The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#107. He's no Mike Tyson.  He's Brett!
Samoa - finale

You know, I bag on Russell Hantz a lot, and I say a lot of mean stuff about him, but when it comes to moment #107 on the  Funny 115 I have to give credit where credit is due.  Russell Hantz uttered one of my favorite quotes of the entire season on Survivor: Samoa.  Every single time I hear it it makes me laugh.

Now whether Russell was actually trying to be funny, I don't know.

All I know is that he managed to do it.  He managed to perfectly encapsulate the legend of Brett Clouser, and he did it in one perfect succinct little hilarious sound byte.  

Seriously, if there is one quote that breaks the fourth wall and sort of sums up the entire season of Survivor: Samoa, it is this one.  


Around the eleventh episode of Survivor: Samoa, a curious thing happens.  Something that has never happened before at any point in Survivor history.

The editors-- who can see that the season is about to become way too predictable to the audience-- decide that they are going to digitally insert a brand new character into the storyline.  Seriously, this is literally what they do.  They can see that the Foa Foas are going to have way too easy a run to the end of the game, and it's going to be a problem because now there isn't going to be any suspense involved.

The editors know this is going to be a problem, so they use CGI to digitally insert a brand new character named "Brett."


Now unfortunately Brett doesn't have a whole lot to say.  Since the editors just threw him together out of a complex pattern of 1's and 0's, there is literally nothing he can do other than stand around and look happy all the time.  

Brett after being digitally inserted into a shot.  Note the obvious blue screen.

Every so often they try to fool us by giving Brett a confessional or an interview.  But it's ridiculous because you can tell it's obviously just some guy in a studio blue screened over a backdrop.  In fact, the more I see it, the more it is sort of like Jesse Ventura as Captain Freedom in the movie "The Running Man."  The network just took some random actor and photo shopped Brett's "head" on top of him, in an attempt to make him look real.  And since the Survivor audience is made up of a bunch of idiot sheep, they figure we will all be fooled by it.

By the way, here's a little-known side note.  The "digital Brett illusion" is particularly obvious when you listen to Brett talk.  Listen closely enough and you can tell he is being voiced by actor Tom Hanks.  Little known fact.

A classic fake Brett confessional.  "There's a snake in my boot!"

So anyway, here we go.  It's the thirteenth episode of Survivor: Samoa, and the editors have digitally inserted Brett into the storyline to make things more interesting.

The other players are not happy about this.

They are particularly not happy about this when cyber Brett suddenly decides to reel off a trio of immunity wins.  

Brett's first immunity win

Brett's second immunity win

Jeff places the CGI immunity necklace on CGI Brett

After Brett's third immunity win, this game that was once a joke has now suddenly become interesting.   Because all of a sudden this CGI level boss that the editors created to make the storyline better actually has a shot to win the game.  

All of a sudden this guy named "Brett" is the guy to beat going into the final episode.

Brett digitally inserted into the Rites of Passage Walk

What's funny about the random "Brett is now a threat" storyline in Samoa is that the minute Brett wins that second immunity, the minute he is going to be immune going into the Samoa finale, his edit suddenly rockets into the stratosphere.  All of a sudden this guy who we have pretty much never heard of the entire season is suddenly "the guy to beat" and "the most unstoppable force in Survivor history."  

Over the course of two episodes he literally goes from "CGI creation who the editors inserted into the episodes" to "Hulk Hogan in 1985 in the middle of Hulkamania."

Brett at Tribal Council after his third immunity

I love the Brett storyline.

I love how he just randomly shows up out of nowhere around the tenth episode.

I love how he shows up and immediately wins three immunities, and then all of a sudden (in the editing) becomes "the most unstoppable force in Survivor history.  He's like Colby Donaldson circa 2001 crossed with the Terminator!  Nobody will ever beat this guy!"  

I love how forced Brett's edit is, and how completely ridiculous and over the top it is.  Like we're somehow supposed to believe that a guy the editors completely ignored for 10 episodes is now suddenly going to win the game.  Really?  Is that what you are really saying to us, editors?

Shyeah, right.  CGI Brett might win.  And monkeys might fly outta my butt.

"You're my favorite deputy!"

And now we come to one of my favorite quotes of Survivor: Samoa.

It's the Samoa finale, and Russell is furious about the fact that CGI Brett has been inserted into the game.  And that the editors are treating this guy like he's some sort of an unstoppable Survivor machine.

Okay, I know.  Russell isn't really talking about the editing.  But he might as well should be, considering how appropriate this quote is for Brett's ridiculous over the top sudden unstoppable edit.

I don't know.  Maybe it's just me.  All I know is that every single time I hear this quote from Russell, I laugh.  I laugh because it's so simple, and yet it's also so perfect.  And because it sounds like he is breaking the fourth wall (aka speaking directly to us in the audience.)  It sounds like editors were just having fun with us here.

"You know, uh, Brett's won two individual immunities.  He could possibly win the last two."

"But... what's two immunities?"

"If Jaison can win two in a row, anybody can win two in a row.  That means absolutely nothing to me."

"So you're telling me, he's all of a sudden Superman?   Cause he wins two?"  

"He's not some superstar to me.  You start thinking that, you start getting weak in the mind.   Thinking you can't beat him, like he's stepping into the ring with Mike Tyson."

And now comes the #107 quote on the Funny 115....

"He's no Mike Tyson.  (pause)  He's Brett!"

Sometimes it is the simplest quotes that make me laugh the most.

P.S.  You know, as annoying as it was when the editors photoshopped Brett into the end of Samoa, it's not like they haven't done something like this before.  Remember these previous CGI appearances by "Brett"?  

Brett as the seventh Pearl Island outcast

Brett as a late entry into the Yaxha tribe.  Hey, slow down there buddy.  Don't eat the food before the challenge begins.  What are you, a Lewis kid?

Brett as the sixth member of the Hiki tribe.

P.P.S.  Here is a great quote by Constantinople over at Survivor Sucks:   "I figured Russell had the first confessional in Samoa and was re-watching the intro to confirm.  Turns out I was wrong.  Russell had the 4th confessional.  

Brett, of all people, had the first confessional.  In retrospect, that may be the funniest thing about Samoa."

* Special thanks to Survivor2345andbeyond at Survivor Sucks for creating the Brett CGI pictures for me.  And to nationpower for coming up with the "he's like a Lewis kid" joke.  

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