The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#49.
Dan's analytical thinking
Gabon - episode 2
There are some moments on this countdown which you can only
really describe as "unintentional irony." These are the scenes
where a person claims they are going to do one thing, but in reality
they go out and they do exactly the opposite. Only they don't
seem to realize it, which is what makes it all so unintentionally
hilarious.
A perfect example of this type of entry is Courtney's Rock Garden Tribute.
We love you Bruce.
Well
here's another great example of unintentional irony on the countdown,
and it's a moment that I am guessing 75% of the people reading this
probably don't even remember. Which is particularly fun for me,
because the entries that I get the most emails about are the ones where
people say "Why don't I remember that?? Now I need to go watch
season x again!!"
Ladies and
gentlemen, say hello to one of the finest examples of unintentional
irony on the Funny 115. Dan from Gabon and his "analytical
thinking."
The editors love little scenes like this. Just
watch out for them the next time you watch a Survivor episode.
They are always dumping little moments like this into an episode
if they want to make a character look foolish.
It's episode two of Gabon, and the Kota tribe has just won the big immunity challenge.
As part of their reward, they get to send one member of Fang to Exile Island. And who do they pick?
"Dan."
That's right. Dan the Attorney is headed to Exile.
Dan takes the long and lonely walk out to Exile Island
When he gets to Exile, he is greeted with a note
He reads the note. It is a clue to a hidden immunity idol
Buried somewhere out here on Exile Island, there is an idol which will grant him great power in this game
Dan is excited
So
far it's just like pretty much any other Exile Island scene, right?
A guy finds a note, a guy reads the note, and then a guy decides
he's going to go look for the idol. Pretty much the exact same
thing we have seen in any other season that doesn't involve
the producers handing the idols directly to Russell.
Yes, we know. You're Russell Hantz.
Ah, yes. But the Dan scene. Well the Dan scene is a little bit different.
Because this is where the editors decide they are going to have a little fun with the guy.
Dan sits down for a confessional, and he explains why it was a bad idea for the Kotas to send him here
"I don't think it's a smart move for Kota, to send a strong guy to go get an immunity idol."
"I'm a pretty analytical thinker, you know. Law school does that to you."
"So I can crack this clue. I'm gonna put in some hard work, and do whatever it takes to get it done."
An analytical thinker
By the
way, before we get too far, let me just post the official Webster's
Dictionary definition of "analytical." Okay?
Analytical (adj.) - using or skilled in using analysis
(i.e., separating a whole--intellectual or substantial--into its
elemental parts or basic principles); "an analytic experiment"; "an
analytic approach"; "a keenly analytic man"; "analytical reasoning";
"an analytical mind"
In
other words, Dan is a guy who uses logic and reason to analyze
something and break it down to understand what it really means.
This is the type of thinking that all lawyers possess.
Analytical thinking is exactly what they teach you in law school.
Makes more money than you do
So
let's take a look at Dan's famed "analytical thinking", shall we?
Let's see how he uses logic and common sense to crack the
mystery of the hidden immunity idol.
I love this scene, by the way.
The actual hidden immunity clue
Dan reads the clue out loud.
"Across the lake you see so well, there lies a sandy crater..."
A sandy crater
"The object hidden in its floor will surely help you later."
Hmm. Past the lake? Buried somewhere inside a sandy crater? Where could that be?
Dan
uses every bit of his keen analytical mind to deduce where that sandy
crater is, and how far past the lake he will be required to walk.
And this is the conclusion he comes to.
Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to probably the least analytical thinking you will ever see in your life.
"Across the lake you see so well?"
"Could be in the lake."
Yes. Dan looks for the hidden immunity idol "past the lake", and directly in the middle of "a sandy crater."
An analytical thinker
Like
I said, I love this scene. I can't watch it without cracking up.
It's just another great example of both an editor's joke (they
showing him looking in the lake immediately after the "I'm an
analytical thinker" quote) and an unintentional irony joke (where a
player says one thing but does the exact opposite).
Oh,
and Dan's not done either. Once he is done searching "the
sandy crater" inside the bottom of the lake, there are several other
non-sandy-crater sandy craters he spends time digging around as well.
I mean, come on. If this isn't enough to get a guy's law
degree retroactively taken away, I don't know what is.
Not a sandy crater
Not a sandy crater
Not a sandy crater
Not a sandy crater
Not a sandy crater
Not a sandy crater
*whining* "This is hard!"
So
anyway, in honor of Dan the Analytical Thinker, and one of the least
analytical thinking processes in Survivor history, we salute you
forever here on the Funny 115. And we would like to point
out the fact that the homeless pinup model who had no job, very
limited education, and lived in her car found the idol quite easily
after reading the exact same clues.
Idol! Found! Me! Did!
Oh
yeah, and before we go... not to rub it in... but I suppose I should
post the official dictionary definition of "a sandy crater."
sand·y cra·ter - n.
1. A bowl-shaped depression in the Earth covered with, full of, or consisting of sand.
2. A pit; a hollow in the ground, of the color of sand; light yellowish brown.
3. A hole in the Earth either made of sand or filled with sand.
4. Not a fucking lake, hut, marsh, or bush.
Faily McFailerson
Lawyered