The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#24.  Dreamz isn't going to point fingers
Fiji - episode 4

One of the things that people always email me is, "How can you say you're a fan of Fiji?  It's such a terrible season!  Fiji has got to be the worst Survivor season ever!"

Well, first off, I don't think Fiji is the worst season.  To me the worst season is... well... I don't really want to say the name.  Let's just say it was really recent and it featured a lot of Boston Rob and we will leave it at that.  

But Fiji?  One of the funnier recent seasons?  A bad season?

No way!

How can you hate a season where Yau Man gets a face full of Rita boob?

Science!   Boobs!

In my opinion, there is no way you can hate Fiji.   Come on, how can you hate a season that is this goofy?  

Between Yau Man doing Yau Man things, Rocky doing Rocky things, Lisi being racist and horrible, Michelle basically being an anime character, and Earl just walking around being a pimp, Fiji has got to be one of the more memorable and goofy seasons out there.

Oh yeah, and then there is also this guy.

Remember Dreamz?  The king of unintentional comedy?

Yeah, I know.  I already gave that title to Judd.  And to Crazy Matt.  And to Rudy.  And I think once when I was drinking I even gave it to Ramona from Borneo (long story).  But when it comes to unintentional irony and comedy, some of the shit that came out of Dreamz' mouth-- I swear to God-- has to rank right up there with the best of 'em.

Hates shakwilas

Want to see my favorite example of Dreamz being hilarious when he really isn't intending to be?

Want to see one of the best examples of unintentional irony you will ever see in your life?

Well here we go.  

After this entry, may you never hate Survivor: Fiji again.

It is episode four of Fiji, and the Motos and Ravus are competing in an immunity challenge

The goal is to unlock all your tribemates from a cage

And sure enough... for the fifty-seventh challenge in a row...

Moto wins

"Ravu, you guys are pathetic.  Holy Christ."

So the Motos win again.  And Jeff tells them the twist that goes along with immunity today.

Here, read the message inside this bottle.

Lisi gets the message and she reads it out loud

"Hi Lisi, I just wanted to warn you about the alliance on Moto.   They look strong.   Use this idol to save yourself tonight, and to vote for Liliana.  I think she has a diabolical Mexican mind.  Stay strong, and I will see you at the merge.  BFFs forever.  -J.T."

Diabolical.  Likes tacos.

Just kidding.

Here is what the message really says:

"Choose right now.  Immunity or luxury.  If you want to keep immunity, you will have to give up your beds and blankets and shit and permanently move over to Ravu Beach."

(whine)  Give up our luxury?   Noooo!

You can pretty much guess what happens at this point.

Moto gives up immunity just so they can keep their luxury


And what does that mean?  Guess which tribe is going to Tribal Council for the first time tonight?

The Motos

So the Motos head back to camp.  Defeated, for the first time ever.

They sit down to discuss how they are going to approach things tonight

And this is where we get one of the most unintentionally funny scenes in Survivor history.

Dreamz sits down, and he decides he is going to share his thoughts with everybody on how they should approach tonight's vote.  Nobody really asked for his opinion, of course.  He just sits down and he starts going off on a shalingua.

And... well... yeah.  

Welcome to unintentionally funny Dreamz world.

"Alright, let's sit down and talk for a second."

"This I feel is very important to me."

"I'm not gonna sugar coat nothin'."

"We are a tribe.  Right?"

"We're honest, right?"

El Doucho looks on

So does Liliana,diabolically

"Are we snakes?  Anybody here a snake?"

"Not yet.  We aint snakes yet.  And let's not turn to snakes yet."

What the f is he talking about?

"So, with that being said and out of the way.."

"There's two people we can afford to lose."

"And I aint pointin' no fingers..."

"But it's Cassandra and Lisi."

"We can only afford to lose them."

Ha ha.  I love it.  I love Dreamz.

Nobody else in Survivor history (except maybe Judd) would have had the gall to say "I'm not pointing any fingers", and then immediately point fingers.   And... this is the best part... he does it in the exact same fucking sentence!  I mean, come on.  Most people would have had the wisdom to at least wait a sentence or two before contradicting themselves.  Even Judd would have stuck a "man" or a "damn" in there to break up the hypocrisy a little bit.

But nope.  Not Dreamz.

Dreamz is so good at making a fool out of himself that he manages to do it in the exact same effing sentence!

Seriously, who else could do that?!?

"Now I'm not saying I hate all Canadians, but I think all Canadians should die."

"Dreamz, I'm not pointing fingers, but you need to shut up."


Oh yeah, and there's something else to this scene too.  Something I might not have mentioned above.

You know how Dreamz says he isn't going to point fingers, and then he immediately points fingers at Cassandra and Lisi?

Well here is something I left out of the screencap.  

Here is something that makes it even funnier than it appears at first.

"There's two people we can afford to lose."

"And I aint pointin' no fingers..."

"But it's Cassandra and Lisi."

Yep that's right.  I didn't put that last part into my original screencap.

You see, not only does Dreamz say he is not going to point fingers, and then point fingers... but he manages to do this while literally pointing his finger at them!  Yes!  The famous Dreamz pointing scene is even better than you thought!  As a reader named Logan Saunders pointed out in an email, "He is literally pointing his finger as he was figuratively pointing his fingers when he said he wouldn't point any fingers."

I swear, I couldn't make up this kind of irony if I tried.

Even Lisi is stunned, and she pretty much invented the concept of putting your foot in your mouth

So anyway, there you go.  Dreamz and the famous "I'm not going to point fingers" scene.  One of my favorites.

This is the type of humor I like to refer to as "Arrested Development" humor, because this is the kind of line that Tobias Funke would have said on Arrested Development.   Tobias, just like Dreamz, is another member of the unintentional irony All-Star team.

Don't leave your Uncle T-Bag hanging

Man.  How anyone can hate Fiji after scenes like this is beyond me.  

Fiji might not be the most competitive season in Survivor history, but it is freaking hilarious.

I'm not going to point fingers, but BOOBS!

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