The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#107. He's no Mike
Tyson. He's Brett!
Samoa - finale
You know, I bag on Russell Hantz a lot, and I say a lot of
mean stuff about him, but when it comes to moment #107 on the
Funny 115 I have to give credit where credit is due.
Russell Hantz uttered one of my favorite quotes of the entire
season on Survivor: Samoa. Every single time I hear it it
makes
me laugh.
Now whether Russell was actually trying
to be funny, I don't know.
All
I know is that he managed to do it. He managed
to perfectly
encapsulate the legend of Brett Clouser, and he did it in one
perfect succinct little hilarious sound byte.
Seriously,
if there is one quote that breaks the fourth wall and sort of
sums
up the entire season of Survivor: Samoa, it is this one.
Brett
Around
the eleventh episode of Survivor: Samoa, a curious thing happens.
Something that has never happened before at any
point in
Survivor history.
The editors-- who can see that the season is
about to become way too predictable to the audience-- decide that they
are going to digitally insert a brand new character into the storyline.
Seriously, this is literally what they do. They can
see
that the Foa Foas are going to have way too easy a run to the end of
the game, and it's going to be a problem because now there isn't going
to be any suspense involved.
The editors know this is going to be a problem, so they use CGI to
digitally insert a brand new character named "Brett."
Brett
Now
unfortunately Brett doesn't have a whole lot to say. Since
the
editors just threw him together out of a complex pattern of
1's
and 0's, there is literally nothing he can do other than stand around
and look happy all the time.
Brett after being digitally inserted into a shot. Note the
obvious blue screen.
Every
so often they try to fool us by giving Brett a confessional or an
interview. But it's ridiculous because you can tell
it's
obviously just some guy in a studio blue screened over a backdrop.
In fact, the more I see it, the more it is sort of like Jesse
Ventura as Captain Freedom in the movie "The Running Man."
The
network just took some random actor and photo shopped Brett's "head" on
top of him, in an attempt to make him look real. And since
the
Survivor audience is made up of a bunch of idiot sheep, they figure we
will all be fooled by it.
By the way, here's a little-known side
note. The "digital Brett illusion" is particularly
obvious
when you listen to Brett talk. Listen closely enough and you
can
tell he is being voiced by actor Tom Hanks. Little known fact.
A classic fake Brett confessional. "There's a snake in my
boot!"
So
anyway, here we go. It's the thirteenth episode of Survivor:
Samoa, and the editors have digitally inserted Brett into the storyline
to make things more interesting.
The other players are not happy about this.
They are particularly
not happy about this when cyber Brett suddenly decides to reel off a
trio of immunity wins.
Brett's first immunity win
Brett's second immunity win
Jeff places the CGI immunity necklace on CGI Brett
After
Brett's third immunity win, this game that was once a joke has now
suddenly become interesting. Because all of a sudden this
CGI
level boss that the editors created to make the storyline better
actually has a shot to win the game.
All of a sudden this guy named "Brett" is the guy to beat going into
the final episode.
Brett digitally inserted into the Rites of Passage Walk
What's
funny about the random "Brett is now a threat" storyline in
Samoa
is that the minute Brett wins that second immunity, the minute he is
going to be immune going into the Samoa finale, his edit suddenly
rockets into the stratosphere. All of a sudden this guy who
we
have pretty much never heard of the entire season is suddenly "the guy
to beat" and "the most unstoppable force in Survivor history."
Over
the course of two episodes he literally goes from "CGI creation who the
editors inserted into the episodes" to "Hulk Hogan in 1985 in the
middle of Hulkamania."
Brett at Tribal Council after his third immunity
I love the Brett storyline.
I love how he just randomly shows up out of nowhere around the tenth
episode.
I
love how he shows up and immediately wins three immunities, and then
all of a sudden (in the editing) becomes "the most unstoppable force in
Survivor history. He's like Colby Donaldson circa 2001
crossed
with the Terminator! Nobody will ever beat this guy!"
I
love how forced Brett's edit is, and how completely ridiculous and over
the top it is. Like we're somehow supposed to believe that a
guy
the editors completely ignored for 10 episodes is now suddenly going to
win the game. Really? Is that what you are really
saying to
us, editors?
Shyeah, right. CGI Brett might win. And monkeys
might fly outta my butt.
"You're my favorite deputy!"
And now we come to one of my favorite quotes of Survivor: Samoa.
It's
the Samoa finale, and Russell is furious about the fact that CGI Brett
has been inserted into the game. And that the editors are
treating this guy like he's some sort of an unstoppable Survivor
machine.
Okay, I know. Russell isn't really
talking about the editing. But he might as well should be,
considering how appropriate this quote is for Brett's ridiculous over
the top sudden unstoppable edit.
I don't know. Maybe it's
just me. All I know is that every single time I hear
this
quote from Russell, I laugh. I laugh because it's so simple,
and
yet it's also so perfect. And because it sounds like he is
breaking the fourth wall (aka speaking directly to us in the audience.)
It sounds like editors were just having fun with us here.
"You know, uh, Brett's won two individual immunities. He
could possibly win the last two."
"But... what's two immunities?"
"If Jaison can win two in a row,
anybody
can win two in a row. That means absolutely nothing to me."
"So you're telling me, he's all of a sudden Superman? Cause
he wins two?"
"He's
not some superstar to me. You start thinking that, you start
getting weak in the mind. Thinking you can't beat him, like
he's
stepping into the ring with Mike Tyson."
And now comes the #107
quote on the Funny 115....
"He's no Mike Tyson. (pause) He's
Brett!"
Sometimes it is the simplest quotes that make me laugh the most.
P.S. You know,
as annoying as it was when the editors photoshopped Brett into the end
of Samoa, it's not like they haven't done something like this before.
Remember these previous CGI appearances by "Brett"?
Brett as the seventh Pearl Island outcast
Brett
as a late entry into the Yaxha tribe. Hey, slow down there
buddy.
Don't eat the food before the challenge begins.
What are
you,
a
Lewis kid?
Brett as the sixth member of the Hiki tribe.
P.P.S. Here is a great quote by Constantinople over
at
Survivor Sucks: "I figured Russell had the first
confessional in
Samoa and was re-watching the intro to confirm. Turns out I
was
wrong. Russell had the 4th confessional.
Brett, of all people, had the first confessional. In
retrospect, that may be the funniest thing about Samoa."
*
Special thanks to Survivor2345andbeyond at Survivor Sucks for creating
the Brett CGI pictures for me. And to nationpower for coming
up
with the "he's like a Lewis kid" joke.