The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#39.  Banana etiquette
Heroes vs Villains - episode 6

Through the first five episodes of Heroes vs Villains, all was going pretty well for our beloved Survivor heroes tribe.  

They were winning challenges.  They were banding together.   They were upholding their legacies.  

For the most part, they were succeeding in being known one the most beloved group of heroes in Survivor history.

We're awesome!

Ah, but around episode six, we ran into a problem.

You see, in episode six of Heroes vs Villains, the Heroes ran into a foe that was so odious, and was so powerful, and was so difficult to overcome, that its mere presence very nearly tore their entire friendship apart.  In episode six, the Heroes ran into an enemy that was even more villainous than the entire Villain tribe.  And yes, I am even including Danielle.

And what was the name of this foe that very nearly tore the Heroes from limb to limb?

What were these two reprehensible words, that people like J.T., and Amanda, and James will never want to hear again?

Well here they are.  Those two evil words.  

Like the name of the Dark Lord Voldemort, I shudder to even say them aloud.

Banana Etiquette

Ah yes.  Banana etiquette.  The enemy that nearly tore the Heroes asunder.

Good banana etiquette

Bad banana etiquette

And just what is "banana etiquette", you might ask?

Well if you asked around on the street, you would find out that it is bad idea to deep throat a banana in public.  And that you should never eat a banana while making eye contact.  Oh, and that if you are eating a banana at a circus, you should never throw the peel on the ground in front of the performers directly afterward.  After all, this isn't the 1920's.  We've advanced a lot further than that type of comedy nowadays, you dumbass.

Yeah, what the fuck ever

Now in terms of Survivor, what does "banana etiquette" mean?

Well quite simply it means when you have a bunch of bananas hanging around camp (such as the Heroes have), you shouldn't go and eat one without offering one to everyone else first.  

And yes, James Clement, I am talking to you.

Om nom nom nom

You see, the Heroes have a bunch of bananas hanging around their campsite.  

And the Heroes like their bananas.  

A lot.

Bananas for a conquering hero!

Tonight we dine in Hell!  On bananas!

All hail our new banana overlord

Yes the heroes love their bananas.  They wuuuuuuv their bananas.

And if you eat a banana without sharing one with everyone else?   Well God help you.

Fuck you

So anyway, this is where we stand going into episode six of Heroes vs Villains.  

The Heroes love their bananas.  James loves his bananas.

Will this lead to a hilarious sitcomesque conflict of misunderstanding and wackiness?

You're god damn right it will.

I like bananas.

Okay it is episode six.   And sure enough, we have been treated to lots of images of James eating bananas throughout the first five episodes.

Seriously, go back and watch the first five episodes sometime.  Watch how many shots we have of James eating a banana somewhere in the background.  The editors set up the banana etiquette storyline quite early.

Background banana shot

Background banana shot

Background banana shot

So anyway, in episode six the Heroes find out they are going to have to go to Tribal Council.  And they know that the vote tonight is going to come down to Colby (aka Superman in a Fat Suit) or James (aka the Banana Whisperer).  

Why is Colby going to be one of the targets tonight?   Well easy.  Colby is going to be one of the targets tonight because Colby sucks.

Eight years ago, Colby's brilliant white teeth might have rebutted this

Well with Colby sucking so much, you would think he would be a pretty slam dunk choice for tonight's vote, right?  I mean, come on.   He sucks hard.  He isn't anywhere near the main alliance.  He is a burden in challenges.  He lets his mom watch him shower.  I mean, please, why the hell would you let a punk like this get anywhere past the next Tribal Council?

Oh yeah, James is a cripple

Oh yeah.  That's right.  James pretty much destroyed his knee in the last Reward Challenge.

So anyway, there is your choice for tonight's vote.  You either take out the guy who has no strength, can barely walk, is a dick to be around, and that nobody likes.  Or you take out James, who at this point is pretty much Chad minus the awesome and amazing and inspirational part.

Chad has a leg up on everyone

So that's that.  The vote tonight is either going to be for Colby or James.  

Everyone knows it.

The Heroes stand around and discuss which dead weight they should get rid of tonight

Why Colby?  Well because he sucks.

Why James?  Well because he can't walk.

Although it is at this point that "banana etiquette" rears its ugly head as a powerful third party tiebreaker.

J.T. explains to the Heroes what his argument is against keeping James around

Amanda hears this argument against James and it breaks her heart.  

Oh no!  Not my boyfriend!

Right then and there, Amanda decides that she has to go to James and she has to warn him.

Shell shocked

Oh but first?  A confessional!

