The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#101.  Hey Colby
Heroes vs Villains - episode 9

If you have ever watched America's Funniest Home Videos, you will know that there are two types of videos that usually win the "video of the week" top prize.  

The winning video on AFV each week is almost always either an "Oh my God that kid took a basketball to the face!" slapstick video, or it is an "Oh man wasn't that sweet when the puppy fell asleep on the kitten?" cute video.   

Slapstick vs. cuteness.  Saying "Oooooh" vs. saying "Awwwwwww."  There you go.  For more than twenty years, those are the yin and the yang when it comes to judging a truly great comedy moment.

Here's a rare example of both.  A puppy taking a nutshot.

Why do I bring up the "ooooh vs. awwww" school of comedy?  Well because this is a great "awwww" moment.  It might not be as laugh out loud funny as Shane walking around with his junk hanging out, or Ace taking a watermelon to the face in Gabon, but it is one of my all time favorite "cute" moments in Survivor history, and I have always enjoyed it.

Oh yeah, and the other great thing about this moment is that it is the culmination of an amazing nineteen-season story arc, which is by far the most impressive story arc I have ever written about on either the first Funny 115 or the new Funny 115.  The editors really worked overtime to bring us this one.  It could be the single most epic storyline in Survivor history.

So anyway, here it is.  The story of Jerri and Colby.  The two most dysfunctional lovers on TV since George-Michael and Egg (Ann).


Colby and Jerri - star-crossed lovers

In the opening episode of Survivor: The Australian Outback (which, for you kids out there, was 17 seasons before Russell  Hantz invented Survivor), we were introduced to a pair of good looking kids named Colby and Jerri.  

They were young.  They were beautiful.  They were on the same tribe.  

And sure enough, they quickly hit it off.

Colby and Jerri hanging out and flirting

Colby and Jerri quickly became the first true "couple" in Survivor history (no, Greg and Colleen don't count).  And it became a major storyline in Australia.  Pretty much every time we cut to a scene about Ogakor in the first couple of episodes, sure enough there were Colby and Jerri, hanging out and just flirting away.

Hanging out

Jerri gives Colby a back rub

Colby gives Jerri a piggy back

So anyway, for three episodes we have the first power couple in Survivor history, hanging out 24/7 and pretty much doing lots of couple things together.

But alas... that's when the honeymoon starts to fall apart.

Colby tells us he is nervous about aligning with Jerri

Jerri tells us she is wary of Colby, he is starting to pull away

Keith warns Colby that Jerri will eat him alive

Colby decides he doesn't want to be in an alliance with Jerri.  He would much rather align with Keith and Tina.

So he lies to Jerri to throw her off the track...

"It'll be you, me and Amber to the end."

And then what follows is... well, for lack of a better term... eighteen seasons of two people who really don't like each other.

Colby votes out Jerri's friend Mitchell

Jerri sulks

Jerri begs Colby to come back to the voting bloc

Colby tells her to shove it

Jerri being annoying in the shelter

Colby pissed off that he has to listen to Jerri yap all day

Colby getting more and more angry that he has to be around Jerri:  "Bring on Kucha, get rid of these goons."

Jerri blows an important reward challenge in episode 6, and Colby finally snaps

He tosses a bucket of water at her

At this point there is no turning back

Colby dumps Jerri on her ass during a reward challenge

Colby dumps Jerri on her ass again during a reward challenge

Jerri and Colby win a "date" together as a reward

Jerri tells us how romantic it is out here with him

Colby disagrees.  Romance with Jerri?  Ewww.

Jerri looks longingly at her Hershey Bar

And then, finally, in episode 10, the Jerri-Colby star-crossed lover relationship officially comes to an end.

When he blindsides her

"Jerri, Jerri, Jerri, Jerri, Jerri.  That knock you keep hearing on your door?  It’s checkout time"


So anyway, that's Survivor: The Australian Outback.

But wait, there's more!

Six seasons later, in Survivor: All-Stars, Jerri and Colby return!  They both come back to play again as All-Stars, and their reunion on the beach in episode one leads to one of my favorite moments of the entire season.  In fact, I already wrote about it on the original Funny 115.

Hi Cowboy!  I'm back!

