Just a random batch of Norm jokes I couldn't fit into one category. We'll just call this one "Miscellaneous Page 1."
Beginning in March, DC Comics will change Superman's traditional red-and-blue costume to a new form-fitting bodysuit. The problem with the old costume? Not gay enough. (big laugh from the audience) The hell's goin' on in the country? That's not Superman.
1/18/97 - S22E11
Last week in Calcutta, India, Mother Teresa suffered a slight concussion when she slipped and bumped her head. Doctors say the eighty-six-year-old nun is completely back to normal except for one interesting difference... she now hates poor people.
10/5/96 - S22E2
Scientists in Japan have invented underwear for men with a special scent that they claim is irresistible to women. Let me tell you something, if you've got a woman's nose in your crotch... you don't need special underwear. I'll tell you that.
4/15/95 - S20E18
After thirty years of nonstop touring, The Grateful Dead is finally breaking up. Fans of the group, formerly known as "Deadheads", will now be called "Homeless People."
12/16/95 - S21E9
Well, the magazine P.O.V. came out this week, with a list of the best and worst jobs to have in the next century. Their three best were, in this order: Multimedia Software Designer, Management Consultant, and Interactive Advertising Executive. While their worst, for the third year in a row... Crack Whore.
4/8/95 - S20E17
Senator Strom Thurmond, at ninety-four, the oldest person ever to serve in Congress, has been hospitalized this week with a bout of the flu. Doctors who examined the senator thoroughly got kind of nauseous.
2/15/97 - S22E13
Stefan Simmons, the Pennsylvania man who smoked eight hundred cigarettes in under six minutes, has earned himself a coveted place in the Guinness Book of World Records. The record? World's Most Massive Heart Attack.
2/10/96 - S21E12
In Congress, members of the House Women's Caucus say prosecution of sex offenders must be the Army's top priority, despite concerns of racial insensitivity on the part of investigators, which would be the second priority. Then I guess the Army's third priority would be... uh... defending the nation.
3/22/97 - S22E16
Basketball superstar Michael Jordan has scored a slam dunk with his new men's fragrance, selling one and a half million bottles of Michael Jordan Cologne in the first two months. No, the scent does not smell like Michael Jordan after a game. It smells like Patrick Ewing.
1/18/97 - S22E11
Meanwhile, with President Clinton's second inaugural approaching, the tension has turned to what the women will be wearing at the festivities. According to the White House, First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton will wear a gown by Oscar De la Renta. Tipper Gore will appear in a Jennifer George ensemble. And Attorney General Janet Reno will be outfitted by Rochester Big and Tall.
1/18/97 - S22E11
Tristar Pictures is planning a film about the seventies' disco act The Village People. While the movie will be coming out next summer, it plans to wait until Thanksgiving to come out to its parents.
2/8/97 - S22E12
Texas millionaire J. Howard Marshall may have died two months ago, but as we see here, he and wife Anna Nicole Smith can still enjoy a romantic evening at home.
9/30/95 - S21E1
According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, California's population is expected to grow nearly eighteen million by the year 2025. Also, by the year 2025, it will be much easier to find a vacant apartment in Mexico.
9/27/97 - S23E1
In Washington this week, the Supreme Court is having arguments on whether or not pornography should be banned from the internet. According to veteran court watchers, eight Justices are leaning towards a ban, with one against. (pause) Gee, I wonder which one would be against... (the audience laughs, as a picture of Clarence Thomas pops up) a ban on pornography...
3/22/97 - S22E16
This week, in South Africa, Winnie Mandela was removed from the new government by her husband, President Nelson Mandela. A curious Bill Clinton later called Mister Mandela, to find out how exactly you go about doing something like that.
4/8/95 - S20E17
A recent study shows the number of sexually active teenagers is leveling off at fifty-three percent. And another study shows the number of teenagers who tell their friends that they are sexually active is holding steady at one hundred percent.
3/18/95 - S20E15
Annnd finally, in medical news, there are reports that suicide doctor Jack Kevorkian is considering retirement. As Kevorkian put it: "I always said I'd quit the day it stopped being fun."
2/22/97 - S22E14
Next up is one of my favorite pages in the collection. When one of Norm's jokes bombs (or otherwise gets an unexpected reaction). And he always seems delighted by it.