Actually first, we take a quick trip to the dead zone

"James just has to prove that he's okay."

"They're also mad about... 'cause James, like,...."

"He tends to take a lot of bananas because he's a big guy."

"Like, he's hungry, obviously."

"But, you know, you're out here with no food.  It's a big deal to people."

And with that, Amanda has declared her mission.  

She is going to go to James, and she is going to get him to work on his banana etiquette.

This is one of my all time favorite Survivor conversations, by the way.

 And here we go.

Amanda:  "Can you run?"

"I'm serious."

"And you can't steal any more bananas when we come to camp."

James:  "Stealing more bananas?  What the..."

"You're taking bananas when we come into camp."

James:  "Everybody eats bananas!  What's that mean?"

"James, you take three of 'em."

James:  "Yeah, but I'm..."

Amanda:  "It's pissing people off.  I'm just telling you what's going on."

James:  "Jeez.  Everyone eats bananas.  It's so...."

Amanda:  "Yeah but when you get a banana, you get one for everyone else."

Amanda:  "It's like an etiquette."

James:  "Really?"


My banana etiquette is impeccable, young lady, and I'll not have you impugn it.

"Look, I just want you to stay.  So if there's anything you can do..."

So anyway, there is the famous "banana etiquette" discussion.   Amanda tells James he is going to have to prove to the rest of the tribe that he is able to run.  Oh and to stop eating so many fucking bananas.   And if you absolutely positively do need to eat a banana, at least go over and give one to Rupert's fat ass first.  It is only common courtesy.

I like bananas.

Well sure enough, James does the first thing that Amanda requests.

He goes out and he proves to the tribe that he is still able to run.

Day 15.  Time for the great James and J.T. run-off.

Rupert:  "James wants to show us that he's tough.""

Candice:  "Oh God.  Are you serious?"

On your mark.  Get set....


James doesn't exactly win.  But, well, at least he proves that he can run without breaking into little glass shards.  Unlike Colby.

Owww.  My hat's too tight.

James loses, but at least he does it with a smile on his face.

Good try, James.  We still love you.

So does it help?   Does James' race against J.T. prove that he still has what it takes?  And that the Heroes would be fools to get rid of him this early in the game?

Um, spoiler alert.  No.  No it doesn't.


Yes, James Clement loses Heroes vs Villains because of a bunch of rules.  And because of a bunch of ligaments.  And because of a bunch of banana etiquette.

Yet let it be known that banana etiquette does make another awesome appearance right before he is voted out.

Check it out.

It is Tribal Council at the end of episode six, and James is about to be voted off.

To add insult to injury, it is the Tribal Council where the Heroes have to sit there and watch the Villains eat hot dogs

Nice hot dog etiquette, biotch

So anyway, Jeff Probst asks James whether it should be him or Colby going home tonight, and James gives a very James-esque* answer.

* funny and memorable

"Jeff, some of us are doers, and some of us are sayers.  I'm more of a doer."

"Like, they told me today that there's such a thing as a banana etiquette."


"Banana etiquette?"

"That if you go get a banana..."

"You have to ask every person who's in your vicinity..."

"If they would like a banana."

Parvati laughs

"Which is great.  But in my world, if your ass is hungry..."

"You go get a banana."

And so there you have it.  The legendary "banana etiquette" subplot from Survivor: Heroes vs Villains.

The one that proves that, yeah, maybe James didn't reach out and take the apple like everyone else did.  

But in this case, maybe it would have been better if he would have.

The Heroes can take the apple.  And they can suck my dick.

Wait.  What's that?  The entry is over?  But you say I left out the funniest scene?

Well you are correct!

I actually left out my favorite part of the whole banana etiquette storyline, because I thought it would be better to end the entry with it.

So here you go.  The part of banana etiquette that I will always remember, and the reason it made the Top 40 on the Funny 115.  This is a cute little moment that makes me laugh every single time I watch it.

James and J.T. have just finished their little race on the beach

They walk out of the shot, as the scene is about to fade to commercial

Never let it be said that James doesn't listen to other people's advice

This is the very last thing we hear right before it goes to commercial

James (happily, almost mockingly):  "Hey JT?  Would you like a banana?"

J.T.:  (laughing)


P.S.  By the way, want to see an even better example of bad banana etiquette?  Well check out this H vs V secret scene involving Sandra.  We never saw this clip in an actual episode, but since it is a  horrendous example of what not to do with a bunch of bananas, I feel it applies.  And no, I promise that she doesn't deep throat anything.

* Special thanks to Ryan Lisman for helping me with some of the research for this entry.

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