Shit. Her again.

Now obviously because you know how Survivor works, you can pretty much guess what happens the second time around.

Jerri comes into All-Stars guns a-blazin', and she pretty much makes it her life mission to destroy Colby and get revenge for the way he humiliated her three years ago.

Which she does, when she votes him out of the game in episode 7.

"Is this a revenge vote?  Hell yeah."


Revenge, thy name is Manthey

The next morning, Jerri celebrates

"Yes I feel like I'm being evil right now, but boy does it feel good."

"Colby's gone.  I mean, what more can I say?  I've officially now lived out one of my goals in this game.  And that is to make it longer than Colby."

She even references his famous voting comments for her in Australia.

"Knock, knock.  You hear that sound, Colby?   That's the bellboy.  And he just took all of my baggage away."

"My closet is now clean.  My Survivor closet is now clean."

So anyway, that's round two of the Colby-Jerri pissing match.  Jerri votes him out of All-Stars, and then laughs about it.

And you know, you would think that would have been the end of it.  With pretty much any other feud in Survivor history, Jerri getting revenge on Colby in All-Stars would have marked the inevitable end of the storyline.

But nope.  Not this one.  Not the Jerri-Colby feud.  

This particular feud is special.

You see, for some reason, around season 16, the producers decided that pretty much every other Survivor season was now going to be an All-Star season.  I have no idea why they thought this was a good idea, but from this point on now we're apparently just going to go with the veterans.  Apparently casting new people is just way too difficult these days.

And what does that mean to the single most iconic male-female feud in Survivor history?

Yep, you got it!  Ten years later, eighteen seasons after they first met and had their little tiff in Australia, Jerri and Colby are now coming back to play Survivor again!

Jerri and Colby - now officially known as Grandma and Grandpa Survivor

Unfortunately Colby and Jerri never really had all that much interaction in Heroes vs Villains.  But they did have one particularly memorable interaction, and it is the #101 entry on the Funny 115.

Now you might find yourself wondering, why did Mario include this big long-ass writeup for a moment that is only about two seconds long in season 20?  Why couldn't he have done this entry in about 1/10th the length, and about 1/10th the effort?  After all, who really gives a shit about what happened to Jerri and Colby in Australia and All-Stars?

Well I'll tell you who gives a shit:  me.

There is no way you can appreciate the irony of the following scene, there is no way you can appreciate how cute it is, and what an adorable little "awwww" moment it is, until you know the backstory of Jerri and Colby.

Because once you know how much they have hated each other in the past, once you have all the details of their long running blood feud, once you how much baggage Jerri once had over the way that Colby backstabbed her in Australia, you will appreciate how cute and significant the following moment is:

It's episode 9 of Heroes vs. Villains, and the two tribes are about to compete in an important reward challenge.  Whoever can balance on the pegs the longest wins reward for their tribe.

And look at that!  Due to the random selection process, look who will be competing against each other for reward today.   Jerri against the guy with the giant white teeth.

Seriously, this is one of my favorite subtle moments in Heroes vs. Villains.

So what happens when the two people from the most notorious and bitter feud in Survivor history wind up next to each other in a reward challenge?  Do they taunt each other?  Do they exchange a curt nod and barely make eye contact?  Do they refuse to even acknowledge each others' existence?


Jerri just leans across the barrier wall, and in the sweetest, most friendly and happiest and most adorable voice possible, she says:

(sweetly)  "Hey Colby."

"Hi Jerri."

They laugh

Sorry, I don't care what anybody else says.  That's cute.

P.S.  I have heard a lot of rumors that Colby and Jerri actually had a huge reunion and reconciliation at one point during Heroes vs Villains, but because it didn't fit into the Russell storyline, the editors decided not to show it.  Yeah, good call.  Wouldn't want to show the resolution of a story arc that has lasted 19 seasons, starring two of the most iconic characters.  Yeah, excellent choice.  Wouldn't want to show that at all.

Frankly I'm amazed that they even left in this moment.  

P.P.S.  Want to see the perfect resolution to the 19 season Jerri-Colby story arc?  Well here you go.  One picture pretty much says it all:

When Colby is voted out of Heroes vs Villains, Jerri cries

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