Funny 115 - version 2.0
Fiji - episode 10
are a couple of entries on the Funny 115 that I gave serious
consideration to be my #1 overall favorite. This was
one of them. In fact, I gave this entry such strong
for the #1 slot that it single handedly made me love Survivor: Fiji.
after watching this moment again, and going through it and grabbing all
the pictures and the screencaps to diagram how it happened, there is no
way I think you can say that Fiji was a bad season. There is
no way. This moment was so funny, and is so timeless, and has
much irony, and will never not be awesome when you watch it, that I
just don't think you can sit there with a straight face and say that
Fiji sucked anymore. And yes, I am talking to you, Mister
From this point on, for now and forever,
let it be known that Survivor: Fiji will always be known as a good
season because of the Horsemen moment.
And because of boobs!
Yes Yau Man. And also because of boobs.
anyway, here we go. Without further ado, I present to you the
comically tragic tale of the Four Horsemen of Fiji, and perhaps the
single worst idol play in the history of Survivor idol plays.
Let's put it this way. If every idol play in Survivor history
was a member of the Superfriends, this one would be Aquaman.
Seriously, fuck you Aquaman
The Rise and Fall of the Four Horsemen begins in episode six of
Survivor: Fiji. It begins with a twist.
Motos and the Ravus are twisted in episode six, and for whatever reason
all the big tough strong manly guys wind up on the Ravu tribe.
Oh, and they also get Anthony.
The Black Cochran
and the men all wind up on the exact same tribe together, and from this
point on one of the most powerful dominant alliances in Survivor
history is about to be born.
From this point on... Alex, Mookie, Edgardo and Dreamz will forever be
known... as "The Four Horsemen."
The birth of the Four Horsemen
on paper, you know what happened to the Four Horsemen. More
likely, anyone who is reading this entry already knows exactly what
happened to The Four Horsemen. You know that they crashed and
burned faster than the Hindenburg.
"God damnit Dreamz, which button did you push?"
here's the thing you might not have remembered about the Four Horsemen.
In fact you probably wouldn't remember this unless you went
and you watched Fiji again
You wouldn't remember that Edgardo really really likes bread
the thing you might not remember about The Four Horsemen is that for
about an episode and half, they weren't portrayed as bumbling cartoon
villains. Nope, not right off the bat they weren't.
For the first episode or so they were portrayed as The
Heroic Noble Protagonists of Survivor: Fiji!
right. That's why this storyline was so awesome.
something that everyone forgets. This is how the editors
completely blindsided us.
For about an episode and a half, Mookie and The Four Horsemen
of the Apocalypse got the winner's edit.
"All four of us have great energy, very positive."
"We've brought new life to Camp Ravu."
Hug it out, new love tribe. Hug it out.
Look to the future, young graduate
Edgardo is so pleased with his new alliance that he pantsjizzes.
So anyway, yeah. That's the part that people forget.
The Four Horsemen weren't portrayed as bumbling right away.
No, that would come a few episodes later, when they dig up the
hidden immunity idol.
I'm not going to go into this scene too much, because I already talked
about it in my Old Timey Cartoon Shushing entry.
I love about this scene is that you don't even need to watch it.
You can just look at the pictures and imagine the whimsical
Three bros doin' bro stuff
the Horsemen dig up the idol, we get the even better scene where Mookie
goes back and he just messes with a sleeping Lisi.
Again, I 'm not gonna get into this scene too much, because I already
talked about it in my You have to get up pretty early to fool Lisi
"Hey guys let's get up early today and fool Lisi"
Yeah good luck trying to fool an old cat like me. Nice try,
if you are keeping track, that means that the Four Horsemen and their
idol are going to be featured in three separate entries on the Funny
115. This is easily one of the funniest running subplots in
It's funny, and awesome. Just like the Horsemen themselves.
And just like boobs!
Okay so here we go. You have seen the events leading up to
the Fall of the Four Horsemen.
