The Funny 115

Survivor Breaking News

Created by: 
The Twisted Minds at Zoe's Lobster Shack

Compiled by Mario Lanza

Background: This was a collaboration between about fifty different people in my private Facebook group, Zoe's Lobster Shack. One day, Mark Kalzer (the father of this project) said "Hey, there's this fake news generator at I bet we could come up with some funny Survivor news stories." So we started doing that. And then we just kept on doing it. And after about two years, we had come up with nearly six hundred of them. And eventually, I decided to catalog the best ones and turn them into a website, so now even people outside the group can enjoy what we came up with. If you're familiar with its sister website, Sandra Jesus-Twine, this collection is very similar to that one.

Fair warning: ZLS was very much a group of comedians always trying to outdo one another. So you're probably going to gasp out loud at some of these. And let me just point out... uh... that was the whole goal. If you miss the old renegade humor of Survivor Sucks, you'll very much enjoy this. :)

Note: There are more than two hundred of these overall, so I've broken them down into five pages of forty each, to make it easier to read. And I'd advise you not to read these in a place where you don't want to laugh out loud, like in class, in the middle of a divorce hearing, or at a funeral. Oh, and also please email me at if you have a particular favorite. I always like knowing which ones people found the funniest. I know my personal five favorites, but I'd like to hear yours too!  -Mario

And with that, let's get going with the infamous*...
*more than famous (The Three Amigos)

Survivor Breaking News - Page 1

Ready for the next batch? Head on to Page 2.

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