The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#33.  Colby vs. Reid
Heroes vs Villains - episode 13

"All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers."
~François Fénelon

One of the things that has consistently cracked me up over the years about Survivor (and something which happens a lot more often than you would probably expect), is the fact that a lot of the "loved one visits" that take place towards the end of each season really aren't all that touching or all that emotional at all.  In fact, if you get right down to it, a lot of the loved one visits over the years have kind of been downright awkward.

I don't know why this seems to happen so often on a show like Survivor.  I don't know why the "sweet, tender reunion with a loved one from home" can be so hard to pull off.   But for whatever reason, it happens.  For whatever reason, an awkward unintentionally hilarious loved one visit has happened countless times over the past twenty-two seasons of Survivor.

Don't believe me?  Well let's just take a look back at some of the more... awkward... loved one visits in Survivor history.  Just about every single one of these cracked me up at the time, and still cracks me up today.  

Remember these famously awkward Survivor loved one moments?

Pearl Islands:  Christa's boyfriend can't make it, so the producers substitute TV's Fred Savage

Thailand:  Helen Glover threatens her own husband

Borneo:  Greg Buis and his sister exchange incest tips

Africa:  Big Tom's loved one is a cheeseburger

Fans vs Favorites:  James' dad vows that Alexis will die

All-Stars:  Rupert and his wife just do it right there in front of everyone

Thailand:  In a tragic miscalculation, Ghandia's loved one is actually Big Ted

China:  Amanda's mother is a zombie

Thailand:   Instead of a touching emotional video, CC Heidik sends a video where she deepthroats a corn dog

Tocantins:  Coach and his assistant coach "sharpen" each other

Australia:  Colby's mom sips her morning coffee, as she watches her naked son take a shower

Pearl Islands:  This guy

So yes, there you go.  All of those awkward loved one visits have been absolute comedy gold.   When they happen, they are truly one of the most hilarious and most underrated moments of every Survivor season.

But wait.  Here is a new one.  Here is an even better one.

Because if there is one awkward loved one visit that is my new all-time favorite, it is this one.

It is Colby Donaldson throwing a temper tantrum because of his brother.

It's the thirteenth episode of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, and the loved ones have come out to Samoa to help their Survivors win a reward challenge.

And sure enough, here we have the two stars of our entry.  

We have Colby Donaldson and his beloved older brother, Reid.

The Donaldson brothers embrace in a warm and loving hug

Through teary eyes, Colby asks Reid to do his best to win

Looks pretty sweet, doesn't it?  A nice loving family reunion?

Well it's not sweet.

Because about thirty seconds later, this happens.

"Survivors ready... go!"

Colby scoops up a bucket of water...

... and tries to throw it to Reid.

Reid misses almost all of it

F BOMB!!!!!

The first throw wasn't successful at all, so Colby comes back with bucket number two.  He walks up the beach stoically, as Reid chants "Think about the prize!  Think about the prize!"


Colby throws bucket number two... and instead of catching it, Reid catches most of it with his face


Now the Colbster lays down the law:  "Reid, I'm throwin' it farther.  Come on!"

Oh goody, here comes throw number three.  So how will this one go?  Survey says...?


Now Colby just finally snaps

"Reid!!! TALK TO ME, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!"

And how goeth throw number four?

No dice

Now Colby starts to throw a little mini temper tantrum

All he can get out is an anguished "Reid........."

He turns around and stomps off down the beach

Jeff could not be more amused by this

"Colby... blaming everything on his big brother!"

"He's been that way thirty four days, Reid."

Reid laughs

Uh oh.  Here comes more confrontation.  Colby walks up for throw number five and demands,"Reid, tell me what you want."

"Just throw it high!  Throw it high!"

So Colby throws it high.  Reid misses again.

And yes.  Another temper tantrum.

Reid laughs as Colby runs screaming and cursing back down the beach

"Little brother getting frustrated by his big brother."

Here comes the last throw.  And yep... last miss.  Colby screams "Come on!  REID!!!"

Jeff just continues to lose it

Ha ha.  I love this scene.  I love how you have one of the most beloved and iconic players in Survivor history, I love how you have a guy who once had babies and dogs and Hershey bars named after him, yet the minute his brother shows up he regresses into being an eight year old.  This scene makes me laugh every single time I watch it.

I swear to God, if there had been about four or five more throws in this challenge, Colby probably would have walked over and slugged his very own brother during the Survivor loved one visit.  How awesome would that have been?  Either that or maybe Reid would have given him a wedgie.

Ironically enough, Colby made this exact same face after Reid used to wedgie him

In any case, Colby and Reid lost the reward challenge (duh).  And as much as I wish it would have ended with a slap fight, in the end they hugged and made up and were buddies again after the challenge was over.

Reid: "I love you, bro."  Colby: "Fuck you."

Great scene.

P.S.  One of the things I love the most about this scene is the fact that Colby is standing their screaming his head off, and meanwhile Reid is just standing there, laughing at him.  Something tells me that Donaldson Family Game Night was not a pleasant experience for a young Colby back in the 80's and 90's.  I bet Family Game Night usually ended with Reid winning and laughing, Colby crying and yelling in his room, and mom anxiously awaiting bath time so she could get a glimpse of what puberty was doing to everybody.

Jeez, why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer.

P.P.S.  Don't you love the fact that Colby has had two loved one visits in Survivor history, and both of them have wound up being weird and awkward?   His mom comes out, and she watches him shower, and then his brother comes out, and they get in a screaming match.   I mean, damn.  What's going to happen if Colby ever has a third Survivor loved one visit?  Is he going to get a video chat session and start sexting his grandma?

"Hi nana.  A/S/L?  What are you wearing?"

P.P.P.S.  Here's a great observation from a friend of mine named Patrick Gilchrist:  "By the way, I don't know what it is about buckets of water that bring out Colby's dark side, but between his fight with Reid and dumping the bucket on Jerri in Australia, Colby and buckets of water do not get along."  That's awesome.  Thanks Patrick!

Next time, just get him a football for Christmas

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