Now it is time for the good stuff.
Now it is time for the awesomeness that leads us to the famous
Once the Horsemen find the idol, they have to decide what they are
going to do with it
Luckily, Mookie has a plan.
Oh yeah. And here is the most important part.
Anyone you guys don't want to know in particular?
"We especially don't want to tell Dreamz."
"Because Dreamz is... how you say...?"
"Because Dreamz is not smart."
And so there you have it. There is the dilemma that the Four
Horsemen will face the next few episodes.
They have the idol. They have the idol that very well may be
the turning point in the game.
The only problem is that they don't want one of the Four Horsemen to
know about it, because said Horseman is an idiot.
"Dreamz is not so good about keeping his trap shut."
"So we're doing it for his protection, and our own."
The greatest alliance in Survivor history. The Four
Horsemen. Or, more accurately, The Three Horsemen plus Dreamz.
As the merge approaches, the Four Horsemen find themselves in a
all their heroics, despite all their awesomeness, despite having the
strategic mastermind of Dreamz at their disposal, they are going
to go into the merge down 6-4. No matter how smart
no matter how they play it, even with the hidden immunity idol in their
communal possession, they are still going to be outnumbered by the
Motos at the merge.
And for a player as smart and strategic
and analytical as Alex, this is going to be a problem.
Alex prepares his troops for the announcement: "Gather round,
"Looks like we are going to merge."
Now Alex explains how plan on how they are going to approach this.
"If we merge, Dreamz has to pull Cassandra over. Giving us
"Mookie tries to pull Michelle or Yau Man."
"And I think I can pull Stacey."
"The only thing that can mess up our plans is if Dreamz is a fucking
Alex gathers his troops around the campfire, and they finish with one
final pep talk to one another.
"Remember guys, we are doing this for the sake of the four.
For the Four Horsemen."
"Right now we have to get nasty. We have to use everything
that we have."
"This is for all the marbles. This is our time. We need to
work together on this."
"Hey guys, did you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?"
This probably isn't going to go very well.
Day 22. The day of the Fiji merge. And the official
beginning of the Fall of the Four Horsemen.*
* Three Horsemen plus Dreamz
Earl comes out to meet the Horsemen as the tribes merge
And thus the Bula Bula tribe is born
Alex tries to figure out how 4 is going to triumph
"I can use the relationships I've had to sort of create smoke and
mirrors. To keep them sort of guessing."
"So that, you know, the Four Horsemen can take it all the way."
"Unless I'm mistaken, the four of us are controlling this game right
Thank you, John Carroll. Is everyone else also rooting for
anyway, the Four Horsemen start their mission to divide and conquer,
and pretty soon they figure out who is the easiest prey out of the six
of the Motos.
"We found out that everyone wants Boo out."
"Right now our plan is working perfectly."
"At this point we just have to execute it right."
And this is where the ineptitude of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
finally rears its ugly head.
Beware, my more squeamish readers.
Things get very ugly starting right here.
The Horsemen take Dreamz out to fill him in on what they have
And this is where Mookie decides he is going to change things up a
that whole plan about not telling Dreamz that they had the immunity
idol? Remember how they didn't want Dreamz to know anything
than he had to? Since he was, you know, as they say in
terms, shit-all stupid?
Well Mookie comes up to the line of scrimmage and he decides he doesn't
like the look of the defense.
So right there and then, like any great strategic quarterback, he calls
"Oh hey Dreamz."
I love this shot. What the fuck, Mookie.
"All of a sudden Mookie let Dreamz know that we had the idol."
"And as soon as that happened, my gut was like "Oooooh."
"That was not so smart."
Dreamz responds with the classic Jean-Robert Bellande poker man's bluff
Ha ha. I love this scene. I am sitting here
laughing just thinking up captions for it.
At this point poor Alex has to step in and immediately remind Dreamz
what kind of stakes they are dealing with here.
"Dreamz, you can't say a fucking word!"
