Norm Macdonald
The Last Dangerous Castmember

In which Norm continues to set an NBC record for hate mail.

A shocking crime in Bushnell, Florida, where a ninety-two year old man in a nursing home has been charged with sexually assaulting an eighty-five year old woman. A nurse who witnessed the attack has not stopped vomiting.
2/24/96 - S21E14

This week, in arguments before the Supreme Court, lawyers for President Clinton asked that the sexual harassment suit brought by Paula Jones be delayed until he leaves office. According to Clinton's attorney, quote, "If the President were hauled into court every time some nut accused him of sexual harassment, he'd have no time to scare up tail."
1/18/97 - S22E11

In honor of this year's Academy Awards, Carnival Airlines is offering anyone named "Oscar" a free flight to or from Los Angeles. The airline had tried a similar promotion in the past for the Tony Awards but, according to an airline spokesman, they found that their planes were packed with too many, quote, "greasy Italians."
3/23/96 - S21E16

Speaking out against the new Pentagon policy, President Clinton has vowed to keep HIV-positive soldiers in the military. Many in Congress had wanted them discharged, arguing that their presence in the armed forces will make our enemies afraid to fight wars with us.
2/17/96 - S21E13

According to new medical research, crack babies are as happy and healthy as normal children. You know, that's amazing, you know. Cause I thought they'd be much happier with all that crack in their system.
9/27/97 - S23E1

In an angry speech last week, Cuban leader Fidel Castro called on the United States to give back the land he claims was stolen from Mexico. An area that includes California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas. U.S. officials immediately denounced the idea, insisting that it would only lead to Mexicans sneaking into Nevada.
2/15/97 - S22E13

Former first lady Nancy Reagan reports that her husband has been relaxing at their ranch, riding horses, and chopping wood. Sadly, eyewitnesses report that he was actually riding wood and chopping horses.
11/12/94 - S20E5

In overseas news, an attempt to lift the ban on gays serving in the British armed forces has been defeated in Parliament. This raises a difficult legal question. How do you exactly tell if a British guy is gay?
5/11/96 - S21E19 

Well, a sad story from Britain this week. According to the Earl of Spencer, several intruders have recently broken into his family estate in search of souvenirs from Princess Diana's grave. But the Earl says he knows just how to protect the site. Landmines!
12/6/97 - S23E8

Note: If you aren't aware, Princess Diana spent a good chunk of her later years trying to save children from stepping on abandoned landmines. It was one of her big pet causes.

A frightening moment this week for First Lady Hillary Clinton. Her plane, en route to the former Soviet Union, was forced to make an emergency landing when it was discovered that a frayed wire in the engine was causing serious malfunctions. The President was said to be furious, and demanded an immediate investigation, of what went wrong with "Operation Frayed Wire."
11/15/97 - S23E6

Last week on "Larry King Live", Marlon Brando made the shocking statement that Hollywood is, quote, "run by Jews." In response, outraged Jewish organizations made it snow in New York in April.
4/13/96 - S21E17

In the mating ritual of bees, the male follows the female around, biting, slapping, and screeching, until she lets him have his way with her. Nearly every time a male orangutan encounters a female, he rapes her. Among sea otters, males often grab a female's snout with their teeth or claws, and drown her while attempting to mate. These stories, and much more, in the new book, "I'm Not So Bad," by former senator Bob Packwood.
10/28/95 - S21E4

In Michigan, state historical commision officials say they will NOT interfere with the building of a new major sports stadium, even if construction unearths historical artifacts. However, state Indian Affair officials say that if relics from a Native American tribe are found, they would like to have the land set aside. And designated as a sacred tribal burial ground-slash-giant casino. 
4/12/97 - S22E17

This week in New Jersey, Paddy, a four month old pit bull, who had been beaten senseless by his owner, was given a new home. While his former owner serves two weeks in jail for the beating, veterinarians say that it will take four to six weeks until Paddy is fully recovered. And ready to eat babies again.   
4/8/95 - S20E17

Next up... well, it's the page that ensured I could never post this collection on Facebook. Here is the page where Norm says things that would straight up get him cancelled nowadays. Read this next one at your own risk.

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