The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#33.
Colby vs. Reid
Heroes vs Villains - episode 13
"All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers."
~François Fénelon
One
of the things that has consistently cracked me up over the years about
Survivor (and something which happens a lot more often than you would
probably expect), is the fact that a lot of the "loved one visits" that
take place towards the end of each season really aren't all that
touching or all that emotional at all. In fact, if you get
right
down to it, a lot of the loved one visits over the years have
kind
of been downright awkward.
I don't know why this seems to
happen so often on a show like Survivor. I don't know why the
"sweet, tender reunion with a loved one from home" can be so
hard
to pull off. But for whatever reason, it happens.
For
whatever reason, an awkward unintentionally hilarious loved one visit
has happened countless times over the past twenty-two seasons of
Survivor.
Don't believe me? Well let's just take a look
back at some of the more... awkward... loved one visits in Survivor
history. Just about every single one of these cracked me up
at
the time, and still cracks me up today.
Remember these famously awkward Survivor loved one moments?
Pearl Islands: Christa's boyfriend can't make it, so the
producers substitute TV's Fred Savage
Thailand: Helen Glover threatens her own husband
Borneo: Greg Buis and his sister exchange incest tips
Africa: Big Tom's loved one is a cheeseburger
Fans vs Favorites: James' dad vows that Alexis will die
All-Stars: Rupert and his wife just do it right there in
front of everyone
Thailand: In a tragic miscalculation, Ghandia's loved one is
actually Big Ted
China: Amanda's mother is a zombie
Thailand: Instead of a touching emotional video, CC Heidik
sends a video where she deepthroats a corn dog
Tocantins: Coach and his assistant coach "sharpen" each other
Australia: Colby's mom sips her morning coffee, as she
watches her naked son take a shower
Pearl Islands: This guy
So yes, there you go. All of those awkward loved one visits
have been absolute comedy gold.
When they happen, they are truly one of the most hilarious
and
most underrated moments of every Survivor season.
But wait. Here is a new one. Here is an even better
one.
Because if there is one
awkward loved one visit that is my new all-time favorite,
it is this one.
It is Colby Donaldson throwing a temper tantrum because of his brother.
It's
the thirteenth episode of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, and the loved
ones have come out to Samoa to help their Survivors win a reward
challenge.
And sure enough, here we have the two stars of our entry.
We have Colby Donaldson and his beloved older brother, Reid.
The Donaldson brothers embrace in a warm and loving hug
Through teary eyes, Colby asks Reid to do his best to win
Looks pretty sweet, doesn't it? A nice loving family reunion?
Well it's not sweet.
Because about thirty seconds later, this happens.
"Survivors ready... go!"
Colby scoops up a bucket of water...
... and tries to throw it to Reid.
Reid misses almost all of it
F BOMB!!!!!
The first throw wasn't successful at all, so Colby comes back with
bucket number two. He walks up the beach stoically, as
Reid chants "Think about the prize! Think about the prize!"
"Huh?"
Colby throws bucket number two... and instead of catching
it, Reid catches most of it with his face
Grrrrr
Now the Colbster lays down the law: "Reid, I'm throwin' it
farther.
Come
on!"
Oh goody, here comes throw number three. So how will this one
go? Survey says...?
Fail
Now Colby just finally snaps
"
Reid!!!
TALK TO ME, FOR
GOD'S SAKE!!!!"
And how goeth throw number four?
No dice
Now Colby starts to throw a little mini temper tantrum
All he can get out is an anguished "Reid........."
He turns around and stomps off down the beach
Jeff could not be more amused by this
"Colby... blaming
everything
on his big brother!"
"He's been that way thirty four days, Reid."
Reid laughs
Uh
oh. Here comes more confrontation. Colby walks up
for throw
number five and demands,"Reid, tell me what you want."
"Just throw it high! Throw it high!"
So Colby throws it high. Reid misses again.
And yes. Another temper tantrum.
Reid laughs as Colby runs screaming and cursing back down the beach
"Little brother getting frustrated by his big brother."
Here comes the last throw. And yep... last miss.
Colby screams
"Come
on! REID!!!"
Jeff just continues to lose it
Ha
ha. I love this scene. I love how you have one of
the most
beloved and iconic players in Survivor history, I love how you have a
guy who once had babies and dogs and Hershey bars named after him, yet
the minute his brother shows up he regresses into being an eight year
old. This scene makes me laugh every single time I watch it.
I
swear to God, if there had been about four or five more throws in this
challenge, Colby probably would have walked over and slugged his very
own brother during the Survivor loved one visit. How awesome
would that have been? Either that or maybe Reid would have
given
him a wedgie.
Ironically enough, Colby made this exact same face after Reid used to
wedgie him
In
any case, Colby and Reid lost the reward challenge (duh). And
as
much as I wish it would have ended with a slap fight, in the end they
hugged and made up and were buddies again after the challenge was over.
Reid: "I love you, bro." Colby: "Fuck you."
Great scene.
P.S.
One of the things I love the most about this scene is the
fact
that Colby is standing their screaming his head off, and meanwhile Reid
is just standing there, laughing at him. Something tells me
that
Donaldson Family Game Night was not a pleasant experience for a young
Colby back in the 80's and 90's. I bet Family Game
Night usually ended with Reid winning and laughing, Colby
crying
and yelling in his room, and mom anxiously awaiting bath time so she
could get a glimpse of what puberty was doing to everybody.
Jeez, why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer.
P.P.S.
Don't you love the fact that Colby has had two loved one
visits
in Survivor history, and both of them have wound up being weird and
awkward?
His mom comes out, and she watches him shower, and then his
brother comes out, and they get in a screaming match.
I
mean, damn. What's going to happen if Colby ever has
a third
Survivor loved one visit? Is he going to get a video chat
session and start
sexting his grandma?
"Hi nana. A/S/L? What are you wearing?"
P.P.P.S.
Here's a great observation from a friend of mine named
Patrick
Gilchrist: "By the way, I don't know what it is about buckets
of
water that bring out Colby's dark side, but between his fight with Reid
and dumping the bucket on Jerri in Australia, Colby and buckets of
water do not get along." That's awesome. Thanks
Patrick!
Next time, just get him a football for Christmas