"I'm serious. Not a fucking word!"
"Do I look like an idiot? Shut up!"
Alex makes Dreamz and Mookie make a pact right there and then that this
information will never be shared.
"This info stays between the Four Horsemen. Only the four of
us can know about it. Okay?"
Ah but wait. There's more.
About half an hour later, Alex and Mookie go out fishing with El Doucho.
this is where Alex casually drops the news that... oh yeah... hey
Edgardo... funny story. Guess what? Dreamz kind of
that we have the idol now.
I love the way Alex casually drops the info. "Oh
yeah, Dreamz knows about the immunity idol, by the way."
Behind him, Edgardo's face just drops
who is clearly the most calm, cool, and collected of the Four Horsemen,
thinks about this info for a few seconds.
And then he responds with a very honest, insightful, and legitimate
"Why the fuck would you do that?!?
"I'm gonna tell you right now, I don't like that."
Dreamz knows about the idol, then Cassandra knows about the idol.
Then Earl knows about the idol. Why the fuck would
And then comes a small bit of foreshadowing which will come into play
The Horsemen row their boat back to shore, along with a pouty
Edgardo in back
Edgardo (very quietly): "If Dreamz tells somebody I'm gonna
kill you Mookie, man. Seriously."
in the real world you would think that the Horsemen would fall apart
right here. You would think that Dreamz would go back to
would go on a big long shakwila to Earl about how the Horsemen have a
hidden immunity idol, and then Earl and the Motos would turn around and
systematically take the Horsemen apart.
In the real world, yes. That is exactly what would happen
However, this isn't the real world. This is Survivor.
It is Survivor: Fiji episode 9 to be specific.
And what happens in Fiji episode 9 is that we get the single stupidest,
most bullshit twist in Survivor history.
of the Horsemen should have gone home at the end of episode 9, but
instead the producers throw in a twist and they get rid of Michelle
you are probably asking, who cares if Michelle went home at the end of
episode 9? How does that relate to the Horsemen?
you even include that in this entry at all?
Well the reason I
include that is because Michelle wasn't supposed to be the one going
home at the end of episode 9. It was supposed to be Stacey.
Only it didn't work out the way it was planned because Dreamz
decided to break away from the rest of the Horsemen and change his vote
Yes, it is the first of many many times that Dreamz is going to do
something that will undercut the rest of the Horsemen.
Better get used to it.
Mookie sees that Dreamz changed his voted to Michelle and
he facepalms. Fucking Dreamz!
the beginning of episode ten, Jeff Probst refers to Alex and his
alliance as "The Four Horsemen, including the not so reliable Dreamz."
Yes, the not so reliable Dreamz. Good description.
Although that is like calling Brandon Quinton the not so
Brandon Quinton. Or Drew Barrymore the only slightly talks
stroke victim Drew Barrymore. Calling Dreamz unreliable is
calling the Titanic unreliable.
An alliance with Dreamz is like a rape game without a safe word
anyway, Mookie goes back to Alex and he tells him that Dreamz has
decided to go rogue. Dreamz is no longer doing what
the Horsemen are doing. For whatever reason, now he
decided to start strategizing on his own.
Alex and Mookie's reaction to this news, of course, is predictable.
starts reeling when he hears this news. He realizes that if
Dreamz goes rogue, the Horsemen are going to fall apart.
So he scrambles to find some way to get them all on the same page again.
"Here is how we can seal the final four in blood"
"We take the immunity idol and we rotate it so each of us gets
it a day."
"That does nothing! That doesn't do anything!"
"It does Mookie. It does. What it tells me, what
it tells everyone, is that none of us can screw each other over."
"You may have found it, but we were all digging. It belongs
to all of us. We need to share it."
With the new plan that they are all going to rotate the idol,
Mookie goes to Dreamz and he updates him with the news.
