The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor
#30. No Shit, Sherlock
Thailand - Episode 5
Another great Thailand moment. This one from the master of the putdown himself, Clay Jordan.
Has a boner for C.C.
For my money, things don't get much funnier than Clay's exasperated reaction whenever he had to deal with Jan. Clay couldn't stand being around her, it was a running joke that built up all throughout Thailand, and it became harder and harder for Clay to keep his mouth shut as the season went along.
And it's not like this feud was all that surprising.
After all, on Chuay Gahn we had one of the battiest players of all time (Jan) on the same tribe as one of the most intolerant players of all time (Clay). So it shouldn't have surprised anybody when Clay repeatedly lost his cool when trying to deal with her. And it shouldn't have surprised anybody when the two of them made for some dynamite TV comedy. Because no matter what he did, and no matter how hard he tried, Clay just couldn't figure out what the hell Jan was talking about most of the time.
The apex of the Clay-Jan showdown came in the fifth episode of Thailand, in a scene that virtually everybody remembers. It featured Jan at her nuttiest, Clay at his crankiest, and it's a scene that I laugh at every single time I watch it. Throw in some memorable Clay quotes to the mix and you have a moment that I'm proud to put at #30 on the Funny 115.
So here is the recap. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.
It is the beginning of the fifth episode and most of the Chuay Gahns are out in the ocean, washing their clothes. They have left Jan alone back at camp (never a good idea), and that's when Jan excitedly announces that the tribe has received some tree mail. She has to yell pretty loudly, too, since the rest of them are standing way out in the ocean. Jan has to yell at the top of her voice just so they can hear what she is trying to tell them.
"Oh chillllldren. We got mail! Can y'all hear me?"
"What does it say?"
"AAAAAGH!!" Jan yelps in astonishment as she unrolls a big wad of money along with the treemail "We got money!"
"What's in there?"
Jan starts counting the money out loud. "20... 40... 60.."
(Clay has nothing to say. He just looks around at his teammates, confused. For perhaps the first time all game, he is actually speechless.)
"I broke the bank!! 280! 300!"
"I wanna know what the note says!"
"800... 1000 dollars in 20 dollar bills! American!"
"(now he's yelling) AND WHAT ELSE DOES IT SAY?!
"American! Right here!"
"Well hellfire, we know that! WHAT ELSE DOES THE NOTE SAY?"
"(reading from the treemail) A pool of money, lots to eat. It's time to haggle. Prep to compete. Know when to bid, know when to hold. Food in your belly. Better than gold... (pause)"
"...I'm not bettin' a thing. I'm outta here. Bwahahaha."
Clay translates for Ted and Brian. "We're buyin' food. It's an auction. We're buyin' food."
"(screaming at the top of her voice) It's a gamblin' thing!"
"(in a smirked aside to the camera) Well no shit, Sherlock."
"Y'all put me in charge of this money?"
"(while doing the cabbage patch) Seeeee ya! Wouldn't wanna beeeeee ya! Bwahahahaha!"
Clay shakes his head towards the camera in disgust
This scene always makes me laugh and, like I said, nearly everybody remembers it. In fact, this little scene from Thailand was requested more often than any other Survivor moment when I asked for reader requests for the Funny 115. The "No Shit, Sherlock" scene has been a viewer favorite for a long time, and I am proud that it finally gets the credit that it rightfully deserves.
Even if we did have to watch Jan doing the cabbage patch.
P.S. The only way this moment could have been better? If C.C. Heidik had been involved. I bet Clay would have been a little more patient in that scenario.
"Look Clay, it's a gamblin' thing. Watch my tits."
P.P.S. By the way, this is one of the few moments on the Funny 115 that you can actually watch for yourself over at Youtube. Check it out. One of my readers actually uploaded "No Shit, Sherlock" and posted it over at Youtube. Thanks a lot!
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