The Funny 115 - version 2.0


#4.  Horseman Down
Fiji - episode 10








The Four Horsemen






There are a couple of entries on the Funny 115 that I gave serious consideration to be my #1 overall favorite.  This was definitely one of them.  In fact, I gave this entry such strong consideration for the #1 slot that it single handedly made me love Survivor: Fiji.

Seriously, after watching this moment again, and going through it and grabbing all the pictures and the screencaps to diagram how it happened, there is no way I think you can say that Fiji was a bad season.  There is just no way.  This moment was so funny, and is so timeless, and has so much irony, and will never not be awesome when you watch it, that I just don't think you can sit there with a straight face and say that Fiji sucked anymore.  And yes, I am talking to you, Mister Fiji McNaysayington.  

From this point on, for now and forever, let it be known that Survivor: Fiji will always be known as a good season because of the Horsemen moment.








And because of boobs!






Yes Yau Man.  And also because of boobs.

So anyway, here we go.  Without further ado, I present to you the comically tragic tale of the Four Horsemen of Fiji, and perhaps the single worst idol play in the history of Survivor idol plays.  

Let's put it this way.  If every idol play in Survivor history was a member of the Superfriends, this one would be Aquaman.








Seriously, fuck you Aquaman






The Rise and Fall of the Four Horsemen begins in episode six of Survivor: Fiji.   It begins with a twist.








New Ravu






The Motos and the Ravus are twisted in episode six, and for whatever reason all the big tough strong manly guys wind up on the Ravu tribe.  Oh, and they also get Anthony.  








The Black Cochran






Anthony and the men all wind up on the exact same tribe together, and from this point on one of the most powerful dominant alliances in Survivor history is about to be born.

From this point on... Alex, Mookie, Edgardo and Dreamz will forever be known... as "The Four Horsemen."






























The birth of the Four Horsemen






Now on paper, you know what happened to the Four Horsemen.  More than likely, anyone who is reading this entry already knows exactly what happened to The Four Horsemen.  You know that they crashed and burned faster than the Hindenburg.








"God damnit Dreamz, which button did you push?"






But here's the thing you might not have remembered about the Four Horsemen.  In fact you probably wouldn't remember this unless you went back and you watched Fiji again







You wouldn't remember that Edgardo really really likes bread






Just kidding.

No, the thing you might not remember about The Four Horsemen is that for about an episode and half, they weren't portrayed as bumbling cartoon villains.  Nope, not right off the bat they weren't.

For the first episode or so they were portrayed as The Heroic Noble Protagonists of Survivor: Fiji!

That's right.  That's why this storyline was so awesome.  This is something that everyone forgets.  This is how the editors completely blindsided us.

For about an episode and a half, Mookie and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse got the winner's edit.








"All four of us have great energy, very positive."






"We've brought new life to Camp Ravu."






Hug it out, new love tribe.  Hug it out.






Look to the future, young graduate






Edgardo is so pleased with his new alliance that he pantsjizzes.






So anyway, yeah.  That's the part that people forget.

The Four Horsemen weren't portrayed as bumbling right away.

No, that would come a few episodes later, when they dig up the hidden immunity idol.

I'm not going to go into this scene too much, because I already talked about it in my Old Timey Cartoon Shushing entry.








What I love about this scene is that you don't even need to watch it.  You can just look at the pictures and imagine the whimsical bassoon music.







Shhhhhhhhh







Three bros doin' bro stuff







Yay!





After the Horsemen dig up the idol, we get the even better scene where Mookie goes back and he just messes with a sleeping Lisi.  

Again, I 'm not gonna get into this scene too much, because I already talked about it in my You have to get up pretty early to fool Lisi entry.








"Hey guys let's get up early today and fool Lisi"














Yeah good luck trying to fool an old cat like me.  Nice try, rookie.












Yes, if you are keeping track, that means that the Four Horsemen and their idol are going to be featured in three separate entries on the Funny 115.  This is easily one of the funniest running subplots in Survivor history.







It's funny, and awesome.  Just like the Horsemen themselves.







And just like boobs!





Okay so here we go.  You have seen the events leading up to the Fall of the Four Horsemen.  

Now it is time for the good stuff.  

Now it is time for the awesomeness that leads us to the famous face-dropping gif.