And in typical Horsemen fashion, he delivers the news with grace and
"You fucking idiot!"
love this next shot. Dreamz tries to explain his logic why he
decided to go rogue, and Mookie just stands there, shellshocked.
"Look Dreamz, trust me. You just screwed both of us."
And now the saga of Dreamz and the Horsemen is about to get really good.
You thought it was good up to this point? You thought it was
sad and pathetic and funny?
Well you aint seen nothing yet, my friends.
in the middle of episode 10, the whole Dreamz and the Horsemen
storyline is about to kick up a few notches into sitcom world.
In the middle of episode 10, Dreamz goes on reward with the Motos and
he manages to gather some valuable info
"Alex, they told me your name is gonna come up at Tribal Council
Alex, of course, knows one way the Horsemen can get around this.
good, right? The Motos all vote for Alex, and Alex uses the
to save himself and get rid of one the Motos.
On paper, it sounds as simple as can be. Right?
gets Dreamz in a corner and he demands to know which side Dreamz is
going to be loyal to. Is he loyal to the Motos? Or
With his back against the wall and nowhere to go, Dreamz squeals faster
than Ned Beatty in Deliverance.
Way to keep that secret, Dreamz
Dreamz tells them all about the hidden immunity idol, and how Alex is
going to use it to save himself tonight
Got any suggestions how we should play this, Yau Man?
I dunno. Does it involve a lemon tree?
Dreamz, why would you tell us that? What the fuck.
Now Dreamz admits that Mookie and Alex both have the idol.
They are using it together.
I love Earl's reaction to this.
"They found it together?
"And they didn't fight over it?"
Yes but what about science?
Dreamz: "No. They're using the idol together."
Hmmm what are we going to do about this?
Should we take out Alex tonight?
Or should we take out Mookie?
Or should we take out that other one?
What to do, what to do, what to do.
now, the fateful day. The day when all hell will break loose,
we will get maybe the single greatest Tribal Council in Survivor
For starters, none of the Horsemen are going to be safe tonight.
Because Yau Man just won immunity. Science!
And now comes one of the craziest pre-vote sequences you are ever going
to see in your life.
That's right Survivor fans. It is time for the scramblin' to
Mookie tells Dreamz, "Vote Earl."
Why Earl? Well because of this quote by Mookie, which will
become very hilarious later.
"We know Earl has a hidden immunity idol."
"You wanna get the guy with the idol, and you want to get him by
Alex agrees with the plan. Okay, we will all vote for Earl
Dreamz is still playing double agent, he is able to go over to the
Motos and find out who they will be voting for tonight.
Sure enough, the Motos will all be voting for Alex.
Like a good little troublemaker, Dreamz runs right back to the Horsemen
and he warns them of this.
"They are going to vote for Alex tonight. Alex is the target."
Then Dreamz comes up with a brilliant way they can get around this.
that is the new plan. Since the Motos are all voting for Alex
tonight, the Horsemen should just give the idol to Alex. That
everyone wins. Right?
Edgardo tells Mookie they need to give the idol to Alex
So Mookie goes and he digs it up
Into the pocket it goes
And now, the transfer.
Mookie casually slips the idol to Alex on the beach
Dreamz sees this take place. And of course that means it is
time to go do start doing Dreamz things again.
And with that, now the Moto vote changes.
Sounds good. We vote for Mookie.
"We're gonna vote Mookie just to catch them off guard."
And now comes the best part of the whole pre-vote scramble.
is where Edgardo comes up with an idea that... well... if you know what
is about to happen, is more than a little bit ironic.
El Doucho comes out with a trump card
a pretty good plan. Take out the one in the middle who is
likely to have the idol. Split them up and do it with a total
Pearl Harbor job against the one person that will never ever ever see
What an amazingly smart and sadistic and effective maneuver.
Great job Edgardo!
I would totally like to see that happen to somebody!
"Dreamz, Alex, Mookie, and I are voting for Cassandra."
"I think that's the smartest move."
