother bear: he will fight for you, cry for you, provide for you,
snuggle you forever and ever in his big bear arms... but in the
off-chance you cross him or cheat him or take advantage of the love he
gives he will spin on a dime and then rip your fucking face off."
And in all fairness, I have to give credit to Jeff Probst here.
At
a certain point during the grilling, he actually does start to feel bad
for Dan. And he starts trying to win him back over and get the audience
to actually cheer for him.
Check it out.
"So then maaaaybe, instead of us misrepresenting you on the show..."
"Maybe this is simply a case of you're not aware sometimes of how you
come across to people."
Note: Actually, I just changed my mind about this. I don't think
Probst actually feels bad for Dan right here at all. I think he's
simply driving the point home that Survivor uses real footage, and it
doesn't just make up lies about people. I think all he is doing here
is protecting the show.
See? We've never lied about you.
But you know what? Fuck it.
I don't care what his intentions are.
All I care about is that it also lets Dan off the hook a little in front of the live audience, so I guess it works either way.
You aren't REALLY a bad guy. You just don't realize how you come across to people. Right?
Just say right and we'll move on
Right. A hundred million quadrillion percent. You're right.
And with that, we wrap up the whole little segment.
"You think you're being funny and other people don't take it that way."
"But you don't MEAN to be hurtful."
And by now, Dan has figured out what the producers are basically asking him to do.
All he has to do here is simply nod and agree.
"No. I certainly didn't mean to be hurtful."
And then we finish off the whole segment with one last little clarification.
"I met Rodney's mom. I met Rodney's sister."
"The first thing she did, she came up to me, she gave me a hug."
She goes, "I knew you were kidding. I knew exactly what you meant."
And here's where Probst tries to get Dan to end with that applause break.
"And, you know, it's fitting."
"You bravely wore a shirt, on a night when you KNEW the topic was gonna come up..."
"That says... let's get a shot of it..."
"I know it doesn't mean anything, but it says "male escort.""
"It's spelled mail. As in Post Office."
"It's a JOKE."
"That's my point. I wonder if that's possibly what it is."
"That's the only point I'm trying to make."
And with that, cue the final apology.
"I only meant to be funny. I apologize to Rodney. I apologize to his
mother."
"I obviously put my foot in my mouth."
"I'm a guy who speaks his mind, and I don't always get it right."
"And I'm sorry."
And then the audience applauds.
And then Probst gives his one last seal of approval.
With the quote that I originally pointed out, way back at the start of the entry.
"See, this is why we cast you. This is exactly what we wanted from
you."
"Watching you interact with others is what Survivor is."
And it's a really nice moment.
Dan actually ends his Survivor experience with a really nice moment.
He actually gets an applause break
Although this wouldn't be an entry about Dan Foley if I didn't point out...
That the single last thing we notice about Dan during his final applause break...
Is that you can see right up his crotch
The guy was manspreading in both the first shot, and the last shot, of his Survivor career.
Picture, the first
Picture, the last
I mean, you talk about a bookend.
EPILOGUE
So what did we learn from the Monkey's Paw Tale of Dan Foley?
Well I think the basic lesson we learned here is, you might want to be careful when you say you want to be remembered.
So much deepthroat
Because sometimes, that phrase might not mean what that you think it actually means.
That’s pure boggin', says Angus MacAngry
In the words of Leif Manson, was being on Survivor "the most funnest thing Dan ever did in his life?"
No. In truth, it probably wasn't.
The audacity
But still, he got on the show.
I mean, at the end of the day, he DID get his dream of finally being on Survivor.
How many Survivor fans can actually say that?
After all those years of unsuccessfully sending in audition tapes, he actually DID wind up being a player on Survivor one day.
And oh, how he ran
At the end of the day, Dan got exactly what he was hoping to get out of the Survivor experience.
He got to be a contestant.
YEAHHHHHHH BAAAAAAABY!
Was Dan the greatest player in Survivor history?
Of course not.
Was Dan the most beloved player in Survivor history?
Fuck no. Of course not. Not even close.
Please show me on this bobblehead where watching Dan Foley hurt you so much.
But you know, he still WAS a contestant.
And that meant, for thirty-nine days...
For one magic moment in his life...
Just like Leif Manson on the waterslide...
He flew
And this is where I'll end this entry.
With my seven favorite reader quotes of them all...
"Do
people even realize WHY Dan wound up being so combative in his
interviews? The reason he started to freak out about the way the
show was portraying him was because he was getting A LOT of nasty
messages
and threats on all of his social media and e-mail accounts. What really
drove him over the edge, though, was when his wife started receiving
the
same treatment. People were calling her names for being married to him
in
the first place. Once people started harassing his wife, THAT'S when
Dan started rebelling against his portrayal so much. I don't think most
Survivor fans are aware of that."
"Hey Mario, not sure if you're including this or not, but in the reunion
there’s a great shot of Lindsey gesturing to the camera that she’s
going to shoot herself after listening to Dan talk about his edit, as Dan
simultaneously blows kisses to the audience. I don't think any picture could sum up Worlds Apart any better than that one."
I didn't even notice this shot before, thanks for the tip!
"I
tend to think of Dan as a big sentimental buffoon, that can’t seem to
get his point across no matter how hard he tries. By golly does he try.
It's all genuine stuff, though. I think you have encapsulated that very
well so
far in your writeup, I hope Dan sees that."
"You
know that shirt that Dan sometimes wears on his head in the challenges?
Well I like to call that Dan's Swiss Army Shirt. At various points
in the season, he wears it as shorts, as a shirt, and even as
headgear. If there's a secret scene where he winds up using that thing
as a bottle opener, I'll shit myself."
Dan's Swiss Army Shirt
"You know that picture you posted of Dan's pants falling down in
the barrel challenge, and his asscrack hanging out? Well it makes sense
if you think about it. Adoptive parents rarely buy their kids pants
that fit properly. Anyway, keep up the good work, love the writeup."
Hi
Mario. Just finished reading the second to last page in Dan Foley's
entry. And when I came upon this image of Dan you put in the entry:
I was instantly reminded of this iconic photo of Helen Glover:
Dan and Helen. The kings and queens of dramatic-ass jury speeches (and just being dramatic asses in general)!
And then this last one...
This is why I love my readers, by the way.
"I just want
to say I currently live in a city with wild monkeys,
and don't ever try and wish on their paw. You don't get an ironic
comeuppance you can laugh about in the pub later, you just get your
eyes scratched out."
In any case, thank you for all the memories, Dan Foley.
In the words of the most famous adoption caretaker of them all... good night, you prince of Maine.
You king of New England
*breathes in sharply*
*puff!*
*pause; and hold for effect*
Smell ya later!
P.S. Like I said much
earlier in the entry, there isn't a Survivor fan alive who doesn't have
an opinion of Dan Foley. He's pretty much the ultimate Survivor player inkblot
test. And that's why I've put together an extra bonus page, just
made up of feedback about this entry. Let me know if you have something
interesting to say about The Tale of the Danimal, and maybe I'll add it.
dan foley will return in the dan with the golden gun
I now have Funny 115 t-shirts available if
you'd like to help support this website.
If you'd like one with the large logo, go
here. The shirts with the smaller logo up on the chest are
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I also have stickers available, v-necks, tank tops, etc. Just look
around the website and there is a bunch of different stuff. Thank you
so much to Tardis
Repairman for designing the logo for me. I love it.