Once the Horsemen find the idol, they have to decide what they are going to do with it





Luckily, Mookie has a plan.


































Oh yeah.  And here is the most important part.












Anyone you guys don't want to know in particular?







"We especially don't want to tell Dreamz."






"Because Dreamz is... how you say...?"







"Because Dreamz is not smart."







Not smart






And so there you have it.  There is the dilemma that the Four Horsemen will face the next few episodes.

They have the idol.  They have the idol that very well may be the turning point in the game.

The only problem is that they don't want one of the Four Horsemen to know about it, because said Horseman is an idiot.








"Dreamz is not so good about keeping his trap shut."







"So we're doing it for his protection, and our own."







The greatest alliance in Survivor history.   The Four Horsemen.  Or, more accurately, The Three Horsemen plus Dreamz.







As the merge approaches, the Four Horsemen find themselves in a precarious position.  

Despite all their heroics, despite all their awesomeness, despite having the strategic mastermind of Dreamz at their disposal, they are going to go into the merge down 6-4.  No matter how smart they are, no matter how they play it, even with the hidden immunity idol in their communal possession, they are still going to be outnumbered by the Motos at the merge.  

And for a player as smart and strategic and analytical as Alex, this is going to be a problem.







Alex prepares his troops for the announcement:  "Gather round, Horsemen!"







"Looks like we are going to merge."





Now Alex explains how plan on how they are going to approach this.







"If we merge, Dreamz has to pull Cassandra over.  Giving us five-five."






"Mookie tries to pull Michelle or Yau Man."







"And I think I can pull Stacey."







"The only thing that can mess up our plans is if Dreamz is a fucking idiot."













Alex gathers his troops around the campfire, and they finish with one final pep talk to one another.







"Remember guys, we are doing this for the sake of the four.  For the Four Horsemen."








"Right now we have to get nasty.  We have to use everything that we have."







"This is for all the marbles.  This is our time. We need to work together on this."







"Hey guys, did you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?"





Uh oh.  

This probably isn't going to go very well.








Day 22.  The day of the Fiji merge.  And the official beginning of the Fall of the Four Horsemen.*

* Three Horsemen plus Dreamz







Earl comes out to meet the Horsemen as the tribes merge







And thus the Bula Bula tribe is born








Alex tries to figure out how 4 is going to triumph over 6








"I can use the relationships I've had to sort of create smoke and mirrors.  To keep them sort of guessing."







"So that, you know, the Four Horsemen can take it all the way."








"Unless I'm mistaken, the four of us are controlling this game right now."






Thank you, John Carroll.   Is everyone else also rooting for your success?














So anyway, the Four Horsemen start their mission to divide and conquer, and pretty soon they figure out who is the easiest prey out of the six of the Motos.








This guy








"We found out that everyone wants Boo out."







"Right now our plan is working perfectly."







"At this point we just have to execute it right."






And this is where the ineptitude of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse finally rears its ugly head.

Beware, my more squeamish readers.  

Things get very ugly starting right here.








The Horsemen take Dreamz out to fill him in on what they have learned















"Who's Boo?"






And this is where Mookie decides he is going to change things up a little bit.  

Remember that whole plan about not telling Dreamz that they had the immunity idol?  Remember how they didn't want Dreamz to know anything more than he had to?   Since he was, you know, as they say in clinical terms, shit-all stupid?

Well Mookie comes up to the line of scrimmage and he decides he doesn't like the look of the defense.

So right there and then, like any great strategic quarterback, he calls an audible.








"Oh hey Dreamz."























I love this shot.  What the fuck, Mookie.







"All of a sudden Mookie let Dreamz know that we had the idol."







"And as soon as that happened, my gut was like "Oooooh."








"That was not so smart."








Dreamz responds with the classic Jean-Robert Bellande poker man's bluff








Dur






Ha ha.  I love this scene.  I am sitting here laughing just thinking up captions for it.

At this point poor Alex has to step in and immediately remind Dreamz what kind of stakes they are dealing with here.








"Dreamz, you can't say a fucking word!"







"I'm serious.  Not a fucking word!"





Dreamz responds.







"Do I look like an idiot?  Shut up!"