"And also, you know, it will have like the hardest punch at Tribal
"If this works out it will probably be one of the best moves ever."
Ah yes. The famous "Take out the one in the middle" plan.
A stroke of genius.
This was easily one of the smartest stragic maneuvers I
have seen in the first 22 seasons of Survivor.
And it came from this guy
Um, wait Edgardo. Wait a minute.
The only problem for Edgardo is that he isn't the only one
to have come up with it.
turns out that over on the Moto side of the beach, the Motos have also
come up with this exact same brilliant tactical maneuver.
It turns out that the Motos will also be voting for the middle one
Stacey is the one who comes up with it
Yau Man runs all 3.1 billion permutations of this plan in his head, and
he silently approves
And so it is settled. The Motos will be voting for Edgardo
Oh yeah, and one last important step too.
You never want to forget this one..
By the way, it was probably a good idea they didn't tell Dreamz.
He really isn't good at keeping a secret, you know.
"Alex? Hey Alex!"
Dreamz informs Alex that the vote is still going to be for him tonight.
Dreamz confirms this.
And now, one of the best quotes of the entire episode. One
last great ironic quote, right before Tribal Council.
Yes I am
And with that, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse leave for Tribal
Council. And approach destiny.
obviously if you are reading this, you already know how this scene
ends. It ends with one of the best collection of facial
reactions since the folks at the nursing home first saw 2 girls, 1 cup.
In fact this next gif has got to be one of the best 2 or 3
in Survivor history.
if you want a quick summary of what leads up to that famous gif, here
you go. This could be the single best Tribal Council ending
"If anybody has the hidden immunity idol and you want to play it, now
would be the time to do so."
Alex stands up to play his idol
He gives it to Probst
"Alex is playing the hidden immunity idol. All votes cast
against Alex do not count."
And with that, the first Cassandra vote. Ha, guess like the
plan to pick off the quiet one the middle worked.
All the votes for Cassandra come up, and the Horsemen are happy.
And then comes that next vote.
And this is when all the faces drop.
I'm sorry, I just cannot get enough of this gif. Here it is
again, exactly like the editors presented it to us.
This seriously could be the single greatest moment in 22 seasons of
Buenas Noches El Doucho
And of course it wasn't just the dropping faces that made this scene so
On the flip side you also have to factor in the shit eating grins of
all the Moto members.
And with that, you have one of the single funniest moments in Survivor
And my #4 entry.
I don't think they are rooting for my success anymore
Wow, so many great things about this entry. For
how about this quote from one of my readers named Ken: "The
greatest thing about the Four Horsemen scene is that the Ravus were
going to blindside Earl, but then Earl got the tipoff and tried to
blindside them. So then the Ravus tried to blindside
but Moto turned the tables and blindsided them again. So
technically, on paper, you have a blindside of a blindside of a
blindside of a blindside. I'm not sure Yau Man could even
P.P.S. Again, I have to
reiterate how awesome this storyline is, and how I don't think you can
possibly call Fiji a bad season because of it. This is one of
those storylines that can completely make a season and elevate it into
something that is better than the sum of its parts. In many
it is like the Fall of the Rotu Four in episode eight of Marquesas.
It is one of those scenes and storylines and blindsides that
absolutely epitomize what a Survivor season was.
I should point out that my wife has always
Edgardo was a nice guy, and it kills her that he was the one who took
the fall for the other two Horsemen in this episode.
Edgardo has always been right at the top
of her list of
"Survivors who I bet are super nice and super sweet in real life",
along with Ryno from Pearl Islands, Ian from Palau, and Ethan.
fact, in many ways, I think Edgardo might be her all time
favorite. I really hope she doesn't find out that I
been calling him El Doucho.
And of course I want to end with this Edgardo quote from a
interview. There could not be a more perfect way to wrap up
Any last words, Edgardo?
Yeah, F**k Dreamz and the idol. [Laughs]
It's always best to go out with a laugh