The Last Dangerous Castmember
We're not done with O.J. yet. Here is Page 3 of nothing but O.J. jokes. In
his civil court deposition this week, O.J. Simpson denied under oath
that he ever punched, kicked, or slapped his ex-wife Nicole. Oh great.
As if O.J. isn't busy enough tracking down the real killers, now he's
gotta track down the real wife beater, too.2/10/96 - S21E12 O.J.
Simpson's lawyers have decided to skip hearings on DNA evidence, and go
right to trial. Asked why they did this, the lawyers replied, "We want
to get OJ acquitted as speedily as possible, so he can get back to
doing what he does best: Killing people."12/17/94 - S20E9
O.J. pal Al
Cowlings said this week that, in looking for the truth in the O.J.
Simpson case, he sometimes talks to a picture of Nicole Brown Simpson.
Something that, in the past, would have gotten him killed by O.J.2/25/95 - S20E14
O.J. Simpson's new fitness video was released this week. And hitting
the shelves next week, Simpson's newest video: Dorf on Stalking.10/1/94 - S20 E2 O.J.
Simpson had been discussing marriage with girlfriend Paula Barbieri,
but reportedly she has called the wedding off. Her fear was that if
they married, she would be brutally murdered. (audience laughs) And
then... someone would try to pin it on O.J. 10/28/95 - S21E4 Dismissed
Simpson juror Jeanette Harris revealed in interviews this week that the
jury is torn by dissension, and is already divided into two camps:
Those who think he is guilty, and those who are really, really stupid. 4/15/95 - S20E18 Well, in a questionable move by the defense team this week, O.J. Simpson demonstrated how to stab two people at the same time.5/13/95 - S20E20 Well,
in a sworn deposition this week, O.J. Simpson claimed that he never,
ever beat, choked, or hit his ex-wife with a closed or open fist.
Luckily for O.J., lawyers forgot to ask if he'd ever cut her head off.2/17/96 - S21E13 More bad
news for O.J. Simpson. This week, a Los Angeles Court ordered him to
turn over his Heisman Trophy to the Goldman Family. In addition, the
same court may order Simpson to surrender a coffee mug inscribed
"World's Greatest Husband."10/4/97 - S23E1 In
sworn testimony this week, Paula Barbieri admitted that she had broken
up with O.J. Simpson the very night Nicole Brown Simpson was killed.
Boy, that had to be a tough day for O.J., huh? First he gets dumped by
his girlfriend, then Colombian hitmen kill his wife. 12/16/95 - S21E9 This
week on NBC's Dateline, three members of the O.J. Simpson jury
explained their "not guilty" votes. And argued that if Simpson had
killed his wife, there should have been bloodstains all over his
gate, front door, and light switches. Also this week, Simpson
friend Al Cowlings released his video, "How to Get Bloodstains off
Gates, Front Doors, and Light Switches."1/20/96 - S21E11 The announcement
of the O.J. civil verdict came toward the end of President Clinton's
annual State of the Union address. And, to many observers, completely
overshadowed the event. Even the President was distracted during his
speech, waiting to hear exactly how much it costs to kill your wife.2/8/97 - S22E12 In
England, where he spoke at Oxford University, O.J.
Simpson defended actor Marlon Brando's criticism of Hollywood
Jews. Later, from his island hideaway, Brando sent O.J. a telegram,
which read, "You're not helping!"5/18/96 - S21E20 This week in the O.J. Simpson trial, after grisly
photos of the murdered Nicole Brown Simpson were shown in court, O.J.
turned his head away and wept. It was at that moment that he realized
he would never be able to kill her again. 5/6/95 - S20E19
Next up, I have one last page I just called Miscellaneous Norm Jokes. Then after that we end with my favorites.