Norm Macdonald
The Last Dangerous Castmember

Norm just being amused by wordplay or by certain weird words.

From the look on his face, these appear to be some of his favorite jokes.

(excitedly) Yippie! Jerry Rubin died last week! (pauses, and looks down at his notes. Looks back up, somberly) Oh, I'm sorry. That should read, "Yippie Jerry Rubin died last week." Sorry about that. I'm sorry. My mistake completely. Just... I didn't read it right.
12/3/94 - S20E7

Well, our best wishes to North Carolina senator Jesse Helms, who at seventy-six years old recently underwent surgery to repair an old knee injury. Doctors say the senator will no longer need his cane for walking, but Helms says he will continue to use it to scare off young whippersnappers.
12/13/97 - S23E9

In economic news, the Mexican peso yesterday sank to an all-time low, as it showed up drunk to a family reunion and hit on its cousin, the centavo.
11/11/95 - S21E5

A new study has found that Americans are in the best of health... and the worst of health. With lifespans that can differ by as much as forty years, from one U.S. locality to another. The longest lifespans are found in Stearns County, Minnesota. While the shortest lifespans are found in Drunkdriverville, New Jersey.
12/6/97 - S23E8

This week, the Reverend Jesse Jackson called for an end to his boycott of auto maker Mitsubishi, citing improvements in job opportunities for minorities. And also the fact that he couldn't find a word that rhymes with "Mitsubishi."
1/18/97 - S22E11

In Maryland, Bell Atlantic plans to offer a service that would allow customers to learn the address of any listed telephone number in the state. Critics say the service would be an invasion of privacy. While proponents of the plan say it will help them invade people's privacy.
12/6/97 - S23E8

In Washington, a four-hundred-ten pound convicted killer is fighting his execution on constitutional grounds. He claims that, if he is hanged, his head will be completely torn from his body, which would amount to "cruel and unusual punishment." Now, having your head completely torn from your body is cruel, I'll grant you, but is it really that unusual?
9/24/94 - S20E1

And in music news, number one on the college charts this summer was Better Than Ezra. And, at number two? Ezra.
9/30/95 - S21E1 

At an emotional press conference this week, a now-exonerated Richard Jewell spoke about his ordeal as the chief suspect in the Olympic Park Bombing. Quote, "I couldn't think straight, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat," he said. Then, later, he admitted, "Alright, I could eat."
11/2/96 - S22E5

An eighty-three year old Wisconsin woman, who survived in her broken down car for eight days, on just fruit juice and frost, was rescued last week by family and friends. And they gave her a big welcome home dinner. But, in an ironic twist, they unknowingly served up as the main course... fruit juice and frost.
10/21/95 - S21E3

Our top story tonight... Court martial proceedings are set to begin Tuesday, against Air Force Lieutenant Kelly Flynn, the nation's first female B-52 pilot. Flynn is accused of conducting an adulterous affair with a married man, as well as having a brief fling with a second airman, and then lying about it. An Air Force prosecutor called her, quote, "A sexual predator." While her commanding officer called her a, quote, "Lying sex addict." Meanwhile, President Clinton called her.
5/17/97 - S22E20

In business news, American Express has announced plans to lay off three thousand workers. According to the company, employees will be notified of the layoffs with pink slips reading, simply, "Don't leave home."
2/8/97 - S22E12

Earlier today, the biggest auction ever of Beatles memorabilia took place in Tokyo. Among the one-of-a-kind items on the block were Paul McCartney's birth certificate, a white Mercedes Benz owned by John Lennon, and rarest of all, a photo of George Harrison not looking haggard.
3/22/97 - S22E16

Meanwhile, Bob Dole brought his struggling presidential campaign to New Jersey, vowing, in his words, "To prove Yogi Berra was right, when he said "It aint over 'til it's over." Reached for comment, Yogi Berra said, "It's over."
10/19/96 - S22E3

Next up, back to Norm with the super blunt punchines.

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