Alex makes Dreamz and Mookie make a pact right there and then that this information will never be shared.







"This info stays between the Four Horsemen.  Only the four of us can know about it.  Okay?"






Ah but wait.  There's more.

About half an hour later, Alex and Mookie go out fishing with El Doucho.

And this is where Alex casually drops the news that... oh yeah... hey Edgardo... funny story.  Guess what?  Dreamz kind of knows that we have the idol now.







I love the way Alex casually drops the info.   "Oh yeah, Dreamz knows about the immunity idol, by the way."








Behind him, Edgardo's face just drops






Edgardo, who is clearly the most calm, cool, and collected of the Four Horsemen, thinks about this info for a few seconds.  

And then he responds with a very honest, insightful, and legitimate question.








"Why the fuck would you do that?!?








"I'm gonna tell you right now, I don't like that."








"If Dreamz knows about the idol, then Cassandra knows about the idol.  Then Earl knows about the idol.  Why the fuck would you tell him that?"








Edgardo pouts





And then comes a small bit of foreshadowing which will come into play later.







The Horsemen row their boat back to shore, along with a pouty Edgardo in back







Edgardo (very quietly):  "If Dreamz tells somebody I'm gonna kill you Mookie, man.  Seriously."







Now in the real world you would think that the Horsemen would fall apart right here.  You would think that Dreamz would go back to camp, he would go on a big long shakwila to Earl about how the Horsemen have a hidden immunity idol, and then Earl and the Motos would turn around and systematically take the Horsemen apart.

In the real world, yes.  That is exactly what would happen here.

However, this isn't the real world.  This is Survivor.  It is Survivor: Fiji episode 9 to be specific.

And what happens in Fiji episode 9 is that we get the single stupidest, most bullshit twist in Survivor history.








One of the Horsemen should have gone home at the end of episode 9, but instead the producers throw in a twist and they get rid of Michelle








Boo








Boo








Boo






Now you are probably asking, who cares if Michelle went home at the end of episode 9?  How does that relate to the Horsemen?  Why did you even include that in this entry at all?

Well the reason I include that is because Michelle wasn't supposed to be the one going home at the end of episode 9.  It was supposed to be Stacey.  Only it didn't work out the way it was planned because Dreamz decided to break away from the rest of the Horsemen and change his vote to Michelle.

Yes, it is the first of many many times that Dreamz is going to do something that will undercut the rest of the Horsemen.

Better get used to it.








Mookie sees that Dreamz changed his voted to Michelle and he facepalms.  Fucking Dreamz!







At the beginning of episode ten, Jeff Probst refers to Alex and his alliance as "The Four Horsemen, including the not so reliable Dreamz."  Yes, the not so reliable Dreamz.  Good description.  Although that is like calling Brandon Quinton the not so straight Brandon Quinton.  Or Drew Barrymore the only slightly talks like a stroke victim Drew Barrymore.  Calling Dreamz unreliable is like calling the Titanic unreliable.









An alliance with Dreamz is like a rape game without a safe word








So anyway, Mookie goes back to Alex and he tells him that Dreamz has decided to go rogue.  Dreamz is no longer doing what the Horsemen are doing.  For whatever reason, now he has decided to start strategizing on his own.

Alex and Mookie's reaction to this news, of course, is predictable.









Fucking Dreamz!








Booyah!






Alex starts reeling when he hears this news.  He realizes that if Dreamz goes rogue, the Horsemen are going to fall apart.  

So he scrambles to find some way to get them all on the same page again.








"Here is how we can seal the final four in blood"








"We take the immunity idol and we rotate it so each of us gets it a day."








"That does nothing!  That doesn't do anything!"








"It does Mookie.  It does.   What it tells me, what it tells everyone, is that none of us can screw each other over."








"You may have found it, but we were all digging.  It belongs to all of us.  We need to share it."






With the new plan that they are all going to rotate the idol, Mookie goes to Dreamz and he updates him with the news.

And in typical Horsemen fashion, he delivers the news with grace and with courtesy.








"You fucking idiot!"







I love this next shot.  Dreamz tries to explain his logic why he decided to go rogue, and Mookie just stands there, shellshocked.









Shellshocked







"Look Dreamz, trust me.  You just screwed both of us."







Huh






And now the saga of Dreamz and the Horsemen is about to get really good.

You thought it was good up to this point?  You thought it was sad and pathetic and funny?

Well you aint seen nothing yet, my friends.

Because in the middle of episode 10, the whole Dreamz and the Horsemen storyline is about to kick up a few notches into sitcom world.








In the middle of episode 10, Dreamz goes on reward with the Motos and he manages to gather some valuable info







"Alex, they told me your name is gonna come up at Tribal Council tomorrow."






Alex, of course, knows one way the Horsemen can get around this.













Sounds good, right?  The Motos all vote for Alex, and Alex uses the idol to save himself and get rid of one the Motos.  

On paper, it sounds as simple as can be.  Right?

Wrong







Earl gets Dreamz in a corner and he demands to know which side Dreamz is going to be loyal to.  Is he loyal to the Motos?  Or to the Horsemen?






With his back against the wall and nowhere to go, Dreamz squeals faster than Ned Beatty in Deliverance.








Way to keep that secret, Dreamz








Dreamz tells them all about the hidden immunity idol, and how Alex is going to use it to save himself tonight








Hmmmm








Got any suggestions how we should play this, Yau Man?








I dunno.  Does it involve a lemon tree?








Dreamz, why would you tell us that?  What the fuck.








Now Dreamz admits that Mookie and Alex both have the idol.  They are using it together.






I love Earl's reaction to this.








"They found it together?"








"And they didn't fight over it?"








Yes but what about science?








Dreamz:  "No. They're using the idol together."
















Hmmm what are we going to do about this?








Should we take out Alex tonight?







Or should we take out Mookie?








Or should we take out that other one?








What to do, what to do, what to do.








And now, the fateful day.  The day when all hell will break loose, and we will get maybe the single greatest Tribal Council in Survivor history.








For starters, none of the Horsemen are going to be safe tonight.  Because Yau Man just won immunity.  Science!








Oh poopy






And now comes one of the craziest pre-vote sequences you are ever going to see in your life.

That's right Survivor fans.  It is time for the scramblin' to begin!
























Mookie tells Dreamz, "Vote Earl."






Why Earl?  Well because of this quote by Mookie, which will become very hilarious later.








"We know Earl has a hidden immunity idol."








"You wanna get the guy with the idol, and you want to get him by surprise."


















Alex agrees with the plan.  Okay, we will all vote for Earl tonight.







Since Dreamz is still playing double agent, he is able to go over to the Motos and find out who they will be voting for tonight.  

Sure enough, the Motos will all be voting for Alex.

Like a good little troublemaker, Dreamz runs right back to the Horsemen and he warns them of this.









"They are going to vote for Alex tonight.  Alex is the target."






Then Dreamz comes up with a brilliant way they can get around this.




















So that is the new plan.  Since the Motos are all voting for Alex tonight, the Horsemen should just give the idol to Alex.  That way everyone wins.  Right?








Edgardo tells Mookie they need to give the idol to Alex








So Mookie goes and he digs it up








Into the pocket it goes





And now, the transfer.







Mookie casually slips the idol to Alex on the beach
























Transfer complete








Dreamz sees this take place.  And of course that means it is time to go do start doing Dreamz things again.

















Fucking Dreamz!









Booyah!






And with that, now the Moto vote changes.

























Sounds good.  We vote for Mookie.








"We're gonna vote Mookie just to catch them off guard."








Say what?







And now comes the best part of the whole pre-vote scramble.  

This is where Edgardo comes up with an idea that... well... if you know what is about to happen, is more than a little bit ironic.










El Doucho comes out with a trump card































It's a pretty good plan.  Take out the one in the middle who is least likely to have the idol.  Split them up and do it with a total Pearl Harbor job against the one person that will never ever ever see it coming.

What an amazingly smart and sadistic and effective maneuver.  Great job Edgardo!

I would totally like to see that happen to somebody!








"Dreamz, Alex, Mookie, and I are voting for Cassandra."








Cassandra









"I think that's the smartest move."








"And also, you know, it will have like the hardest punch at Tribal Council."








"If this works out it will probably be one of the best moves ever."















Ah yes.  The famous "Take out the one in the middle" plan.  A stroke of genius.  

This was easily one of the smartest stragic maneuvers I have seen in the first 22 seasons of Survivor.








And it came from this guy






Only, oops.  

Um, wait Edgardo.  Wait a minute.

The only problem for Edgardo is that he isn't the only one to have come up with it.

It turns out that over on the Moto side of the beach, the Motos have also come up with this exact same brilliant tactical maneuver.

It turns out that the Motos will also be voting for the middle one tonight.

Fancy that.









Stacey is the one who comes up with it

























Yau Man runs all 3.1 billion permutations of this plan in his head, and he silently approves















And so it is settled.  The Motos will be voting for Edgardo tonight.

Oh yeah, and one last important step too.

You never want to forget this one..













By the way, it was probably a good idea they didn't tell Dreamz.

He really isn't good at keeping a secret, you know.








"Alex?  Hey Alex!"





Dreamz informs Alex that the vote is still going to be for him tonight.















Dreamz confirms this.































And now, one of the best quotes of the entire episode.  One last great ironic quote, right before Tribal Council.
















Yes I am







And with that, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse leave for Tribal Council.  And approach destiny.







Now obviously if you are reading this, you already know how this scene ends.   It ends with one of the best collection of facial reactions since the folks at the nursing home first saw 2 girls, 1 cup.  In fact this next gif has got to be one of the best 2 or 3 gifs in Survivor history.  














But if you want a quick summary of what leads up to that famous gif, here you go.  This could be the single best Tribal Council ending ever.








"If anybody has the hidden immunity idol and you want to play it, now would be the time to do so."








Alex stands up to play his idol








He gives it to Probst








"Alex is playing the hidden immunity idol.  All votes cast against Alex do not count."









Yeah baby








And with that, the first Cassandra vote.  Ha, guess like the plan to pick off the quiet one the middle worked.








Yay!






All the votes for Cassandra come up, and the Horsemen are happy.













Oh yeah.  

And then comes that next vote.












And this is when all the faces drop.






Wham







Wham







Wham








Wham








Wham







I'm sorry, I just cannot get enough of this gif.  Here it is again, exactly like the editors presented it to us.  

This seriously could be the single greatest moment in 22 seasons of Survivor.








Buenas Noches El Doucho






And of course it wasn't just the dropping faces that made this scene so great.  

On the flip side you also have to factor in the shit eating grins of all the Moto members.








Yeaaaaaah








Yeaaaaaah








Nooooooo








*smuff*






And with that, you have one of the single funniest moments in Survivor history.

And my #4 entry.







I don't think they are rooting for my success anymore























P.S   Wow, so many great things about this entry.  For starters, how about this quote from one of my readers named Ken:  "The greatest thing about the Four Horsemen scene is that the Ravus were going to blindside Earl, but then Earl got the tipoff and tried to blindside them.  So then the Ravus tried to blindside Cassandra but Moto turned the tables and blindsided them again.  So technically, on paper, you have a blindside of a blindside of a blindside of a blindside.  I'm not sure Yau Man could even diagram that."







P.P.S.  Again, I have to reiterate how awesome this storyline is, and how I don't think you can possibly call Fiji a bad season because of it.  This is one of those storylines that can completely make a season and elevate it into something that is better than the sum of its parts.  In many ways it is like the Fall of the Rotu Four in episode eight of Marquesas.  It is one of those scenes and storylines and blindsides that just absolutely epitomize what a Survivor season was.







P.P.P.S.  I should point out that my wife has always thought that Edgardo was a nice guy, and it kills her that he was the one who took the fall for the other two Horsemen in this episode.  Edgardo has always been right at the top of her list of "Survivors who I bet are super nice and super sweet in real life", along with Ryno from Pearl Islands, Ian from Palau, and Ethan.  In fact, in many ways, I think Edgardo might be her all time favorite.  I really hope she doesn't find out that I have been calling him El Doucho.
.  








P.P.P.P.S.  And of course I want to end with this Edgardo quote from a 2007 interview.  There could not be a more perfect way to wrap up this entry:

Interviewer:  Any last words, Edgardo?
Edgardo:  Yeah, F**k Dreamz and the idol. [Laughs] 






It's always best to go out with a laugh








<------ 5

Back to The Funny 115 - version  2.0

#3 ------>